Jennifer slid down to the end of the couch and stretched her feet out in front of her, leaning back onto a throw pillow. Mamá. Shell be a little tougher. Her name is Carmen and shes the glue that holds our family together. Shes lived in this country nearly all her life and she has very high expectations for her children. We all must go to college, find a good job and marry a nice Catholic.
Well, that will be a problem then, Ryan said. Im not a very good Catholic. I havent been to church in ages, although I used to be an altar boy. That should count for something shouldnt it?
It doesnt make a difference since we really arent getting married, Jennifer said with a smile.
He slipped her sandals off her feet and tucked her bare toes beneath his thigh. Brothers and sisters?
Four. Joe is nineteen, Maria will be fifteen on Saturday, Linda is ten and Teresa is eight.
And Jennifer?
Im twenty five, she said. I went to U of T in El Paso and got a degree in accounting.
Accounting, he said. Kind of an odd background for a private investigator, isnt it?
She sat up. Now, theres another problem we need to discuss. You see, my parents dont know Im a P.I. They think Im an accountant for the office. I dont think theyd approve, they wouldnt find it respectable enough. So if the subject of my career comes up, which Im sure it will, dont tell them the truth.
I can vouch that youre a good P.I., Ryan said. Look how you tried to help Lucy. You couldnt do something so important as an accountant, could you?
I guess not. Its just that Ive spent my life trying not to disappoint my parents and yet trying to live my own life. You dont know the pressure of being the oldest child, the perfect little girl. I turned into a rebel at an early age.
You couldnt have been that bad, Ryan said, to turn out so well.
Jennifer gave him a grudging smile. As a child, I was a tomboy. Always with tangled hair and skinned knees. In high school, I wore short skirts and ran with a fast crowd. In college, I partied a little too much. And look at me now. I was supposed to remain a virgin until I got married. Breaking that little rule will become quite obvious in another month.
What about the baby? How do you plan to tell them about that? Ryan asked.
Jennifer groaned, then closed her eyes and flopped back on the pillow. I dont know. I was just going to wing it. Wait for the right moment and then tell them the whole thing all at once. I figured with Marias quinceañera and all the guests, there wouldnt be a chance to interrogate meor you. She drew a shaky breath. Its probably going to get a little tense when we tell them about the baby and there will probably be a lot of accusations leveled at you. Jennifer sat up and looked at him. You can back out if you want. Ill understand.
He idly rubbed her leg, his palm sliding from her ankle along her calf and back again. Delicious sensations skittered over her skin at his touch. Though they barely knew each other, the action seemed perfectly natural. After all, he was her fiancéat least for the next few months.
Still, it felt good to have a man pay attention to her. Shed been so lonely these past months, dealing with her pregnancy all by herself, wondering if she could handle so many changes on her own, frightened of what the future held. She felt safer when Ryan was near.
For the rest of the evening, they traded details of their lives and made up a few memories of their ownthe night they met, their first kiss, the special spot where Ryan asked her to marry him, the first time they heard the babys heartbeat. And when theyd exhausted every subject and eaten the last piece of pizza, Jennifer walked Ryan to the door.
He bent closer and brushed a kiss on her cheek and then promised to be ready by noon on Friday. After she closed the door behind him, Jennifer reached up and touched her cheek, finding it still warm from the contact. She closed her eyes and sighed. Though it had been a nice kiss, she couldnt help but wish that hed kissed her like he had the previous day, his lips warm on hers, her face cupped between his palms.
For the first time since shed thought of this preposterous plan, she actually believed it might work. With Ryans help, she felt as if she could accomplish anything. And it was clear he was a kind and charming man. How could her parents not fall in love with him? She already
Jennifer sucked in a sharp breath and pushed the words from her brain. Yes, he was a wonderful man, the sort of man she might imagine spending her life with. But when shed decided to have this baby, shed also decided to raise it alone. She had her career and her own life and shed worked hard at independence. She wasnt about to give that all up now just because some guy had been nice to her.
This will work, she murmured. Ill tell my parents, Ill come back to Odessa, well break up and Ill never see him again.
But the thought of Ryan Madison disappearing from her life caused a sharp pang of regret. Was she really doing the right thing, using him like this? And would she be able to put him in the past and get on with her life as if shed never known him?
CHAPTER TWO
I DONT KNOW what to say, darling. Do you want me to tell you we regret our actions? How can we? We found you. You became a part of our family.
You didnt find me, you bought me, Ryan said, his voice filled with bitterness. When the doorbell had rung, hed expected to find Jennifer standing on the other side, ready to leave for El Paso. His heart had quickened as he pulled the door open; hed been anxious to see her again. Instead, his mother had walked in, determined to straighten out everything that had gone wrong between them.
She was an attractive woman, trim and well-dressed, her ash-blond hair carefully styled into a simple pageboy. When he was growing up, hed always been so proud of her. Rhonda Madison had been the prettiest mother on the block. Unlike some of the other mothers, her entire life revolved around Ryanhis school activities, sports. Anything that caught his interest caught hers as well. In hindsight, it all became clear. Shed been desperate to become a mother, and when she finally did, Rhonda Madison didnt want to miss a single minute.
Didnt you ask questions? Ryan demanded. Like where Id come from? What had happened to my parents?
He told us your mother was a teenage runaway, Rhonda said. Wed just turned over our entire life savings to this man. Your father might have been a little suspicious, but he wanted to make me happy and a baby was the only thing that could do that. We arent bad people, Ryan. And if wed known youd been stolen from your mother, we would have
You would have bought me anyway? Ryan asked. He waited for his mother to deny the accusation, but she didnt.
Have you talked to your The word stuck in her throat as if it pained her to say it. The woman who gave birth to you?
Youll be happy to hear shes dead, Ryan said, wanting to hurt her as much as shed hurt him. Ill never know her, or my father. I do have a brother, though. And a niece. Impatient to be done with the conversation, he glanced at his watch. I have to get ready. Im going away for the weekend.
Really? his mother asked in a forced attempt at interest. Where are you going?
Really? his mother asked in a forced attempt at interest. Where are you going?
El Paso, he murmured. Im going to meet the parents of my fiancée. Why hed said it, Ryan didnt know, for it was a bald-faced lie. Perhaps hed meant to shock his mother, to draw her into another argument or maybe to drive home the fact that she wasnt a part of his life anymore.
But she didnt take the bait and the pained expression on her face caused a wave of guilt to rush over him. Sooner or later, hed have to stop punishing her and accept what she and his father had done. But he wasnt ready. Not yet. The wound was still too raw, and even after it healed a bit, he doubted that hed ever be able to fully forgive them.
Maybe, after you get back, you can bring your young lady to the house for dinner, she suggested. Your birthday is coming up. We could plan a barbecue.
Ryan turned away from her and stuffed another shirt into his overnight bag. Sure, he muttered. Hed missed twenty-six birthdays with his real family, why not spend another one with the people who had been faking it? Suddenly, birthdays didnt seem so important.
He heard her sigh in defeat and approach him from behind. When she placed her hand on his shoulder, he stiffened. He fought the urge to turn to her and gather her into his arms, to forget everything that had happened in the past month. But nothing could erase the lies theyd told.
In the end, she silently walked out the front door of his condo, leaving him to deal with his demons. Ryan furrowed his fingers through his hair and cursed softly. Hed never been a man to act on his emotions, choosing to think every word, every action out first. But since hed learned of his true parentage, he couldnt rely on his usual dispassionate nature anymore. Nothing made sense, and until it did, hed just have to operate on instinct alone.
A soft knock sounded at the door and he spun around, ready to rebuff his mother again. But Jennifer stood in the open doorway, dressed in a pretty peasant blouse and a colorful skirt. She wore a straw hat on her head, her long hair tucked up beneath the crown. Like the sun appearing from behind a dark cloud, she instantly lightened his mood.
What is it? she asked, frowning. You look upset.
Nothing, Ryan murmured, gathering up his overnight bag and tucking his garment bag under his arm. I just had a visit from my mother. Needless to say, it didnt go well.
You shouldnt punish your parents for this, Jennifer said softly. They didnt know.
They should have asked, Ryan countered.
You cant know whats in a mothers heart. Sometimes the need to have a child is so strong it hurts.
Ryans jaw went tight and he fought the impulse to tell Jennifer to mind her own business. But if there was anyone he could talk to about his personal problems, it was her. And he didnt want to break the tenuous connection theyd built between them. I thought Id drive, Ryan murmured. We can take my Lexus. Ive got a CD changer and
But I have a convertible, she said, accepting the change in subject without further comment. And its a beautiful day. Besides, I know a short cut through the desert. I bought some lunch for us and we can stop at Red Bluff Lake on our way there.
Though Ryan would have preferred to determine the route and take his own car, Jennifer seemed so excited about the trip, he decided to throw caution to the wind and go along. After all, this was the new Ryan Madison, operating on instinct and emotion. He grabbed his bags and walked out behind her. Her little convertible was parked at the curb. It had to be at least ten years old and didnt look as though it could make it through town, much less across all of West Texas. Maybe we should take my car, he said.
Dont worry, Jennifer chided. Well have fun.
As they headed out of town, bypassing the interstate that went from Midland-Odessa to El Paso, Ryan realized why shed chosen the route. It was obvious Jennifer didnt believe in speed limits. Or stop signs or double yellow lines. She was in all probability the most aggressive driver hed ever seen short of Al Unser or Richard Petty.
He relaxed a bit when they got out of town and sped toward Kermit. Maybe we should use this time to brush up, he shouted over the sound of the wind racing around them.
She turned and grinned at him, her eyes hidden beneath the brim of her hat and her dark sunglasses. All right, she said. Ask me anything.
He considered his first question carefully. He really wanted to ask her about the babys father, but Ryan knew he ought to leave that question for another time. Jennifer. Thats an odd name for someone of your background.
She laughed. Thats my fathers doing. When he first came to this country, he loved to go to the movies. The only movie hed ever seen in Mexico was Duel in the Sun, with Gregory Peck and Jennifer Jones. He saw it at an old cine when he was eight. And then he came to America and the first movie star he saw was Jennifer Jones, walking right down the street in Los Angeles. He took it as a sign from God that he was meant to live in this country. And thats how I got my name.
Ryan laughed. All right, now its your turn. Ask me anything.
You were involved, she said. Nearly married a woman named Elise. Then you broke it off last year. Why?
You are a good investigator. He sat back in his seat and stared out at the long dusty strip of road in front of them. She was a friend of the family and wed dated since we were in college. It just seemed as if we were together for all the wrong reasons. There was no
Passion? Jennifer asked.
Ryan nodded. Yeah. Passion.
Silence spun between them as the scenery sped by. In truth, hed seen more passion and excitement in a few hours with Jennifer Rodriguez than hed seen the entire time hed been with Elise. With Jennifer, life was a series of surprises. He never knew what to expect or how shed react. And though hed always assumed he wanted a woman who was prudent and restrained, when he was with Jennifer, he felt more alive than hed ever felt in his life.
Perhaps it had been the upheaval, the uncertainty that had changed his perspective. His life had been so orderly, so predictable. He knew who he was and where he was going. But since hed learned the secrets of his birth, he didnt feel like Ryan Madison anymore.
He glanced over at the beautiful woman sitting beside him, tendrils of hair whipping around her face, her lips curled in an impish smile. She glanced his way, then laughed, pressing her foot to the floor, the car accelerating smartly.
Ryan chuckled and tipped his face up to the intense afternoon sun. For the first time in his life, he felt completely free, unencumbered by expectationshis own and his familys. He was a man with no past and an uncertain future, but the prospect of not knowing what was around the next corner didnt bother him in the least.
Whatever had brought about the change, whether it was Jennifer herself or the news shed revealed, didnt matter. He was beginning to like the new Ryan Madison.
* * *
THEY PULLED INTO El Paso right on schedule. Theyd stopped at Red Bluff Lake, and a few other towns along the way. Jennifer was beginning to realize that from now on, the baby would prevent these marathon drives. She had to go to the bathroom at least once every hour and there hadnt always been a bathroom available. Squatting on the edge of the road had been a necessity, lightened only by Ryans good-natured teasing. She made a note to take the interstate home.