As those of you who know me can attest, I have an occasionally sharp tongue. My family was spared all sorts of affronts because of my fondness for the Tree and its feathered inhabitants.
The seasons rolled by, and Beldaran and I grew into an awkward coltishness all legs and elbows. And then one morning we discovered that we had become women during the night. There was some fairly visible evidence of the fact on our bed-clothing.
Are we dying? Beldaran asked me in a trembling voice.
Tell her to stop that, Polgara! mothers voice came to me sharply. That was something I could never understand. Mother talked to me directly, but she never intruded into Beldarans mind. Im sure there was a reason for it, but mother never got around to explaining.
Whats happening, mother? I demanded. To be honest about it, I was quite nearly as frightened as my sister was.
Its a natural process, Polgara. It happens to all women.
Make it stop!
No. It has to happen. Tell Beldaran that its nothing to get excited about.
Mother says that its all right, I told my sister.
How can it be all right?
Shush. Im trying to listen to mother.
Dont you shush me, Polgara!
Then be still. I turned my attention inward. Youd better explain this, mother, I said. Beldarans about ready to fly apart. I didnt really think it was necessary to admit that my seams were starting to come undone as well.
Then mother gave us a somewhat clinical explanation for the bloodstains on our bedding, and I passed the information on to my distraught sister.
Is it going to go on forever now? Beldaran asked me in a trembling voice.
No, only for a few days. Mother says to get used to it, because itll happen every month.
Every month? Beldaran sounded outraged.
So she says. I raised up in bed and looked across the room toward Uncle Beldins bed the place where all the snoring was coming from. Lets get this cleaned up while hes still asleep, I suggested.
Oh, dear Gods, yes! she agreed fervently. Id die if he found out about this.
Im fairly sure that our misshapen uncle was aware of what was happening, but we never got around to discussing it, for some reason.
Uncle Beldin has theorized about when the members of my extended family develop what father calls talent, and hes concluded that it emerges with the onset of puberty. I may have had something to do with that conclusion. I think I was about twelve or so. It was that time of the month for Beldaran and me, and my sister was feeling mopey. I, on the other hand, was irritable. It was all so inconvenient! Mother had mentioned the fact that something might happen now that Beldaran and I had reached a certain level of maturity, but she was a little vague about it. Evidently, its sort of necessary that our first venture into the exercise of our talent be spontaneous. Dont ask me why, because I havent got the faintest notion of a reasonable explanation for the custom.
As I remember the circumstances of that first incident, I was dragging a large bag of wheat down to the Tree to feed my birds. I was muttering to myself about that. Over the years my birds had come to depend on me, and they were not above taking advantage of my generosity. Given half a chance, birds, like all other creatures, can be lazy. I didnt mind feeding them, but it seemed that I was spending more and more time hauling sacks of wheat from the twins tower to the Tree.
When I reached the Tree, they were all clamoring to be fed, and that irritated me all the more. As far as I know, not one single bird has ever learned how to say thank you.
There were whole flocks of them by now, and they cleaned up my daily offering in short order. Then they started screeching for more.
I was seated on my favorite perch, and the shrill importunings of the birds made me even more irritable. If there were only some way I could have an inexhaustible supply of seed on hand to keep them quiet.
The jays were being particularly offensive. Theres something about a jays squawking that cuts directly into me. Finally, driven beyond my endurance, I burst out. More seeds! I half-shouted.
And suddenly, there they were heaps and heaps of them! I was stunned. Even the birds seemed startled. I, on the other hand, felt absolutely exhausted.
Father has always used the phrase the Will and the Word to describe what we do, but I think thats a little limited. My experience seems to indicate that the Wish and the Word works just as well.
Someday he and Ill have to talk about that.
As is usually the case, my first experiment in this field made a lot of noise. I hadnt even finished my self-congratulation when a blue-banded hawk and two doves came swooping in. Now, hawks and doves dont normally flock together except when the hawk is hungry so I immediately had some suspicions. The three of them settled on my limb, and then they blurred, changing form before my very eyes.
Seeds, Polgara? Beltira said mildly. Seeds?
The birds were hungry, I said. What a silly excuse for a miracle that was!
Precocious, isnt she? Belkira murmured to uncle Beldin.
We should probably have expected it, Beldin grunted. Pol never does anything in the normal way.
Will I be able to do that some day? I asked the twins.
Do what, Pol? Belkira asked gently.
What you just did change myself into a bird and back?
Probably, yes.
Well now, I said as a whole new world of possibilities opened before my eyes. Will Beldaran be able to do it too?
Their expressions seemed to grow a bit evasive at that question. No more of this, Pol, uncle Beldin said sternly, not until weve explained a few things to you. This is very dangerous.
Dangerous? That startled me.
You can do almost anything you put your mind to, Pol, Beltira explained, but you cant uncreate things. Dont ever say, Be not. If you do, the force youve unleashed will recoil back on you, and youll be the one whos destroyed.
Why would I want to destroy anything?
Itll happen, Beldin assured me in that growling voice of his. Youre almost as bad-tempered as I am, and sooner or later something will irritate you to the point that youll want to make it go away to destroy it and thatll kill you.
Kill?
And more than kill. The purpose of the universe is to create things. She wont let you come along behind her and undo her work.
Wouldnt that also apply to making things?
Whatever gave you that idea?
If unmaking things is forbidden, it seems logical that making them would be too.
Making things is all right, Beldin assured me. You just made about a half-ton of birdseed and youre still here, but dont ever try to erase what youve done. If its not right, thats just too bad. Once its been made, youre stuck with it.
That hardly seems fair, I protested.
Did you really expect life to be fair to you, Pol? He replied.
But if I make it, its mine, isnt it? I should be able to do anything I want with it, shouldnt I?
Thats not the way it works, Pol, Beltira told me. Dont experiment with it. We love you too much to lose you.
What else is it that Im not supposed to do?
Dont attempt the impossible, Belkira said. Once youve committed your will to something, you have to go through with it. You cant turn the will off once youve unleashed it. Itll keep drawing more and more out of you to try to get the job done, and itll eventually take so much out of you that your heart will stop, and then youll die.
How am I supposed to know whats possible and what isnt?
Come to one of us before you start, Beltira said. Talk it over with us and well let you know if its all right.
Nobody tells me what to do! I flared.
Do you want to die? Beldin demanded bluntly.
Of course not.
Then do as youre told, he growled. No experimenting on your own. Dont do anything this way without consulting with one of us first. Dont try to pick up a mountain range or stop the sun. Were trying to protect you, Pol. Dont be difficult.
Is there anything else? I was a little sullen at that point.
Youre very noisy, Belkira said bluntly.
What do you mean, noisy?
When you do something this way, it makes a sound we can hear. When you made all that birdseed, it sounded like a thunderclap. Always remember that were not the only ones in the world with this particular gift. Therell be times when you wont want to announce the fact that youre around. Here, Ill show you.
There was a large rock not far from the Tree, and uncle Belkira looked at it and frowned slightly. Then the rock seemed to vanish, and it instantly reappeared about a hundred yards away.
It wasnt exactly a noise. I felt it more than I heard it, but it still seemed to rattle my teeth.
Now do you see what I mean? Belkira asked me.
Yes. Thats quite a sound, isnt it?
Im glad you enjoyed it.
They went on piling restrictions on me for quite some time. Is that all? I asked finally. They were beginning to make me tired.
Therell be more, Pol, Beltira said. Those are just the things you need to know right now. Like it or not, your educations just begun. Youve got to learn to control this gift. Study very hard, Pol. Your life probably depends on it.
Just smile and agree with them, Polgara, mothers voice advised me. Ill take care of your education myself. Smile and nod and keep the peace when they try to instruct you, Pol. Dont upset them by doing anything unusual while theyre around.
Whatever you say, mother, I agreed.
And thats how I really got my education. My uncles were frequently startled by just how fast I picked things up. They no sooner mentioned a particular feat than I did it flawlessly. Im sure they all thought they had a budding but very dirty genius on their hands. The truth of the matter was that mother had already taught me those rudimentary tricks. My mind and mothers mind had been linked since before I was born, and so she was in a much better position to gauge the extent of my understanding. This made her a far better teacher than my uncles. It was about then that uncle Beldin left on some mysterious errand, and so my education fell on the twins shoulders at least they thought it did. In actuality, mother taught me most of what I know.
I naturally told my sister about what had happened. Beldaran and I didnt really have any secrets from each other.
Her face became rather wistful. What was it like? she asked me.
Ill show you how, I told her. Then you can find out for yourself.
She sighed. No, Pol, she replied. Mother told me not to.
Told? You mean shes finally talking to you?
Not when Im awake, Beldaran explained. Her voice comes to me when Im dreaming.
Thats a terribly cumbersome way to do it.
I know, but theres a reason for it. She told me that youre supposed to do things. Im just supposed to be.
To be what?
She hasnt told me yet. Shell probably get around to it one of these days.
And that sent me away muttering to myself.
Mother told me about several of the things I might be capable of doing, and I tried them all. Translocation was a lot of fun, actually, and it taught me how to muffle the noise. I spent whole days bouncing rocks here and there about the Vale.
There were many tricks mother explained to me that I wasnt able to practice, since they required the presence of other people, and aside from the twins and Beldaran, nobody else was around. Mother rather sternly told me not to experiment with Beldaran.
What my uncles chose to call my education took me away from my Tree and my birds for extended periods of time, and I didnt like that very much. I already knew about most of what they were telling me anyway, so it was all very tedious and monotonous for me.
Keep your temper, Polgara, mother told me on one occasion when I was right on the verge of an outburst.
But this is all so boring! I protested.
Think about something else, then.
What should I think about?
Have the twins teach you how to cook, she suggested. Humans like to stick their food in a fire before they eat it. Its always seemed like a waste of time to me, but thats the way they are.
And so it was that I started to get two educations instead of one. I learned all about translocation and about spices at almost the same time. One of the peculiarities of our gift is the fact that imagination plays a very large part in it, and I soon found that I could imagine what a given spice would add to whatever dish I was preparing. In this particular regard I soon even outstripped the twins. They measured things rather meticulously. I seasoned food by instinct a pinch, a dollop, or a handful of any spice always seemed to work out just right.
Thats too much sage, Pol, Beltira protested when I dug my hand into one of his spice-pots.
Wait, uncle, I told him. Dont criticize my cooking until youve tasted it.
And, as usual, the stew I was preparing came out perfect.
Beltira was a little sullen about that, as I recall.
And then there came a very important day in my life. It was the day night actually when mother revealed the secret of changing shape.
Its really quite simple, Polgara, she told me. All you really have to do is form the image of the alternative shape in your mind and then fit yourself into it.
Mothers idea of simple and mine were miles apart, however.
The tail-feathers are too short, she said critically after my third attempt. Try it again.