Im dead, said Joe.
Hardiman laughed and pushed open a door which led into a self-serve café, gaily decorated in the bistro style and tiered down to a plate-glass wall which let every table have a view of the track below. There was no food on offer yet, but on the serving counter a coffee machine bubbled away.
Wont this be the place to eat though? said Hardiman proudly. Gobbling up your grub, while down there theyre gobbling up world records.
Pretty optimistic, arent you? said Joe.
Weve got the fastest boards and the most generous indoor bends in Europe, boasted Hardiman. Theyll soon catch on, anyone after a world record, Lutons the only place to be. Theres Zak down there.
Joe had already spotted the girl sitting at a table on the lowest tier with three people, two men and a woman. These three were drinking coffee. Zak was sucking on a bottle of her beloved Bloo-Joo which she removed from her mouth and waved as they approached.
Hi, Joe, she said. Glad you could make it. You guys, this is Joe I was telling you about. Joe, meet my sister Mary, my agent Doug Endor, and my coach, Abe Schoenfeld.
Schoenfeld was late twenties, athletic of build and glistening with what looked like spray-on health. He said, Hi, Joe, in a Clint Eastwood accent. Endor, who was about thirty, tall, craggily handsome, and wearing an eat-your-heart-out-paupers mohair suit, offered his hand and said, Glad to know you, Joe. Sister Mary didnt even look at him. She was shorter than Joe and muscularly built. He tried to see a resemblance to Zak and couldnt.
Grab a seat, Joe, said Zak.
He sat. Hardiman said, Catch you later, Joe, and walked away.
Sulking because he hadnt been asked to stay? Or maybe you didnt invite directors to sit in their own sports centres.
So tell me, Joe, whats your line? said Abe Schoenfeld.
Joe glanced uneasily at Zak. Shed introd him as Joe I was telling you about. Presumably shed given the agreed story about taking pity on the out-of-work uncle of an old friend. But what work was he out of?
Zak said, Abe means, whats your physical thing, Joe. He reckons everyone is some sort of athlete, even if its only second-hand.
Like watching, you mean? said Joe. Ive got a season ticket for the Town.
Thats soccer, right? You play?
Used to kick a ball around when I was at school.
But not now? Nothing else? Tennis? Maybe not. Rock climbing? Swimming?
Go to a judo class, he said.
Knew there was something, said Schoenfeld. You can always tell the guys who havent dropped right through. You should do weights. Right body shape, good shoulders, heavy legs.
Youre right about the legs, said Joe. Feel heavier every time I go upstairs.
Abe is always looking for new talent, laughed Zak. OK, you guys, Im going to show Joe around, let him know what hes going to be doing.
She stood up. Joe followed suit. So did Mary.
Endor said, Mary, doll, spare a mo? Couple of fings I need to talk over.
Professional Cockney, Hardiman had said. Sounded real enough to Joe.
Ill be back in the office next week, said Mary coldly. Just now Im on vacation, remember?
She walked away with the faintest hint of a limp.
Mary works for your agent, does she? asked Joe as he followed Zak out of the restaurant area.
Thats right. Why do you ask?
No reason, said Joe, surprised by the sharpness of her tone, She dont look very happy.
Well, thats her business, wouldnt you say? said Zak coldly.
Joe took a deep breath. One of the early maxims in the so far very slim Joe Sixsmith Book of Advice to Would-be Detectives was, if youre going to quarrel with your client, get it over with before the bill mounts up.
No, he said. Its my business if Im going to work for you. I need to be able to ask you anything I like and get a straight answer.
There it was. She was frowning. She was a nice kid but seeing her with her entourage had underlined that she was also, if not yet a queen, certainly a princess getting used to the deference of her own court.
Could be it was off-with-his-head time.
Instead she suddenly smiled and said, OK. You do the press-ups or you change your coach. Right?
Sounds reasonable, said Joe. Talking of which, you did change your coach last summer. Or rather by going to America you cut off your connection with Hardiman. Any hard feelings?
Always best to get all versions of a story.
Youve been reading the wrong papers, Joe, she said. No, it was pretty painless, the right move for both of us at the right time.
Well, that was handy, said Joe.
Things sometimes work like that, said Zak, with all the confidence of one who hadnt yet received too many half bricks in the neck from life. If we hadnt stayed good friends, you dont think Id be here now? When Jim heard I was coming home for Christmas, it was him got the idea of boosting the official opening of the Plezz by having an athletics meeting with me running an exhibition. I wouldnt have done it for anybody else.
How did Abe react?
No problem. He reckoned Id be ready for a real tester about now.
So this is a real race? Not just an exhibition run? Thinking, it would be a lot easier for you to lose in a real race.
Its a real race. Lots of top trackers who wouldnt mind showing me their bums. Abe wouldnt have come across if he didnt think he was needed.
Hes staying with you?
No way, she laughed. Were all full up at home, and I try not to track my business into the house anyway. No, Abes very comfortable at the Kimberley.
Joe whistled. With their prices, I should hope he is.
The Kimberley was one of Lutons top hotels.
He says its OK, said Zak, coming to a halt and opening a door marked Womens Locker Room. Come on in. Ive got the place to myself at the moment. This heres my locker.
Oh yes. Great. Nice locker.
Where I found the second note, she said gently.
He examined it carefully because thats what she seemed to expect him to do.
No sign of forcing, he said professionally.
No. I checked. What about fingerprints.
Left the powder in the office, he said. Then, recalling another of his maxims, dont get smart with the clients, he added, What I mean is, no point. Key in, turn, pull open with the key, drop the note inside, push, turn, remove key, and youre away without laying a finger on the door. Anyone else using the Dome before it officially opens?
I know the Spartans, thats my old club, have been using the track evenings for training to help it settle. Plus theres the workmen putting finishing touches. Plus people using other bits of the Plezz could easily stroll in here. Shouldnt you concentrate on whos got access to the spare keys? Cant be too many of them.
Oh dear, thought Joe. Like a good princess, she wasnt going to be shy about telling the help what they ought to be working at.
He said, Got your key handy?
She passed it over. Joe moved along the wall of metal lockers. They came in blocks of eight. Zaks was second from the left. He counted two in the next block and inserted the key. The door opened. He did the same with the next block:
Oh dear, thought Joe. Like a good princess, she wasnt going to be shy about telling the help what they ought to be working at.
He said, Got your key handy?
She passed it over. Joe moved along the wall of metal lockers. They came in blocks of eight. Zaks was second from the left. He counted two in the next block and inserted the key. The door opened. He did the same with the next block:
This way the manufacturers only need eight variations on locks and keys instead of an infinity, he explained.
But its lousy security! she protested angrily.
Saves ratepayers money, said Joe with civic sternness. As for security, your crooks got to work it out first.
You worked it out, she said not unadmiringly.
Thats my job, he said modestly, not thinking it worthwhile to reveal that the lockers at Robco Engineering where hed worked nearly twenty years had suffered from the same deficiency which hed worked out after ten.
So that means theres my key, and the duplicate key and the master key plus the keys for every second locker in every block in every changing room in the complex?
Thats right, said Joe. The note that landed on your pillow is a better bet.
Why do you say that? she asked.
Because, he said patiently, getting into a house is a lot harder than getting into a changing room. Who else was in the house that night?
She said, Mum, dad, Eddie, my kid brother, and Mary.
Oh yes. You were telling me about your sister but we got diverted.
Polite way of putting it.
She looked ready to renew her objections to answering questions about her family, then she took a deep breath and said, Marys four years older than me. When I was a kid, I hung around her all the time. Must have driven her mad but she never showed it. When I got into junior athletics she was really supportive, took me along to her gym to work out, came and shouted for me when I was running.
She was into sport too? asked Joe.
Oh yes. Shes got a great eye. Squash was her thing. She won lots of junior trophies and her first season when she moved up to senior level, she got to the national semis. She was going places.
But?
But two years ago she was in a car accident. Her knee got busted pretty bad. They put it together again fine, but not so they felt it would stand up to the strain of training for and playing top-level squash. Otherwise though its completely normal.
I thought she had a bit of a limp.
Oh yes. No physical reason according to the doctors, but it comes on from time to time.
Especially when youre around? wondered Joe. But he thought it better to leave it for now.
She start working for Endor before he became your agent or after? he asked.
Oh, after, I think, she said vaguely. Shes doing really well.
Yeah? Take you over on her own account eventually?
Could be. Main thing is shes off work now till the New Year so its great we can spend time together.
Thats right. Familys important, said Joe. Any chance I can take a look at your house?
Take a look at the rest of your family, he meant.
Sure, she said. Ive got to finish my days schedule here. Why dont you come back about four, pick me and my gear up and drive me home? That way youll look like youre working for your living.
OK, said Joe. By the way, whats happened to Starbright?
Missing him already, are you? grinned Zak. Dont worry. Hell be around.
He was. First person Joe saw as he walked away from the locker room was the cuboid Celt.
Hi there, said Joe. Thought you were supposed to be a minder?
Thought you were supposed to be a detective, sneered Starbright in his high-pitched voice. Saw you arrive. Didnt report straight to Miss Oto though, did you? Had a long chat with Hardiman first.
Yeah, well, said Joe, for some reason feeling as defensive as a preacher spotted going into a cathouse. Turns out hes an old schoolfriend.
Very cosy, said the Welshman. Share a cell, did you?
Joe was getting a bit tired of this.
Im a PI, he said. I do my job by talking to people. Thought you did yours by sticking close to whoever youre being paid to look after. What if thered been a mad axeman in the locker room?
Had you to look after her in there, didnt she? said Starbright. Its a mad axeman youre expecting then?
How much does he know about whats going on? wondered Joe. Maybe as official minder he should be brought up to speed, but that was Zaks call.
Look, he said. What she tells you is her business, OK? But believe me, my business has got nothing to do with your business. Breaking bones, I mean.
You amaze me, said Starbright.
Zak had come out of the locker room and was walking away from them down the corridor. Even from the back she looked beautiful. Starbright went after her. Even in retreat he looked menacing.
Funny the way the Lord doled out his gifts, thought Joe Sixsmith a touch enviously.
But not enough for it to touch his tranquillity more than the moment it took to turn and start towards the car park, which, though he did not know hed got it, was perhaps a greater gift than either menace or beauty.
7
Back in the car, Whitey was still in a deep sulk, manifested by lying on his back on the passenger seat, breathing shallowly and twitching intermittently in the hope of persuading some bleeding-heart passer-by to ring the RSPCA. Joes return signalled failure, so he opted for deep sleep. But when the car stopped and Joe got out, the cat leapt to full awakeness, a single sniff telling him they were at Ram Rays Garage, and Ram was always good for certain little Indian sweetmeats Whitey was very partial to.
Good morning, Joe. Car still running well, I see. That engine sounds sweet as a temple bell. Make me a fair offer and its yours for keeps.
Ram Ray was six foot tall, with silky black moustaches, melting brown eyes, and a sales patter which could sell veal-burgers to a vegan. Particularly a female vegan.
Fair offer would be you giving me the car plus a monkey for the work Ive done on it, said Joe.
Always the merry quip, said Ram, leading the way into the office where Eloise, his nubile secretary, switched her radio off and the kettle on. Whitey, recognizing the source of good things, rubbed himself against her legs, purring like a Daimler. Not a bad life being a cat, thought Joe. Zaks bosom, Eloises legs hed be purring too. Or more likely, have a heart attack.
So, Joe, whats new? asked Ram. Heard from Penthouse yet?
Yes, Ive heard, said Joe. Thats why Im here.
Hed been tempted to let the bad news keep till the New Year, but whatever he felt about the Magic Mini, letting him have it on extended rent-free loan had been an act of kindness which deserved honest dealing.
He showed Ram the letter.
Im going to fight, he said. But it means no money for the Morris for a long time, maybe never.
Dont let it worry you, Joe, said Ram. You have a good lawyer, I hope? You need a specialist to deal with these bastards.