Whats next? What can I do? Vaughan asked, looking a little lost.
Ill hang out here awhile longer and then head home. You should go and get rest. You have a tour-ending show tonight.
He stopped her with a hand at her shoulder. This is a million times more important.
It was, of course, but it was nice to hear him say it. Even if she didnt believe him all the way. Hed chosen music over his family more than once. She understood that this tour meant they were employing the crew, filling seats with fans who loved Sweet Hollow Ranch and whod be disappointed if they didnt play. So many livelihoods to be responsible for.
Look, Im not going to be upset if you do. If she keeps improving over the day, theres no reason you should cancel, Kelly said. Which was true, of course.
Vaughan looked as if he was arguing with himself but finally shook his head. Ezra and Paddy hooked me and my parents up with hotel rooms for today. We also talked about tonight and the show and were all agreed that were waiting to see how Maddie is today. Im not going anywhere, Kel.
Kelly nodded. Even though she knew he hadnt been before. Shed needed him and he just hadnt been there. She nodded, even though she knew he could easily rip her trust to shreds if she gave it to him, so she wasnt going to risk her trust. Especially not when it came to her daughters. And yet what point would there be in saying all that? Why call him out and start something when they were both on edge and stressed?
Vaughan loved his daughters. They adored him right back. That was important. That was what she always had to remember.
This was about Maddie, who would undoubtedly benefit from having her dad around. And Kensey, too, because shed be worried about her big sister, and her daddy would be around to make her feel better.
All right.
Thank you.
CHAPTER TWO
THE FOLLOWING DAY, Kelly really wondered just what the hell shed been thinking when shed invited all these people over. Her house nearly groaned at the seams with Hurleys. All Vaughans brothers were there and each of them had a woman along. Mary, Damiens wife, was hugely pregnant and yet shed moved through Kellys kitchen with ease, continuing to produce food at a rate that made Kelly begin to wonder if the other woman didnt have one of those magic bags that Hermione had in the Harry Potter books.
They all happily bustled through Kellys house, comfortable with one another. Even just a year before it would have made her feel lonely. So alone. But this place was hers. At one time shed been far more comfortable on the other side of the camera, but in the years since shed retired from the runway, shed made herself at home taking photographs. The walls were covered in memories.
Every pillow, picture, plate and towel existed as a sort of talisman for Kelly. A bit of magic that made her feel safe. This was her home, her heart. Even Sharon Hurley being in her kitchen wasnt enough to shake that.
Though it stung to see how warm Sharon Hurley was with everyone elses women. Not once had the woman showed even a sliver of that toward her.
A knife shaped like jealousy and doubt sliced through her, and Kelly ruthlessly pushed it aside. It didnt matter. She left and that was that.
Ross had recently left, taking his daughters along with him. His oldest had a piano lesson and after that, they had their weekly family dinner. At his ex-in-laws house. Yeah, that was sort of annoying. He still hung out with his ex-wife and her family weekly, but what could she say when her house was full of Hurleys?
So, Kelly had urged him to keep their schedules. Things needed to get back to normal. And to be honest, she really needed to think about how much hostility Ross had shownin private, of courseover Vaughan and his family being around so much. He thought their lifestyle was bad for the girls to be around.
But that lifestyle was their world. Their dad was a musician. There was no getting around that. She didnt want the girls to be ashamed or conflicted about it. It wasnt Rosss place and she pushed back but he didnt like it much.
Blended families could work. They did work. But if he continued to attempt to get between the girls and their father, it made success impossible.
And damn if Vaughan wasnt making it worse. He kept looking at her. Not in a wheres the food sense, like most people looked to one another in these situations. But an I like your boobs way.
Their sexual chemistry had never dimmed. Ever. Years ago Kelly had accepted she would always burn for Vaughan. But aside from his general flirty behaviorhe had always been like thathe tried to keep it light. He certainly didnt stare at her as if he wanted to rub on her the way shed caught him at a few times that day.
When it was time to eat, hed tried some monkey business, placing Kelly at the opposite end of the table from Ross but next to Vaughan. Hed put her in a corner and she didnt like it one bit.
So Kelly had picked up her things and headed down to sit with Ross and his girls. Vaughan was up to something and she had no idea what the hell it was. But she was not pleased that hed manipulate her like that.
But like so many things with Vaughan, she couldnt call him out. Not in a crowded house. Not with his daughter around. There were always reasons and it normally just made her sad. But now? She was mad. And shed take mad over sad. Yes, she would.
Anyway, it was easier to resist him when she was mad.
Kelly headed out a side door, into the backyard. She needed some alone time for just a few minutes so she sought the privacy, and chocolate, of the tree house.
Shed made a nice little nest up here after the girls had gotten bored with the custom play space theyd begged for. Predictable, she knew. Why not make lemonade out of those lemons?
Kelly settled in the low folding chair and pulled the pretty blue mason jar from the little built-in table.
Inside, a sensual rainbow of delight. Chocolate bars of every type, wrapped in a variety of colors and textures. Pale lavender with silver writing, midnight blue with gold stars, the saffron yellow with bold green. All her favorites.
Kelly looked to the tick marks on the inside of the lid and allowed herself to select the lavender. Salted caramel with almond. She made a quick note and closed the lid. Settling in with a sigh as she kicked off her sandals.
She slid a fingertip down the seam, baring the glossy dark chocolate inside. Six squares.
Snapping off two, she broke that in half again and thats when Vaughans head popped in through the open hatch.
He started, clearly surprised to see her there. Oh! Sorry. He started to go. And she should have let him but instead, she called him back.
Is everything all right?
He popped in again. Yes. I just...
Needed some quiet? Kelly asked.
Relief flooded his face. Yes.
She held the candy bar his way. Come on, then. I have chocolate.
He gave her a look and settled in, criss-cross-applesauce style. He probably did yoga to move with such ease.
She handed over a square of chocolate and popped the other into her mouth, not letting his presence ruin the luxury of that first taste. Yum.
Thanks for inviting my family over here. I know my mom can be...
Kelly held a hand up to stop him. Nope. Not going there with you. Were not married anymore and your children are nowhere in sight. I dont have to be nice so whatever. I dont want to talk about her. You were all worried about Maddie. You all got hungry. My house is here. Kensey is delighted to have her uncles and grandparents here. Thats all I need to care about.
Youve changed your tune.
Seriously, her chocolate Zen was really getting messed up by this. Not really, Vaughan. This thing with your mom isnt about me at all. Its about you and Im not paying for your sins. Not anymore. She broke off two more squares, handing him one.
I guess thats fair.
You guess. She snorted.
He gave her a lopsided grin. Did you take medication and sneak some wine?
I wish. Im drunk on indignation, I think. Its the only kind of libation I can have until the only Hurleys in this house are me and Kensey.
Why? No one is going to care.
I cant get sloppy when your mother is around. I never know when she might attack. She hadnt meant to say it, but once the words came out, she was glad she had.
Im sorry. For...a lot.
For a lot. Kelly sighed, exhausted and utterly fed up. The trickle of anger shed been dealing with all day began to flow a lot more freely. Eight years and he still couldnt just say it out loud.
Youre not saying anything, Vaughan said.
Kelly stared at him, blinking. She couldnt have imagined anything worse for him to say at that moment. Youre going to take that tone with me? Where the fuck have you been, Vaughan? Huh? Are you kidding me with this?
He jerked back a little. In the past, this would have been the place shed have apologized, even though she wasnt at fault for anything. An ingrained response to keep her mother calm that shed taken with her from childhood like a tic.
But she closed her mouth and refused to say she was sorry when she was most definitely not. Anger had sharpened parts of the pain of their breakup she thought shed left in the past.
And instead of running from it, she let it slice through her. She needed to never forget what loving this man had cost her. Though shed never trade the pleasure theyd shared to erase the pain, she couldnt allow herself to pretend it was safe to trust him without cost.
She wasnt willing to pay it. Not again. Not even with a lot more years and experience under her belt. She was completely beyond her ability and she couldnt once again be in a relationship where she was far more deeply committed and invested than her partner was.
So, okay, then. You dont accept my apology. And I understand.
For real? The man avoided all of this stuff for years and years and suddenly he decided to talk about it? And she was supposed to simply accept it and jump in where he was without protest?
Without even her input on whether or not she even wanted to do this right then? Ugh, his ego was insufferable. And hot, but right then insufferable. Oh, you do?
His eyes widened. Youre mad. He said it with surprise. As if he hadnt even considered that as one of her reactions. Kelly really wished shed have tucked a bottle of gin out here. Chocolate wasnt enough for this.
Yes, Im mad!
That I finally apologized?
Years later and this was how he decided to say he was sorry? No, worse, this was what he thought saying he was sorry looked like. Maybe it was that she had terrible taste in men. She needed to use one of those matchmakers. Theyd do the choosing and she could avoid everyone who made her want to punch them in the junk.
But at the moment, the audacity fueled her and she gave it free rein. I should have known that when you finally got around to iteight years lateryoud be pissed off that someone told you to own your shit.
She took a few moments to find the right way to say the next bit. Im sorry for a lot means everything and nothing at all. You should be sorry for both, I guess. But youre here in my house and youre acting weird and apologizing for nothing and everything and I want to know what is wrong with you?
I want to know whats wrong with you, he countered.
It would be easy to let her anger turn her into her mother. To give over to an existence that was a torrent of negativity. It was why she rarely let herself get mad. Anger was a drug. It messed up everything in your life and for everyone in it. It was a cancer. And even in small doses it was a luxury she hadnt been able to afford.
Carefully now, though, she was ready to let some of it free. It wasnt overwhelming, it was...real. Real enough to not get swayed by his looks, or the way she loved him still, so very much.
Pissed off was a good defense against his charm and it wasnt junk punching, so it was a good compromise.
You havent changed at all. Which made her tired and sad. She moved to the hatch but he intercepted her, a hand at her wrist. The cramped space was usually comfortable, but right then it was confining.
How can you say that? Hed shifted so that he remained between her and the hatch to leave.
Shouldnt you be off to your show soon? Kelly looked at a spot just over his right shoulder, telling herself it didnt matter that he was either blind to what was happening or that he was willing to let her walk away because he couldnt be frank.
Not until we talk. How can you say I havent changed? Thats unfair, Kelly.
She shifted her attention from that spot over his shoulder to his eyes. This entire conversation is making me really cranky.
Kelly spun the ring she wore on her middle finger. The familiarity of the movement enabled her to get her words together. She hoped he really listened.
If I recall correctly, we had a version of this non-conversation conversation complete with a non-apology apology years ago. You didnt have the balls to say what you did out loud then, either. Still getting pissy that someone other than your mother was calling you on it. Lucky for you, shes still your number one girl and shes just inside. Save your bullshit for her.
Yeah, it was harsh, but no less truthful for it.
Thats mean, Vaughan said.
Mean? Fuck you, Vaughan. That woman called me a whore. Because her precious son fucked his marriage up and then never had the decency to tell her the whole truth. Shes in my house, after eating at my table. For that matter, youre in my house, too, and I havent set either one of you on fire yet. Im not mean. But Im not a doormat. Not anymore. You may not have changed, but I have.
He paused. Im sorry I brought this up right now. Sorry because I have to leave shortly for the arena, like you said. Sorry because I want to talk to you honestly but now isnt the time.
It never is. She pushed against his restraining hand and he let go, moving aside so she could get out of there. Once her feet hit the grass, she hurried back inside, leaving him to do whatever it was he needed to do.