When you analyze the pain caused by someone, stop asking Why? Instead, ask yourself: For what? Why was I given this situation in meeting with this person, and what can I learn from these events?
The past is our heritage and our experience, and is very valuable, whatever it is. We need to extract all the important lessons from our past, be grateful for them, and accept that this experience was needed for our development.
Hold on to the experience, but let go of your grudge against the person who caused you pain. That person was just a pawn in the development of your soul, necessary to move you to a new level. And if you think that those who offended you and caused you pain do not deserve forgiveness, remember that you forgive them not because they deserve it, but because you deserve it.
Good luck!
Tips for Getting Back Refreshed After A Vacation
Question: August is finally here, and its time to think about a vacation. My husband and I work hard all year and feel we need to get some rest. Unfortunately, no matter how well we plan our vacation, we come back from the trip tired every time, as if we did not rest. What is the problem? What should we do to ensure that long-awaited holidays will really allow us to rest and come back refreshed?
Our life itself is one great journey: a journey where we learn, grow, and get experience. Traveling on vacation can bring pleasant emotions and help you rest. Its a chance to see the world, change your point of view, and expand the boundaries of your personality. And, finally, the journey is the best lesson you can afford.
When we travel, we expand our outlook, gain new knowledge, change, and get rid of outdated beliefs.
Some more advantages of traveling:
Travel will help you become more self-confident. You will see and, perhaps, get acquainted with people who are different from you, behave differently, and live different lives. Some things may surprise you and some may cause you to feel grateful for the life you are fortunate to live. Meeting new people during a journey is always interesting and informative, as the people we meet have different experiences, worldviews, perhaps come from quite different environments.
You will improve relationships with your loved ones. Often, conflicts and relationship problems happen because we get tired of our routines. Changing the environment and getting new, bright experiences during the trip will allow you to look at your relationships from a new angle.
You may give up judgments such as Im too old/poor/stupid/sick in order to travel. You will see that not only do young and strong people travel around the world, but also old people and the disabled, mothers with children, and so on. Travel demonstrates that life is worth living. It beats finding excuses about why this or that cannot be done.
After each trip, you will feel as if you have completed one more lesson in the school of life. Besides, you did it with fun and excitement. You immersed yourself in another culture, met new people, tasted unfamiliar food, and gave yourself a chance to change your outlook on the world. You will also see your life from a completely different perspective, and may notice many new opportunities for self-development.
But in order for the vacation and your planned travel to really become a holiday, try not to forget about certain rules.
Before you leave, try to finish all the important (and not very important) things at work and at home. Most of all, we get tired of unfinished business. If it is not possible to complete all pending tasks, then try at least to leave that unfinished business at home and not carry worrying about it with you on your trip. This could cloud the joy of your vacation days.
Do not make too many plans for your vacation. Let your vacation life be a bit spontaneous. Do what you want, and if something was planned but you do not want to do it, ask yourself: Do I really need to do this?
Try to rid yourself of hustle, at least during your vacation. We are always in a rush we try to do several things at the same time, and feel guilty if we dont. But, after all, vacation is for rest, not for continuing an endless race.
Go to bed and get up when you want. Forget about the alarm clock. And eat meals only when youre hungry, not because its time and you have nothing better to do.
Try not to overload yourself with excursions and sightseeing-they require a lot of energy and may tire you more than a full day of work.
The most important approach is to learn to enjoy ordinary things the sun, the nature around you, the company of your loved ones, your health. Dont focus on everyday troubles. The ability to enjoy life helps you live your life with joy all year round, not just during vacation.
Also, do not allow any familiar role dictate how you should behave. We take on social roles in life that support our self-esteem, allowing us to look good in our own eyes. For example: someone you know may like to travel and travels a lot, but after each trip, he does not talk about wonderful things and places he has seen, but only about how much hassle and troubles he encountered.
His baggage was lost, the plane was delayed, the hotel service was bad, the weather wasnt good, he was cheated at a restaurant, and so on. Most likely, this person is using such descriptions of his travel to criticize these experience and thus feel better. And the social role this person bears doesnt allow him to enjoy the trip, but rather leads him to travel in order to have a reason to complain and receive sympathy from those who hear these stories. After all, in any such story, there are two themes: how much I suffered and what a hero I am.
Optimists and pessimists look at the same world, but see it very differently. Anyone who travels with a positive outlook will find something interesting and exciting even in the poorest of environments. A more optimistic person will most likely have a more enjoyable and successful trip than a pessimist. In this sense, lucky and unlucky travelers are in an equal position-everyone just finds their own role.
The key to emotional wellbeing in life and on a short journey equally depends on being able to accept yourself as you are, defining any experience or new meeting as being positive, valuable, and welcome.
The Greek poet Constantinos Cavafy wrote, in his poem Ithaca (on Odysseus travels as depicted in Homers ancient Greek epic poem Iliad and Odyssey): As you set out for Ithaka, pray your road is a long one, full of adventure, full of discovery But dont hurry the journey at all. Better if it lasts for years, so youre old by the time you reach the island, wealthy with all youve gained on the way, not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.
It is all about the journey, and our life is a journey itself that is more important than reaching the final destination. And thanks to this view of life in general and every journey in particular, one can work out a positive outlook for travel.
No matter where you go (whether to a five-star hotel; on a hike with a tent; or a hitchhiking tour of Europe), whats important is the experiences and knowledge you will bring back from those journeys.
Travel is not a way to escape from yourself and your problems. As the old saying tells us, No matter where you go, you will always take yourself with you. Our life is a physical reflection of our thinking. Therefore, by improving our inner world and filling ourselves with a positive outlook and interest in our own life and the lives of others, we begin to see and understand more, and our life becomes more rich and happy.
Safe travels and good rest!
Fears and Phobias
Question: Recently, I began to realize that my life is governed by fears. I have a lot of them Im afraid to ride the elevator; Im afraid to be alone; Im afraid that I will become ill and no one will be around; Im afraid of losing consciousness while driving a car; Im afraid of flying on planes; afraid of viruses, and so on. Tell me, please, how to get rid of these fears. How can I convince myself that I am stronger than my fears?
We all experience fears in our lives. Fears can be different, but they all have a common base.
Fear is the internal state of a person, caused by imagined or real threats. Psychology considers fear to be an emotional process of a negative nature.
Fear refers to a basic emotion. In other words, it is an innate function. Its physiological component, mimicked manifestations, and specific subjective experiences are genetically conditioned.
It is fear that prompts a person to avoid danger, adjust his behavior in a certain way, and perform various actions that, in his opinion, are capable of protecting him. Thus, fear is a function of self-defense, which is genetically involved in the evolutionary process of the survival of the fittest and most intelligent individuals.
Fearless ancient man had no chance to survive if he did not hide or did not protect himself from predators and bad weather.
Each person has his own fears, from the banal fear of insects or mice to the fear of poverty and death. There are even phobias-persistent, irrational fears. In short, there are as many different fears as there are people. But some fears are common in many people.
Here are some of them.
Verminophobia is the fear of various microorganisms and bacteria. People with such a fear constantly wash their hands, clean their homes, and are afraid of touching dirty things and becoming infected by them. People with verminophobia are almost always intellectuals. For example, they may be inventors, accountants, or lawyers. Fear of bacteria can develop into an obsessive-compulsive disorder and can seriously complicate ones life.
Fear of public communications, speaking in public, or social phobia is known to almost all people, since from time to time each of us is afraid to demonstrate emotions or feelings in public. Often, this fear becomes obtrusive and grows into a phobia.
When aggravated, a fear of public speaking can be supplemented by the fear of open spaces. People who suffer from such fear very often have the ability to be great speakers, but they are lacking self-confidence and do not trust their intuition and any facts confirming that they can cope with their anxiety.
Fear of old age is almost never found among young people, but occurs in men over 50 and women over 40. Women are afraid of losing their beauty and, as a consequence, the life they are used to, while men are afraid that they will not be able to realize their ambitions and/or produce offspring.
Fear of death. You might think that the fear of death would be the most common, but this is not entirely true because many are afraid to admit that they have this fear. Fear of death is associated with many other fears and, in reality, is hidden behind each of them.
The fear of flying on an airplane, of being poisoned, of a snake bite-all these fears have one fear in common: the fear of dying. When you recognize that a fear of death is behind your fear of heights, water, snakes, and spiders, you can work towards resolving that fear.
By accepting the fact that all people on this Earth are mortal and that we are not able to predict or foresee how and when we will die, you may come to the conclusion that it is totally unproductive to be afraid of something specific.
It is more important to live your life to the fullest, enjoying new and bright experiences and being surrounded by those you love, and those who love you. That way, by the end of your life, there will be no regrets about not having done, seen, or enjoyed any of your dreams.
Fear of loneliness is also among the leading fears, as this worries most people on the planet. If we look at ourselves, we will be able to see that we are constantly longing for someone to be with us, even if we sometimes really want to be alone with ourselves.
The basis of this fear is that all human beings strive for happiness. And given the fact that we are social beings, it is inherent in our nature that we can find happiness only when we are among our own kind.
The fear of failing or showing weakness and the fear of appearing weak is pertinent to men with a hypertrophied sense of responsibility for others. Most likely, these men will already be strong, serious, and charismatic. But women who hold great responsibilities are also sometimes afraid to appear weak.
However, this phobia often helps people hold themselves together so they remain strong and persistent.
Fear of intimacy. Contrary to the popular belief that this affects only 16-year-olds, it is quite common in adult men and even some women. But more surprising is the fact that the fear of intimacy affects people with increased libido. The reason for this phobia can lie in unsuccessful former experiences, childhood trauma, or suppressed emotions.
Fear of madness is another peculiar but stable and widespread fear. However, it is particular only to those people who think abstractly. In most cases, they are spiritually developing, religious personalities, as well as physicists and philosophers.
Other fears include the fear of airplanes, snakes, cockroaches, spiders, rats, mirrors, ghosts, monsters, clowns, etc. All these seemingly completely different fears have something in common: people suffering from them have a well-developed imagination. For those who think in images and emotions, fear causes the strongest sensations. Therefore, they can be afraid of absolutely simple things.
A phobia is a disorder in which a person experiences a painful fear that forces him to avoid relatively safe objects or situations. All the varieties of phobias (and there are about five hundred) are divided into two types: simple and social. Simple phobias are fears of certain objects (or animals). Social phobias are fears of being in certain situations such as a fear of crowds, fear of eating in front of others, or fear of being ridiculed.
When a person gets into a situation that causes a phobia, he enters a state of panic. Later, foreseeing the repetition of such a situation, he automatically feels fear and begins to avoid it. Panic attacks can be accompanied by disorientation and a sense of unreality about ones condition or external environment. Physical sensations are also possible: dizziness; loss of balance; severe heart palpitations; visual, hearing, or swallowing and breathing problems; nausea; abdominal pain; muscle tension; and trembling or numbness.