What the hell are you doing here? And keep in mind that Shifters can take a lot of pain without actually dying. Id know.
Ryan had seen me beaten into a mass of blood, lumps, and purple bruises after fighting off the first of the psychotic rapists and murderers hed helped kidnap me and two other tabbies, including our cousin Abby. All to protect his own ass. For him, that was always the bottom line. Ryan was a Grade-A coward. Just looking at him made me feel sick.
I need to see her. Our mother, of course. His crutch, bank, security blanket, and the only member of our family he actually seemed to care about.
I dont give a shit what you need, I spat, and Marc huffed in agreement.
Fine. I get that and I dont blame you. Ryan nodded, always eager to placate, to keep from getting his face pounded in. But she needs to see me.
I rolled my eyes. Why would she need to see you?
For the same reason she needs to see you. Because shes our mother. Dont you think shes been through enough with Ethan?
Dont. I swallowed thickly and my hands curled into fists as Jace growled at my side. You do not get to say his name. Ethan was everything youre not. He fought for all of us, over and over. He died fighting for an innocent tabby. But youYou sold us out. He dropped a gaze full of guilt, and that only made me angrier. Look at me, I demanded, my throat aching from holding back the things I wanted to shout at him. The accusations Id been holding in for months. Eye contact is the least you owe me.
Ryan raised his head, and the misery I saw on his face did nothing to mollify my rage. He didnt know misery. He knew nothing like the pain hed caused.
Abby was seventeen years old, and a virgin, and you let them rape her. Sara was getting married, and you let them rape her, then kill her. And you let them put their hands all over me. You let them try
He flinched, and I couldnt finish. He knew what hed let them try. And from the way he cringed, Id say the memories hurt. Good. But they couldnt hurt him like they hurt me.
Dont you dare tell me what Mom needs. She does not need you. None of us do.
Ryan sighed and his gaze strengthened, like he was looking for something in my eyes. I know you dont want to hear this, but she forgave me, Faythe. Why cant you?
My fist flew before I knew it was going to. His nose crunched, then blood sprayed my shirt and neck. Ryan howled, but the sound ended in a gurgle. His hands flew to cover his face.
Marc purred and rubbed against my ankle. Ryan dropped to his knees, cradling his ruined nose.
Mom wasnt grabbed, and kicked, and punched, and humiliated, I snapped. She wasnt thrown around a cage in a filthy basement. She wasnt touched. She has the luxury of forgiveness because she doesnt fail to fight them off in her nightmares. Did you know I dream about it, Ryan? I dropped into a squat in front of him and pulled his head back by his hair until I saw his eyes, already surrounded by rapidly swelling, darkening flesh. Did you know it happens all over again, every night I sleep alone? Every night Im too tired to fight off the memories? I swallowed a sob and forced the next words out. I needed you then. You were supposed to protect me. But I dont need you now.
My fist slammed into his jaw, and his head hit the tree trunk. His eyes watered, but I couldnt tell if they were tears of regret or pain. And I didnt care.
One of the guys tugged me backward by the hem of my shirt, and I stood, the cold forgotten. We were family. I kicked, and my boot slammed into his thigh. You were my big brother.
Ryans tears fell. He was saying something, but I couldnt hear him. Didnt want to.
Brothers are supposed to make sure things like that never happen to little sisters. Its your job, whether youre an enforcer or not. Ethan knew that. Why the hell didnt you? I kicked again, and Ryan huddled against the base of the tree. He didnt even try to defend himself. Like he wanted to be punished. Like being hit alleviated some of the guilt.
Marc tugged me again, and I stumbled backward, half-shocked to see the blood on my hand. I hadnt realized I still carried that much rage.
Ryan looked up. He wiped blood and tears on the sleeve of his jacket and stood slowly. Im so sorry, Faythe. I know its never gonna be enough, but I am so, so sorry.
Yeah. Tell that to Sara and Abby. Get out. My eyes burned, and I wanted to rub them. Or close them.
Faythe
Get out! I shouted. And if you come back, I swear Ill wear your canines as earrings.
Please He tried one last time, swiping at the steady trickle of blood from his nose.
Go!
Finally Ryan ran. He looked back twice. And I only realized I was crying when I fell to my knees, and Jace licked the hot tears from my face with his warm, rough tongue. They curled around me, both of them sharing their warmth and their comfort, and I dug my fingers into their fur. And for several minutes, I could only cry.
I sat on the couch in the guesthouse, my fingers still numb from the cold, my face still red from crying.
Marc zipped his pants, and the metallic whisper was loud in the near silence, even from the kitchenette across the room. While Jace finished his Shift, Marc brought me a cold bottle of water; no doubt all the glasses were dirty. Half a minute later, Jace stood, nude from his Shift and in no rush to reach for his clothes.
Marc scowled and tossed him the jeans Id picked up on our way out of the woods.
Jace watched me in concern as he pulled them on, and the look Marc shot him could have frozen lava. But Jace was unfazed. Ill get her fixed up. You go get her a clean shirt.
I am not leaving you alone with her. Here. Where Jace and I hadconnected. On the living room floor.
Jace rolled brilliant blue eyes. Like Im gonna hit on her while shes upset.
If memory serves, thats when shes mostreceptive, Marc spat.
My temper flared and my hands curled into fists, but I kept my mouth shut. Hed survived being cuckoldedI could survive his anger.
Jace stomped into the kitchen and slammed his hands flat on the countertop, staring across the island at Marc. You can take this out on me if you want, but leave her the hell alone.
You talk to me like that again, and Ill take this out on your face, Marc growled through clenched teeth.
Go for it. Jace stood straight and spread his arms, inviting the first blow. He wanted to fight, but he wouldnt start it because he knew that would piss me off.
Marc was trying to piss me off. To hurt me like Id hurt him.
And his tongue turned out to be just as sharp as mine.
No. I should have been encouraged by the fact that I didnt have to raise my voice to stop them, but in that moment, I was kind of seeing the cup as half-empty. Unless you want to tell my dad that I beat the snot out of you both, you better lay the hell off. I looked up from the bottle, cold and wet in my hand. I cant go in there wearing Ryans blood, and if I borrow a shirt from either one of you, someones going to ask what happened to my own.
Fine. Marc nodded toward the front door. Jace, go get her a clean shirt. She has another one just like it. In fact, I had several button-down black blouses, useful for both work and play.
Jace shrugged. And what should I say when someone sees me rooting through her drawers, or even just coming out of her room with a shirt?
Damn it, Marc swore. No one would question his presence in my room, or his possession of my shirtin a good month, I lost a couple of articles of clothing in the line of duty, and at least one more to the force of nature that is Marc and his impatience. He slammed one fist into the countertop, then took off for the door without another glance at either of us.
When he was gone, Jace ran water in the sink, then sank onto the couch next to me with a steaming, damp rag. Do you, um, want to take that off? He was staring at my bloodstained shirt. In the most platonic sense ofstripping.
I shouldnt. Not until Marc was back. But I could hardly stand the scent of Ryans blood on me. It reminded me of what Id just done to him, and what hed let happen to me. So I twisted away from Jace and unbuttoned my blouse.
He gave me space to move, but I felt his gaze on me like a palpable heat, and my heart beat faster.
My hand shook when I dropped the soiled cotton on the floor.
Here, lean back, Jace whispered, and when I didnt movewhen I couldnt, for fear of shattering my fragile self-controlhe slid one strong hand behind my neck and cradled my skull, tilting my head back with gentle pressure.
He wiped the back of my jaw with the warm, wet rag, and his pulse whooshed faster with each movement. He closed his eyes, and my heartbeat spiked with panic. There was no platonic touching between me and Jace. Not anymore. And Id already learned that an ounce of prevention was worth a pound ofMarcs fury and pain.
I got it. I took the rag from him and perfunctorily cleaned my neck and chest, while he stared at the floor, obviously determined not to watch. To think about something else. When I was done, I dropped the rag on the end table and turned to lean against the couch arm, my legs folded beneath me to keep distance between us.
Jace frowned at me, his intense gaze searching mine. Hed found something else to focus on, and I could already tell I wouldnt like the change of subject. Do you really dream about it? About being in that basement?
I stared into my lap, where my fingers tried to twist one another into knots, until Jaces hand closed over them. You think Id make that up?
You never said anything. Does Marc know?
I nodded. How could he not?
Jace inhaled deeply, and I heard his pulse speed up. If sleeping alone makes it worseyou dont have to sleep alone. I looked up with one brow raised, but he rushed on. Im not asking for anything. Im just sayingIm here.
My heart ached, like it was too full to fit in my chest, and I blinked to keep him from seeing that. Yeah. Until Marc kills you.
Id like to see him try.
I wouldnt.
Footsteps clomped up the stairs, and Jace moved a foot away on the couch. The door swung open and Marc took us both in. He scowled, but made no comment. We hadnt broken the rulestechnically.
Here. He tossed the clean shirt at me and I stood to put it on. You better hurry. Angela just turned into the driveway.
Chapter Two
I jogged across the backyard toward the main house, Marc and Jace on my heels. We burst through the back door, and they passed me when I stopped in the guest bathroom to make sure my shirt was straight and there were no leaves in my hair. I had gotten all the blood off my neck, but I had to wash my hands to get Ryans scent off my right fist, which was when I discovered Id split two of my knuckles on his face. Crap.
None of my fellow cats would give it a second thought; theyd assume Id assaulted the hanging bag without my gloves again. But AngelaShe probably wouldnt know what to make of my split knuckles, not to mention the thin white line bisecting my left cheek. At least my sleeve covered the long, zigzag of new scar tissue on my left forearmthat was one less question to answer. Assuming she was bold enough to actually ask.
Her engine growled out front, and my pulse spiked almost painfully. Why was I so nervous? Well, truthfully, everyone was nervous. It isnt every day you meet your dead brothers pregnant girlfriend. A human girlfriend, at that. And she had no idea that we werent completely human, so a good deal of the ambient tension had to do with hiding our little secret, so she didnt run screaming into thebroad daylight.
The rest of it had to do with the baby. Ethans baby, whose existence wed only discovered the day we buried my brother. A tiny piece of him wed had no reason to hope for. The grandchild my parents never expected.
That baby was a genetic miracle, and we desperately wanted Angela to like us. To want to include us in her childs life.
Yet my own nerves went beyond that. They were a complex mix of jealousy, nostalgia, and relief over my near miss with a tragically mundane life.
Angela would be my first up-close look at anything resembling normalcy since Id left grad school. The freedom Id once fought for was now gonechoked out of existence by the iron grip of responsibilityand the life Id once run from had reclaimed me. Id made my own choices, and while I had undeniably moved past that escapist phase of my life, there was some tiny part of me that leaned toward panic at the knowledge that I couldnt go back now even if I wanted to.
I stared into the mirror, trying to see myself as she would see me. Tangled hair, scarred cheek, skinned knuckles. My face was too thin, my arms and shoulders too well-defined. And there was a hardness behind my eyes now, difficult to describe, but impossible to miss.
Id seen and done things that would have put most women my age in a padded room. Id fought for my life, my freedom, and my family. Id been kidnapped, beaten, broken, clawed, and stabbed. Id caught rogues, and killed killers, and Id watched my brother die. It was hard to believe that less than a year ago, Id been a student like Angela.
Minus the whole faulty-condom-turned-miracle thing.
My mother appeared in the bathroom doorway, nervously twisting her wedding ring as I tried to fingercomb my hair. Shes here.
So I heard. I turned away from my identity crisis and smiled, almost amused to see her so flustered. My mom hadnt blinked an eye when shed faced down a jungle stray in her own basement, but now she looked ready to lose her breakfast. Itll be fine, I insisted, while doubt rang in my head, soft but insistent. There was no way wed come off like the average American household. The Addams Family had a better shot.
What if Angela knew something was scary-different about us, and she took off with Ethans baby? What if she decided not to have it?
Maybe we shouldnt do this. My mother straightened her freshly pressed blouse, and the high arch of her brows managed to convey both eagerness and dread. I mean, obviously we should help her financially, but maybe we shouldkeep our distance. Its not really a good time, with you all leaving tomorrow
After months of waiting, lobbying, and fighting on the sidelines, our big day had finally come. Marc, Jace, and I would accompany my father to a meeting of the full Territorial Council, ostensibly for the vote that could reinstate him as council chairor put Jaces megalomaniac stepfather, Calvin Malone, in power. But our real reason for going was to present hard-won evidence against Malone as a traitor to our species and hopefully put him out of the running. And completely out of power.