Simones voice was giddy in my head. Youre the GREATEST, Emma!
You wont be the greatest when she gets your email, the stone said.
I rose and collected my bag.
Not sending Leo? the stone said.
Nah, hes with Meredith. Itll do me good to get out of the office, even if it is to go through the tunnel.
It took half an hour to wend my way through the Cross-Harbour Tunnel traffic and reach the top of Kowloon City and the massive shopping mall of Festival Walk. The mall didnt look much from the outside, a regular two-storey rectangular monolith, but inside it plunged to six storeys below ground level. I entered the spiralling ramp down to the car park, travelling a long time before I reached the boom gate. I pushed my credit card into the slot and wound my way to the bottom floor, another three levels down. The car park was deserted this far down during the day, and I pulled up next to the lobby at the bottom of the escalators below the supermarket.
Simone wasnt there so I pulled out my phone to call her. There was no signal so I left the car and went towards the escalator lobby. As I opened the door to enter, my hand was grabbed from behind and I was swung away from the door. I didnt really register who had attacked me; I just knew they were human not demon: three Chinese men, all of them menacingly close. The one holding my wrist was grinning at me.
I didnt mess around; I moved as quickly as I could and took them down. I pushed just above the heart of the man holding my wrist and his knees buckled, his eyes went blank and he collapsed. I used a simple throat block to make the second feel unable to breathe for a few seconds, and used that time to hit the third under the ear on a pressure point that put him straight to sleep. I returned to the second and shoved him in the solar plexus, knocking him unconscious as well.
I was bending to check their unmoving bodies for ID when I heard panting and running. I looked up, preparing to defend myself again, and saw the Nemesis, Peter Tong. He was wearing a designer polo shirt and a pair of slacks hitched under his bulging stomach. His face was swollen with exertion and one flailing arm held a small pistol. I moved into a long defensive stance, ready to take him down before he could shoot me.
He stopped, bent over his knees to pant for a while, then stood again. What happened?
Put the gun down, I said.
He waved the gun again and I ducked as he pointed it at my head. No! Im here to defend you!
I moved close to him, put my foot between his feet, bent my knee into him and pushed him onto his back, taking the gun at the same time. He smelt of cooking oil and expensive aftershave.
You idiot, you could have killed me, I said. I checked the magazine; it was empty. You run around with an empty gun? What are you doing?
Simone and her friend Sarah came down the escalators and hurried to us.
Oh, Emma, were you attacked? Sarah said, waving her arms theatrically. What a stroke of luck that Peter was here to save you!
Wait a minute, I said, and looked from the Nemesis, still gasping on the ground, to Sarah. How much did he pay you to do this, Sarah?
Oh, you know about it? Three thousand dollars, Sarah said. She went to Peter and held out her hand. Come on, pay up.
What happened? Simone said. She studied the goons on the ground. These arent These are ordinary She was silent for a moment, thinking. You were mugged by three men, Emma?
Yeah, and Peter came rushing with his dinky cowboy gun to rescue me, I said.
Wait, he paid Sarah? Simone took her friend by the shoulder. He paid you to set Emma up?
Nobody was going to get hurt. It was just a little demonstration to show Emma how much she needs a man in her life to defend her, Peter said. He clumsily pulled himself to his feet. What if these men had attacked you and I hadnt been here to scare them off?
You scared them off? Simone said with scorn.
Look! They all fainted with fear when they saw me! Peter said.
I passed the gun to Simone and she held it as if it were something contaminated. I moved into a serpent-style stance: legs spread, and palms flat and facing down like the head of a snake. I jabbed a few times at the Nemesiss eyes, making him reel back with shock, then lightly hit him with the tips of my fingers, not enough to hurt him but enough to make him feel it. I struck his chin, throat, shoulders, chest, and then made a flurry of strikes at his stomach, not hard enough to do damage. I changed to monkey style and swept low, taking his feet out from under him, and catching him just as he was about to hit the ground. I lowered him to the floor so that he didnt hurt himself, and stepped back.
I took them down myself, I said. Im a master of seventeen different styles of Kung Fu.
Sarah stared at me, then turned to Simone. Do you do martial arts too?
Simone hesitated, then raised her chin. Yes.
Why?
Its fun, Simone said.
Sarah turned back to Peter. I did what you asked me to. Wheres my money?
Peter pulled himself back to his feet, then hunched over, grimacing with pain. Im horribly injured! You beat me! I need an ambulance and a lawyer!
Youre a good thirty centimetres taller than me, I said. Nobodys going to believe that I hurt you, particularly when there isnt a mark on you.
He raised his shirt, revealing his white, glutinous abdomen. Im covered in bruises!
No, youre not. Get over yourself. I turned away from him. I think you need to find a lift home, Sarah. Or was this loser going to drive you as well as pay you blood money?
My drivers on the way to pick me up anyway, Sarah said with a toss of her head. I dont need to call my stepmother for a lift. My real mother cant drive, she doesnt need to. We have a driver; we dont drive ourselves around like domestic helpers. She turned to Simone. Next time I think Ill go shopping with someone interesting, not some freak who does martial arts.
She swung her bags as she turned to go up the escalators, then turned back to Peter. I know who you are, loser, and you owe me. If you dont pay up soon, Ill get my boyfriend and some of his friends to spray-paint your store in Central. The inside. She swept away.
Well, thank you very much, Simone said, grabbing her bags and storming towards the car. She turned back to yell at me. Just go and ruin my life one friend at a time, Emma, why dont you!
I pointed at the unconscious goons on the ground. How much did you pay them? I asked Peter.
He pulled down his polo shirt to cover his stomach, his face red. I never paid anybody! I protected you from these these thugs!
I moved into a serpent stance again. How about protecting yourself from me?
He opened and closed his mouth a few times, then ran away into the escalator lobby, his arms flailing.
I returned to the car. Simone was sitting in the back, leaning against the door and weeping. I reached into my bag, pulled out a packet of tissues and handed it to her. She took it without looking at me.
I switched on the ignition and drove up towards the surface.
Do you want me to recall that email? the stone said.
No.
Your call, I suppose.
Yes.
We drove home in silence.
Later, at home, Simone came into the office and sat across the desk from me. You are such a cow, she said.
I didnt look away from the screen. Thank you.
She sighed and put her head in her hands. Sarah is the least snotty of the snotty bitches in my grade.
No, she isnt, Simone, you are.
She was silent for a moment, then swept back her honey-coloured hair and sat back in her chair. I just want to be a normal kid. Is that so hard?
I desperately want to be a normal human. Not a demon. Not a snake. Just a woman. Sometimes we have to deal with what were given.
Thanks for pointing out all the horrible things that have happened to you because of me.
I think its more because of your father, I said mildly. Particularly the snake thing.
When he comes back, our lives are gonna be twenty times weirder again, arent they?
Probably.
I really dont want a weird life, Emma. Sometimes, I dont want him back; I just want to have a normal life here without him.
I turned to face her. When he was living with your mother, she wouldnt let him do anything Celestial in front of her. Thats one of the reasons were in this predicament in the first place
You cant blame Mummy for this! she protested.
Im not blaming her. Ive heard a lot about your mother, Simone, and she was a wonderful, strong, smart woman who put up with an awful lot of bullshit from your dad and his assorted cronies before she put her foot down and told him shed had enough. She wanted a normal life too. He did his best to give her that, and he did incredibly well. Jades told me stories about how your mother sacrificed so much her career, her travel, everything and he made the sacrifice too of not taking True Form, of not travelling to the Plane nearly as much, and of staying here with you.
They should have known it would end in disaster, Simone said, her voice small. Daddy should have known. Celestials can see the future. He should never have promised Mummy not to take True Form, that was so stupid.
He cant see the future when those he loves are involved. Hes said that.
She glanced at me. Really? He didnt know whether wed live or die?
He said he could see the possibilities, and they were all nasty. The other Celestials wouldnt tell him. The minute your mother was murdered, he knew things were heading downhill fast and did the best he could to salvage the situation.
I wonder how things would be if Mummy was still alive, she said. She could have taken me to the Plane Daddy would be at full strength we would be a family.
Ive said that myself more than once.
She dropped her head. Oh, sorry, Emma.
Nothing to be sorry about. But when your father comes back and he will come back, Simone youll have your family again.
And the weirdness will get twenty times worse.
You missed my point. Hes quite capable of being normal and having a mundane family life if thats whats required of him. He did it for your mother, he can do it for you. Well, as normal as is possible in this crazy town.
She brightened but didnt reply.
There wont be the low-energy issue, and you wont be a tiny child who cant travel to the Plane, I went on. Itll all work out.
Maybe, she said. But in the meantime, I have to go back to school tomorrow and be labelled a martial arts freak because I told Sarah the truth.
You know what, Simone? I think every other girl and boy there will think youre the coolest kid ever cause you can do the arts, and theyll ask you for demonstrations. Then, by the end of the week, theyll have forgotten all about it.
I will not give demonstrations.
I dont either.
She smiled. That was a pretty convincing demonstration you gave the Nemesis.
Did you see his tummy?
She laughed, and it was wonderful to hear. It was like vanilla pudding, oh my God, so flabby!
I dropped my voice to a low purr. Sexy.
She laughed even harder.
Dont cut off your friendship with Eva and Sylvie just because theyre Shen, Simone. If you do that, youre no better than Sarah. They can be ordinary kids, just like you, and you can go shopping with them just like ordinary girls. They like you.
She paused, thoughtful. I guess youre right.
The entrance to the Palace of the Dark Heavens was a huge gate at the end of a long, tree-lined avenue. The road widened there to form a circle so people could be dropped off; and in the circles centre was a round pavilion, about four metres across, for those who arrived directly.
When Simone and I landed there was a sedan chair waiting for us next to the pavilion, a couple of tame demons standing unmoving and patient between the carry bars. Two officials in black robes were there too, and two black, heavy-set Chinese horses stood behind the sedan chair, saddled and bridled but not tethered to anything.
The officials bowed low, saluting at the same time. One stepped forward and spoke. Regent of the Dark Northern Heavens, Lady Emma, Dark Lady, First Heavenly General, Serpent Who Wears the Stone of the World. Princess Simone, Only Human Child of the Xuan Wu, Wielder of the Seven Stars. We welcome you to your palace and trust you will be comfortable during your stay. It is our desire to fulfil your every wish. The hearths are warm and the servants ready to do your bidding. Please allow us to guide you to your home in the Northern Heavens.
I bowed my serpent head to them both individually. True Lord Xu, Religious Master of Ten Thousand Magical Arts and Giver of Supernatural Aid; True Lord Yu, Religious Master of Meritorious Magnificence, Original Lord of the Transmission of the Salvific Miracle, I am honoured by your welcome and greet you most cordially.
I honour your welcome, my Lords, Simone said, and saluted. All appears to be in good order, in alignment with the forces of the Celestial and pleasing to the spirit.
Lord Xu gestured towards the sedan chair. My Ladies, if it pleases you, I have arranged this transportation to your abode in the Heavens, guarded and guided by ourselves to ensure that you reach your destination in safety and comfort.
We nodded again and I replied, This transportation is most suitable for our needs and we are pleased to take it to our palace.
The officials bowed to us again, and we walked or in my case slithered with as much dignity as I could muster to the sedan chair. I coiled up in my senior place on the seat facing forward and Simone sat facing the back. The curtains over the windows closed by themselves and there was a lurch upwards as the demons lifted the chair. There was barely room for Simones knees to clear the seat on my side. She leaned back and closed her eyes. The jingling bits and creaking of leather indicated that the officials had mounted their horses. The sedan chair lurched again and began its horrible swaying progression towards the palace entrance.