The girls were covered in sand by the time they were finished, so Leah took them to rinse off in the ocean. Although the water was very cold, they splashed in the shallow surf, chasing each other along the shore.
Brian smiled at their antics. Do they ever get tired?
Not as often as Id like, she admitted.
He wore a mild expression, sympathy mixed with envy.
Why dont you have any children of your own?
His brows rose at the question.
Leah flushed, realizing she was being nosy. Im sorry.
No, its fine. I just dont know how to answer that without making you uncomfortable.
You dont have to, she said quickly, trying to squelch her curiosity. It was rude of me to ask.
He laughed, shoving his hands into his pockets. Your girls are lucky.
She watched her daughters play. They hadnt looked so carefree in a long time. Why do you say that?
Because you never take your eyes off them.
I wish I could, she murmured. I fret too much.
At that exact moment, Alyssa tripped and fell face-first into the water. Leah bolted into motion, running to her daughter and hauling her upright. Alyssa sputtered and coughed, gasping for breath. When her airway cleared, she started bawling.
Leah hugged Alyssa to her chest, cradling her bedraggled head. Her little body was shivering, sobs wrenching from her throat. She carried Alyssa back to the towel and wrapped her up in it, murmuring soft words of comfort. Brian handed another towel to Mandy and they sat together until Alyssas tears subsided.
He didnt seem bothered by the minor incident. John had often accused her of babying the girls, but Leah had never been able to ignore their cries. She took an orange out of her bag, peeling it for Alyssa. Okay now?
She nodded, accepting a fruit slice. Mandy also wanted some. They ate the sweet, tart sections while the sun warmed their skin.
Leah offered Brian another orange, which he declined.
Do you want to walk down the jetty? he asked.
Leah eyed the man-made rock pathway that jutted out into the ocean. Shed seen fishermen casting poles from its jagged sides, and waves sloshing over the rocks, threatening to drag unsuspecting beachgoers out to sea.
Moms afraid of water, Mandy announced.
Brian glanced at Leah in surprise.
She peeled the second orange, her cheeks heating. I dont like deep water. Or big waves.
How big?
Over my head.
Those are the best kind.
For surfing, you mean?
Yeah. The bigger the wave, the better the ride. They go fast and break clean. And deep water is much less dangerous to wipe out in.
She ate another slice of orange. That makes sense.
Can you swim?
No, she admitted. The girls have taken lessons but Icant bring myself to.
He gave her a curious look. Is it just the ocean youre afraid of, or all water?
All water, I guess. Lakes, oceansswimming pools. Before he could ask where her fear originated, she steered the conversation in a different direction. Why do you like surfing so much?
Ill tell you on the way to the jetty, he said, jerking his chin toward it. The waves arent even knee-high today. Its perfectly safe.
She rose, brushing the sand off her bottom. All right.
Mandy leapt to her feet. Alyssa forgot her tears and ran along the shore with her sister. It was about a quarter mile to the jetty so they had a few minutes to talk. The girls were within shouting distance, but couldnt overhear their quiet conversation.
Leah crossed her arms over her chest, aware that the front of her tank top was damp from hugging Alyssa. Although she had a bra on, the white fabric looked transparent and she felt self-conscious.
Brian averted his eyes, as if hed noticed her wet shirt but was too polite to stare. One of my moms boyfriends taught me to surf, he said, hands in his pockets. It was the first time I remember feeling safe.
She studied his face, unable to fathom an experience so opposite her own. Her worst childhood memory involved water.
Out there, its quiet. Peaceful. Youre with other people, but alone. You have to be patient and wait for the right wave to come along. Theres no rushing, no pushing. Another surfer can drop in on you and steal your turn, but thats rare, and its impossible to paddle close enough to get in a fistfight.
Leah wondered if hed grown up in an abusive home. She couldnt imagine feeling more at ease in a turbulent ocean than on land. Troubled past aside, he had a calming presence and exuded self-confidence. His easy manner, matched with that unflinching honesty, made him seem kind of invincible.
Some men grew stronger through adversity.
I first started surfing to escape my problems. Now I think it helps me deal with them. I always feel better when I come in from a session.
Cooking is like that for me.
Is it?
Yes. I have certain dishes I make when I need to sort out my thoughts. I like to let my mind go blank and just focus on the task.
He nodded, pleased that she understood.
What happened to your moms boyfriend? she asked.
I dont know. He wasnt around for long, but he left a hell of a lot better impression than the others. I was sorry to see him go.
When they arrived at the jetty, Brian climbed onto the path ahead of Mandy while Leah trailed after them, holding Alyssas hand. Being near deep water always made her uneasy, but his relaxed attitude reassured her. He hadnt laughed at her or dismissed her fears. Without pushing, hed encouraged her to step out of her comfort zone.
Maybe some of his assuredness would rub off on her.
They walked to the end of the jetty, watching power-boats and ocean barges in the distance. Leah picked up Alyssa, propping her on one hip. Brian put his hand on Mandys shoulder, pointing toward the rippling water. Look, a dolphin.
Where? she asked, searching the horizon.
Just past that orange buoy.
While they waited, breathless, the dolphin arced across the surface again. A second dolphin followed close behind, its curved back glimmering in the sun.
Another one, Mandy said.
Alyssa gasped. I see it!
Leahs eyes met Brians and they smiled, sharing the moment of wonder. Her heart did a funny little jump inside her chest, half pain, half joy. She wished John was here beside her, but doubted hed have appreciated the sight.
Swallowing hard, she tore her gaze away. It seemed strange to enjoy another mans company, and unfair to compare him to her husband. Shed been unhappy with John and she hardly knew Brian.
Nor could she get to know him. In the past twenty-four hours, theyd exchanged a meal and shared some very personal information. It was almost as if theyd skipped the acquaintance stageand she wasnt supposed to make close connections.
She certainly couldnt risk being more than friends.
Her pulse throbbed with the realization that the idea appealed to her. He was handsome and compelling, an irresistible combination of light and dark. He had strong, callused hands. She wanted him to touch her.
I have to go, she blurted.
If he was disappointed by her announcement, he didnt show it. They headed back and the girls danced along the shore once again, kicking up sand and saltwater. Leah avoided Brians gaze and he made no attempt to engage her in conversation.
If he was disappointed by her announcement, he didnt show it. They headed back and the girls danced along the shore once again, kicking up sand and saltwater. Leah avoided Brians gaze and he made no attempt to engage her in conversation.
He didnt speak at all until they reached his front walk. Thanks for bringing me along, he said. It was nice.
Mandy and Alyssa ran next door and started ringing the bell for fun, a move that never failed to exasperate Leah.
Brian took one look at her annoyed expression and laughed. They like to try your patience.
Constantly.
Its a good sign. Kids are supposed to misbehave.
Leah thought it might be a sign of lax discipline, but she kept that to herself. It was clear that he preferred her parenting style over whatever hed experienced as a child. At best, hed been neglected.
Why dont you let me give you a swimming lesson?
Stop that! she called out to the girls, dodging his question. The idea of diving into the ocean terrified her.
I know a place with a heated pool. No big waves.
Thats a very kind offer, but I cant.
His eyes drifted south, settling on her damp tank top for a split second before rising back to her face. Okay.
She forced a smile. Although she wanted to linger, she said goodbye and hurried away. Every moment she spent with him made her long for another, and she couldnt bear to pin her heart on false hopes.
Shed had enough loss in her life.
Chapter 4
The week passed quickly.
Leah kept busy with the girls, taking them to the park and the movies and even the San Diego Zoo. They enjoyed a glorious stretch of warm weather. The winter break would be over soon, so she was glad theyd made the most of their time.
Brian had been relegated to the back of her mind.
Mostly.
The girls spoke of him less often and no longer begged to pay him a visit. Like all children, they had short attention spans. Soon they would stop asking about him.
Leah couldnt forget him so easily. Hed always been visible, walking to the beach, working out of his truck. Now his presence seemed magnified. They exchanged polite smiles but avoided meaningful eye contact. It was difficult to pretend he wasnt there. She felt him, even when she couldnt see him. She wondered if he felt her.
By Friday afternoon shed grown restless. Before Brian knocked on her door, her lackluster existence had been bearable. His vibrancy and strength made her long for the things she didnt know shed missed.
Cooking usually improved her outlook, so she decided to go to the market. Maybe a plate of fun party snacks would fill the emptiness inside her. It was almost New Years Eve. She could pretend she was hosting an upscale soiree.
Witnesses in the program were encouraged to change their regular routines. Other than dropping off the kids at school and showing up to work on time, Leah kept a random schedule. Her habits as Leanne Houck, like going to Starbucks every morning or wearing designer clothes, were not part of her new persona.
And she could no longer afford those luxuries she once took for granted. Shopping at Green Market was her one indulgence. She went there to buy fresh produce and quality ingredients every week or so.
This afternoon she had a hankering for fresh mozzarella and imported olives. The selection of goods varied by region, and the Oceanside store had more foreign items than her old standby in Kansas City. Leah grabbed a cart and strolled up and down the aisles, perusing the well-stocked shelves.
When Alyssa started fussing, Leah handed her a piece of sugar-free bubble gum from the bottom of her purse.
No fair, Mandy said, stomping her foot. I want one.
Leah couldnt find anything but a stray quarter. You can buy a gumball from the machine at the front of the store.
Alyssa tried to climb out of the cart. Me, too!
Sighing, Leah lifted her up and set her down. Hold your sisters hand, she ordered Mandy. And come right back.
They raced off.
Walk! she called after them, wincing at the loudness of her voice. Shed always admired serene parents but had no idea how to be one. It wasnt like she wanted to screech at her children in public.
Browsing the spices, she found a jar of saffron. There was a round mirror on the wall across from her, placed high enough that the store owner could keep an eye on the customers. When Leah glanced up, intending to make sure the girls hadnt wandered too far, she caught a glimpse of a stocky man standing in the next aisle over.
He turned and walked away, but not before she saw his face.
It was Mariano Felix, her husbands killer.
The spice jar fell from her hand, shattering on the floor. Felix continued around the corner and disappeared.
Leahs heart seized in her chest. Shed only seen him for a split second. Was her mind playing tricks on her? Felix had distinctive wavy black hair and thick eyebrows. This mans hair was shorter but his features were the same.
Abandoning her cart, she ran toward the front of the store, looking for Mandy and Alyssa. No longer concerned with appearing calm, she yelled their names. They werent at the candy machines near the entrance.
She spun around, searching the immediate vicinity. People were staring at her.
When a man in a tie approached, blocking her view of the parking lot, she felt like shoving him out of the way. Is there a problem, maam?
My daughters are missing!
I can page them on the loudspeaker, he said.
Leah didnt know what to do. She wasnt sure which direction theyd gone. What if Felix had followed them outside?
She was about to bolt through the front entrance, screaming bloody murder, when she saw two small, dark-haired heads by the restroom door. There was a drinking fountain against the far wall. Of course.
Mandy and Alyssa walked toward her, hand in hand.
I see them, Leah said, nodding at the grocer. Instead of taking her children and leaving the store, she ducked into the bathroom with them, her pulse pounding. With shaking hands, she removed the cell phone from her purse and dialed the U.S. Marshals Service.
Whats wrong? Mandy asked.
Never do that again, Leah said, somewhere between furious and terrified. I thought youd been kidnapped!
Deputy Marshal Dominguez, a man answered.
This is Leah Hansen, she said, lowering her voice and facing away from her daughters. I just saw Felix.
Where?
At Green Market on Mission Road. Im still here, in the bathroom.
Whats his current location?
I dont know. He might be in the store.
Okay, he said. Sit tight. An officer will be there in a few minutes.
It was twenty minutes before Dominguez arrived, and by then Felix was long gone. Working in conjunction with the USMS, Oceanside Police evacuated the market and searched the premises, to no avail.
While a female officer watched over the girls, Leah was questioned in detail about the sighting. She repeated the same information over and over, growing less certain each time she gave the description.
Are you sure it was him? Dominguez asked.
No, she said, rubbing her arms. It was cold in the store, and she couldnt stop shivering.