Mom? Are you okay? Tyler asked from the doorway.
She pasted a smile on her weary face and rose to her feet. Absolutely. Its your turn, tiger. Would you fetch a clean towel and washcloth from the laundry room for me?
Okay! He ran out of the room and down the hall.
Dont run in the house, she reminded him and listened for his stampede to slow a bit.
She forced her feet forward, wondering how the rest of the evening would turn out for her and Jonas. They would be alone for the first time, and she was feeling nervous about being with him. It made no sense, and she didnt like the way she was feeling. But there it was, the hard ball of anxiety stuck in her midsection.
The evening had passed pleasantly with Tylers little-boy energy and Madisons cute chatter. Jonas had sat in the living room with the kids while shed cleaned up the kitchen. The kids were so busy and active, theyd unwittingly filled up the first half of the evening. But now, the last half was looming ahead of her and she was at a loss as to how to face it.
She turned on the bathwater and adjusted the temperature before adding Tylers blue-colored bubble bath to the rising water. Madison shrieked with glee across the hall, and while Danielle hesitated in the hallway wondering about Jonas, the sight of her half-dressed daughter digging out every last item from her bottom drawer took precedence. You are troubles, bubbles.
Madison grinned, showing off her dimples. I want my Ella pants.
Sweetie, you definitely need pants. Danielle knelt and gave the pink Cinderella pajama shirt a tug at the hem to straighten it. You got that on all by yourself?
Yip.
Youre a good dresser.
Yip.
Danielle sorted through the items on the floor, folding them as she went. No sign of the matching pajama pants, so she tried the middle drawer. There they were, right on top, in all their pink glory among the folded-up socks. She chased Madison, caught her and helped her into the ruffly pink bottoms. There. One kid almost done for the day.
First, she had to turn off the bathwater, then she began turning back Madisons bedcovers, not sure if Madison was going to give an argument or not.
Tylers footsteps preceded him down the hall. He poked his head into the room. Daddys sleepin, he said, then thundered into the bathroom.
Sleeping? She knew Jonas hadnt made the trek down the hall to their bedroom yet. He would have had to pass by the bathroom and the kids rooms. Did that mean hed fallen asleep on the couch? Okay, prayers, cutie.
Madison bent to her knees and steepled her little hands. Her tiara slipped forwardyes, it appeared she was still wearing itand Danielle removed it as she knelt down beside her. She listened while Madison said her prayers and tucked her in with a kiss.
My story, Mommy? Madison used her puppy-dog look, rendering her completely impossible to say no to.
Let me check on Tyler and your daddy first. You stay right there, okay, bubbles?
Yip.
A quick glance into the bathroom told her that Tyler was safe and sound, covered with bubbles and busy playing with his floating fire tanker that shot water all over the tile. She reminded him to remember to wash before padding down the hallway, where she found Jonas stretched out and sound asleep on the couch.
The poor man. He had to be exhausted. Danielle hit the power off button on the TV remote and circled around to lift the warm fleece blanket off the back of the couch. He didnt stir. Shed wake him up later, after she got both kids put to bed. For now, she shook the blanket out and gently covered him.
Help him find his way back to me, please, Lord, she prayed in the darkness. She kissed her husbands forehead and tiptoed from the room.
Chapter Three
Sorry.
Danielle glanced up from pouring Jonas a second cup of morning coffee. What are you sorry for?
Falling asleep. He didnt look at her as he concentrated on wrapping his hands around his spoon. Long months of hard rehabilitation had helped, but his motor skills were still limited.
She popped open the top of the flavored coffee creamer and poured it for him and then added some into her own cup. It was a big day for all of us yesterday, with you coming home.
Youre dis-disappointed. He stumbled on the word.
Since she couldnt admit that, not without hurting him, she set the carafe on the ruffled blue place mat at Tylers empty place and slipped into the chair. Are you?
He gulped. Could be easier.
She nodded, seeing now what shed been too busy this morning to notice, getting Tyler ready for the church summer program and keeping Madison out of trouble. Jonas had managed to dress himself in a sweatshirt and jeans, but the sweatshirt hung on him, twisted to the left. His feet beneath the table were in socks, not shoes. I should have helped you more this morning. Im sorry. I wont forget again.
You helped enough. Jonas straightened his shoulders, as if his pride were involved, too. The kids first.
Yes. Thats what we agreed back in Seattle, but She stared down into her steaming mug, unable to find any answers in the dark depths. Shed let him down, and thats the one thing she didnt want to do. Somehow she had to figure out a way to manage everything on her own. Its going to be difficult for a while, but I dont mind working hard for you, Jonas. For the kids. For us.
He swallowed hard, as if her words mattered to him, and turned in his chair toward the wall. Our wedding pictures.
Yes. She looked at them, too. How young and carefree they seemed back then. On impulse, she rose and plucked the collage frame from the wall. There are some of the reprints I framed up from that day. I should dig out our wedding album. Its in the closet somewhere out of reach, for safekeeping.
Youre smiling. It must have been a good day.
One of the best of my life.
She laid the gold frame on the table, and he moved his coffee cup aside to make room. As they leaned forward to study the pictures together, she smelled the scent of his shampoo and the soap on his skin. Her heart cinched a notch. Yes, she thought, tenderly, he was still her Jonas. If you notice, youre smiling, too.
Yep. I look pretty happy.
You were.
She touched her fingertip to the glass frame, where theyd just parted from sharing their first kiss as man and wife. Hand in hand, they stood smiling, facing their family and friends with the jeweled light from the sun-drenched stained glass gracing them. Their happiness was palpable, so shining and new. I wish you could remember how that felt to finally be married. To be together with the whole world at our feet.
Was our marriage good?
She noticed the concern in his eyes, the sadness on his face and the wonder. It was not fair that one bullet had stolen so much from him. At least she had the memories of their love. At least she knew what they could have again. It was very good.
We were close.
Yes. Very close.
He nodded once in acknowledgment but not in understanding.
How did she tell him that was her greatest fear? That they might never find one another again. They might never again share that rare close bond theyd had. Grief stabbed deep into her soul, and she fought it away. She had to keep her faith strong and believe that God would not forsake them. We were best friends. Besteverything.
Yes. Very close.
He nodded once in acknowledgment but not in understanding.
How did she tell him that was her greatest fear? That they might never find one another again. They might never again share that rare close bond theyd had. Grief stabbed deep into her soul, and she fought it away. She had to keep her faith strong and believe that God would not forsake them. We were best friends. Besteverything.
E-very-thing. Jonas lingered over that word, as if he were trying to figure out what that meant. He remained bent over the pictures.
She moved away and took the carafe with her to rinse in the sink. All around them, hung on the walls or in stand-alone frames or snapshots tacked to their refrigerator, were photographs of their life together, of the babies and of the kids growing up. Of a happier timeher soul ached with sadness for the loss of that happy, innocent time when Jonas was whole.
It wasnt fair to keep wishing for the past, she thought as she turned to the sink, rinsed out the pot and slipped it into the top rack of the dishwasher. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Jonas struggling to stand, his attention focused on one of the photographs on the wall. She leaned a little to see what he stared at with such fascination. Her heart stopped when she recognized the picture. It was of her, propped up in a hospital bed, exhausted from forty-one hours of labor and cradling their precious son in her arms.
He did not remember that day, she realized, or how happy they were and how proud he was. She closed the dishwasher quietly, feeling reality settle into the damaged places in her heart.
When he looked away, she saw his eyes were silvered with tears. Tears that did not fall as he blinked them away and straightened his shoulders. Strongthat was her Jonas, always strong.
Ill help you to remember, she promised him with all the strength and faith in her soul. Its going to be all right.
In the corner, untouched by the sunlight that tumbled through the big picture window, Jonas nodded. He didnt look as if he believed her. Not one bit.
There was a knock at the front doorthe quick tap-tap of her moms signature knock. Already her key was in the lock and the doorknob was turning. The security system chimed as the front door swung open. Danielle straightened, turned off the faucet and reached for the dish towel to dry her hands.
Knock, knock. Hello! Dorries smile was bright, as always. She was a wonder and an incredible mother.
Danielle knew she paled by comparison. Come on in. I just washed out the coffeepot. I can make fresh.
I had my morning quota, my dear. Jonas, its great to see you home Her pleasant voice was drowned out by Madison shouting from the living room.
Grammy! Grammy! Grammy! Bare feet padded on the carpet and then on the linoleum as the little girltoday a mermaidburst into sight, flinging her arms wide and wrapping them tightly around her grandmothers knees.
Hi, honey. Are you going to let Grammy take you to your swimming lessons?
Yip. I kin blow bubbles and kick! Soft brown curls tumbled over her shoulders as she leaned her head back to grin up at her grandmother.
I cant wait to see. Do you have your bag all packed?
Danielle chimed in. I got it half-finished. Its on the foot of her bed, I just have to grab a towel.
Ill do that. No worries. What time is Jonass appointment?
Nine-thirty. Danielle glanced at the clock on the stove. We should leave in a few minutes.
Ill finish up here, too. Thats why Im here, to help out. Ill have lunch all ready when you get back. Jonas, I hope you still like tuna casserole.
Y-yes. Jonas was struggling with his walker to get around the table. His left leg was very stiff.
She resisted the need to run to his side. For him it was a matter of pride.
He ambled toward her, but his gaze was on their little daughter, in her mermaid shirt and matching pants, her soft curls and sweetness.
Madison, he said. I like to swim, too.
The little girls eyes widened, and she sidled around to hide behind her grandmother. She stared at Jonas and didnt say anything at all.
Danielle couldnt breathe for the pain in her heart. Madison had Jonas wrapped around her little finger since the moment shed come into the world.
Jonas shuffled forward, but it was the sadness in his eyes that both kept her silent and that gave her hope as he eased alongside his walker. He had one hand on the edge of the counter and the other on the walkers grip.
You dont like this? he asked the toddler, nodding at the metal appliance.
From behind her grandmothers knee, Madison shook her head again, scattering her soft curls. No!
Me, either. He took a shaky step away, unsteady as he shuffled forward without much support.
She was across the kitchen, holding her husbands elbow without thought, but he didnt lean on her. No, no matter how much support Jonas needed, he would not do that. He did allow her to keep him steady at this crucial moment as he went a few uncertain inches forward.
Their little girl took a cautious step out from behind her grandmother, looking relieved the scary metal thing had been left behind.
Jonas leaned forward and held out his hand, a fathers devotion sincere and quiet. He waited while Madison bit her bottom lip, debating the merits of approaching her daddy now.
When Madison looked up to her, Danielle nodded and smiled. Its okay, honey, she said and scrunched down a bit to be more at the toddlers level.
Encouraged, Madison took a step toward her daddy. Why you got that?
Jonass smile was wobbly and looked relieved. Because my leg doesnt work so well. But its gonna be better.
Oh. Okeydokey. Madison laid her hand on his, studying him trustingly. You gonna come see me swim? I kin kick real fast! Jest like a mermaid.
Id sure like to see that sometime soon.
Yip. Madison grinned hugely. Cmon, Grammy! I shew you my towel!
Danielle rose to full height as the little girl grabbed her grandmother by the hand and pulled her through the kitchen. She was thankful, deeply grateful.
She turned to Jonas, who waited until Madison was out of sight before he grabbed for the edge of the counter. She tugged his walker to him, holding him steady. He looked too tired from the effort and his leg was shaking, but his smile was pure Jonas.
This is going to work out just fine, she told him, certain of it now. You wait and see.
I brought my toolbox, Dad said in his gruff, good-guy way as he shouldered through the front door and stomped his boots on the entry rug. Figure the boys and I can get a few things done for you around here.
Danielle looked up from the counter where she was peeling carrots for the salad. Her burdens lifted at simply seeing her fatherher stepfather, whod adopted her when hed married her mother long ago. Gratitude filled her right up. She couldnt have a better father, and she loved him. Dad, this is supposed to be a celebration dinner. You shouldnt be doing work around here. We can worry about things getting done later.
Nonsense. You know me. Im not happy unless Im busy. He winked, and his smile was good-natured as always. Might as well make myself useful while Im here. And what about you, missy?