Leah seemed to get a grip on herself first. Yah, he wants to tell Joshua to take Lige out with him and let him help. Aint so, Sam?
For sure, Sam said.
Kindhearted Joshua came and squatted down by Liges seat. Want to komm help me feed the buggy horses? You can measure the oats, yah? He spoke softly, holding out his hand to Lige.
Lige looked up at her, as if asking for guidance.
Youll like that, she said, flashing a glance of thanks to her nephew. Go along with Joshua and the other boys now.
Lige slid off his chair, probably glad to get out of the kitchen. He took Joshuas hand, and they went off together.
At a look from Leah, Sam and Daad went out, too.
You girls make a start on the dishes now, she said. I want to show your aunt Rebecca some of my quilts.
Yah, you go on, Mamm added. Ill look after things here.
Mamm was obviously trying hard to erase the shock from her face. Maybe she needed time as much as Rebecca did just now.
Leah ushered Rebecca into the sewing room and opened a trunk to reveal the quilts inside. You dont have to look at these now, she said. I just thought you might want a reason to be by yourself for a minute.
Denke, she murmured, feeling the blood mounting to her cheeks. It must wonder you why...
Leah touched her hand. You dont need to explain anything. But when you do want to talk, Im here and ready to listen. Leah put her arms around her for a quick, strong embrace. Im your sister now, aint so? she murmured.
It was a struggle to hold back tears. Maybe it would be a relief to talk, but not now, not when the emotions were still raw, even after months.
Ill check on the girls, Leah said, seeming to understand. You take as long as you want. She slipped out quickly.
Alone, Rebecca slid down on the floor next to the trunk, her hand resting on the Sunshine and Shadows quilt that lay on top. Sunshine and Shadows, she repeated silently. There had been mostly shadows for so long. She longed to believe the sunshine was coming back to their lives.
As for talking about it...how could she tell anyone? Mamm and Daadi hadnt wanted her to marry James so quickly, to go so far away with someone they barely knew. But shed been captivated by Jamess charm and his lively, daring personality.
She didnt know then about the quick temper that seemed to be a part of him. It had flared rarely in the first years of their marriage, and each time it did, shed made excuses for him.
And then had come the accident. Jamess daring had led him a little too far, determined to climb to the top of the windmill to repair it, unwilling to wait for someone to come help him. And annoyed with her when she tried to stop him.
So shed stood, watching, wondering what made him so eager to take risks. Then... Her memory winced away from the image of him falling, falling...
Everyone, even the doctors, said he was fortunate to be alive. That his injuries would heal, and hed be himself again.
But he wasnt. After the injury to his head, James seemed to lose all control. His rages were terrifying. If she dared try to calm him, hed turn on her. Lige had become a little mouse, always afraid, trying so hard not to do anything to bring on the anger. And she hadnt been much better.
Until the day hed almost struck Lige with his fist. Then she had found the courage to fight back. When his family seemed unable to help, shed dared to go to the bishop.
Bishop Paul had been everything that was kind. Hed insisted that James go for treatment, making all the arrangements himself. For a time, the treatment helped. The rages became a thing of the past, and it had seemed a blessing to be able to hope again.
Then it had all fallen apart. James had lost his temper with a half-trained horse, determined to force it to obey. The animal had reared, striking out, and in a moment, James was gone.
Rebecca pressed her fingers to her eyes, willing the images away. James was gone, but the damage hed done lived on after him, it seemed.
No. She forced herself to stand, to wipe the tears from her face. That was the past. It was over and done with. She and Lige had a new start here, and they would make the best of it. But she would never again make the mistake of trusting a man with their lives.
Chapter Two
When Daniel turned into the lane and drew the horse to a halt at the back door of Rebeccas new house, the troubling thoughts about her returned in full force. Onkel Zeb, sitting next to him on the wagon seat, started to get down and then looked at him.
Was ist letz? Is something wrong?
No, no. He secured the lines and scolded himself for daydreaming. Its nothing. I can unload myself, if you have something else to do. Hed appreciated the company on the trip to the hardware store and lumberyard for the materials hed need for Rebeccas job, but he didnt want to keep his uncle working all day.
Onkel Zeb, as lean and tough as he always was, hopped down nimbly. Nothing as interesting as this, he said, heading for the back of the wagon. I want to see what you and Rebecca are going to do to this place. Mason Evans let it go those last few years, thats certain sure.
He didnt seem to have much energy for it after his wife passed, did he? But well get it fixed up fine. He slid a couple of two-by-fours off the wagon and balanced them on his shoulder. If youll get the door, Ill take the bigger pieces in. Rebecca said shed leave it unlocked for us.
Nodding, Zeb stepped up to the porch and swung the door open. I was hoping Rebecca would be here when we got back. I havent seen her yet. How is she looking?
Daniel moved past him to start a stack of the lumber inside while he considered how to answer that question. All right, I guess, he muttered.
His uncle propped the door open before turning to give him a probing look. Seems to me youre not so sure about that, aint so?
He should have known there was no getting away with evasions where Onkel Zeb was concerned. Hed been like a father to all three boys, especially after their mother left and their own daad just seemed to fall apart at the loss.
Dont go down that road, he told himself. This is about Rebecca, not you.
Truth to tell, Im not sure. He pulled another couple of posts out and hesitated. Shes so thin and pale I almost didnt know her. Its not so long since her husband died, so I guess thats natural, but...
But what? Onkel Zeb leaned against the buggy, ready to listen as always.
Daniel frowned absently at the boards. Seemed like her whole personality has changed from what she was. She was all tense and keyed up, and the boy... He seemed almost scared.
Of you?
Daniel shrugged. Maybe. Or maybe of everything. Just didnt seem right. He eyed his uncle thoughtfully. You and Josiah Fisher are pretty close. He say anything to you about Rebecca?
Onkel Zeb hesitated so long Daniel thought he wasnt going to answer. Finally he spoke. Josiah and Ida have been worried about Rebecca for a while now, her being so far away that they couldnt help as much as they wanted when she had all this trouble.
That wasnt really an answer, and they both knew it. So why did they start worrying to begin with?
That wasnt really an answer, and they both knew it. So why did they start worrying to begin with?
What do you remember about when Rebecca got married? Onkel Zeb answered the question with a question.
Daniel cast his mind back. I remember she went away that summerout to Ohio to help a cousin of hers who was moving. She stayed quite a time, and then we heard shed met someone and was going to marry him. He rubbed the back of his neck. Funny. Wed always been such gut friends, but she didnt write to me about him at all.
That was the summer you were chasing after Betty Ann Stoltzfus, Onkel Zeb put in. Maybe you were too busy to pay much attention to what Rebecca was up to.
Daniel had a moments gratitude for the fact that hed broken it off with Betty Ann when he did. They wouldnt have suited anyway, and it was not long afterward that his little brother, Aaron, took off for the Englisch world, tearing up his heart.
Onkel Zeb made a sound that expressed his general disapproval of Betty Ann. Anyway, Josiah and Ida didnt want her to get married so quick, especially to someone they hardly knew, who lived so far away. But she was determined, so they accepted the best they could.
Rebecca being the only daughter, I guess its natural theyd want her to stay close. He picked up another armload of planks. It had begun to sound as if Onkel Zeb was doing a good bit of talking around the subject, maybe not wanting to repeat anything Josiah said about his daughter in confidence.
Yah. Zeb slid out some of the smaller pieces and a box of nails and followed him to the house. Natural, like you say. They always thought maybe you and Rebecca would make a match of it, as close as you were.
That startled him. Hed never imagined anyone could be thinking that. We were friends, thats all, he said quickly. Neither of us ever thought of anything else.
There was a skeptical expression on Onkel Zebs lean, lined face, but he didnt argue. Instead, he turned back toward the door. Ill bring the rest of the small stuff in.
Hed need the sawhorses and his tools, but for a moment, Daniel stood where he was, processing that idea. All he could think now was that it had been fortunate he and Rebecca hadnt been more than friends. He wouldnt have wanted to let her down.
It wouldnt have to be that way. The small voice of hope spoke in his head, but he squashed it. Maybe it didnt have to be, but it was. After all, it had happened before. When Mamm left...
Hed been the closest to their mother of the three boys. So close hed always thought he even knew what she was thinking. But he hadnt. She must have been unhappy for a long time to run away to the Englisch world and leave them behind. And hed never seen it. If he had, he might have made a difference.
Logic might say that a ten-year-old couldnt influence what a grown woman did, but somehow Daniel didnt believe in logic when he thought about running upstairs to Mammis bedroom to tell her about the good grade hed got on his spelling test, only to discover that the room was empty of everything that belonged to her. Everything except the letter that lay on the pillow, addressed to Daad. Nothing for him, her favorite.
There had been times when hed nearly run off to try to find her. And worse times when he didnt know whether it was worth it to go on living. Daad, shattered himself, hadnt been any help. Theyd never have got through it without Onkel Zeb.
And then, just when Daniel had begun thinking that losing Mamm that way hadnt tainted him forever, Aaron had left. Little Aaron, the baby brother hed always looked after, taken care of, defended. Hed told himself taking care of Aaron was his jobmaybe hed even taken pride in how close they were.
But hed failed Aaron, too. He hadnt known that the forces of rebellion were growing so fiercely in Aaron that hed pack up and leave. Like Mammi, except that Aaron hadnt even left a note.
Daniel had understood then. He couldnt be trusted not to fail the people he loved. So he certain sure couldnt take the risk of letting a wife and children depend on him.
Onkel Zeb clattered back in with another armload. You want to help me with the sawhorses?
Yah, sorry. Ill get them. Daniel shook off his mood. No sense reliving the past. This was now, and there was work to be done.
But when they pulled the last few things off the wagon, it was Onkel Zeb who paused, his thoughts clearly far away.
You know something more about Rebecca, Daniel said, knowing it was so. He waited. Was he going to hear what it was?
I cant tell you all of it, his uncle said, continuing the conversation that was on both their minds. Parts I dont know, and parts Josiah most likely wouldnt want repeated. His solemn gaze met Daniels. But I do know that Rebecca has seen more trouble than most folks twice her age. And right now, what she needs most is a friend. He paused, and Daniel thought for a moment that he was praying. You can be that friend she needs, Daniel. If you will.
Yah, for sure. He didnt need to know any details to promise that, but his heart was chilled, nonetheless. Ive always been Rebeccas friend, and I always will be.
* * *
By the next day, Rebecca had begun to feel that, aside from a few bumps in the road, Lige was doing better each day. And if he was, that meant she could be happier, as well. She and Leah were doing the breakfast dishes together after the younger children had left for school, and Leahs sunny kitchen seemed to hold the echo of the kinders chatter and laughter.
Come September, your Lige will be joining the other scholars on their way to school, Leah commented. Hell like it, Im sure. Teacher Esther is wonderful gut with the kinder.
Its hard to believe my little one is that old. Ill miss him. Rebeccas smile was tinged with a little regret. In a normal Amish family, Lige would have been joined by a couple of younger siblings by now.
You wont miss him as much as you think. Leahs tone was practical. By then, your quilt shop will be thriving, and youll have plenty to keep you busy.
I hope so. Rebecca breathed a silent prayer.
I was thinking about the shop, Leah said. How would it be if I asked some of the other women to bring in quilts on consignment? I know several fine quilters who would like a regular store to sell their goods, instead of relying on mud sales and the like.
Rebecca blinked. It seemed Leah was thinking ahead even more than she had. Thats a grand idea, for sure. Id love it. Do you really think they would? Ive been away so long that they probably feel they hardly know me by now.
Ach, that doesnt make a bit of difference. Folks remember you. Youd be doing a gut thing for them. And then there are some women like Martha Miller. She doesnt get around much now, but shed love to do more sewing for folks. You could get her some work by letting customers know that she does hand quilting.
Yah, I could. Excitement began to bubble. I could have a bulletin board, maybe, where I could post things like that for customers to see. Denke, Leah. You... Her throat tightened. Im sehr glad Sam had enough sense to marry you. I couldnt ask for a better sister.
Leah clasped Rebeccas hand with her soapy one. Ach, its nothing. Were wonderful glad youve come home.