Shes in my flat cleaning all the time too. Theres no privacy! Even Tias toys are all clean, disinfected and lined up on shelves by order of size or colour or whatever.
Not an ideal atmosphere to bring up a small child in its surprising you turned out relatively normal, I teased.
Thanks, she said with a wry grin, but then, neither of us had ideal parents, did we? Your mother dumped you with Aunt Nan soon after you were born and youve hardly seen her since, and your father was a passing fancy who went off to India and addled his brains with drugs.
He was quite good-natured about having a daughter when I tracked him down, though, I said, even if had to keep reminding him who I was every time he saw me, because he forgot. What about your father, Bella? Doesnt he think your mums gone a bit over the top with the house-proud bit?
He likes a neat house and no fuss too, so he wouldnt understand what I was talking about. They love Tia dont get me wrong but theyve got even more inflexible in their ways and habits since I was last living at home. But perhaps I can rent somewhere soon, if I get lots of typing work, she said optimistically. I wonder if the cottage attached to yours will come up for rent. Its been empty for months. Still, even if it does, I expect it would be more than I could afford.
I dont know whats going to happen to it. It might even become a holiday let again. That was what the owner bought it for. She was an actress, and then Aunt Nan heard that shed been killed in a traffic accident just after being offered a part in Cotton Common, I said, mentioning the popular TV soap that was shot locally.
Yes, she told me and your stepsister Marcias already got a part in Cotton Common, hasnt she? She must be living up here too, at least some of the time.
She is. Shes got a flat in the old Butterflake biscuit factory in Middlemoss. Lars said he hoped wed manage to see a bit of each other, but I would so much rather not get together with either of my wicked stepsisters! I dont know how such a nice man came to have such horrible daughters.
Lars was my mothers second husband she was now on to number three and much the nicest of any of them. Hed rung me just before I left London to wish me happy Christmas. There was a large parcel from him awaiting me when I got here, which I knew would be a very lavish present.
I thought you were getting on slightly better with Rae? Bella said.
Not really, its just she comes round to the flat occasionally if its the nannys day off and Charlie isnt at school, because I dont think she has any idea what to do with him. Hes a nice little boy, about Tias age, and he loves my Slipper Monkey books his nanny has to read them to him at bedtime every night. I always make him a pipe-cleaner monkey to take home, too. I wish Rae wouldnt keep dropping in, though, because Justin doesnt like her. Hes quite rude to her sometimes.
At least theres one of your boyfriends who doesnt find your stepsisters irresistible, Bella offered.
True. It was a huge relief when he met Rae and Marcia and didnt get on with either of them. In fact, Im starting to think thats the main reason Im staying with him, I said gloomily.
I thought you loved him?
I do I did I well, we were in love. Its totally unmistakable, isnt it? That eyes-meeting-across-the-room thing or across a plane seat, in our case. It was a real case of opposites attracting, and the first year it was all wonderful: we got engaged, I moved in, we were going to get married and start a family right away as soon as I lost a couple of stone.
I still cant believe he was serious about that!
No, I thought he was joking for ages, but he was deadly serious. And Ive put on another stone since then, I said sadly.
Youre still only nicely covered. I could do with a bit of that.
Bella had the opposite problem, for despite eating healthily she stayed almost painfully thin. People thought she had an eating disorder, but it wasnt that. She always looked very striking and elegant, though, even in jeans and a cardi a real yummy mummy.
The only time I looked really healthy and had boobs was when I was expecting Tia. I liked being pregnant, but Robert thought I looked gross, a total turn-off.
Yes babies thats another thing I wanted to talk to you about, but somehow I couldnt do it on the phone.
Her face lit up. Youre not, are you?
No, Im not its the opposite problem, in fact. And I told her about my fertility MOT and the iffy result.
Basically, my chances of conceiving naturally are limited to a pretty narrow window of opportunity and diminishing rapidly, so I should get a move on.
She hugged me. Oh, Tansy, Im so sorry! But surely when you told Justin he must have
He doesnt know yet, I broke in. I wanted to think things through over Christmas first, because when they gave me the results, it made me look at the last few years with clear eyes and realise how different our relationship has become. Opposites attract, but maybe were just too unlike each other, and if it isnt going to work out then I cant stay with him just because Im desperate to have a baby, can I?
I suppose not, she agreed. How have things changed between you, then?
Well, all the things about me he used to say were cute or quirky, like my clothes, for instance, now seem to embarrass or annoy him.
Your clothes are often unusual, she admitted, but they suit you. I mean, thats just the way you are.
I was dressed in wine-coloured corduroy jodhpurs and a Peruvian jumper covered in green, red and blue llamas. I had a matching Peruvian hat with ear flaps and tassels, but of course it was too hot to wear that in the pub. On my feet were blue Birkenstock clogs.
In fact, Im the only one of your friends who wears boring clothes, she said.
Not boring, understated, I corrected. Muted colours and quiet elegance really suited her. Justin says you always look nice.
Im not sure thats a compliment, from him, she said dubiously. What does he think about Timmy? His clothes are even weirder than yours, not to mention the hats!
Oh, well, being a hat maker, he uses his head as a marketing tool. But Justins made it clear he doesnt like him and he wouldnt even come with me to Timmy and Joes civil partnership ceremony.
That spotted prom dress with the red underskirt you wore to the wedding looked lovely in the pictures.
Timmy made the dress and the hat he is so clever!
I wished I could have been there, Bella said wistfully.
Timmy, Bella and I had been friends since infants school, and while Bella had trained to be an air hostess, Timmy and I had headed down to London, to art school fashion in his case, graphic design in mine.
Justins become such a skinflint too. He wasnt like that at first, but suddenly he started saying we had to economise and couldnt afford to get married, couldnt afford to move to somewhere out of town, couldnt afford to have children I mean, he earns a big salary hes a hospital consultant!
And you arent doing too badly with the Slipper Monkey books either, are you?
No, Im doing really well. I tried to aim the mix of words and pictures at early readers in the five-to-eight-ish age range, but they seem popular now even with adults. They may even be a minor cult!
Im not surprised. The illustrations are lovely, Bella said loyally. Its the way you use spiky ink lines to suggest the wiriness of the little monkeys and bright watercolour wash for the soft fuzziness of the fur. Theyre quite magical.
Its nice when your best friend is your biggest fan! I said. My agent says theres talk of spin-off items, like toys and games now. In fact, I dont really need to do the foot modelling any more. I could give that up and wear decent shoes. Despite the success of the books I still did a little foot modelling for adverts and catalogues. Immy got me into it when I was a student she said the only beautiful bit of me was my feet and I signed up with a specialist agency. It was quite lucrative, but I had to take real care of my feet.
Im not sure I can imagine you in anything other than Birkenstock clogs and sandals, Bella said honestly. Do you still secretly wear your wedding shoes?
Apart from Aunt Nan, Bella was the only person who knew that the first thing Id done when Id got engaged was splash out hundreds on the ivory satin wedding shoes of my dreams, really girlie ones, with thin crossed straps over the instep, trimmed with lace and crystals And yet several years later, the wedding was still just a dream.
Yes, when Justins out he has no idea! I suppose its a family tradition, in a way, what with Aunt Nan always taking afternoon tea on Sundays in her wedding dress, like a latter-day Miss Havisham.
She looks very pretty in it, said Bella loyally, long acquainted with the vagaries of the Bright household.
My wedding shoes are getting a bit worn, I said gloomily, but its not looking like theyre going to be carrying me up the aisle any time soon.
So, Justins penny-pinching, critical of your clothes, appearance and friends, has gone off the idea of marriage and children summed up Bella.
Mummy Dearest doesnt help, pouring poison into his ear all the time. She seemed to loathe me even more about the same time Justin went all skinflint. And Justin doesnt even respect my work; he always talks about it as if its a hobby, rather than my job.
My compulsive habit of twisting colourful fuzzy monkeys out of pipe cleaners and leaving them hanging about all over the flat also seemed to be driving him mad.
Well, thats the minus side, Bella said brightly. Whats he got going for him?
Apart from being tall, charismatic and handsome? Aunt Nan always said he was like Dr Kildare from some old TV series, and when I looked it up on Google I could see what she meant. Only she also said shed never trust a man who looked like that!
So hes tall, handsome and also a well-paid young orthopaedic consultant which probably means he can delegate evenings and weekends to some lesser doctor, doesnt it?
Yes, its not really the sort of thing you get called out in emergencies for. But hes actually not so young any more, hes about to hit forty. I do wish he wouldnt go on as if were practically living on the breadline. He was even miffed when I wouldnt accept an allowance from Lars, though I dont see why the poor man should pay out for me, when my mother was married to him for only a couple of years.
Nice of him to offer.
Lars keeps trying to persuade me to change my mind, but I wont. I do accept his lovely presents, though.
So come on, what other good points does Justin have?
Charm though he doesnt often direct it at me these days. And he can be very affectionate and persuasive. He says he wants me to lose weight only for my own health, for instance
Yeah, right.
But then, he loves my baking and sulks if theres nothing in the cake tin, or I havent made a fresh bara brith loaf.
All that bakings not exactly going to help you with the weight loss, is it? Bella pointed out.
No, not really, I sighed. He does think the foot modelling is a good thing. Hes quite proud of my doing that, oddly enough, and tells everyone I have beautiful feet. He doesnt even object to my slathering my feet in Vaseline each night and then wearing cotton socks in bed.
Secret foot fetishist? she suggested doubtfully.
Maybe but you cant build a relationship on that! No, I think weve been drifting slowly further and further apart and perhaps he doesnt really love me any more or not the real me. And I want the Justin I fell in love with, not this version, I said sadly.
Maybe theres an IOU a wedding voucher in your Christmas present from him? she suggested.
I doubt it. I know he gets the wife of his best friend to buy my presents because theyre always the caramel-coloured cashmere jumpers she wears herself the ones I pass on to you, because thats the last colour that suits me.
I love them, but it would be nicer if you had a present that suited you instead, she said. Did you leave Mummy Dearest a present? I take it shes moving in for Christmas as usual?
I grinned. Yes, and her present is a plastic cactus plant in a pot. It flashes on and off and plays La Cucaracha if you go near it.
Justin used to buy you flowers and chocolates all the time, didnt he, and book expensive seats for musicals? Robert didnt do any of that so I was terribly envious!
Hes stopped that, and though he did give me perfume for my birthday, it was the flowery sort I dont like. Im strictly a spicy, mellow sort of girl.
Flowery sounds like the sort of thing Mum gives me, too.
I think your parents would get on like a house on fire with Justin. Hed live in a minimalist, clinical white box if he could, though youd think hed have had enough of that in the hospital during the day.
His mother sounds almost as bad as mine, the way you told me she clears your things away whenever she comes to stay in your absence. I never feel the flat is really my home when I can never have things the way I want them, and Mum walks in and out tidying things away and rearranging everything.
She should respect your privacy a bit, I replied sympathetically. Apart from the intrusion when Mummy Dearest messes about with my belongings, the worst thing is that Justin lets her do it! Every last book, ornament, fuzzy monkey, even my shoes and clothes, will be in the boxroom when I get back after Christmas.
Thats so hurtful!
Yes, but Justin cant really seem to see it, and when I lose my temper, hes the one who goes all hurt! I then looked at her and said gratefully, Oh, Bella, its been so good to talk it all through with you, because I feel Im sort of coming to a crisis point, wondering if Justin is the right man for me after all, especially when my heart is up here in Sticklepond. Aunt Nan is worrying about the same thing, going by what she said yesterday. She agrees with me, that I need to have it out with Justin when I get back, not let our relationship drift any further. And thats what Im going to do.