My fingers tightened on Charlies hand. Wake up, Pop. Please wake up and rescue me before I make a fool of myself. But Charlie slept on, oblivious to the fact that I needed him more than ever.
I lifted my head and met Jacks steady gaze. Air cramped in the back of my throat, squeezing it shut, hurting bad. I had to remind myself to breathe. His eyes were so dark, so deep and soulful blue that they seemed to sear right through me.
Its good to see you, he said.
Yeah, right, I thought. Lie number one. Keep em coming Jackie boy. Itll just make it easier for me to keep my hate on.
Cant say I feel the same way, I said.
He ignored the dig. Im glad they found you. I was worried when I heard you were out tramping around in the woods chasing down some poor sucker who took a wrong turn.
Lie number two. Jack OBrien never worried about anyone or anything other than himself. Id learned that fact nine years ago. Youre not welcome here, OBrien. Do us both a favor and shove off.
Id hoped to see a flicker of hurt in those beautiful eyes, but none appeared. He stared back at me with that familiar steady gaze, the one that used to make my knees melt and my body hum with a need so hungry and all consuming that I used to think Id die if he didnt satisfy it.
I simply came by to check up on Charlie.
So, you checked. Time to leave.
He raised a single dark eyebrow, but didnt move. I gripped the metal bed rail and hung on for dear life. Hell leave soon. Just hang on, Killian.
You look good. Mountain air seems to agree with you, he said as if we exchanged such pleasantries every day. Things going okay for you?
Just fine. Thanks ever so much for asking.
He waited, the stillness of his body putting me even more on edge. I didnt bother asking him how hed been. There wasnt any need. No one asked about the condition of perfection.
Howd this happen? I finally asked.
I dont really know all the specifics. But theyre calling it a hit-and-run.
Whats the matter, you arent in the loop anymore down at the station?
His eyes stared into mine, and a flicker of something close to pain or regret flashed through them. But it was hard for me to tell because the emotion disappeared so quickly.
Im not on the force anymore, Killian, he said. I quit a few weeks after Pop was sentenced.
I swallowed hard. Now that was a surprise. Jack loved the force almost as much as Pop, maybe more. I wanted to ask what he was doing with himself, but that meant admitting I might actually be interested.
I joined the fire department. Im working as a paramedic.
Interesting choice. Must be all that compassion and gentle caring youve got stored up, huh?
Jack ignored my sarcastic dig. I might not be part of the force anymore, but I know the guys will all be working hard to find out what happened. None of them will let it drop until they find the SOB.
Yeah, right. Just like all you guys worked your tails off to clear his name nine years ago. I smacked my forehead with the palm of my hand. Oh, wait, Im getting that confused, arent I? Its you who trashed Pops name and got him sent to prison in the first place, wasnt it?
I gather from your tone that youre still having a hard time getting over that, huh?
I met his gaze dead-on. Id strongly advise against holding your breath if youre waiting for any words of forgiveness from me, OBrien. It aint gonna happen. I glanced down at Charlie, my heart torn that he was the one getting the shaft again. If you want to know the truth, I dream every night of you getting what you deserve.
And what exactly is it that you think I deserve?
Believe me, you dont want to know. Now get out of here.
I fiercely willed him to go away, but he wasnt on my wavelength anymore. Once, not too long ago, people used to accuse us of being inside of each others heads, finishing each others sentences and laughing at jokes only the two of us heard. But Jack broke that thread when hed incriminated Charlie to save his own skin.
I talked with Elliot over at the Two-Four. You remember Elliot Standish, right?
I nodded abruptly, concentrating on the rise and fall of Charlies chest as the respirator blew air into his lungs, breathing for him, keeping him alive.
Elliot says that they have two eyewitnesses. Theyre working from a sketch of the guy and a partial plate number. He shifted a little to the right, as if trying to catch my eye, but I avoided eye contact. I had to avoid eye contact. Jacks eyes had the power to reduce me to a puddle of emotion. I wasnt taking any chances, not now. Not when I was already an emotional wreck. I needed my wits about me. I needed to figure out what had happened to Pop and who had hurt him.
Give them a few more days and theyll have something, he said.
I smoothed a wrinkle in the sheet over Charlies chest, the starched fabric stiff and crisp beneath my fingers.
Killian?
I glanced up. The angular planes of Jacks face had arranged themselves into an expression of concern, but I wasnt fooled.
Lie number three. Jack OBrien was an expert at appearing concerned. It was another thing I had learned at Charlies trial.
What? I asked.
His eyes narrowed a little as he studied my face. The dark midnight blue of his eyes in the dim light of the room seemed to slice through the space between us, lasering into me and cutting a clean precise incision directly through the center of my heart.
Are you sure youre okay?
Im fine.
He moved around the end of the bed, getting closer. It felt as though his powerful body was sucking up all the air around us, and I steeled myself against its influence. Closeness was not good. I needed to escape, get outside his circle of influence. But he didnt move, and I was frozen.
Where are you staying while youre here? he asked.
My fingers tightened on the rail of the bed, and bitterness rose in the back of my throat. Pops apartment, if you can even call it that. Its a certifiable hellhole.
I shot him a look that let him know exactly who I thought was responsible for the fact that our dad was sleeping in a one-bedroom rooming house with a rat problem that would keep the entire pest control industry in Syracuse busy for the next five years.
Charlie had lost the family home at some point during his trial. A house that had been in his family for several generations. The money had gone to pay for his defense.
I thought about getting a hotel room, but Sweetie Pie needs someone to take care of him.
Sweetie Pie was the family pet, a fifteen-year-old Maine coon cat, half-blind, totally deaf and ornerier than a polecat trapped in a burlap bag while in fierce heat.
You should have called. You could have stayed at my place.
I stiffened. Was he really that clueless? Did he actually believe that Id take the freight elevator up to his loft apartment ever again? Or was he simply demonstrating his total insensitivity to what had happened to us in the past?
Sweet, painful memories of those late-night elevator rides flooded my senses, making me slightly woozy. Nights when wed barely make it onto the elevator, let alone into his apartment before we were tearing at each others clothes.
The elevator would chug upward, its gears and chains grinding and churning, as hed press me up against the metal gate with his hardened body. His lips would travel over the pounding pulse in my neck and his clever hands would tear at my shirt buttons. My own hands frantically pulled and tugged at the waistband of his worn jeans.
Wed get to the top, push open the gate and stumble out, hobbling and hopping across the bare plank floor of his apartment, hanging on to each other and hampered by our clothing dragging down around our ankles.
Finally, wed collapse onto the king-size mattress lying on the floor in the center of the loft. Jack didnt have a lot of furniture in those days. Besides, a bed seemed to serve any and all purpose in his life at the time. Knowing him, it probably still did.
Even with that bitter thought, my mind drifted back to those crazy, hot, passionate nights. Id lie on my back and suck in great gulps of air from the open skylight above, while his clever hands did wild and wonderful things to my body. And wed lie there for hours, his powerful limbs entwined with mine, his lips whispering secret words in my ear as I screamed for a release I wanted so badly I could taste it even now.
My hands shook as I roughly pushed the thoughts aside, fighting to keep the emotions from ripping at my insides and showing on my face.
I met his gaze, and my anger heated to white when I saw the touch of sympathy sitting in the depths of those exquisite eyes. If there was one thing I didnt want, it was to have Jack feeling sorry for me. I wanted him on his knees hurting worse than me.
Sorry, that wasnt very diplomatic of me, was it? he said.
Gee, you think?
Come on, Killian, cut me some slack. I said I was sorry. Can we call a truce?
Not in this lifetime. I tore my eyes away from his.
For a moment, I questioned if I was being unreasonable. But then rage pulled at me again. He didnt have any rights, in my book.
He had destroyed Pop with his testimony, telling the jury and the rest of the world that Charlie had sold important police information to the local crime boss, taking huge kickbacks in return.
Hed come to Claires funeral when she died of cancer a week into Charlies trial, but he stayed in the back, aware that he was no longer welcome inside the magic circle of young adults who clustered around Charlie in a show of support and infinite sorrow.
At one point, Charlie had reached out to him, but Jack was quick enough to catch the warning glares from the rest of us. He disappeared a short time later, never making it to the graveside service.
None of the others have mentioned you lately. Have you talked to them? I was referring to our five foster siblings.
The reason he hasnt mentioned us is that we never see him, a new voice piped in.
I turned to see Shawna, one of our former foster sisters, watching us from the doorway. She stood with both hands planted firmly on her narrow hips, a fierce expression of protectiveness stiffening the dark mahogany planes of her proud face. The thick gold ring punched through the center of her lower lip glittered in the muted lights of the room as she glared in Jacks direction.
Jack knows he isnt welcome around here.
Good to see you too, Shawna. Jacks expression showed no reaction to her bristly greeting. As disagreeable as ever, I see.
You aint even seen disagreeable, big brother. She turned away from him and concentrated on me. Brian told me youd arrived. I came down right after work. Couldnt get away earlier. Another supervisor retired, and Ive been picking up the slack. Damn hiring freeze.
She scowled and then moved over to stand next to me. Hows he doing?
No change, I said, leaning down to hug her. She clung to me for a few seconds, her head nestled against my shoulder as if trying to soak in some of my strength. Id always envied Shawna her petiteness. Without meaning to, she had always managed to make me feel like an Amazon.
The docs been in today? she asked finally, stepping back.
Earlier. They didnt have anything to say. The usual grunts and nods. Which seem to be the typical way of imparting information around this place.
Shawna nodded and rearranged the sheet lying across Charlies chest. Her nails, long and meticulously painted, showed bloodred against the white linen. Drake and I are taking the night shift. He told me to tell you to go home and get some sleep. You and Courtney have day duty.
I sighed. Did they really think I was going to leave Charlies bedside? Im fine right here. I nodded toward the cushioned high-backed chair in one corner of the room. Ill catch some Zs right over there if I get too tired.
Shawna shook her head. They only allow two of us in the room at a time.
Then Ill sleep out in the waiting room.
Youre not going to do Charlie any good if youre dead on your feet, Jack said quietly from the end of the bed.
I bristled. No one asked for your input.
It was Shawnas turn to sigh. Look, as much as I hate to admit it, Jacks right. You need to keep strong.
Jack moved toward the door. When Pop wakes up, will you at least give me a call?
Sure, Shawna said.
I let her do the talking. If I had my way, hed be the last person I called to tell the good news, but in this case I bowed to Shawnas diplomatic skills.
He zipped his jacket, pulling up the collar in preparation for heading outside. His gaze shifted to me. I stiffened.
Take care of yourself, Killian. His tone had a certain softness to it, as if he were trying to connect with me. To reach out and touch the part of me that had once loved him.
You, too, I said curtly.
He walked out and Shawna shot me a quick look. Still havent gotten over him, have you?
I stiffened. What makes you say that?
The fact that your hostility has an undeniably passionate edge to it.
She looked me up and down and shook her head knowingly. No doubt about it, sistah, youre still holding a torch for that one.
Boy, are you living in a dream world.
I glanced away so she couldnt read any more of the raw emotions flickering across my face. Shawna was only three years older than me, but she had a tendency to take on the role of the all-knowing older sister, a trait that never ceased to annoy me. Basically, I hated her uncanny ability to read me.
Well, hes gone and thats all that matters for now. She picked up a small package on the bedside table and slipped out a premoistened swab. She leaned over the rail to moisten Charlies chapped lips around the adhesive tape securing the breathing tube in his mouth.
Jacks been pretty decent about staying out of our way these past few years. I cant really fault him for wanting to stop by and see Pop now. She glanced up, her dark eyes wistful. Pop never hated anyone in his entire life. He didnt even fault Jack for testifying against him in court. He forgave himtold all of us to forgive him, too.
Guess Im not as kindhearted as Pop, I said. But then, hes always been soft when it came to dealing with Jack. In fact, he was too kindhearted toward all of us. None of us deserved him. Or Claire.
Shawna reached up and touched my shoulder. Save it, sweetie. Hes gonna pull through this. Hes too strong to give up. She swallowed her own obvious pain. Craig Gibson, Pops lawyer, stopped by yesterday. Charlie has a health proxy and a will. He appointed you as the executor of his estate and gave you power of attorney.