Although she didnt say anything, Caleb kept talking. He steepled his hands. Do you remember your brother at all? Hes the oldest. You know that, right?
The lemonade caught halfway down, sticking like a heavy ball in her throat, turning sour. No longer sweet. My grandmother had mentioned my brother and sisters. But I dont remember them.
You dont even remember your family?
She couldnt swallow. It was even more impossible to talk. She stared at her flip-flops, blue to match her summer top. It felt shameful, not to remember. Like she didnt care enough to, but that wasnt right. More like she was afraid to remember anything that happened before sitting on that backseat with her mother scolding her to shut up. Lauren remembered biting down on her lip to keep the sobs inside and staring hard at her little denim sneakers with the orange laces.
Shed only allowed herself to cry in private since.
Now she felt a hot burn behind her eyes and her vision blurred. I was hoping to find out that my mother was wrong. That they hadnt forgotten me. That they didnt want me to go in the first place.
Caleb didnt get it. He knew mostly from rumor about the mother, of course. It had been a terrible shame for the family, how the young mother of five had run away, abandoning her home and husband and older children. Why did you wait so long?
Its complicated. And p-painful. She shrugged a slender shouldertoo slender of a shoulder.
He believed her. Im sorry. I didnt mean to bring up anything painful.
Being here is painful. My mom wasnt exactly honest. She said that I didnt have any grandparents who were still alive. And that the family, well she paused. They hadnt w-wanted us. Me. That my father signed me away.
That wasnt the case. Its not my business and Im only a friend, but I do know that much. Look. Theres your grandmother.
A gleam at the far bend in the driveway caught her attention. A faint cloud of dust rose up behind an oncoming vehicle. Her grandmother? Laurens heart kicked hard against her sternum. Nerves roiled up again. And the worries. What if this didnt go as well as she hoped? What if she was a disappointment to her grandmother? Or her grandmother to her?
You can do this, Lauren.
She took a steady breath, sat up straight and set the glass of lemonade down on the step, up against the newel so it would be out of the way. Sunlight reflected off the oncoming windshield. Eternity passed while she watched that vehicle in the distance take shape and form and color. A gray, perfectly shined luxury sedan rolled to a stop alongside her rattletrap car.
The hood ornament glinted like an unreachable promise and there was a woman, gray-haired and somber, staring at her over the hood. Hard to tell behind the dark designer sunglasses what her first impression of Lauren was, but her mouth was a straight, unsmiling line.
She is disappointed in me. Laurens heart fell to the floor. Emotion wedged so tight in her throat she couldnt swallow. She tried to rise, but her knees were too weak. Had she come all this way for nothing?
Then she felt a rock-solid hand at her elbow. A mans big hand cupped her elbow and steadied her in comfort and support. She fought the urge to step away; his touch calmed her and she didnt mind leaning on him, just a little. When she turned to thank him his steady eyes were soft with kindness. Kindness.
Itll be fine. He sounded so sure. As sure as his hold on her arm helping her to stand.
His words and his decency made all the difference. Her knees felt watery, but they held her weight as she stood in the dappled sunlight and felt her grandmothers scrutiny. The car door whispered open and the woman emerged. She had sleek silver hair cut in a bob that curled thickly at her jawline. Porcelain skin. A dainty chin. The lines of her face were crisp and clean and familiar. Like her mothers. Like her own.
But the elegance and grace of the woman, the power and dignity were different. Mary Whitman commanded attention. She took a regal step forward. Dressed in quality clothes, she looked casual and tasteful. She wore sleek tailored tan slacks and a coordinating cashmere cardigan and mock-turtle-neck shell. Accents of goldfine gold, no fourteen karat stuffglinted at her earlobes and throat, wrist and fingers. Her designer purse and shoes matched perfectly and looked pristine, unscuffed.
Lauren had never felt so small. She felt painfully aware of her wrinkled khaki shorts and her simple summer topnot exactly designer or the latest fashion. Her discount-store rubber flip-flops were nearly worn out.
Only now did it occur to her that maybe she should have stopped at a fast-food place and used the bathroom to change into nicer clothes. With a sinking feeling, she had to admit that nothing in her wardrobe would make a better impression on this woman. Shed assumed her mother had come from simple beginnings.
She smoothed the wrinkled cuff of her shorts and tasted her nervousness. Its nice to finally meet you in person. Im Lauren.
Okay, that was obvious. But the womanher grandmotherwasnt saying anything. She just stood there, one hand resting on the side of her car door, not moving a muscle.
It was Caleb Stone who broke the silence. Mary, are you all right?
He dropped his grip on Laurens arm and moved forward. In that moment, Lauren saw the caring. The genuine concern. He had a good heart.
No. The older woman nearly choked on the word. She lifted her hand to her chest, pressing against her throat. The sight of her simply knocks the breath from me. Lauren, youre the spitting image. Its just uncanny.
Of Katherine? Caleb asked.
Lauren didnt know who Katherine was. She was only aware of the pain beginning to fill her chest.
Its my mom, she thought, knowing there had been a terrible rift between her grandmother and mother, something horrible enough for each to ignore the other for two decades. Without a doubt it was her moms fault.
II look like L-Linda, I know. Her voice caught on her mothers name, or maybe it was the swirling emotions and fears that made her stutter. But Im n-nothing like her. I dont want to upset you.
No, Im not upset. Just surprised. Mary Whitman took off her sunglasses, exposing gentle green eyes brimming with tears. You look something like Linda, true, but heavens, look at you. Youre the very image of my sister, gone this last year. Its like shes come to life again. Goodness. Come closer, child.
I dont remember this woman, Lauren thought, taking a stumbling step forward. But she wanted to. With all of her heart. Surely there were some memories tucked away. She tried to resurrect them. Images of homemade cookies or hot chocolatebut there was only a blank. Nothing at all. No recollections of a younger-looking version of this woman before the silver hair and the gentle wrinkles.
Mary Whitman stood tall with a poise that came from a lifetime of rising above adversity. Lauren could sense it, see it in the dignity of the womans tear-filled eyes. Tears that did not fall. Her arms stretched out, eager for a hug.
Lauren came from a childhood without a lot of affection. She couldnt remember the last time her mother had hugged her. The thought was uncomfortable, but she stumbled forward anyway and into the circle of her grandmothers embrace.
Lilacs. Mary smelled of lilacs. It was a scent Lauren remembered. Somewhere in the vast shadows of her early childhood, she saw the glimmer of memory just out of reach, bobbing closer to the surface.
Lilacs. Mary smelled of lilacs. It was a scent Lauren remembered. Somewhere in the vast shadows of her early childhood, she saw the glimmer of memory just out of reach, bobbing closer to the surface.
It was a start.
Chapter Three
Over her grandmothers shoulder, Lauren caught sight of Calebs slow, silent retreat. He held her lemonade glass in one hand as he backed away. Their gazes met. For one instant, the breeze stopped blowing. Her heart stilled and the tightness in her chest faded.
I told you. He mouthed the words, lifted a hand in farewell and headed silently out of sight, leaving behind the impression of his kindness. A kindness she appreciated.
Mary released her from the hug, but held tight to her hand, as if she were determined not to let go.
Strange, Lauren had come here feeling vulnerable, but this womans arm was so frail, nothing but fragile bones and a silk sleeve. Lauren took a more guiding hold on her to make sure she was all right. You look like you need to sit down.
No, dear. Just taken back. You wouldnt remember my dear sister. Cancer took her. There isnt a day that goes by that I dont miss her sorely.
Im sorry. She couldnt imagine what that must be like, to miss someone so much. To love them so much.
Judging by the pain stark on her grandmothers face and how it seemed to drain her of strength, Lauren decided that she might live a lonely life, but maybe she was lucky, in a way. She would never know her grandmothers sorrow and loss and heartbreak.
Maybe that was better, to be safe from that kind of pain.
Im so glad youve come. Now, let me get a good look at you. My, how youve grown. A little underfed, but thats an easy remedy. I cant get over it. All this time. Tears silvered Marys eyes. Twenty-two years just flew by and its an eternity all the same. Its been enough for the sweet little toddler you were to grow up. You dont remember me at all, do you?
No, but I wish I did.
Well, here Im going on and on and you must be tired from such a long drive. You must have come up through Utah.
I did. It was a gorgeous drive. Its lovely here, too.
I think so, too. Its home. Mary slipped her arm through Laurens. I hope you dont mind Ive put you out here.
Sadness seemed to stick with the older woman and her voice was brittle sounding. Lauren didnt know what to say or how to make it better. She looked up to realize there was an in-ground pool to her left, glittering around an enormous brick patio. Ahead, there was a garden gate that led to a small cottage, hidden behind climbing roses and flowering shrubs.
It was sweet, like something out of a gardeners dream.
This used to be my studio, and then a guest house. Your sister Katherine lived here for a long while, until she got her own place in town. Caleb stayed here when he went to college. He lives next door now, and takes care of the place for me when Im gone. These days I spend most of my time in Arizona. Mary led the way along the cozy porch to the front door. Speaking of Caleb, where did he get off to?
To see to the horses, I think.
Hes a fine man. I dont know what I would do without him. Ive known him since he was a wee thing. Hes a man a woman can count on.
How could she tell her grandmother that she hadnt thought that a man like that existed on this entire planet? Mary obviously held Caleb in high regard and for good reason. The image of him in his cowboy hat, calming the horses seemed implanted in Laurens brain. There was goodness in him and a lot of dependability. Even she could see that. But a lot of men were that wayexcept when it really counted.
I thought you might be more comfortable out here, Mary was saying as they ambled along the flagstone path to the little cottage. Youll have your privacy. I know this is going to be a lot for you to adjust to, meeting your family. There are a lot of us.
Its already overwhelming. But nice.
Marys beaming smile was reward enough. Lauren was deeply glad that shed come. No matter what. A flicker of joy filled her right up. She, whod always felt so alone, had a grandmothera real one, a caring one. It was hard not to care right back. And didnt that mean she was completely out of her element?
Yes.
The little house had a fan-shaped window in the rounded top of the door. It was like a storybook cottage.
Another clue that she was out of her comfort zone. Inside, the cottage was as sweet as promised from the outside, with sheer white curtains swinging in the breeze from the open windows, gleaming honey-wood floors and a cabbage rose covered couch. There was a matching chair and ottoman, which looked good for reading, and scarred end tables topped with colorful pottery lamps. Lauren spotted a tiny kitchen in the corner, with an avocado-green stove and refrigerator. The place was so homey, she was afraid to believe it was real.
Just like with Mary.
You go ahead and freshen up, dear. I know it was a long, hot and dusty drive. I had Caleb stock the little kitchen with a few necessities, so poke around if you like. When youre ready, come up to the main house. I should have supper on the table in thirty minutes.
Yes, maam.
During the whole trip Lauren had wondered what she would say to her grandmother. Shed made a mental list of the questions to ask and of the things she needed to know. Now those questions flitted away like dry leaves in the wind, rolling out of sight.
She felt lost. Nothing was as she expected it to be.
Mary reached out and squeezed her hand. The contact wasnt something she was used to, but for that one microsecond, the vast canyon she always kept between her and everyone else was bridged. She was no longer painfully alone.
Then Mary let go and stepped away. The canyon around her returned and she didnt know what to say next. She wrapped her arms around her middle, but that was no comfort from the loneliness.
She was trailing her grandmother to the open door, to close it after her, when she spotted a framed picture hung on the wall. It was one among many with unfamiliar smiling faces, but this photograph called to her.
Oh, thats you right there. Mary brushed a manicured fingertip toward the family portrait. Do you remember?
Not really. She stared at herself, the little girl in the photograph, chubby with the look of a tot who was more infant than toddler, dressed in a poufy white-and-blue sailor dress and bonnet. She sat on her mothers lap. She recognized her mom, of course. Perhaps that was what had made her stop in the first place.
She studied the face of the tall, capable-looking man standing behind Mom. She didnt recognize her fathers face, which was more lean than round, with a hawk-like nose and square jaw. He had a friendly look to him.
Her dad. The dad whod never wanted to see her. She swallowed hard against the pain. Maybe what her mother had told her about her father was not true, either. Why didnt she remember him? Or her brother and sisters? Her brother was a tall, teenage boy who closely resembled their father. There were three other girlsa slim preteen, who had wide eyes and a pretty smile even with braces, and two grade school girls who were shockingly identical.
Twins? Lauren didnt even know there were twins in the family. Her family. People she was connected to by blood, but nothing else. They were simply strangers.