I shrugged. Okay, Ill walk.
In the snow.
I shrugged again.
As a snake, Emma.
Oh.
No other serpent has been that far. I suggest you start working now on a way to keep you warm while you make the trek.
Something all-over and padded maybe, I said. And Simone can carry me.
I doubt if even someone as powerful as the Princess can carry you all the way, he said. Ever seen a documentary about climbing Everest?
No way. Its that high?
Its twice as high, he said.
But that would mean its in the lower part of the stratosphere! There wouldnt be enough oxygen to breathe!
Exactly.
I dropped my head. Geez, this is crazy. I remembered what John had said. What about the Three Pure Ones? He said to see them first.
They are on the First; you do not visit the higher Platform first. You should see Nu Wa on the Third the Celestial Plane before even thinking about visiting the First.
The Second is the Heaven of Perfection and Enlightenment?
Where the Buddhas exist, yes. The Three Pure Ones are on a higher Plane again. They are not living beings; they are more like concepts that occasionally choose to take human form and annoy the hell out of the rest of us.
Whats the highest Platform like, Ma?
The First Platform is so far removed from reality from spacetime as we know it that it is difficult to describe it as even existing.
Have you been there?
Once or twice, when Ah Wu was in serious trouble and we needed some really high-end help. Its not a place Id recommend to anyone; the experience of being there twists your mind and can affect your sanity. He finished his latte. Before you run off to do this stupid thing, I have made an appointment for you to see the Archivist. He may be able to help you.
Thank you, I said with feeling. Ive been trying to see him since just after John died, and hes ignored me completely. I even pulled rank and he still ignored me.
He opened and closed his mouth, then smiled. John died. Thats a strange way of putting it for those of us in the know. Ah Wu is not dead, he still shows up now and then.
On the Earthly, you cut someones head off, theyre dead. Ive made a habit of saying that John died so people on the Earthly dont try to have me committed; and people on the Celestial see it as a joke in extremely poor taste.
So you win either way, he said, understanding.
Im getting old and forgetful, I said with a grin. Its easier to tell everybody that he died, but sometimes I talk to the office staff of Chencorp about him coming back and they think Im crazy.
Youre not getting old. You look younger every day. You need to find a mountain with a nice spring and some
I dont have time for pine nuts and springwater. Go away, I said. We rose and shook hands. Thanks, Ah Guang, I appreciate your time. And props for getting the Archivist to talk to me.
No problem at all, he said.
When I reached the door, I found it was stuck closed. The clatter of cups and the murmur of conversation ceased and the room became eerily silent; everybody in the coffee shop except Ma and myself had disappeared.
I didnt mess around: I summoned the Murasame and it appeared in my hand. Ma took Celestial Form: a red-garbed warrior with flames on his robes and bright red hair down to his waist. A pyramid-shaped gold brick appeared in his left hand and a sword in his right.
Do you know whats caused this? I said.
Wong Mo, he said, and gestured towards the door. Incoming.
Life continued as usual outside the shop windows; nobody noticed that I was holding a long black sword and standing next to a ten-foot-tall, red-robed god.
The doorbell rang. Ma was right: it was the King of the Demons, in normal human form, wearing a maroon silk shirt and black jeans, his blood-coloured hair held back in a ponytail. He spread his arms. Emma, sweetheart, you dont need that thing with me. Im here to help. He saluted Ma. Magistrate Ma of the Only True Power.
Ma nodded back. Wong Mo.
I dismissed the sword. Now I know why Simone hates being called sweetheart.
The Demon King gestured towards the table where Ma and I had been sitting. May I speak to you alone, Lady Emma?
Anything you have to say, you can say in front of my most trusted lieutenant, I said.
Bah, she should be your lieutenant, the Demon King said to Ma. Youre a heavenly general, one of the leaders of the Heavenly Host, right hand to the Dark Lord himself, and here you are babysitting a young female mortal.
Just goes to show how far apart we are, Ma said. He moved to stand behind me as a Retainer.
I sat at the table. Now, what did you want to talk to me about?
Youre searching for ways to clear the demon essence from you. Just let me do it, dear Emma, and you can be ready for him when he returns.
I rose again. If thats all youre here for, youre wasting your time.
He spread his hands without rising. Maybe we can negotiate something.
As long as it involves me prostituting myself to you, we have nothing to talk about.
He didnt move, hands still spread. As I said, maybe we can negotiate something.
What do I have that you want, except for demon spawn? I said.
Oh, many things, he said, jolly. Safe passage Above, certain Celestials who have been a complete pain in the ass to me, some homely women There are any number of things I could name.
I do not negotiate with demons, I said stiffly.
He leaned over the table and grinned at me. Youre doing it again.
Good, I said. That means I know exactly how to deal with you.
Whatever, he said, and rose.
Noise clashed around us and the people in the coffee shop reappeared. Ma quickly changed back to his usual human form.
Let me send you some suggestions of what would be a suitable trade for your humanity, the King said. Have a look through, and if you see something you like, let me know. You still have my phone, dont you?
Yeah, I said. Neat trick how it always changes to the latest model.
Only the best for my Emma, he said, and disappeared.
Doing what again? Ma said.
Sounding like John, I said.
He nodded. That you do sometimes.
Do you think Im his Serpent, Ma?
Youve been in the same room as his Serpent, maam, and not even he can be in three places at the same time. His face changed to thoughtful. No, I take that back. I dont think theres much that he cant do.
Thanks for that, that was just what I needed to hear, I said. I nodded to him, more serious. And thanks for hanging around.
I would have been more comfortable leaving and letting you face him alone as a display of my faith in you, he said. But protocol demanded that I remain in my capacity as Retainer.
I know, and I appreciate it. Either way.
Ive given your secretary the details of your appointment with the Archivist, Ma said. Talk to him before you go traipsing off to see Nu Wa; you may be able to avoid seeing her altogether. The Heavens know, last time someone visited her it caused a war.
I know, and I appreciate it. Either way.
Ive given your secretary the details of your appointment with the Archivist, Ma said. Talk to him before you go traipsing off to see Nu Wa; you may be able to avoid seeing her altogether. The Heavens know, last time someone visited her it caused a war.
Nobodys been to see her since the Shang/Zhou? I said.
He shook his head. Nobodys been brave enough.
Would a visit annoy her? I really dont want to walk into the home of one of the most powerful Shen in creation if shes pissed.
Impossible to tell. Nobodys spoken to her in thousands of years. Even before that, she was a recluse. You know the stories: she is as ancient as time and as powerful as nature. Approach her cautiously.
If the Archivist can help me, I wont have to approach her at all.
That would be the ideal situation.
He saluted me quickly and we went out together. I took the lift back up to the Academy; he disappeared.
CHAPTER 9
When I returned to my office the White Tiger was stretched across the doorway in True Form. Even lying down he was nearly a metre tall.
I glared at him. What are you doing here? I just left your palace last night. And how am I supposed to get any work done when I cant get into my office?
You and Ah Wu are as bad as each other, working your asses off, the Tiger said without moving. A real leader delegates everything and spends their time eating and screwing. I only need to work at most about ten minutes a day, and even then its just yes or no. When are you going to learn?
I prefer a more hands-on approach and less eating and screwing, I said. I gestured towards him. Get out of the damn way.
Yeah, well in your case, with the vegetarianism and celibacy, you might as well be hands-on and keep yourself distracted. I dont know how you do it. He rose, stretched out his front legs like a house cat and scraped his claws on the carpet. I need to talk to you.
Dont tear up my carpet! I said.
He moved to one side and I opened the office door to let us both in.
Shall I order a cat-scratching post, maam? Yi Hao called from her desk.
Yes, please, I called back, and closed the door on her giggles.
Oh, very funny. I eat demons like that for breakfast, the Tiger said.
I opened the office door again. And a giant-sized cat collar and bell, I added.
Yi Hao screeched with laughter.
I closed the door and sat behind my desk. Just the person I wanted to see. I need help.
He took human form, leaned against the wall, crossed his arms over his chest and scowled. I told you to talk to the people in the Northern Heavens about feeding your serpent.
Not feeding the snake. John told me to go see Nu Wa, and I think Ill need a hand with that.
His expression changed from suspicious to resigned and he flopped to sit in the chair across from me. Thats a big ask. Anyone with any sense stays well away from her.
It shouldnt be that bad, Bai Hu. Its only on the Third Platform
How do you know about the Three Platforms? he said.
Oh, come on, Bai Hu, its full name is Seven Stars Sword of the Three Platforms. Do you think Im stupid?
He rubbed one hand over his face. I keep forgetting exactly how much you arent.
So I need to see Nu Wa on the Celestial, but Ill need a hand getting there because of the cold. Youre the perfect person to help, being the Lesser Yang.
I pull out full yang anywhere near you and youll be incinerated. Like being in the centre of a nuclear blast. Maybe you are stupid.
Shes up about twice as high as Everest. Itll be bitterly cold, there wont be enough oxygen for a mortal like me to breathe
So wear a spacesuit, he snapped. Ill even provide one for you.
And I have to go in serpent form since its on the Celestial. Do you have a long, narrow spacesuit you can lend me?
He sighed loudly, leaned back and put his hands behind his head. The things you ask for. A snake spacesuit. Now Ive heard everything.
But you have ordinary human spacesuits?
Of course I do. Some of the wives are thrillseekers and love being taken up into orbit. After a nasty accident where I became he hesitated distracted, I decided to make them wear spacesuits when I take them up there.
I do not believe you sometimes! Someone died because you cant keep your mind off your gonads?
He shrugged. Cant stop me being what I am.
Where do you have the suits made? Maybe I can get a special suit designed.
Ill see what I can do. A human suit might be okay; if you can make yourself small enough, we can just pop you in. Leave it with me. But I want something in return.
It was my turn to be suspicious. What?
He grinned. The blood sample you promised youd give me when you visited the West. You never coughed up. So youre coming down to the shoebox that passes for an infirmary in this place and giving me some right now.
I never promised any such thing.
Beside the point now, cause if you want something to keep you warm and alive when you visit Nu Wa, youll provide it anyway.
Oh, okay. I went around the desk and opened the door. Yi Hao, is Edwin in the infirmary?
Yi Haos face went blank for a moment, then she nodded. Hes there, maam, and asks if there is a problem.
Tell him were coming down to give the Tiger a blood sample from me. It isnt enough that the damn cat gets our best students when theyre fully trained, now he wants my blood as well.
Thats a lie and you know it, the Tiger growled behind me. The Jade Emperor gets your best graduates and you leave me with the rejects.
If you dont want my rejects, let me know, because there are more people asking for our graduates than we can spare. Im sure some Celestial residents would be delighted to take them.
Just give me the damn blood so I can get the fuck out of here, he said.
Mind your language in front of my rejects.
Humph.
After we had given the blood sample to the Tiger, I asked him: Do you think you can carry me to Wudang? I have a couple of things I need to do. Wont take more than thirty minutes.
Which one? he said.
Celestial.
He studied me appraisingly. No. Youre too fat.
I changed into serpent form. I love you too.
We landed in the main forecourt of the Celestial Wudang Mountain, an area about a hundred and fifty metres to a side and tiled with dark grey slate. It was used for the grandest displays of martial arts and the regular Taoist ceremonies held at the Mountain. The Hall of Purple Mist, majestic with its black roof and polished slate walls, stood to our north, facing Imperial south. To the east and west stood Dragon Tiger and True Way Halls. The Golden Temple rose on the highest peak behind Purple Mist, at least another hundred metres above us. Its gold walls and roof shone in the brilliant Celestial sun.