He still was. The difference was that, back then, shed delighted in being swept off her feet with no thought for what would happen once she landed.
In the kitchen, she handed him a glass. Sorry its so sweet. I wasnt expecting you when I brewed it. David liked his iced tea with barely enough sugar to still call himself a Southerner.
Thank you. He studied her face as if searching for clues. Was he trying to decide if she looked pregnant?
Or there might be some soda left in the fridge, she said nervously.
Rach, I didnt come over for the drink.
She gripped the back of a kitchen chair. I know that. Im just
Anxious? He smiled gently.
Petrified. You? In this candid moment in an acquaintances kitchen, Rachel felt closer to him than she had during the past three months in their own house. An unspoken truce sheltered them as they teetered on the edge of discovery.
Im not sure, he admitted.
She returned his smile. David Waide is unsure of something? The David Waide?
Yeah, well, well call that big surprise number two of the morning. He glanced pointedly at the white plastic grocery bag on the counter.
She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. You know that if it turns out if it had turned out positive, I never would have kept it from you. There didnt seem like anything to tell yet. I was still
I get it. He set his untouched drink on the table. So.
Right. The moment of truth. Why dont you, uh, have a seat, and Ill be right back?
Okay. He swallowed. Rach
She looked back over her shoulder.
I dont know. I feel like I should say something. He flashed a wan smile. Good luck?
A semihysterical laugh burbled out of her. Once upon a time, the only thing shed ever worried about before a test was whether her parents would be satisfied with an A, in case she fell short of an A-plus.
She thoroughly read the instructions, even though shed done this before. After completing the necessary tasks, she decided to rejoin David. Even with the strain between them, she didnt want to wait by herself for the next three minutes. He was pacing restlessly, but halted when he saw her. The question burned bright in his eyes.
Were supposed to wait now, she explained.
Oh. How long?
She glanced at the clock on the microwave. Probably two more minutes.
Ah. He resumed pacing.
Thats not helping my nerves, she said without hostility.
Actually, its not doing much to calm mine, either. He stopped in midlap, on the opposite side of the kitchen island from her.
Winnies floor plan was so similar to theirs that Rachel could easily envision her own copper-bottom pots hanging above them, could practically hear the ticking of the cuckoo clock theyd bought during a weekend getaway in Helen, Georgia.
Finding yourself on a blind date with a first cousin was probably less awkward than this. Hows the store doing? she asked.
Good. You know we hired Chloe to do a Web site? Weve already filled our first out-of-state orders. He sounded understandably proud. The supply store had been in the family for generations, and it was still improving and growing. All the Waides were involved to some extent, even Tanner, who ran an independent bookkeeping business.
Had David planned on raising their own child to take a hand in the business?
She considered the hypothetical. If it were up to her, shed encourage the kid to go see more of the world before deciding to settle here. Mistletoe was a lovely community but insulated. Set in its ways. If you didnt already have an idea of who you were and what you wanted, you might not figure it out here. Instead, you fell into a role other people defined for you. David had put in a good word for her and shed easily snagged the job with May before their wedding, but shed never intended to be there five years later. First enjoying the reduced workload and life as a newlywed, later focused on trying to start a family, shed let her career aspirations fall away. Now there was a distinctly empty place in her life.
Shed made major decisions at a time when she was upset about her fathers health and uncertain about her own futuremoving here, abandoning her career marrying David. The result was that shed leaned too much on him and the people shed met in Mistletoe, too much on their hopes of having a baby. David had seemed to her as chivalrous as a medieval knight rescuing a damsel in distress. He wasnt to blame for her realization that she didnt want to be that damsel. He showed his love by coddling, and she was tired of being smothered. He expressed affection by anticipating her needs, and she was tired of someone making decisions for her. Whenever shed gently tried to protest, hed been confused and shed felt ungrateful. Wouldnt he be better off with someone who fully appreciated his gallantry?
David cleared his throat. Its been two minutes. Do you want me to wait here? There was that underlying uncertainty in his voice again; it touched her in a way his overbearing confidence never could.
Why dont you come with me? she offered.
Together, they padded silently down the hall. Outside the bathroom, David reached for her hand. She didnt pull away.
But she did jerk to a stop inches shy of the threshold. I cant look. You do it.
You sure?
She just couldnt. Given the timing, it would probably be for the best if she werent pregnant, but emotionally, she couldnt face another negative response. Im sure. Its sitting next to the sink.
Closing her eyes, she waited an interminable heartbeat of time, heard him suck in his breath.
Oh my God. His words were a reverent whisper.
Youre kidding! She knew hed never joke about this. Still, maybe hed misread the test, or Let me see.
He moved aside, letting out an earsplitting whoop even as she viewed the proof for herself. Were pregnant!
Her knees trembled at the sight of the pink plus sign. Im pregnant?
Im pregnant! She was carrying Davids baby. Tears welled in her eyes. Before she could classify them as happy crying or something more bittersweet, David pulled her into his strong arms.
And kissed her.
It caught Rachel totally off guard since shed anticipated a hug of support or mutual joy. But he lowered his dark head, his intent registering a fraction of a second before his lips brushed hers. Hunger ignited deep inside her, flaring an excitement through her body that was startling in its force. After all, shed kissed this man hundreds of times, the last dozen of which had felt rather obligatory.
This, though. Even knowing it was a mistake, she couldnt help parting her mouth, tangling her arms around him and leaning into his warmth. He stroked his tongue against hers, drew back and sucked lightly at her bottom lip. A moan rippled through her. Her already unsteady legs threatened to give out from under her.
She would have liked to think self-discipline gave her the strength to pull away, but actually it was the realization that she could easily lose her balance. The two of them toppling over and cracking their skulls on Winnies bathtub was not how she wanted to commemorate the moment.
She would have liked to think self-discipline gave her the strength to pull away, but actually it was the realization that she could easily lose her balance. The two of them toppling over and cracking their skulls on Winnies bathtub was not how she wanted to commemorate the moment.
W-wait. She angled her head away, her voice breathless. Wait.
Right, he said sharply. His arms still around her, he maneuvered them into the hallway and began kissing her again.
Oh, shed missed this. Missed feeling desire, missed feeling desirable. She thrust her tongue into his mouth, bunching his shirt in her hands. It wasnt easy to move, pressed as she was between his hard body and the wall at her back, but she didnt mind. The way their bodies slid together merely fueled her longing. When Davids hand slipped down the curve of her neck to the slope of her breast, she arched into his palm. But as he began to push aside the fabric of her shirt, reality clanged a warning bell in her head.
What the hell am I doing? She wasnt sure, but it felt great. Not the point!
David? Mmm David, I She tilted her head back, closing her eyes as he kissed the exposed line of her throat. David!
He straightened, his expression dazed. Under other circumstances, she would have smiled at that. Guess we shouldnt be doing this at Winnies house?
Men truly were from another planet. We shouldnt be doing this at all! While he was still motionless, she took the opportunity to duck under his arm and scamper away. They needed distance.
Rachel, you cant mean it. His normal composure was already falling back into place. You wanted me as much as I want you.
Well, she couldnt argue that. Its true I was caught up in the moment, but temporary insanity aside, it would be a mistake for us to Have wild, passionate sex, the kind that had been the hallmark of their honeymoon? do anything physical. Were separated. Even as she said the word, a pang of loss assailed her.
We were separated. He held his hands palms up, gesturing toward her abdomen. This changes everything.
His presumption would have been annoying if she hadnt been kissing him fervently ten seconds ago. She could see where that was a mixed signal. My being pregnant complicates things, she said gently, but it doesnt necessarily change anything.
In the last year, angry at her infertile body and feeling shed settled into a dead-end job, her self-esteem had taken a bit of a beating, something she was determined to correct. But what would it do to her pride to walk back to a man whod seemed content to let her go just because she was having his child? While she understood the theory of staying together for kids, parenthood brought with it plenty of stress. You didnt try to build houses on cracked foundations.
The hell it doesnt change things. He looked more bewildered than angry. Rach, youre having my baby! I know you were upset because you couldnt get pregnant, but
Upset hardly seemed adequate for what shed endured emotionally and physically.
That wasnt the only problem, she reminded him quietly. And I hope Im having a baby. We both know that just because you conceive She couldnt bring herself to finish the horrible thought.
Oh, babe. Stop. Dont even let yourself go there. Cmere. He cradled her head against his chest. Let me be there for you. You shouldnt go through this all alone. You dont want the tribulations of being a single mother.
Not I love you, Rach, I miss you, only You cant do this by yourself, you need me. She straightened. Im glad you were here, David. I really am, but its time you leave.
Youre mad. He studied her with a blend of puzzlement and martyrlike patience. She didnt know which aggravated her more. You left, but Im here trying to help and somehow youre angry with me? Maybe its hormones making you emotional, but
Its not the hormones, she interrupted before he angered her any further. At least, she amended silently, it wasnt just the hormones. Part of it was repression. When she was upset or angry, he tried to tell her why she was wrong. When she was scared or worried, instead of hearing out her concerns, he told her not to entertain negative thoughts. Over time, shed built up a volcanos worth of emotions that had blown shortly after Thanksgiving. Please go. We have Lilahs shower this afternoon, and I have a lot to sort through before then.
Ill help, he said promptly.
Youre doing it again. She tried to keep the exasperation out of her voice, but wasnt entirely successful. You think youre listening to me, but youre not hearing me. The best help you can give me right now is to leave me alone. Why do you always somehow think you know what I need better than I do?
Thats not fair. He drew back, indignant. When I met you, you were trying to figure out what you needed. You were overworked, overstressed, looking for a life change. I was there for you.
Yes, you were. Which was how shed ended up walking away from the career and home shed been building and straight into Mistletoe, where his life had been mapped out since birth. David, I will always be grateful to you for helping me through a bad time, but the situations changed. Ive changed. Im not looking for someone to rescue me.
He said nothing, but the muscle tic in his jaw suggested that he wasnt mollified by her words.
She took deep breaths. Whatever else was between them, shed loved this man with all her heartstill loved him, on some level. And the possibility of this baby was a miracle. Having his child would bind her to David forever, even if their marriage vows failed to do so. The last thing she wanted was a future of bitter enmity between them.
Its okay, she relented. You had good intentions. And maybe youre right about the hormones exaggerating everything Im feeling right now. I dont want to fight.
Me, either. He ducked his head guiltily. That cant be good for the baby. Dr. McDermott would kick my butt. Youll let me go with you, wont you? To the doctors?
Of course. I want you to have an equal part in this. Thats what shed always wantedequal partnershipthough hed always been affronted when she tried to explain.
All right. Then Ill go so that you can get some rest before the shower. He smoothed her hair. But Im just down the street if you need anything or have any cravings or
David. She shook her head. Ill be fine. But if I need anything, I know how to find you.
After he left, she leaned against the front door and pressed a finger to her still-tingling lips. Kissing him had been amazing. She couldnt help imagining, just for a second, what it would have been like to allow herself the indulgence of being swept away, of making love to him again. And then what? Shed meant what she said; the infertility issues had no doubt exacerbated their problems, exposing the fault lines of their marriage, but they hadnt been why she left.
It was true that shed never planned to be a single mom, but nor did she plan to slap this pregnancy over their marriage like a Band-Aid. David had barely protested when shed told him the marriage was over. She knew her husband. If hed wanted to fight for her, nothing on earth would have stopped him. Fighting for the baby, while understandable, was not the same thing. Marriage wasnt a cracked Christmas ornament. He couldnt glue it back together, hang it on the tree and pretend everything was okay.