He was almost grateful for the knock on the door. Behave yourself tonight. He frowned at Ryan, who grinned back, unrepentant. And put those magazines away before Mom comes back in.
Ryan scooped the magazines from the floor and headed toward the kitchen. Ill tell Mom shes here.
Some things hadnt changed since they were kids. Ryan still baited him, and he still let it happen. Maybe he didnt bother trying to change things because teasing aside, he knew Ry would go to the wall for him.
He opened the door. Julie White clutched her camera bag tightly and gave him a polite smile.
I hope Im not too early.
Just right. He gestured toward the living room. Please, come in.
Why had she brought the camera bag with her tonight? Did she expect to start photographing them already? The thought still made him vaguely uneasy. Theyd be baring their private lives to the woman, with no idea of her agenda or that she even knew what she was doing.
Thanks. She stepped inside and paused next to him, as if not sure what to do next.
Her head barely made it to his shoulder. He hadnt realized, when theyd talked at the station, how small she was. Her light blond hair and pale ivory skin made her look as delicate as a porcelain doll.
An illusion, no doubt. No woman whod talked the chief into agreeing to this story could be all that delicate.
She glanced up at him, soft layers of hair flowing against the shoulders of the coral sweater she wore. And what was he doing, noticing what the woman was wearing, anyway? This was business, not social. Ryans ribbing had taken over his thoughts.
Are you sure Im not too early?
The repeated question clarified things for him. Julie was putting on a good front, but nervousness lay behind it.
Relax. He grinned, taking her arm. We dont bite, honest.
Her face eased in a smile that melted whatever ice Ryan seemed to think was there. Seth blinked. That smile could thaw a glacier. Maybe hed have to readjust his view of Julie.
My nerves are showing, huh?
Well, youre gripping that camera bag as if you intend to attack someone with it.
She let go of the bag, shaking her fingers. Im always a little stressed when Im starting a new project.
He nodded toward the bag. Did you want to start taking pictures already? He hoped not. Maybe, given a day or two, hed get used to the idea of having a stranger recording their lives. Or maybe not.
Not until your family is ready. Her smile took on a tinge of embarrassment. Im afraid the camera is my security blanket. If I dont have it with me, I always think Ill miss the best shot of my career.
Somehow I doubt that dinner with the Flanagans will give you that.
I also brought along a few magazines that contain some of my photo essays. I thought seeing them might reassure you that I know what Im doing.
He must have been too obvious. Id love to see some of your work.
So would I. His mother swept into the room and over to them, still moving as lightly as a girl in spite of having five grown children. Six, if you counted Brendan, the orphaned nephew shed raised.
His mother grasped Julies hand warmly in both of hers. Im Siobhan Flanagan. Welcome to our home. Goodness, Seth, what are you doing keeping Ms. White standing here like this? Shell think I didnt raise you right.
Julie, please, not Ms. White, she said.
The words were right, but there was something strained about Julies smile that told him nervousness had taken hold again. What was wrong with the woman? Nobody could be more warm and welcoming than Siobhan Flanagan.
Im sure shes not going to blame my shortcomings on you, Mom.
You kids came by those all by yourselves, didnt you? His mother swatted him lightly. I dont know how I got through raising the lot of you.
He grabbed her and kissed her cheek. Go on, now. Which of us would you like to get rid of?
He glanced toward Julie as he spoke, and her expression startled him. For pitys sake, she looked as if shed never seen horseplay before. If that was the case, she wouldnt last around the family long enough to do that story of hers.
His mother seemed to notice something, as well. She freed herself from his grasp, probably intending to try and put Julie at ease. But whatever she might have said was lost in the thunder of running feet.
Davy charged in from the kitchen at the headlong run that was his preferred method of locomotion. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. The yell was earsplitting. I help Grammy make supper.
Ill bet you did, Davy-boy. He scooped his son up and tossed him in the air, then held him against his chest. Davy, say hello to Ms. White.
Davy stuck his finger in his mouth, afflicted with sudden shyness, then apparently decided she was okay and lunged toward her. Julies arms went out automatically to grasp him, and he threw his arms around her neck in a hug.
She looked a little stunned.
Sorry about that. Davys a born hugger.
Thats all right. Her voice was muffled as she returned his sons embrace. She pulled back a little. Hello, Davy. Its nice to meet you.
The words were conventional. Her expression wasnt, and it rocked him back on his heels.
He took a breath, trying to adjust his impressions of her once again. Ryan wouldnt call her an ice maiden if he saw the way she looked now. Julie had plenty of feelings.
The rest of that conversation flickered through his mind. No, he certainly wouldnt be expressing any interest in Julie White. He wanted someone safe, and whatever he was reading in Julies sea-green eyes wasnt safe at all.
Julie felt as if shed taken a blow to the heart. She was too overwhelmed with feelings to think straight, and she could only hope none of them showed on her face.
Shed told herself, objectively, that her mission here was clear. She had to make sure Lisas child had the best, and then shed step back out of his life again.
But she hadnt thought about how it would feel to hold a living, breathing, sturdy little boy in her arms. A squirming little boy, she realized.
She set him down, thankful that the movement hid her face for a moment. When she stood again, she was composed.
So this is your son. Hes adorable.
He was. She didnt want to stop looking at him. He had a mop of soft red curls that glinted gold where the light touched. His eyes were the same golden brown that Seths were, and he had a sprinkling of freckles across his cheeks.
Yeah, we think hes a pretty neat kid. Seths words were casual, but love and pride blazed across his face.
This was something else shed left out of her planning. She hadnt imagined the power of the love Seth had for his child, and it left her groping for solid ground.
Davy ran across the room to his uncle. Ryan scooped him up and tossed him in the air, the boys head nearly touching the ceiling. She flinched at the sight; they ought to be more careful with Lisas child.
Davy might look like his father, but there was an indefinable something in his heart-shaped face that reminded her of Lisa. Her fingers itched to pull out her camera and start snapping.
Did you say you had some articles to show us? Siobhan Flanagans question brought her back to her senses.
She couldnt start taking pictures of Davy. She couldnt do anything that would alert the Flanagan family to her interest in him.
Yes, of course. She pulled several magazine issues from her satchel. These should give you an idea of the type of piece I have in mind.
Come, sit down. Siobhan took one of the magazines and handed another to Seth. Then she drew Julie down beside her on the well-worn sofa.
Julie began explaining the photo piece shed done on women pilots, but she could only give it half of her attention. The other half was focused on Seth, who sat opposite them with an article shed done on one of the grand old resort hotels of the Maryland shore. He frowned at something, and her throat tightened.
Ridiculous, to care what he thought of her work. They had no relationship, in spite of the fact that hed been married to her sister. That was the way Lisa had wanted it. The way she wanted it.
He glanced at her. Ive seen this place, but your pictures make me think Ive never really looked at it.
She was irrationally pleased. I hope thats a compliment.
It is.
He gave her that easy grin, and her breath caught. Seth might be the quieter of the Flanagans, but he packed a powerful masculine punch, all the same.
Im telling you, if wed taken in a bigger line to begin with
Two men came in, their conversation stopping when they saw her. Even as she tried to identify them from what the investigator had told her, a young woman came in behind them, running her hand through tumbled red curls. More Flanagans, obviously.
Her nerves twitched again as Davy ran to the older man, who picked him up, kissed him, then tossed him casually to the woman. Shed be the first one to admit she didnt know anything about raising an almost-three-year-old, but surely all that stimulation couldnt be good for him right before supper.
She and Lisa had always had an early supper in the nursery, followed by bath and bed, supervised by a revolving progression of nannies and au pairs. She had a vague memory of Lisas mother popping in to say good-night once they were in bed. Shed worn silk and diamonds and smelled of expensive perfume.
No one had stayed in their lives long. Not her mother or Lisas mother or any of the nannies. She wouldnt want that for Davy, obviously, but was this better?
Her head already throbbed from too many people talking at once. There were way too many Flanagans.
She stood, trying to make sense of the introductions flying at her. Seths father, Joe, bluff and hearty. His white hair still had traces of the red it had once been. Seths minister cousin, Brendan, who was also the fire department chaplain, explained that his fiancée was working late so hed come to beg supper from his aunt. The red-haired young woman was Terry, Seths paramedic sister.
Too much confusion. She backed up until she bumped into the mantel. This was better. She could stay out of the mainstream and observe. If only she could put a camera in front of her face, shed be fine.
Did they always all talk at once? And pass Davy around in that casual manner? Apparently there had been a fire call after shed left the station that afternoon, and they were engaged in an animated argument over the order in which equipment had been called in.
She took a steadying breath. This was her chance to observe, she reminded herself. She could see how they interacted with Davy and with each other.
Seth was the quiet one, she realized, but not for any lack of strength. He came across as solid and even-tempered, a peacemaker in the face of some flippant remark of Ryans that brought a rebuke from his father, or Terrys passionate defense to Brendan of some action Julie didnt understand. For that matter, they all seemed to be speaking a language they understood and she didnt.
In the midst of the hubbub, Seths gaze met hers. His smile seemed to pierce her heart, adding another layer to the confusion.
He took a few steps toward her. Still sure you want to have anything to do with the Flanagans? he asked. Trust me, its even worse when the rest of the family is here.
Family. The word lodged in her mind like a shard of glass. What was she doing, trying to evaluate the family Lisa had chosen? She certainly didnt have any basis for comparison.
She could back out. It wasnt too late. She could leave, and no one would ever know.
Davy, racing across the room after a ball, ran full tilt into her. She stooped to catch him, seeing the laughter that lit his eyes and engaged his whole body.
Her breath caught, and for an instant she thought her heart did, too. Who was she trying to kid? She couldnt back out. For better or worse, she had to go through with this.
Chapter Two
Her mind fogged from a mostly sleepless night, Julie drove along the tree-lined street that led to the fire station. Even several cups of coffee had not been enough to clear her head. She wasnt ready to join Seth for this orientation meeting hed arranged at the firehouse this morning, but she didnt have a choice.
Shed spent most of the night trying to sort out her feelings, only to find that they defied classification. Shed thought she could do this thing calmly, coolly, without emotional involvement. Instead shed found that just seeing Davy had brought on a torrent of memories that hadnt surfaced in years.
One still clung, as insubstantial as a cobweb but just as hard to get rid of. Lisa couldnt have been much older than Davy, so Julie had probably been about five. Lisa had woken with one of the nightmares shed had so frequently. Their nanny-of-the-moment hadnt been patient with children who cried after theyd been put to bed, so Julie had taken Lisa into bed with her.
Theyd snuggled together, and shed patted Lisa, telling her over and over that everything was all right. Finally shed felt the small body relax into sleep against her.
Its all right, Lisa. Ill take care of you.
But she hadnt. If she had, maybe Lisa wouldnt have found it necessary to break all ties with her in order to start her new life.
I let her down. I didnt mean to, but I did. Did God accept that as an excuse? Probably not.
I wont let Davy down. I promise. Ill do whats best for Lisas son.
That meant gaining Seths acceptance in order to see what Davys life was like, so thats what she would do.
Then what? For an instant something in her rebelled in answer to that. Shed have to disappear. She couldnt continue to be a part of Davys life, because if she did, her father might find out that the boy existed.
Ronald Alexanders potential response to that knowledge was incalculable, but the only thing hed ever loved was wielding power. If he knew about Lisas child, he wouldnt be able to resist trying to control the little boys life.
So he could never know. She drew up at the curb, switching off the ignition. She didnt have any choice but to go forward. Maybe, belatedly, she could keep the promise shed made to Lisa.
She walked into the huge, echoing garage. Seth knew she was coming, so hed be around someplace. A figure moved on the back of one of the fire trucks, drawing her attention. Seth jumped lightly to the concrete floor and came toward her.
Julie. Hi.
He wiped his hands on a rag as he approached her, his body compact and sturdy in the uniforms dark blue pants and shirt with the red-and-white Suffolk Fire Department patch. Her stomach gave a little flutter of nerves.