Wait, what? I do a double-take. Im at an actual loss for words. You mean Africa? The volunteering?
Connie nods. Yes! I spent all of Saturday searching the websites of different charities, and one well, as soon as I saw the page I knew I was meant to contact them. It was everything I hoped for. Theyre renovating a school for a community in rural Uganda. Im renovating a school in rural Uganda. Can you believe it?
Shes full of glee, her eyes flaring with passion. She looks so utterly, completely alive, lost in a world of possibility. Not unlike Maria, actually, whos gallivanting with the children on the screen, wielding the ugliest puppets in the history of cinema; although I make a mental note to rewind to this song at the end so we can all yodel along like the Lonely Goatherd. But this is Connies big moment and although I cant stop my twitching foot from tapping against the lounge floor, Im desperate to know more.
Hope obviously is too.
Can anyone offer to go? Or did you have to have an interview? And how much is this costing? she asks, firing questions at a rate of knots. I silently will my sister not to rain on Connies parade by making her overthink this decision. I cant remember the last time I saw Connie looking as vibrant, as full of life, as she does right now. I love Hope dearly, I absolutely do, but I cant help but wonder if Hopeless would have been a more appropriate name for her, given her constant state of negativity.
Anyone can apply, as long as theyre in good health and meet the criteria. And yes, I had an interview over the phone on Wednesday evening. The project leader rang and asked all sorts of questions about why I wanted to do it, if I felt Id be able to cope with seeing the extreme poverty, any relevant experience I had She looks shamefaced. I must admit, I didnt have much I could say to that one. Data input hasnt really prepared me for manual labour in temperatures similar to a Yorkshire heatwave. And yes, I have to raise some of the money myself, because theyre a charity. The cost of flights and accommodation for a team of volunteers would obviously eat into their funds, when this way it can be put to much better use helping people in need. But thats where the next surprise comes in, and this is even more incredible than me going to Africa in the first place. In fact, youll never believe me when I tell you.
A small indent appears in her cheek, a cheeky dimple coming out to play.
Stop teasing! I squeal, unable to bear the tension a moment longer. Get on with it!
Well, I was dreading having to tell Dad. I didnt want him to get upset at the thought of me going away. But I steeled myself up and broached it with him over tea last night, and he said I couldnt have timed it better. Apparently my mum had a life-assurance policy that shed taken out just in case. And in her will she left it all to me, with strict instructions not to touch it until my twenty-fifth birthday
And thats next week! Im aware of my voice squeaking, but my heads whirring at how fast this is moving. Issys laughing at me, probably because my jaw is literally gaping open in wonderment. I must look so gormless right now. I was always jealous of you being the oldest in your class. Youd get the best choice of sweets from the birthday tin in assembly at primary school. By the time it got to my birthday in July there were only ever those fruit lollies left, and theyd always be a bit sticky as theyd been there all year. The year I was six I couldnt even peel the wrapper off. I remember the disappointment clearly. Inedible sweets as a birthday treat would be hard enough for me to comprehend now, let alone at that age.
Yes, the policy matures next week, and thats how Im paying to go. Actually, theres enough there to pay what I need and still have some left over when I get back. Maybe even enough for a deposit on a small dance studio, if I can find a suitable space.
I shake my head to try and take it all in. Africa? Dance teaching? Where has this newly geed-up Connie come from and whats she done with my best friend?
Connie continues, her voice proud and brimming with positivity. No more losing my cool when the spreadsheets dont add up, no more days in a grey boxy office block with an air conditioning system that rattles like a haunted house at a funfair. Ill be in Africa, doing something worthwhile. And then, hopefully, when I get back here Ill be doing what I love.
It sounds blissful, I smile, because it does. It absolutely does. Thanks to her mums foresight to plan ahead she was going to get the chance to live out her wildest dreams.
Im over the moon for you, I really am, Issy adds, her words full of affection.
Its going to be a real adventure. Youll come back a woman of the world, I say with pride. And its brilliant that your dad was so supportive. All that worry for nothing, and Im sure hell be just fine. Dont forget to tell him Im only ten minutes drive away if he needs a hand with anything. Get him to ring me, promise? I can do a mean beef stew whichll be perfect for those November evenings. My mouth waters at the thought of the stew, the solidity of the meat and the juicy, chunky winter vegetables an irresistible combination. But I dont want to iron, I say obstinately. Anything but ironing!
I catch Hope scrutinising my dress, a navy cotton number covered in pretty ditsy-print flowers in a variety of shades of pink. Now I look more closely it does have a decidedly crumpled air about it. I probably should have left it hanging on the shower rail a bit longer to ensure all the creases had dropped out.
Thanks, Mon, Connie says softly, Hell really appreciate that. Me too, of course. And although I cant wait to go away, I know the minute I arrive Ill be thinking of Sheffield, missing our catch-ups over coffee and cake on Ecclesall Road.
I have to laugh. Its only me that indulges in the creamy cappuccinos and doorstop wedges of Victoria sponge. Connie normally has a sparkling water and a banana.
But especially this, she says, gesturing around the room. These past few weeks have been so much fun. And life-changing for me, too. Your encouragement was exactly what I needed to spur me on and I dont think Id have believed I could do it myself without you three believing in me first. So thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
You make it sound like youre going forever, I say worriedly. You wont be gone too long, will you?
I know Ill miss her dreadfully when shes out of the country, even if it is only for a matter of weeks. Although Issy has become my partner in crime, thats mostly through circumstance. Shes a wonderful friend, but Connie and I have been a duo since childhood and theres something incredibly special about a friendship thats lasted twenty years. Theres no need for pretences between us and weve forged an open honesty that makes for an easy relationship.
The other beauty of a long-term friendship is how theres no need to explain the difficult moments from our pasts. I already know how horrific it was when Connies mum died. Id been there with her that September day when Connie had been called to the headmasters office to receive the news. And Connie had been there for me during my own challenging moments too, not just recently but also during my parents separation and the subsequent messy divorce, and through Mums transitions to Mrs King, then Mrs Peto, then Mrs Davies as shed tried to find true love. What Connie and I have been through together transcends everything else. For all the friends I have, I dont have another friend like her.
I leave at the end of October and itll only be for four weeks, so Ill be back in plenty of time for Christmas. Youre not getting out of getting me that Kiehls hand cream that easily, she jests.
If you come back safe, sound and happy, itll be the one year I dont begrudge paying crazy money for your luxury lotions and potions, I reply with a half-laugh. Ive never succumbed to the high-end products Connie swears by, instead bulk buying whatevers on offer when I go to the enormous chemists in town, but Connie is the epitome of brand loyal. When she finds something she likes, shes with it for the long haul, which I suppose is the biggest personal vote of confidence I could have, considering how long shes been part of my life. From pigtails and scraped knees to lip gloss to jagerbombs, Mon and Con, as our dance teacher Miss Gemma always calls us, have come a long, long way.
I grin as Connie blows me a kiss. With her dip-dyed hair and bright red lips she reminds me of a pin-up girl. Not to mention her new-found confidence and self-belief.
Weve got a few more weeks yet before I go, she says. Which is just as well as I have tons of stuff to sort out before then. Theres injections for yellow fever and hepatitis A and I need to buy mosquito nets and anti-malaria tablets Shes counting things off on her fingers as she reels off her list.
Malaria? Hope asks with concern. Dont people die from that?
Ive been reading about it online. It spreads quickly out there, but its easy to protect yourself with a course of tablets. Im going to make an appointment with the doctor next week and see what else I need to do. She grins at the thought. I cant believe Im actually going to Africa!
Youll have the best time, Issy says. And who knows? Maybe youll find the love of your life out there too. She waggles her eyebrows in a way that I presume is supposed to be suggestive but comes off as more pantomime baddie than sex siren. Ive never really believed that true soulmates would live just a few streets apart.
A scowl unwittingly creeps up on me. I can feel my jaw tightening in annoyance at the remark. Issy knows that Justin and I lived just around the corner from each other until he left. Whats she implying? That he has a better chance of finding someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with now hes on the other side of the world because itd be too easy if true love was ready and waiting on the same street, or the same estate, or in the same city?
Stop looking at me like that, Mon, she says. I feel like a small child being summoned and chastised. I suppose I should be grateful shes using actual words rather than a whistle à la Captain von Trapp. You know what I mean. Its a bit convenient to fall in love with someone who has the same background as you, lives in the same area, went to the same school Im not saying it cant happen, Im sure it does, but how many people settle for someone just because theyre right at hand? There are seven billion people in the world. Its highly unlikely the one true love of your life is even in Britain, let alone Sheffield! If people stretched their wings and searched the world for their partner, maybe thered be more happy endings. Maybe less divorce, too.
And now you bring up divorce, Hope says drolly, smacking the heel of her hand into her forehead. Nice one, Issy. Talk about double whammy.
Im not speculating about specific cases here, Issy insists, although it still feels as though this is aimed at me. Im making the point that theres something to be said for looking further afield when it comes to romance, thats all. Not every boy next door is worth pursuing.
Hmm, I murmur noncommittally. Issys trying to dig her way out of this but shes so damn defensive. Why not just come clean and make it blatantly clear that shes referring to me and Justin? Although I come across as confident and perky and uber-positive, Im a sensitive soul. My friends opinions matter to me more than they realise, and I hate any form of conflict. It unsettles me, propelling me right back to the loneliness of mine and Hopes childhood bedroom where wed lie awake as Mum and Dad argued downstairs, their raised voices seeping through the ceiling. They had been painful, lonely nights, and we hadnt had a Frauline Maria to reassure us with chirpy tunes about raindrops on roses. Hope, as the older sister, had allowed me to snuggle into the top bunk with her when the rows got particularly loud and frightening, but the memory was still there, ingrained deep.
One of the things that appealed to me most about Justin was his coolness. He was always on a level, not hot-tempered like my dad. He hadnt ever been the rash, impulsive type at least, not until he went to live in Chicago with a fortnights notice.
I miss him. We hardly speak these days, more broken up than on a break. The distance is one issue, the time difference another. Its all well and good having the technology to speak to each other, but were both working long hours in demanding jobs. With the best will in the world, I dont have the energy to stay up until midnight to talk to him after working with the children all day, and when my alarm goes off in the morning hes tucked up in bed ready to get some well-earned shut-eye. Our lives arent aligned any more, its unsettling.
Mother Superior belts out Climb Evry Mountain and I close my eyes, singing it like a hymn or a quiet prayer. I feel as though I have a hundred mountains to climb myself, because however much I try to kid myself that everythings okay, Im not over Justin Crowson. Not by a long stretch.
*
The audible snuffles of the four of us ring out through the room as the final credits roll. We sound like a herd of baby hedgehogs.
Issys the first to pull herself together. I think we should be celebrating Connies bravery. Shes going to a whole other continent. We should drinking fizz. Im going to head down to the corner shop and see if theyve got a bottle of something nice. This calls for Prosecco. She slaps her hands against her thighs as though she means business.
Hope groans, clutching the flat plane of her stomach. Ive drunk far too much already, and Im meant to be getting my hair done in the morning. The last thing I want when Im hung over is someone pulling at my head.
Just have a small glass, then, just to make a toast, Issy replies sensibly, grabbing her jacket from the small brass hook on the back of the door. Its supposed to be specifically for my keys but Issy is forever using it to hang up her coats. She insists its easier than taking her jacket to her bedroom upstairs and Ive given up complaining about it. At least its marginally tidier than her previous coat rack when we first moved in together I had to have words with her for constantly leaving her jackets draped over the back of the armchair in the lounge.
So long, farewell! Issy calls tunefully. Shes in a good mood, if her spritely voice is anything to go by. Theres no sign of remorse for her scathing comments.
Auf wiedersehen, goodnight, Con and Hope sing in response as the door slams behind Issy. The three of us remain slumped in our seats, even though the DVD has already returned to the menu. Were emotionally exhausted after being squeezed through the musical mangle, but on the screen Julie Andrews has her arms flung apart in wild abandon. I could do with some of that wild abandon in my life right now.