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First published in Great Britain by HarperImpulse 2017
Copyright © Katey Lovell 2017
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Katey Lovell asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the authors imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
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Ebook Edition © May 2017 ISBN: 9780008240875
Version 2017-10-09
Praise for Katey Lovell
A joyful, funny, feel-good story packed with showtunes, romance and a wonderfully warm cast
Sunday Times bestselling author Miranda Dickinson
Awarm and charmingnovel full of heartfelt friendship, romance and humourthe perfect book to escape into with a huge mug of coffee and a comfy sofa
USA Today bestselling author Kitty French
This years most charming romanceit will make your heart sing
Erin Lawless, bestselling author of The Best Thing I Never Had
An irresistible feel-good read, thatwill have you singing and smiling with each joyful turn of the page
Irish Times bestselling author Carmel Harrington
Im so glad I picked this up, its gorgeous
Rather Too Fond of Books
Swooning all the way through
Reviewed the Book
For David xxx
Table of Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Praise for Katey Lovell
Dedication
Prologue: August 1977
Pearl
May 2017
Maggie
Fern
Lacey
Fern
Maggie
Pearl
Fern
Maggie
Lacey
Pearl
June 2017
Maggie
Fern
Maggie
Pearl
Lacey
Fern
Maggie
Lacey
Pearl
Fern
Maggie
Lacey
Pearl
July 2017
Lacey
Fern
Maggie
Pearl
Fern
Fern
Lacey
Fern
Maggie
Pearl
Maggie
Pearl
Maggie
Fern
Lacey
Pearl
Maggie
Fern
August 2017
Lacey
Maggie
Fern
Pearl
Maggie
Fern
September 2017
Lacey
Maggie
Acknowledgements
Coming Soon from Katey Lovell
Also by Katey Lovell
About the Author
About HarperImpulse
About the Publisher
PROLOGUEPearl
Poor Alf.
The song was a bad choice for a first dance, but he wasnt to know. Why should he? There was no reason for my new husband to be aware of the feelings this song was stirring inside me. He hadnt been there two years previously, when Id first slow-danced to this song with another man.
But Im aware.
Aware of the nausea; the bilious liquid rising in my throat until I fear for the future of the off-white satin court shoes that are pinching my toes.
Aware of the solid knot in the pit of my stomach.
Aware of the pain in my heart on what should be the happiest day of my life.
The joy of the day has been washed over no, flooded out by the actions of my past, as though everything thats gone before is weighing me down and now Im sinking, sinking, sinking.
I paint on a smile and force myself to sway along to the music. A ripple of applause fills the room as Alf and I move, and the flashing of a hundred cameras keen to capture our first dance pierces through the darkness of the church hall.
Relief rushes through me as the song comes to an end, replaced by an upbeat disco tune that gets even my sister Vivienne on to the dance floor, toddler balanced on her hip as she spins. The baby responds by releasing a full-on belly laugh of undeniable happiness, and I pull my husband just a fraction closer.
Mmm, thats nice. Alf smiles, squeezing me back tightly. He follows my gaze, to where Im still watching my elder sister, now twisting and twirling like a ballerina on a music box as the little one clings on to her hand for dear life. Whatre you thinking?
Nothing.
I cant tell him the truth. Not now, not ever.
It looks like fun, doesnt it? Having a little one. The unsteady toddler excitedly claps along as my brother-in-law Glenn struts his stuff as though hes cock of the town. Maybe we should start thinking about having one of our ownwe are married now, after all.
I blink. A baby?
No, a giraffe, he teases. Yes, a baby! Thats not such a crazy idea, is it? Youd make a wonderful mother. He beams, and I know hes imagining me with a sleeping child cradled in my arms, a perfect Madonna and child scenario. We could be a proper little family. Just think, if we hit the jackpot right away we could be parents by summertime!
My knees quiver beneath the lacy layers of my dress, and I tighten my grip on my husbands arm.
It might not happen right away. My voice wavers. Some couples try for years before getting caught.
It wont take us years, Alf says, his voice brimming with macho confidence. Id put money on it happening fast.
It had happened fast last time. Too fast.
Dont get your hopes up, thats all. Weve got plenty of time, were only twenty-one! I strain to keep my voice jovial and light, but Alfs face looks pained. I feel awful for raining on his parade, especially when none of my reluctance to rush into starting a family is his fault.
You do want children though, dont you? I know weve not spoken about it much, but thats what most women wanta husband, a baby or two
I do, I really do. In the future I want us to have a family of our own, and maybe a puppy too. I just think Id like to enjoy being married for a while first though. Alfs face falls, so I hastily add, But we can always get some baby-making practice in?
That obviously raises his spirits as he visibly brightens.
Promises, promises, he replies with a cheeky wink. If you want to wait a few months, thats fine by me. Whatever my beautiful bride wants. He leans in, placing the softest of kisses on the tip of my nose, and Im reminded of what a sweet, lovely man he is. Youll be a wonderful mother, one of these days, he repeats.
Thank you, I whisper, burying my head into his chest. His heartbeat reverberates against my cheek. And youll be a brilliant father.
Ill do my best, for them and for you. I promise you, Pearl, Ill never let you down.
The words are so beautiful that I want to make the same promise back, but I cant bring myself to speak. Im not the person Alf thinks I am. By keeping the secrets of two summers ago from him Ive already let him down.
But I did it to protect him, because it would break his heart if he knew. Thats why he must never find out. He must never know that I am already a mother.
May 2017