Sita, who had long ago been converted to Christianity, always remembered her Hindu origins in times of stress. He has gone to his next life, she said, looking up from kneading chuppatti dough. And it will be a better one, for he was a good man, and surely Chinkara is with him there, looking after him still. You must look to Teddy-Sahib. He is the master now.
Yes, he is, isnt he? Emma attempted to smile, for the idea of Teddy, the schoolboy, taking over the management of their lives would have been amusing in other circumstances. There was no doubt in her mind who would have to pick up the reins and make the decisions. And for that, she must remain strong and not give way to the grief which was eating away at her heart and mind, making thinking objectively almost impossible.
But when she forced herself to try, her head was filled with a thousand questions, the most important being: how could they manage without Papa? It was not the housekeeping that troubled her, for she had been doing that for years, but whether they would be allowed to remain in the bungalow which belonged to the East India Company and, if not, where would they go? She imagined her papa had left some money, but was it enough to keep Teddy at college? Was there a pension?
There was also the vexing question of Calcutta Society, which might turn a blind eye to her living alone when her father was simply away campaigning; but when the officers wives learned he was never coming back, they would be round like flies, giving her gratuitous advice, the gist of which was that she should not live alone with no one for company but her brother and a handful of Indian servants; it was unseemly and she would earn a reputation.
She was twenty-two, well past the age of needing a chaperon, if she ever had; she dressed as she pleased, went where she pleased within certain practical limits and felt perfectly safe. In her view, her totally loyal servants would be far more help to her in a crisis than any hidebound European woman, concerned only with protocol and etiquette. If they had their way, they would marry her off to one of the newly arrived officers within a month of the poor mans arrival.
Her fears were confirmed when Mrs Goodwright arrived by ekka which she drove herself, just as soon as the rain ceased. The temperature had dropped a few degrees, but the little garden steamed, so that the trees, shrubs and outbuildings were seen through a haze with no clear outlines. A palm frond near the door dripped on to the wooden steps of the verandah.
You must come and stay with us, she said briskly, removing her gloves and lifting her veil. Emma wondered why she persisted in dressing as if she were still in Europe, which must have made her unbearably hot. We will have to find you a husband. Ive no doubt there will be several eligibles coming out from home to replace the men we have lost.
It is very kind of you, maam, Emma said, wondering if the woman would be quite so cold-blooded if her husband had been among those who had perished, instead of staying behind a desk at headquarters. But I am not ready to think of such things yet
Oh, surely you are not still grieving for John, child? That was four years agoit is foolish to go on mourning.
It wasnt mourning, it was prudence. She had met John when she was eighteen and he had just arrived from England. He had swept her off her feet and in no time they became engaged. And though she was sure she loved him dearly, she had soon realised he adhered to the widely held view that the British in India were a blessing for which the natives ought to give thanks.
We are not here as conquerors, he had said. We came to trade, but how can trade be properly carried out if the kings and princes are always warring with each other over who should succeed whom and who pay tribute to whom? It has been necessary to preserve law and order and that means having a military presence. You are a soldiers daughter, you must surely understand that. Besides, the natives are no more than children, needing education and guidance.
She had hoped that when he had been in India a little longer, he might come to know and love the country and its inhabitants, as she, her father and brother did. Whether he would have done she was never to know, for he had died of sandfly fever during his first summer. When his parents came out from England to visit his grave, they had not bothered to hide their disapproval of her; she was too free and easy and did not behave like a lady, which had made her laugh, in spite of her grief.
She realised she would never have broken down their antagonism. She and John would probably have regretted marrying if he had lived and taken her back to England. She had mourned him sincerely, but she was determined that if she ever fell in love again, she would be careful that it would be with someone who understood her love of all things Indian.
Such a man had not materialised and now, though still slim, exceedingly healthy and independent, she was almost an old maid.
No, she said. I meant I would not marry for expediencys sake.
Then I strongly suggest you go home to England. There is nothing like family when you have a bereavement. I am sure Viscount Mountforest will be delighted to receive you.
Emma doubted it. There had been bad blood between her father and his older brother and they had never corresponded in all the years Papa had been in India. As far as she was aware, her uncle did not even know of the existence of his niece and nephew.
She had asked her papa once why that was. She remembered it clearly because it was just after her mother died. He had returned from the Poona campaign in 1802 too late to see Mama alive and the effect on him of her untimely death had been distressing to watch. He blamed the climate; he blamed the way they were always being separated by campaigns which he felt were due to British expansionism and nothing to do with defending The Companys people and property which was what he was paid for. But most of all he blamed himself.
I should have taken her home, no matter what, he had said, when he came out of his anguish sufficiently to speak of his wife at all. The doctor said the climate would kill her
Emma, then eight years old and grief-stricken for her beloved mama, had not tried to placate him, she had simply demanded, Why didnt you? Take her back to England, I mean.
He had looked at his little daughter and sighed. It is not so easy, sweetheart, I am an exile, your mother understood that. She knew the whole story.
What does exile mean?
It means I was sent away and cannot go back.
Not ever?
I do not think so. Not unless certain people are prepared publicly to admit the wrong they did me and I do not think they will ever do that.
Why not?
He had smiled and taken her on to his knee, rubbing his chin across her hair, which had not yet taken on the auburn tones it now had and was a soft light brown. Why all the questions? Do you wish to go to England?
Not without you, but I think I might like to go on a visit, just to see what it is like.
One day, perhaps, you will, when you are grown up and very rich, then it will not matter what the gossips say.
What do they say?
He had said nothing for a whole minute and she had begun to think he did not intend to answer her; when he did, his voice was so low she could hardly hear him. They say that I have besmirched the name of a noble family, that I am responsible for a mans death, that I am a coward, that I have no honour. He paused and then added softly, But it was honour which bound me as surely as chains.
She hadnt understood then, nor even now when she was old enough to comprehend the meaning of the words. Her answer, spoken from the heart of a child, had pleased him. Papa, you are the bravest man I know.
His eyes had taken on a faraway look as if he were in another place at another time. Then he had hugged her and set her down. Dont worry, child, it was all for the best. I met and married your mother, here in Calcutta, and not for a single second have I ever regretted that. India has become home and I would have it no other way. I shall die here and no one in England will mourn me. He had put on a cheerful voice, but she had detected the note of sadness and knew he would brood over it until the end of his days.
Have your servant pack a bag and come with me now, Mrs Goodwright said. You can stay with us until you leave.
Thank you, maam, but I would rather stay here. There is so much to do, arrangements to make.
Of course. But if you change your mind, you know you are welcome.
Emma hadnt contemplated leaving Calcutta, not even then. It had taken another shock to force her to consider it. She had gone to see Mr Chapman, who looked after her fathers legal and financial affairs. Papa had never spoken of money to them and, as they had never been stinted, she imagined they would be comfortable.
She realised how wrong she was before she had been in his office five minutes. Apart from small bequests to the servants, her fathers will left everything to her and Teddy equally. This was no surprise, but what took her aback was the tiny amount involved.
Your father was always generous and never saw the need to husband his resources, Mr Chapman said. He was indifferent to money and never bothered to collect his debts, though he was always scrupulous in paying his own.
But surely he must have done some trading? she queried, knowing that it was common practice for Company employees and soldiers to supplement their pay with private trade. Some of them had become very wealthy by it. Everyone does that in India, dont they? Silks, spices, precious stones, opium, bought and sold for profit.
He smiled at her over the top of his spectacles, which were perched on the end of his nose. The days of the nabob are passed, Miss Mountforest. Company employees, whether civilian or soldier, are no longer allowed to trade privately. Oh, I know it is still done, but if your father was ever engaged in it, I know nothing of it.
He was obviously a great deal more scrupulous about such things than his contemporaries, she said. An honourable man.
Yes, indeed.
I believe he received an allowance from England, she said. Will that continue?
He looked embarrassed and shuffled the papers on the desk in front of him as if reluctant to speak. The allowance was paid to Major Mountforest by his father and was conditional on his never returning to England, he said. It ceased when his brother succeeded to the title.
My uncle stopped it? she asked, in disbelief.
Yes.
Then what are we left with, my brother and I?
A small pension from The Company. It may be enough to live on if you are frugal. It is certainly not enough to pay school fees. He paused, then went on in a kindly voice, I am so sorry, my dear; perhaps you should write to your uncle. I cannot believe he will hold his brothers sins against you. As soon as he knows your circumstances, I am sure he will send for you to go and live with him.
The sins were not my fathers but his brothers, she retorted. I would not go to him.
Whatever the rights and wrongs of it, you may have to, he said, as Emma stood up to leave. It might be as well to swallow your pride and make the best of it, for what can you do here?
She returned to the bungalow where Teddy, red of eye and puffy of cheeks, had been going round touching everythingthe ornaments, the pictures, the tigers headas if by doing so he could convince himself of the enduring nature of things, that if everything around him stayed in exactly the same place, their father might still be alive.
It worried Emma, because he hardly spoke and was certainly in no mood to make plans which would mean altering their way of life. She delayed saying anything, hoping he would come out of his grief and listen to her, though what she was going to tell him, she did not know.
Instead she set about finding work. Everyone was kind to her, though critical of her father who had been so shortsighted as to think he was immortal, and him a soldier too! But it didnt alter the fact that no one had anything to give her to do for which they were prepared to pay her and Mrs Goodwright wanted to know why she had changed her mind about returning to England when it was so obviously the thing to do. She could not, of course, tell her the true story, nor admit that they simply did not have their passage money.
Her prevarication came to an end very suddenly a month later, when, in the middle of the biggest downpour Calcutta had seen for years, she received notice to quit the bungalow.
She took it to Captain Goodwright, whom she found at the fort, hoping he might be able to help her. I cannot believe anyone could be so callous, she said. It is only a month since
I know, my dear, but the bungalow is the designated quarters of a major and there is one coming soon to replace Major Mountforest. You do understand, dont you?
But where are we to go?
England, he said. I really think you should consider it. The war in Europe is over at last and Napoleon has been sent into exile. There would be no danger.
Exile: her fathers, Napoleons and now her own, for that was what it seemed like to her. She left him quickly before he could see her tears; the first she had shed since the day she learned of her fathers death. And now they had come, she could not stem the flow. People were looking at her with curiosity and she sought shelter among the trunks of a banyan tree on the Maidan, where she allowed herself the luxury of a good sob, watched by a couple of monkeys, who were sitting in its branches.
Later, when her ribs ached and her handkerchief was sodden, she stopped. Feeling sorry for herself would not achieve anything, but letting herself go had done her good. She emerged from her hiding place, straightened her back and walked home, unaware of the horses, carts of produce, fiacres, tongas, ekkas and pedestrians that eddied round her, nor the steady drip of water from trees and rooftops, which soaked her bonnet. Her mind was still in tumult, but one decision had been taken from her; she could no longer put off speaking to Teddy.
Her brother was still apathetic, but at least he was coming out of the trance-like state which had so worried her, and he sat down to listen to what she had to say with grave attention. We have to leave the bungalow, she said. And I think it best if we go to England. We have relatives there.
What relatives? he demanded. I have never heard of any.
Viscount Mountforest is our uncle. I am sure he would help us.
Why did Papa never mention him?
I believe they quarrelled.
What about?
I do not know. All I know is that Papa was blamed and sent out here to India and told never to return.
And you expect us to go cap in hand to him? he demanded, getting up from floor and pacing the room.
Then what do you suggest we do?