She twists her body round to the direction of my voice and pops her slathering tongue out of her mouth. If I didnt know better, Id swear she was making fun of me.
Fern
Kellys blonde hair glimmers in the sun as she enters the café, a worried expression on her face. My stomach lurches. Im not good at managing awkward conversations at the best of times and this is likely to be one of the most difficult conversations Ive ever had.
Id told Kelly the cold hard facts on the phone, and shed seemed to take it well. At least, she hadnt broken down in tears or asked me questions I didnt know the answers to. Shed replied with a quiet okay at the end of each sentence and then thanked me for letting her know. Talking in person was going to be much harder than talking over the phone though. Theres something about seeing peoples expressions that makes it harder to control my own emotions.
I cant stay long, she says in a whisper, her eyes flickering around the café. If Mum sees me here shell go crazy. She thinks Im at home revising. I was revising until I got your phone call. Now I cant think of anything except Luke.
Her expression is weary and pained and I can only imagine mine is worse. I had two hours of broken sleep last night, and my body can tell. It wants to curl up and shut down, but Im not going to let it. Ive got too much to do.
I wish I hadnt had to tell you, and I wish I had better news, but all we can do is wait for him to get over this infection so they can operate.
When I saw him on Thursday he was fine, Kelly hisses through gritted teeth. He told me the headaches had gone. I thought they were stress-related because hes been working so hard lately. How wrong was I?
I shrug.
I dont know, Kel. Maybe Thursday was a good day. All I know is that last night he was screaming in pain. I was lying in bed reading one minute and the next Luke was crying out for me to come and help him. The panic in his voice I shudder at the memory. He thought he was going blind, said he couldnt see anything but black. It was terrifying.
I should have been there for him. Ive known for weeks that hes not been right. If only Id taken it more seriously
I hold my hand up to stop her mid-flow.
Theres nothing you could have done, nothing any of us could have done. Luke has a brain tumour. We couldnt have stopped it happening.
I appreciate how helpless she feels. Id had all the same thoughts myself last night, the what ifs and if onlys, and the guilt had eroded my soul until Id finally snatched a restless sleep leaning on my dads bony shoulder.
I should have said something. Maybe if Id told him to go to the doctor and get it checked out hed have listened to me?
Kelly, please. Stop beating yourself up over this. If youd tried to get him to go to the doctor hed only have thought you were nagging. You know as well as I do that he hates making a fuss.
I cant bear to think of him in hospital. Kelly looks so unsure, her usual confident persona nowhere to be seen. Poor Luke. Hospitals are depressing, full of old people waiting to die. He must be so scared. Can I go and see him?
Shes looking at me with such hope, but I know theres no way she can come to the hospital. My parents would hit the roof, especially in their current emotional state. Hes not allowed visitors at the moment, because his immune systems so low and they really need to get him back to full strength so they can operate.
Im not lying, but we both know its only half the reason. My dad had walked in on Kelly and Luke kissing at Lukes eighteenth birthday party back in January. Hed been furious, despite both of them trying to explain that it was a typical drunken snog, the sort most teenagers have after a few too many alcopops.
I guess Ive not been a typical teenager, holding out for someone whos way out of my league, so my old-fashioned parents havent got experience in knowing what to expect from a hormone-addled adolescent. Theyd already made it clear they thought it was outrageous that within Lukes gang of closest friends there was a girl who identified as bisexual, and rather than being ashamed of her sexuality, openly revelled in it. Finding Luke kissing her was a complete shock for my prudish dad, so when they announced they were dating he took it as a personal insult. In his mind, Luke wasnt seeing Kelly because he liked her, he was doing it just to wind him up.
Mum had inevitably sided with Dad in a bid to keep the peace, whereas I stood up for Luke. If it had been anyone other than Kelly that Luke had been dating there wouldnt have been anywhere near as much fuss; that was what got to me more than anything. Sometimes its as though Dads stuck in the dark ages. He didnt believe Kelly would be able to give up girls as though being monogamous and bi-sexual was as mythical as unicorns or fat-free donuts, rather than a perfectly normal way of life.
It all came to a head last month after a blazing row where Dad forbade Luke to spend any more time with Kelly, and since then theyve been seeing each other in secret. My parents dont have a clue that theyre still together. No one does, except me and their closest friends. Even Maggie believes they parted ways. Shes mentioned her fear of Kelly and miserable Mischa getting back in touch numerous times, and although Ive wanted to reassure her theres no chance of that happening I havent been able to. Its not my place.
Kellys shoulders sink, as though shes physically deflating. I can tell how much she wants to be able to support Luke, how now more than ever she longs to be able to tell the world that shes his girlfriend.
I wish I could see him. I wish I could give him a hug and tell him how much he means to me.
I fix my eyes on hers.
You dont have to tell him anything. Youve been together for months now, he knows how much you love him.
Kelly shakes her head. He doesnt. He thinks I hate him.
I can see shes welling up and for one awful moment I think she might cry. Ive seen enough tears in the past twenty-four hours to last me a lifetime, I dont think I can take many more.
He doesnt think you hate him. He asked me to let you know what was going on. He wouldnt have done that if he thought you wouldnt care. You two have been through so much together already, and for what its worth I think youre the perfect couple.
The perfect couple no one knows about, Kelly replies sadly. How am I supposed to support him when Im not even allowed to be near him?
Bide your time. For now, Ill be the messenger for you and Im taking Lukes phone to the hospital later too we were in such a rush yesterday to get him checked out that we didnt even think to take it. And Im sure that one day Mum and Dad will get over it. If they saw how much love you two have for each other I know theyd give you both their blessing. They might be old-fashioned but theyre not monsters.
Kelly looks away, shamefaced, but her words catch me unawares.
You dont understand. The last time I saw Luke we had this dreadful argument. He said he couldnt cope with the secrecy any more and that we should either tell everyone about our relationship or else call it a day. And I got so angry. Not angry at him, more angry at the situation. Angry that my sexuality has caused so many problems for us. Something inside me just snapped, and I took it all out on Luke. Do you know what the last thing I said to him was?
You dont understand. The last time I saw Luke we had this dreadful argument. He said he couldnt cope with the secrecy any more and that we should either tell everyone about our relationship or else call it a day. And I got so angry. Not angry at him, more angry at the situation. Angry that my sexuality has caused so many problems for us. Something inside me just snapped, and I took it all out on Luke. Do you know what the last thing I said to him was?
I shake my head.
The last words I said to Luke were drop dead.
And then the tears do start to fall, both mine and hers.
Oh Fern, what if he does die? What have I done?
Maggie
The suns shining for Ferns 21st birthday, the bright morning at odds with the current mood around The Lake House Café. Things have been strained recently for everyone, with Luke in hospital. Emotions are running high. There have been times lately where Ive felt like Im treading on eggshells, but even so I couldnt forget Ferns birthday.
May 15th.
Its Clints birthday too, although I push that thought to the back of my mind. I dont want Ferns celebration to be sullied, and certainly not by thoughts of him.
I had come in early especially to decorate the café in Ferns honour, keen that our customers knew it was a special day. Id pinned pretty bunting proclaiming Happy Birthday Fern so the pastel triangles hung beneath the counter and wrestled with a canister of helium to fill dozens of shimmering lilac balloons. They were the centrepieces on each table, tied with silver florist ribbon that Id painstakingly curled with a pair of scissors. Its a good job Im an early bird because the whole process had taken longer than Id anticipated, but the effort was worth it. If anyone deserves a fuss its Fern.
Id also, naturally, baked a cake a gloriously rich red velvet cake topped with thick cream-cheese frosting. Id known as I placed one spindly white candle at its centre what Ferns wish would be. Luke had been deemed well enough to have the operation yesterday a gruelling ten-hour ordeal that had obviously been a worry for everyone. I knew unequivocally what Ferns wish would be for the operation to have been a success and for life to return to normal for the Hart family as quickly as possible. Thankfully early indications were that it had gone well, with the surgeon happy that the whole tumour had been successfully removed, but hed been quick to remind Ferns parents that there were no guarantees. Luke would be carefully monitored, both during his immediate recovery at the hospital and as an outpatient when he was well enough to return home.
The bell above the door jangles as Fern enters the café and I grin from ear to ear at her reaction. Her jaw physically drops in surprise. Individually the changes I made might only be small, but together they make quite an impact, transforming the café into a room worthy of a party. We might not have a knees-up planned, but Im going to make sure every person who passes through that door wishes Fern a wonderful birthday full of happiness. She needs to know exactly how important she is to everyone, and especially to me.
Happy birthday! I exclaim, a ripple of pleasure rushing through me at Ferns stunned response. Shes giggling in embarrassment at the realisation this is all for her. Twenty-one today!
I know, Fern groans. Does this mean Im officially a grown-up? Am I meant to suddenly have the answer to the meaning of life?
I laugh. If only.
I dont think so, but if you find it, let me know. Im still searching for that one myself. Now come here, you. Let me give you a birthday squeeze.
Fern humours me, letting me wrap her up in a ginormous bear hug. Her bodys warm and soft, a joy to cuddle.
Ive got a present for you, too, I say excitedly.
The younger girls eyes light up.
You didnt have to get me anything. I wasnt expecting a present.
I know you werent, but I wanted to, I insist. Plus, I thought you might not have much to open. Your family have a lot on right now.
Theres no point skirting around the issue. This has been a matter of life and death for Luke and as special as a big birthday is, I didnt blame Ferns parents for being distracted. Naturally Luke is at the forefront of their mind at the moment, being as poorly as hes been.
Reaching beneath the counter, I pull out a neatly wrapped box. Its not quite square (but near enough) and wrapped in tastefully ruched white tissue paper tied with a silky, pale purple ribbon that matches the balloons. What can I say? My eye for detail is impeccable. Handing it over with a grin, I watch as Fern carefully peels back the layers, waiting for the reaction.
As the birthday girl takes in the robins-egg-blue box, I know it was the perfect choice. Her eyes widen, she giggles nervously, and her hand reaches for her mouth, shocked.
No way, she stutters finally, her voice a trembly, squeaky mess. This is too much. You got me a present from Tiffanys?
Open it up and see for yourself, I tease.
Fern carefully prises the lid off the box, gasping as she sees its contents. Nestled inside is a delicate silver chain with a small round disc hanging from it, engraved with an F in swirling twirling script. Its understated yet beautiful just like its new owner, a perfect keepsake for a milestone birthday.
Its too much, Fern says, but I can tell she loves it. Shes gently fingering the charm, feeling the weight of it against the pads of her fingertips.
Nonsense, I pooh-pooh. Youre only going to turn twenty-one once. Its worth celebrating.
I smile and nod towards the cake on the counter in case its been overshadowed by the jewellery. The cakes are the showstoppers at The Lake House Café.
And naturally theres a sweet treat too. If you want cake for breakfast then thats fine by me your day, your rules or if youd rather take it home to share with your family thats perfectly okay too. I can easily box it up.
Fern looks genuinely moved by all the fuss. Shes been graciously in the background for so long that its almost as though shes forgotten how it feels to be the centre of attention.
Thank you, she manages, finally regaining her composure. She shakes her head in disbelief. Ill have a slice in a minute.
Youre more than welcome, I assure her, placing my hand on her arm. Youve been such an asset to the café and more than that, youre a good friend to me too, and to Kelly. I take a deep breath before talking again. I need to choose my words carefully. She told me everything last night, you know, about how her and Luke have been seeing each other in secret because your mum and dad cant handle the fact shes had girlfriends in the past.
Fern gasps.
Ive got to admit that hurt me, to think my daughter cant be open about her relationships, not even with me, because of other peoples prejudice. Its hard to accept, especially as her sexuality has never, ever been an issue to me. But she also told me how supportive youve been of her and Lukes relationship even when your parents have disapproved, and I cant tell you how much I appreciate that, Fern. Youre a good friend and a wonderful sister, and now more than ever the pair of them are going to be grateful for having you on their side.