My son and I went out, there we were playing with a ball, it was rather for him to run and blow off steam, than my sporty interest in football.
I sat for a moment while he kicked against a wall, when a young girl came and sat next to me.
Is he your baby? She asked with a worried face.
-Yes, thats right, why do you ask? I asked, surprised by her attitude.
-I do not know, does he give you many trouble? She asked again.
-No, well the normal one of his age -I answered with a smile
- What about at the beginning? She asked again uneasily.
-Well, he has always been very calm I barely had any trouble sleeping the first weeks after his birth, other mothers say this is what cost them the most after having their children.
-Im pregnant, said the little girl, who should not be more than fourteen years.
- Congratulations, I said, giving her a hug.
She did not return the hug, she seemed somewhat self-conscious and I asked her,
-Are you okay?
-I dont know how to tell my parents, she said fearfully.
-Do you love him? -I asked looking into her eyes.
-Him? Of course, she said with a broad smile.
-I mean your son, I pointed out.
-I dont know, did you know ? - she returned the question.
-My circumstances were different, I was already married and we had been trying to be pregnant for two years, it was a blessing for us.
-You are so lucky, I dont know how he is going to react, Im afraid that he will leave me for this.
- Do not think that way, besides men are the way they are, they do not need reasons to leave you. Look at me, everything was fine between us, our boy was growing up healthy and one blessed day he went out saying he was going to look for a job and he never came back.
- Something might have happened to him, said the young girl, looking scared.
-Nothing bad I assure you, he called me a few weeks after saying that he had gone to another city to start a new life, he longed for his bachelor freedom and wanted to recover it.
- And he left you with the child? She asked worriedly.
-Yes, we are getting ahead thanks to my mom who takes care of him when Im at work. -I answered with a smile.
- I dont know if my parents would help me if I have the baby, she said worrie-dly.
-Parents are usually quite stubborn and insist on imposing their way of thin-king on us, but in the end you are the one who must live your life and if you decide to raise they child they must accept it, no matter how hard it is for them - I said putting a hand on her shoulder.
-Thats easy to say, by the way, is it true that it changes your life?
- What changes your life? I asked before answering the question she made in a whisper.
-After delivery, is it true that afterwards you dont feel anything when you are doing it?
-No, who told you that? I asked surprised.
-I dont know, in school they say since everything changes, what is under also changes and then you feel nothing.
-No way, it feels the same -I said in a reassuring tone.
- And dont the breasts fall? She asked me again embarrassed.
-Thats a matter of age, youll see when you reach your twenties or thirties, whether you like it or not youre going to have to wear a bra if you want to keep them up.
-But they say that breastfeeding make them fall earlier.
-There is nothing wrong with that, believe me, as I said, for all of us, I repeat, all of us , the time comes when they dont stand up anymore, it depends on each person if it will be earlier or later, for some it may be while raising child, others might be because of wearing too tight bras or simply because of the pass of time.
- Does it hurts as much as you see in movies? She asked uneasily.
- The moment of delivery? I asked to be sure of her doubt.
-Yes she answered while nodding.
-Well, it hurts a lot, but thats what the child birth exercises are for , you are been taught how to dilate and breathe at the same time, then its just a matter of effort and a lot of pushing.
-But does it hurts? she insisted in this question.
-It hurts a lot, but you later forget about it, I said fondly.
- How do you forget? She asked surprised.
-Yes, of course, my gynaecologist explained that before the moment of con-tractions, the brain has a mechanism of erasing those painful memories, be-cause if this wasnt the case, no one would ever have more than one child as a result of the bad memory that moment gives but this is not like this.
-Well, I dont even know if I want to have my first child, so I dont consider having another, she said thoughtfully.
-Dont hurry, everything will come if you and your partner want it, I said with a sincere smile.
-But , what if he leaves me? What am I going to do? What if my parents dont like this and reject me? How am I going to live? She asked scared.
- You see, first you have to decide whether telling your parents or not, make them understand the situation, and that they give you their support as their obligation as parents.
Then talk to your partner, who will surely be excited to know that you will ha-ve his child. But as always you have to respect his freedom, if he decides to leave you dont worry, it will be a sign that he doesnt deserve you- I said cal-mly.
-I dont know, if you say so, and you have already gone through this, it seems fine by me, although what worries me the most is that everyone noticed and that I cannot disguise it with big clothes.
-You dont need to hide it, it is not something you should be ashamed of, it is a great blessing that you have received, to be able to participate in the miracle of creation - I said with joy seeing that my words made an effect on that girl who was now calm.
On my way after leaving behind that nice woman with her child who played football in the park, I was repeating to myself everything she had told me, es-pecially that part I liked that I was a contribution to the task of creation, I had not seen it this way before.
That woman, without knowing me, had solved many of my doubts about preg-nancy and the effects on my body, even though I was still looking at my body to be too flat to be able to have a child.
I have been used to seeing well-formed women with big breasts feed those hu-ge babies, how would such a baby fit inside of me ? I dont have the conditions of having a baby.
Despite what that lady had just told me, I panicked, but I didnt listen to it, I went back home, went to the kitchen where my mother was preparing dinner and said,
-Mum, I have a good and a bad news, which one do you want first?
She had already heard me speak to her that way before and did not pay much attention to me and after a moment of silence that seemed eternal, I told her,
-Im pregnant.
She heard this and what she had in her hand fell off making a big noise on the plate. That scared me, because I thought that my mother could hit me or scold me, I was scared so I took a step back, but instead, she approached me with a big smile, hugged me and said,
- My little girl, who has already become a woman, how come I didnt realise that you have grown so fast?
I was still feeling insecure about the situation, because I wasnt sure if this was a sign that she agreed with what I said or she felt sorry for my situation, so I asked her,
- Arent you angry?
-No, not at all, my girl, she said, kissing my forehead.
- Arent you angry?
-No, not at all, my girl, she said, kissing my forehead.
I returned a big hug, feeling calmer now, still afraid of the future ahead of me, I didnt even know if my partner was going to accept what I had inside, but now I was sure that I had the support of my mother.
-Let me be the one to tell your father tonight during dinner- she said in a soft voice.
-Is it necessary? I asked uneasily, looking her in the eyes.
-Dont worry ,Ill be delicate when I mention it -she answered winking at me.
I was much more relieved after telling my mum, although I had not been too subtle but I preferred to be blunt because of the importance of the topic.
I went to my room, undressed to change and took the opportunity to look at myself in the mirror; I looked at myself from the side and did not notice anything, I placed my hand on my stomach, trying to figure out where that small being was but I didnt feel anything.
I took a cushion and put it on my belly, then I put on a blouse and I looked at myself again in the mirror, I didnt like that silhouette, it made me look fat and Im sure it would weigh too much.
I had always measured my eating, avoided fats and bread so as not to get fat, and now my figure was going to change so monstrously and I wouldnt be able to do anything about it.
Im sure when this advances I will not be able to practice as much sport as I like, run in the park or to do an hour of static bicycle; and when the doctors send me absolute rest in bed, I will get much fatter, besides that it is very bo-ring.
Now I remember I have not said anything to my mother about who the father was, she had assumed that I had a stable partner and that it was his, although I did not want to contradict her at any point I will have to tell her the truth.
This was strange, I felt guilty for having something inside me that no one had prepared me for, when I got the loving acceptance of my mother, she had made me stay calm. I finished dressing up and I went to the dinning and when I fi-nished my dad said
-Hello to the whole family, you must know that today I am a lucky man.
- Why do you say that? my mother asked, surprised at his joy.
-You should see the lottery man, he was plethoric, he guaranteed that today he felt happy, and that this could be a sign that he was going to distribute a prize so I bought him two numbers.
-Two for what? I asked with a smile.
- One for your mother and one for the home.
-For the home? I asked, surprised.
-It spends as much as your mother, with all the bills we have to pay, he said, nodding and guiding my mothers eye.
-Well, well, sit down, it seems that youre right and Im going and you are going to win the lottery -said my mother when she turned around and smiled at me.
I understood what he was referring to, my mother was softening the situation to tell him, I was very quiet during dinner, although my father did not realise until a certain moment when he said,
- Daughter, you look radiant today, did anything happen to you?
- No really dad, well to tell you the truth when I was walking in the park back from school I sat for a moment and there was a lady with her son, and I dont know why she transmitted a lot of joy to me.
- It would be good to meet such people every day- my father remarked.
We continued having dinner, talking about banal issues, it seemed to be co-ming to an end and my mother had not told him yet, so I made a sign with my head to tell her and she answered with a nodding of her head. My father realis-ed and asked in a suspicious tone,
- Do you have something to tell me?
-Well, its more about mommy -I answered looking at her.
-Me? She asked, surprised by my response.
-Well, I mean its about me, but mom is going to tell you, I said rectifying.
-Well. yes she said haltingly. Let me see how to tell you.
- Go straight to the point, please, its late and Im a bit tired, and although Im happy about the lottery, Id like to rest watching a movie before going to bed.
-Dont worry Im not going to take away too much of your time
I simply think that you have already won the lottery- my mother said quickly, almost without being understood.
-What do you mean ?, it has not been played yet, until nine oclock the lot is not going to be held, replied my father, surprised.
-No, its another lottery- my mother said in a low voice.
-What other lottery? dont tell me that youre pregnant.
My mother was surprised by her husbands words and quickly said,
-No, no, its the baby.
-The baby -he said with surprise.
I did not say anything, I just smiled at him. He seemed confused or rather sca-red, a little disconcerted, as he got up from the table and went around the room and after a while he came back and asked my mother,
- Does she know?
-Sure, dad, its me who told mom, I said with a smile.
- Ah, of course how else, he said clearly affected. But how? no dont tell me.
-Quiet, you knew that sooner or later I was going to happen, she is a woman- said my mum supporting me
- Right well yes but I thought it would happen in another way, that she would find a boy, get married and start a family, just as we did.
- I have someone who loves me, I said, believing that it would make him hap-py.
But nothing was heard for a moment, it was a strange situation, because we all seemed happy for one reason or another, and what I thought was going to be the cause of anger at home did not go beyond an initial fright and little more.
Now my parents were thinking about how to face the new situation, without worrying about what the neighbours or society would say .
Before talking to that woman in the park, I thought that having a child was a tragedy, that it hurt a lot and marked your life, limiting it and making you al-most a slave to your child, with no time for yourself.
But that woman had told me about all the positive aspects of being a mother, besides she looked very happy with her son.
What I now feared the most was that the father of the child would go away from my side when he found out about the news, although remembering the words of that woman at the park it had become clear to me that the man who flees does so sooner or later and does not need excuses for it.
The truth is that now I felt strangely calm, because I saw my two most dearest things to me, my parents, accepting what I thought would be a shame for them; even my father, who was more conservative in his thinking, had not recrimi-nated me at all.
While in these thoughts my father said,
-I need a family hug.
The three of us hugged each other strongly and I felt strengthened in my situa-tion, they might not like the idea or they needed more time to assimilate it, they might know what would happen to me in the future, but they accepted and supported me with that gesture , which was precisely what I wanted most.
-Well, wed like to see your boyfriend, we have to talk man to man -said my father after a few moments of hug.
-But I dont know if he would like to meet you, - I said hesitantly.
-Why not? -Asked my mother surprised.
-Well, he has a modern thinking and he believes that knowing parents is not until when you want to get engaged so in the meantime there is no need to.
- You have not told him yet? -my mother asked seeing my excuses.