Twenty years ago
The doorbell echoed throughout the house.
Ben! Someones at the door. Can you answer it?
With eyes red and swollen from crying, little Ben did as his uncle asked and answered the door. Standing in front of him was a hunched over man with a beat-up face. He took off his hat and greeted the boy with a forced smile that was missing three or four teeth.
Hellofere, young man. Im a falefman for the Academic American Enfyclopedia.
Skeptical and unsure, Ben stared at the man.
I waf paffing frough your neighborhood to prefent my bookf and to give a prefent to the good boyf. Are you a good boy?
Unsure of what the man in front of him was saying exactly, Ben understood perfectly the universal word present, and nodded his head.
Well, then thif if for you! The man, who was hiding his hand behind his back, presented Ben with a beautiful new soccer ball. Bens sad and desolate expression immediately transformed into joy and happiness.
Wow! Is it really mine? Its exactly like the ball that son-of-a-bitch Jim stole from me!
The mans upper lip trembled slightly, but he managed not to fall completely apart.
Yef, fon. Itf a prefent for you! I have to be on my way now. Pleafe fay hello to your uncle for me.
In silence, the man left the way he arrived, leaving Ben happy, but puzzled by the mans parting words.
Look! Look what some strange man gave me!
The Italian Affair Restaurant
When I say it like that, it seems silly. But believe me, thats just one example of many random incidents that sound like I'm making them up. Every time something bad happened, some kind of karma would intervene and turn the situation around in my favor.
Susan listened to everything, but not in awe like most people would have. Ben appreciated this aspect of her personality; the way she accentuated her positive opinion of him as if he were someone special.
Yeah! Like the scales of justice. Cmon, tell me more. Just one more story to satisfy my hope that there is a God.
Ben smiled pleasantly and stalled for time wiping his mouth with his napkin, while trying to think of another interesting and original story.
I remember when I was sixteen and had just got my drivers license. I had worked all summer in a fast-food joint to save up for my first car. With that money, I bought an olive green 77 Buick. It wasnt the hottest car, but that was all I could afford and the salesman guaranteed that it was good for several thousand more miles. I remember how excited I was to have something that was all mine, that I had earned with hard work. I felt like an adult. Then about an hour later, I felt like a complete idiot. While I was driving, the engine started smoking and then the car took its last breathand broke down. I went home with my tail between my legs. I was so mad, especially at myself, for letting someone rip me off like that. I didnt sleep a wink that night.
So I guess you went back to the salesman the next day.
You bet! But the dealership told me that the salesman had quit and anyway, the title in my name was nontransferable to a different car.
Outrageous! You were swindled, said Susan, shocked.
Yep. And the worst part was that I couldnt do anything about it. The proof was in the paperwork.
So what was the heaven sent lucky break?
A phone call, said Ben, holding out for suspense.
But Susan tried to answer before Ben, Dont tell me that the salesman felt sorry for you and gave you back your money?
Nope. Even better than that. The same dealership contacted me to tell me that I had won a contest they had announced, of which I hadnt the slightest memory of entering. I guess among all the paperwork I had signed, there must have been something about a contest. Anyway, the fact is, first prize was a car that I could have never afforded: a cherried-out, flaming red Mustang!
Thats amazing! Ive never met anyone whos ever won anything in a contestunless they were related or the mistress of some manager. Susan seemed really sincere, even though she appeared to be a chronic pessimist.
Well, said Ben I dont think that its just a question of pure luck. I mean, most people never win contests because they dont participate. They either give up before trying or just dont tempt fate.
Susan felt hurt by his accusation of inertia. What? I dont agree at all! I would have signed up for hundreds, if not thousands of contests without having won even a consolation prize. You just got really lucky. Thats all, just luck, honey!
Calling him honey, even if blatantly sarcastic, went straight to his head, giving him a smug sense of satisfaction.
Its not as rare as you think, you know. Lots of times in my family, weve won unexpected prizes from promotions from some brand of cereal or another.
Were not talking about some little toy for kids. Were talking about a car andcan I dip some of my bread in your sauce, too?
Ah, you want to try the scarpetta?
The what? she asked.
The scarpetta. Its a typical Roman expression, it means little shoe, but it doesnt refer to the shoe you wear on your foot. Its an imitation of the gesture of the workers who cut and sculpted rock from the quarries. These guys were called scalpellini, or stonecutters. They shaved the slabs of Piperno stone before carving it, just like were doing right here with our bread on our plates.
Wow! That doesn't sound quite as tasty as bread and sauce, though. I was just hoping some of your good luck would rub off on me to help me find a new job. Susan's request wasn't presumptuous in the least.
Of course! Why didn't I think of it sooner? If it's all right with you, I could ask my Uncle Carmine if he needs a waitress at his restaurant. At least nobody would lay a hand on you there.
Really? That would be great! That's exactly the kind of job I'm looking for. Thank you so much!
In a surge of excitement, she threw her arms around him, almost knocking over the bottle of water on the table. Ben was taken by surprise by the unexpected contact of her prominent bosom, as well as the loud kiss she planted on his cheek.
You're welcome. If I had known that this was the reward, I would have asked you a lot sooner. So how about this, you can come with me tomorrow to the restaurant and I can introduce you in person to my uncle. When he sees how pretty you are, he'll hire you on the spot!
Tomorrow? Oh no, I have an appointment that I absolutely can't miss, said Susan.
All right, no problem. I'll talk to my uncle first, then we can make the introductions. How about day after tomorrow? Unless your appointment will take longer than a day?
No, the day after tomorrow is perfect. I have an exam at the university tomorrow.
Really? You didn't tell me that you study. What are you specializing in exactly? asked Ben.
Law. My dream is to become an attorney one day.
That's fantastic! Fighting crime on the front line. If you need a hand, just give me a call!
The Italian Affair Restaurant: at the table next to Ben and Susan
The Observer, Guido Baguette Bernard, known for his tall, thin stature and his French-Italian origins, couldn't help but murmur his thoughts out loud. Holy Mother of God! And now what am I gonna tell the Boss?
Chapter 3
The Italian Affair Restaurant: at the table next to Ben and Susan
The Observer, Guido Baguette Bernard, known for his tall, thin stature and his French-Italian origins, couldn't help but murmur his thoughts out loud. Holy Mother of God! And now what am I gonna tell the Boss?
Chapter 3
Ben sat in front of his Uncle Carmine, who was taking his time answering.
So, Uncle Carmine? What do you think? Can you find a job for my friend at your restaurant?
His hesitation in responding had little to do with not wanting to grant Ben his wish, but more to do with playing for time to come up with a counteroffer.
He was a businessman, after all, whether it meant dealing with a stranger, or his nephew. He lived by a rule over the years; every favor asked of him that he was able to grant, required an immediate payback by the person asking. And the payback had to be, if not greater than the favor, at least equal to it.
I was just thinking how lucky your friend is. Do you remember Pablo Ruido, the Mexican waiter? Well, just yesterday, he was telling me how homesick he was and how he would love to retire and go back to Mexico. He worked his entire life, and I believe that a man should know when to call it quits and rest. Regarding your friend, this could be just what the doctor ordered.
Ben jumped up from his chair, beaming with happiness at the opportunity that he could offer Susan, overjoyed at the prospect of keeping the half-promise he had made to her. He started rambling his thanks to his uncle, who, after being pleasantly flattered, interrupted Ben with a hard stare.
I knew I could count on my favorite uncle! That's what I always say to people: my Uncle Carmine is the most extraordinary and generous person on the face of the earth. If you ever have a problem, go see him, 'cause he can fix anything in a heartbeat!
When Carmine was satisfied with enough compliments, he stopped Ben's babbling. Are you finished with the rigamarole?
Ben shut up and sat back down, like a schoolboy reprimanded by his teacher. Yes, Uncle Carmine. Sorry.
I was just saying that it could be a stroke of luck, not that it will be.
Ben's enthusiasm vanished into thin air. But Uncle Carmine, I told you that she already has experience and she's a nice, honest girl!
The fact is, dear Benito When Carmine called Ben by his full name, it could only mean one thing: a forthcoming lecture. I had you in mind for that job. Hold on, don't interrupt me, let me finish what I want to say to you.
Ben gazed into the air with a lost expression. He was imagining a way to fend off his uncle, allowing him to keep the promise he had made to himself; that no matter what, under any circumstance, nothing would keep him from following his dream. He was preparing to tell his uncle a flat out no.
Obviously, I already know what your answer is, said Carmine. You've told me hundreds of times, so stop worrying. That's not what I'm about to say. You've also made it very clear that you don't want any help from my friends or from your uncles to break into show business. I do, however, have something I would like to propose to you. I'll do a favor for you and hire your friend and you pay me back by coming to work at my place as a stand-up comedian.
Carmine picked up the glass in front of him and knocked it back in one gulp. None of his friends would have ever guessed that the glass wasn't full of alcohol, and Ben, who was floored by his uncle's offer, would have liked nothing more than a drink right then.
But aren't you the one who was embarrassed to have a nephew who made people laugh?
What's that got to do with anything? Competition is high and the restaurant needs some new blood to bring people in, said Carmine. If you're half as good as you say you are, then I'll have doubled my money. I can fill the restaurant with people and you'll finally have a job. Think about it before you say no, 'cause whether or not you agree, I'm gonna put someone on that stage. If it's not you, it'll be someone else, and you'll have thrown away a big chance that won't present itself again.
For the first time in his life, his uncle was making him an offer that honored his ideas. A once-in-a-lifetime offer that only a true artist gets and is too good to turn down. Not to mention that his restaurant was popular among high profile people that would increase his chances of getting noticed, maybe even by someone important who could give him his big break maybe even Hollywood!
So? How much time are you gonna need to decide? asked Carmine. He added a little more pressure to get the answer he wanted, It would mean I'd have to turn down someone else's offer but I'll admit, yours is a lot more interesting. As long as you agree to the pay, of course.
Hey! Don't try to buy low, sell high with me. There are people out there who'd accept the job for free. You can be sure that the salary I have in mind would be more than fair! Ben knew right then that he was pushing his luck. All right. I was just kidding. I accept!
Carmine stood up from his chair, applauding in a slightly annoyed and resigned mood. Look at you. You're acting like you're the one doing me a favor. Listen to me, dear little nephew! Let's get one thing clear: your show better be really exceptional. If it isn't, I swear on your father's grave that I will personally kick your ass out the door!
Knowing his uncle, Ben could bet on his life that he was as good as his word and his unveiled threat brought his level of anxiety up a notch or two, causing him to keep his composure in check.
You won't be sorry. On the contrary, you'll be one of the first to applaud, said Ben.
I hope so for you! Tell your friend to show up at the restaurant day after tomorrow morning at eight. And you get busy with a decent cabaret act. You have two weeks and not a day more. Now, get outta here. I've got work to do.
Ben made his way abashedly to the door, leaving a grouchy Carmine to his paperwork. In that moment, he realized what had truly happened. Uncle Carmine? One last thing. Thank you.
For some reason, his nephew's Thank you touched his tough, old heart. Deep down, he loved his nephew, even if he would never let it show. Ya, ya. Now get outta here.
Ben was in seventh heaven. He ran to the nearest phone to call Susan with the happy announcement. She was already in a good mood for having aced her exam that morning. Ben's news sent her over the top, giving her a sense of optimism and hope that maybe some of Ben's good luck really was rubbing off on her.
The Observers, Valerio Esposito and Willy Whoosh had to endure the latest scolding from their Boss, while they cursed themselves for keeping Susan's aspirations of becoming a lawyer under wraps.
Why did I have to find out from her at the interview? What the hell do I pay you for? Well, it's too late now. I've already promised Ben and I can't go back on my word. I want to know everything about her: where she hangs out, where she goes shopping, who she meets and what she eats. Start with her family and relatives and leave no stone unturned! And don't forget, keep an eye on her at all times! I don't want any surprises. One last thing, did Pablo Ruido give you any trouble?
He whined a little at first, until he saw his payout, said Willy, a bit smugly. If you want my opinion, you were too generous with that Mexican
Carmine stared hard into Willy's eyes with a look that would have scared a ferocious pit bull. I don't pay you to hear your opinion, least of all to shoot your mouth off. That man was faithful to me for many years. I never forget loyalty. That's the only way to earn respect. Now go, and leave me alone with Esposito before I make note of my generosity when it's your turn to leave us.