He said, Alan, any sign of my aunt?
Been and gone. Says shell see you in Mobys.
Oh dear. Bit pissed off, is she? That will mean the lobster thermidor, I fear. But then she was never going to choose the monk fish pâté, was she?
He made a wry sort of face to show he was joking, only he wasnt.
Now he let himself take in the others in the bar. Worzel Gummidge he ignored, me and Roote he shot a cocky grin at and said, Ah Franny, nursy taking you for a stroll?, then he did a double take as if hed just noticed Fester and cried, Is that you, Dr Feldenhammer? Didnt recognize you in a sitting position, sir. I hope I find you well. Mustnt keep auntie waiting.
Then he left, whistling raucously.
I saw Festerwhanger flush the colour of old port. Either he were seriously narked or he was going to have a seizure.
He downed the rest of his drink like he needed it, ice cubes clanging against his snowy teeth hard enough to dislodge a polar bear, slid off his stool, gave the landlord a curt nod, and marched through the door.
I said to Roote, Got that wrong, didnt you, lad?
He said, I just think the game changed, but never fear, hell remember. That tune Teddy Denham was whistling, Im trying to recall what it is. Ive got it on the tip of my tongue.
Meaning he hadnt the faintest idea but would be glad to know what caused the Yank doctor to lose his cool. Didnt miss much, our Franny.
Sorry, no idea, I said. Which was a lie. Id recognized the notes of a little ditty Ive heard belted out at the back of rugby coaches more times than I care to remember.
Dont expect Roote spent much time in rugby coaches, and I didnt see any reason why I should enlighten him.
Roote were giving me one of his looks which said he knew I were holding out on him. Then his expression turned to I-told-you-so! as the door opened again and Fester stuck his head back in.
It just occurred to me, Mr Dalziel would you like a lift back up to the Home? Or do you have transport arranged?
I suppose I couldve told him I preferred to walk. Or that Roote were giving me a lift. But sod that. Only a fool turns down what he wants out of pride, and what I really wanted now were to crash out in my pit.
Nay, I said. That ud be grand.
I looked at my beer glass. It were half full. I realized I didnt want it.
Only a fool sups what he dont want out of pride.
But I could feel Roote watching me, and this time pride won.
I drained the glass, set it down, and hauled myself out of my chair.
Thanks, mate, I said to the landlord. Good pint that.
Thank you, sir. Hope we see you again soon, he said.
Never fret, Ill be back.
Roote caught my arm and said in a low voice, Mr Dalziel, just one thing. About Mr Pascoe, Ill leave it up to you.
Whether I told him or not, he meant.
I gave him a nod and left.
I wouldnt trust Roote as far as I could throw him, which, the way I were feeling just then, was about half a yard. But credit where due, I couldnt fault him over how hed dealt with Pete.
Which dont stop me wondering now theyve finally got me tucked up in bed and talking to myself under the sheet, if one of the reasons Franny Roote took off abroad with no forwarding address was cos he didnt want Pete Pascoe feeling responsible for him, then why when he came back to England did he opt to settle here in Mid-Yorkshire? OK its right on the fringes of our patch, but its still our patch!
Cant get that tune buffalo womans nephew were whistling out of my mind. How did the words go? Lets see summat about an Indian maid aye, thats it!
There once was an Indian maid, and she was sore afraidthat some buckaroo would stick it up her flueas she lay in the shade.
And so on. Gets dirtier. Not the kind of thing Id expect Fester to choose for his Desert Island Discs. And why should it bother him so much?
Questions, questions, lots and lots of sodding questions hopping madly round my mind to that jaunty little tune. But its always the same one leading the dance.
What the fuck is Roote really up to here in Sandytown?
Never fear, one way or another, Ill find out afore I go!
But all I want to do now is sleep.
So its goodnight from you, Mildred, and its goodnight from
7
FROM: charley@whiffle.com TO: cassie@natterjack.com SUBJECT: Min of Information!Hi Cass!
Thanks for pic. He is truly gorgeous! I want one of my own. Does he have a brother? Nice smile. Whats he got to smile about I wonder?!!
Back to dull old Sandytown! After lunch yesterday Tom excused himself to catch up with all the stuff that had piled up in his absence & Min whos clearly decided to make me her own! asked me if Id like to go swimming with her. I thought she was being kind & meant the sea & said yes please but it turned out she meant the swimming pool at this 5 star hotel Tom told us about the Brereton Manor. Seems the Parkers have membership of the Health & Leisure Club natch but the kids arent allowed in without a responsible adult so Min the minx had elected me! Mary tried to rescue me but I said no problem & off we went.
Minnie led me over the road & through a gate then across a golf course that looked to be in the final stages of construction.
Should have been finished for Easter Min told me proprietorially.
Serious money being spent here I thought confirmed when we reached Brereton Manor. Must have been a grand old house now much modified & extended all the eco friendly carbon unfriendly stuff theyve got at Kyoto but tastefully blended in the kind of detail that costs a fortune. Presumably the idea is youve been invited to a 1920s weekend house party rather than asked to cough up a small fortune for b & b! Not many people around. Still bedding in. Official opening is not for a fortnight Bank Holiday weekend when Tom launches the Festival of Health which I shant be around to enjoy thank heaven!
This info again supplied Min!
She sailed in thru the front door like a grand duchess & the receptionist greeted her with a big Hi Minnie! & gave me a smile too.
Everyone else we met en route to pool seemed to know Minnie. Swish pool long way from Olympic but big enough if you like that sort of thing. I did 10 or so lengths very boring specially as I had to stop from time to time to admire Minnies breast stroke or back stroke or diving. At 9 you need a lot of admiration! After we sat in some very comfortable chairs in the café area & had a coke talked. Or rather I listened! Didnt mind. I was getting interested in what made Sandytown tick you know me never happy till Ive got the inside of things outside! & nothing that goes on round here seems to escape Mins sharp little eyes & ears! By the time shed done I was thinking of her as my personal Min of Information!
The original house as I knew belonged to the well-heeled Breretons the famous Lady Denhams family but became superfluous to requirements when she married even better-heeled Hog Hollis local lad made good who built up his pig farm into Holliss Ham the Taste of Yorkshire & ended up master of just about everything he surveyed Lord of the Sandytown Hundred at Sandytown Hall.
He died fattening the pigs who helped fatten him (I had to practically kick Minnie onward from all the gory details mostly imagined I guess of the poor sods death!) leaving his wife even richer than hed found her & eventually she remarried Sir Henry Denham & Denham Park became her official address though probably not caring for the pig pong but reluctant to do anything that might interfere with her pig profits she spent a great deal of her time at the Hall.
When Sir Harry in his turn died (dont know what she does to the poor sods!) she returned permanently to Sandytown Hall refusing the chance to move back to her childhood home Brereton Manor when her ancient father finally died because according to Minnie the Hall was a more prestigious address & the Manor had certain inconveniences of access & had fallen into such a dilapidated condition it would cost a fortune to put right.
daddy owns nearly all the land all around explained Minnie where the new entrance drive is & where theyre building the golf course. I think it was Uncle Sids idea that they should work together & turn the manor into a posh hotel. Uncle Sid knows all about money which is why Lady D listens to him mum says
thats nice I said so your uncle is a sort of financial adviser to the Consortium right?
I think so she said uncertainly. Then she grinned & went on Uncle Sid says Lady Denhams tight as a ducks arse & thats water tight watching me closely to see how I reacted.
I just laughed you cant be Stompy Heywoods daughter without hearing far worse expressions than that! which emboldened her to say me & Uncle Sid call her Lady B not Lady D.
B for Brereton? I guessed.
no B for Big Bum she screeched.
I was beginning to feel intrigued by this Sidney Parker who chose to talk to his niece like she was an intelligent human being rather than a backward dwarf which is how awful Uncle Ernie always spoke to me. Min was vague about his actual job & even from Mary hes in banking was the best I could get which reminded me of dads response when Mrs Duxberry boasted her moronic son was in banking oh aye? you mean like Bonnie & Clyde?
Trying to work out the Parker family dynamic OK I mean I was as nebby as usual! I asked about the sister. According to Min Aunt Diana is really wierd always going on about being at deaths door which used to scare Min when she was little thinking she meant the attic door in their old family house & that must be where death lived! It was her Uncle Sid set her mind at rest by taking her up into the attic & showing her the relics of his childhood & also by saying dont worry about your aunt little Min when you yourself are finally laid to rest aged 150 or thereabouts it will be Auntie Di who lays flowers on your grave!
Bit macabre comfort I thought but kids love macabre & in Minnies eyes Uncle Sid is perfection itself!
Not sure if Mary would go as far as that. Tom vanished after supper tonight still catching up he said & once the kids had all been put to bed in Mins case by main force! me & Mary had a large Baileys apiece & got to talking like old mates. I reckon shes been dying for someone to confide in for years someone outside the family & outside Sandytown. Like I said before shes incredibly loyal but I got a strong impression she secretly fears this Development Scheme will end in tears.
Shed confirmed what Min had told me that it was Sid who got things started.
Sids always been good with figures & stuff from an early age hes handled the Parker family finances very successfully too Mary admits. Good investments steady returns spotting which Lady D got in on the act asking his advice free to a friend of course & so profitable that Sid soon became her blue-eyed blue-chip boy!
Anyway Sid came up with this idea that the combination of the Brereton property & the Parker land & Toms architectural know-how could add up to a nice little earner. At least thats the way I guess he put it to Lady D. With Tom Im sure he painted things in more visionary terms the greater good benefit of the community environmental concerns etc the kind of stuff Tom had been dabbling in all his life.
This was how the great Sandytown Development Consortium got into its stride & since then I gather Sidney has acted not only as its financial consultant but also as an umpire when Tom & Lady D dont see eye to eye. Lady D is far from persuaded that Toms preoccupation with complementary medicine & the environment is going to be a money spinner for the hotel. Upper class recreational pursuits facials manicures massage plus maybe the latest post Pilates exercise fad to work up an appetite for the gourmet grub & thirst for the disgustingly expensive booze thats what she sees bringing the stinking rich punters in. But Tom wont give ground here insisting there has to be room for a full range of alternative therapies something in which his family have always had a deep in some cases Mary hints & Min confirms an obsessive interest. Fortunately it seems Dr Feldenhammer boss man at the Avalon after some initial doubts has been persuaded theres no harm in the clinic presenting a united front with Tom re the complementary stuff.
very enlightened of him I said surprised knowing most mainstream medics think its all a load of crap me too if Im honest which Im not around dear Tom!
yes & the good thing said Mary is that it shuts Daphne Brereton up a bit her feeling about poor Lester the way she does
eh? I said you dont mean ?
oh yes shes got him in her sights & wants him in her bed said Mary grimly disgraceful a woman of her age
Maybe this Sandytown air really does have something special! I thought.
Its clear Mary has mixed feelings about the relationship between Tom & Lady D. Loyalty makes her stick up for Tom all the time but theres part of her that sees that its Daphnes lust for profit thats going to keep the Consortium solvent rather than Toms idealism. When Big Bum funny how nicknames stick! does let Tom have his way it usually means him paying more & her paying less so Tom looks like hes won a battle but its cost him & Mary is always worried he might be overstretching himself.
Not that Tom seems to have a worry in the world! He finally appeared apologizing like mad for having neglected me.
tomorrow morning I should have caught up with myself he said Ill take you on a tour of the town on foot! Best way to see a place & meet people!
but your ankle dear protested Mary.
as good as new he insisted thanks to the first aid I received from our lovely talented guest (thats me in case you havent twigged!) not forgetting the healing touch of Mr Godley