CeNedra opened the door, hurried to the bed, and crawled under the covers with Aunt Pol and the babies. He always does that, she complained. Hes so busy trying to sneak away that he doesnt even think about putting more wood on the fire.
He doesnt want to wake you, dear.
I can always go back to sleep if I want, and I hate waking up in a cold room. She gathered one of the twins in her arms and cuddled the little child close. CeNedra was a mother herself, so she was very good at cuddling. She realized that she really missed her own children. She began to have some second thoughts about the wisdom of a journey in the dead of winter based on nothing more than a whim.
The Rivan Queen and her husbands aunt talked about various unimportant things for a while, and then the door opened and Polgaras mother came in carrying a tray with three cups of steaming tea on it. Good morning, mother, Polgara said.
Not too bad, Poledra replied. A little cold, though. Poledra was so literal sometimes.
What are the men-folk up to? Aunt Pol asked.
Garion and Durnik are out feeding the birds and animals, Poledra said. Hes still asleep. Poledra almost never spoke her husbands name. She set her tray down on the small table near the fireplace. I think we need to talk, she said. She came to the bed, took up the twins, and deposited them back in the curiously constructed double cradle that Durnik had built for his children. Then she handed Polgara and CeNedra each a cup of tea, took the remaining one up herself, and sat in the chair by the fire.
Whats so important, mother? Polgara asked.
Poledra pointed one finger at CeNedra. She talked with me yesterday, she said, and I think shes got a point we should consider.
Oh?
She said that her son and his sons will be leading the Rivans someday, and there are things theyll need to know. The well-being of the Rivans might depend on their knowing. Thats a leaders first responsibility, isnt it? whether hes leading people or wolves.
CeNedra silently gloated. Her thrown-together arguments the previous morning had evidently brought Poledra over to her side.
Where are we going with this, mother? Polgara asked.
You have a responsibility as well, Polgara to the young, her mother replied. Thats our first duty. The Master set you a task, and you havent finished it yet.
Polgara gave CeNedra a hard look.
I didnt do anything, Aunt Pol, CeNedra said with feigned innocence. I just asked for your mothers advice, thats all.
The two sets of eyes one set tawny yellow, the other deep blue fixed themselves on her.
CeNedra actually blushed.
She wants something, Polgara, Poledra said. Give it to her. It wont hurt you, and its still a part of the task you freely accepted. We wolves rely on our instincts; humans need instruction. Youve spent most of your life caring for the young and instructing them so you know whats required. Just set down what really happened and be done with it.
Not all of it, certainly! Polgara sounded shocked. Some of those things were too private.
Poledra actually laughed. You still have a great deal to learn, my daughter. Dont you know by now that theres no such thing as privacy among wolves? We share everything. The information may be useful to the leader of the Rivans someday and to your own children as well so lets be sure they have what they need. Just do it, Polgara. You know better than to argue with me.
Polgara sighed. Yes, mother, she replied submissively.
CeNedra underwent a kind of epiphany at that point, and she didnt entirely like it. Polgara the Sorceress was the pre-eminent woman in the world. She had titles beyond counting, and the whole world bowed to her, but in some mysterious way, she was still a wolf, and when the dominant female her mother in this case gave an order, she automatically obeyed. CeNedras own heritage was mixed part Borune and part Dryad. Shed argued extensively with her father, the Emperor of Tolnedra, but when Xantha, Queen of the Dryads, spoke, CeNedra might complain a bit, but she instinctively obeyed. It was built into her. She began to look at Polgara in a slightly different way, and by extension, at herself also in a new fashion.
Its a start, Poledra said cryptically. Now then, daughter, she said to Polgara, it wont be all that difficult. Ill talk with him, and hell show you how to do it without all that foolishness with quill-pens and ink. Its your obligation, so stop complaining.
It shall be as my mother wishes, Polgara replied.
Well, then, Poledra said, now that thats settled, would you ladies like to have another cup of tea?
Polgara and CeNedra exchanged a quick glance. I suppose we might as well, Polgara sighed.
Part One: BeldaranChapter 1
This was not my idea. I want that clearly understood right at the outset. The notion that any one person can describe what really happened is an absurdity. If ten or a hundred people witness an event, there will be ten or a hundred different versions of what took place. What we see and how we interpret it depends entirely upon our individual past experience. My mother, however, has insisted that I undertake this ridiculous chore, and I will, as always, do as she tells me to do.
The more Ive thought about it, though, the more Ive come to realize that when CeNedra first broached the subject to me, and later to my mother, her obviously specious argument about the well-being of the young actually had more merit than that devious little girl realized. One day Geran will be the Rivan King and the Guardian of the Orb, and over the centuries, Ive found that people with at least a nodding acquaintance with true history make the best rulers. At least they dont repeat the mistakes of the past.
If all Geran and his sons really needed to rule the Rivans were to be a flat recounting of the deeds of assorted rulers of assorted kingdoms in ages past, the tiresome repetition of the and then, and then, and then that so delights the stodgy members of the Tolnedran Historical Society would be more than sufficient.
As my daughter-in-law so cunningly pointed out, however, the and thens of those Tolnedran scholars deal with only a part of the world. Theres another world out there, and things happen in that other world that Tolnedrans are constitutionally incapable of comprehending. Ultimately it will be this unseen world that the Rivan King must know if he is to properly perform his task.
Even so, I could have devoutly maintained that my fathers long-winded version of the history of our peculiar world had already filled in that obvious gap. I even went so far as to re-read fathers tedious story, trying very hard to prove to myself and to my mother that Id really have nothing to add. Soon fathers glaring omissions began to leap off the page at me. The old fraud hadnt told the whole story, and mother knew it.
In fathers defense, however, Ill admit that there were events that took place when he wasnt present and others during which he didnt fully understand what was really happening. Moreover, some of the omissions which so irritated me as I read had their origin in his desire to compress seven thousand years of history into something of manageable length Ill forgive him those lapses, but couldnt he at least have gotten names and dates right? For the sake of keeping peace in the family, Ill gloss over his imperfect memory of just who said what in any given conversation. Human memory and thats assuming that my fathers human is never really all that exact, I suppose. Why dont we just say that father and I remember things a little differently and let it go at that, shall we? Try to keep that in mind as you go along. Dont waste your time and mine by pointing out assorted variations.
The more I read, the more I came to realize that things I know and father doesnt would be essential parts of Gerans education. Moreover, a probably hereditary enthusiasm for a more complete story began to come over me. I tried to fight it, but it soon conquered me. I discovered that I actually wanted to tell my side of the story.
I have a few suspicions about the origins of my change of heart, but I dont think this is the place to air them.
The central fact of my early life was my sister Beldaran. We were twins, and in some respects even closer than twins. To this very day were still not apart. Beldaran, dead these three thousand years and more, is still very much a part of me. I grieve for her every day. That might help to explain why I sometimes appear somber and withdrawn. Fathers narrative makes some issue of the fact that I seldom smile. Whats there to smile about, Old Wolf?
As father pointed out, Ive read extensively, and Ive noticed that biographies normally begin at birth. Beldaran and I, however, began just a bit earlier than that. For reasons of her own, mother arranged it that way.
So now, why dont we get started?
It was warm and dark, and we floated in absolute contentment, listening to the sound of mothers heart and the rush of her blood through her veins as her body nourished us. Thats my first memory that and mothers thought gently saying to us, Wake up.
Weve made no secret of mothers origins. What isnt widely known is the fact that the Master summoned her, just as he summoned all the rest of us. Shes as much Aldurs disciple as any of us are. We all serve him in our own peculiar ways. Mother, however, was not born human, and she perceived rather early in her pregnancy that Beldaran and I had none of those instincts that are inborn in wolves. Ive since learned that this caused her much concern, and she consulted with the Master at some length about it, and her suggested solution was eminently practical. Since Beldaran and I had no instincts, mother proposed to the Master that she might begin our education while we were still enwombed. I think her suggestion might have startled Aldur, but he quickly saw its virtue. And so it was that mother took steps to make certain that my sister and I had certain necessary information even before we were born.
During the course of a normal human pregnancy, the unborn lives in a world consisting entirely of physical sensation. Beldaran and I, however, were gently guided somewhat further. My father rather arrogantly states that he began my education after Beldarans wedding, but thats hardly accurate. Did he really think that I was a vegetable before that? My education and Beldarans began before we ever saw the light of day.
Fathers approach to education is disputational. As first disciple, hed been obliged to oversee the early education of my various uncles. He forced them to think and to argue as a means of guiding them along the thorny path to independent thought although he sometimes carried it to extremes. Mother was born wolf, and her approach is more elemental. Wolves are pack-animals, and they dont think independently. Mother simply told Beldaran and me, This is the way it is. This is the way it always has been, and always will be. Father teaches you to question; mother teaches you to accept. Its an interesting variation.
At first, Beldaran and I were identical twins and as close as that term implies. When mothers thought woke us, however, she rather carefully began to separate us. I received certain instruction that Beldaran didnt, and she received lessons that I didnt. I think I felt that wrench more keenly than Beldaran did. She knew her purpose; I spent years groping for mine.
The separation was very painful for me. I seem to remember reaching out to my sister and saying to her in our own private language, Youre so far away now. Actually, of course, she wasnt. We were both still confined in that small, warm place beneath mothers heart, but always before our minds had been linked, and now they were inexorably moving apart. If you think about it a bit, Im sure youll understand.
After we awoke, mothers thought was with us continually. The sound of it was as warm and comforting as the place where we floated, but the place nourished only our bodies. Mothers thought nourished our minds with those subtle variations I previously mentioned. I suspect that what I was and what I have become is the result of that womb-dark period in my life when Beldaran and I floated in perfect sisterhood until mothers thought began to separate us.
And then in time there was another thought as well. Mother had prepared us for that intrusion upon what had been a very private little world. After my sister and I had become more fully aware and conscious of our separation and some of the reasons for it, Aldurs thought joined with hers to continue our education. He patiently explained to us right at the outset why certain alterations were going to be necessary. My sister and I had been identical. Aldur changed that, and most of the alterations were directed at me. Some of the changes were physical the darkening of my hair, for example and others were mental. Mother had begun that mental division, and Aldur refined it. Beldaran and I were no longer one. We were two. Beldarans reaction to our further separation was one of gentle regret. Mine was one of anger.
I rather suspect that my anger may have been a reflection of mothers reaction when my vagrant father and a group of Alorns chose to slip away so that they could go off to Mallorea to retrieve the Orb Torak had stolen from the Master. I now fully understand why it was necessary and why father had no choice and so does mother, I think. But at the time she was absolutely infuriated by what, in the society of wolves, was an unnatural desertion. My somewhat peculiar relationship with my father during my childhood quite probably derived from my perception of mothers fury. Beldaran was untouched by it, since mother wisely chose to shield her from that rage.
A vagrant and somewhat disturbing thought just occurred to me. As I mentioned earlier, fathers educational technique involves questioning and argumentation, and I was probably his star pupil. Mother teaches acceptance, and Beldaran received the full benefit of that counsel. In a strange sort of way this would indicate that Im my fathers true daughter, and Beldaran was mothers.