Maybe shes feeling too poorly to fuss over Christmas. Betty crossed her arms over her chest. With her being in the family way.
The gossip had already been to town and back. If the cousins knew about her pregnancy, so did everyone in the trailer park.
Logan rubbed his neck, which Cassidy guessed was hot enough to ignite without the aid of lighter fluid.
So Cassidy invited you over for supper? Alice asked.
Yes, maam.
Well, its about time she entertained a man.
Cassidy rolled her eyes. She lived in a trailer, not a bordello.
Betty, whens the last time Cassidy had a man over?
Gosh, I cant remember. A year ago?
Ugh. Her life was so pathetic.
The bag of briquettes in one hand and lighter fluid in the other, Logan said, If youll excuse me, I need to fire up the grill.
Enjoy your evening. Oh, and Mr. Taylor, Alice said. If Sonja puts up a fuss send her over here. She likes our fish aquarium.
Yes, maam.
After Logan headed to the other side of the yard, Cassidy closed the window and watched him fuss with the grill. Hed changed clothes since hed left her place this afternoon. His gray chambray shirt had navy piping across the yoke and pearl snaps up the front. He wore well-worn Wranglers and brown ropersthe quintessential cowboy. And she suspected Logan was a take-charge kind of guy.
Deciding to leave him in peace, Cassidy slipped the potatoes into the oven to warm. Her mother entered the kitchen, stopped in the middle of the room and stared into space, her brain struggling to recall why she stood there.
Whats up, Mom?
Oh, hi, honey. When did you get home?
A little while ago. The same fifty or so questions over and over. Day after day. Week after week. There were times Cassidy wanted to cry. To bawl like a baby. Times she yearned to lash out at her motherignore her motheror leave her mother on someone elses doorstep. Then her mother would smile and say a kind word and Cassidy would feel like the worst daughter in the world for her uncharitable thoughts. Would you set the table for three?
Her mother retrieved the plates, then gasped. That man is setting our tree on fire.
Flames shot sky high from the small grill. It was a miracle the cooker hadnt melted. She poked her head out the door. The hose is on the other side of the trailer.
Logan almost smiled and the gesture tugged at her heart. Got carried away with the lighter fluid. Then he asked, Steaks ready?
Ready? Oops, shed forgotten to season them. She shut the door and tore the butcher paper from the meat, then muttered out loud, Wheres the garlic salt?
Juan loved garlic.
Juan was Cassidys father.
Alzheimers hadnt tarnished her mothers memory of Juana man Cassidy had never met. Some days her mother would go on forever about the love of her youth. Cassidy couldnt care less about her father. She searched the cupboard, found steak seasoning and sprinkled the spice over the meat. Grabbing a pair of tongs, she said, Be right back.
Here. She offered the plate to Logan. A rich, spicy scenthis colognecompeted with the smell of lighter fluid lingering in the air.
His fingers slid over her hand when he took the plate and she had to force herself to release the dish as memories of those same hands caressing her breastsher thighsherNice of you to bring a steak for Mom, she said, slamming the door on the x-rated thoughts.
He shrugged off her gratitude.
Cassidy sensed Logan was a nice, decent man. For the babys sake she was glad.
Mom makes people uncomfortable. I hope she doesnt offend you tonight.
How long has she been this way? he asked.
Sonja Ortizs health had begun deteriorating after Cassidy graduated from high school. For a while. The last two years have been especially trying. Eventually Ill have to put her in a home.
Im sorry. Compassion shone in his brown eyes.
Now more than ever I wish my mother wasnt ill. Cassidy glanced over her shoulder at the trailer. Shed have been thrilled to pieces to be a grandmother.
About the baby
She should have kept her mouth shutat least until theyd eaten.
Im more than willing, in fact, I insist on helping you out financially. But
Her breath caught in her lungs. The stark pain in his gaze proved how much the news of her pregnancy had shaken him. An overwhelming sense of sadness filled her. You dont want to raise this child.
No.
Compassion battled anger. Shed never been in Logans shoes. Never loved someone and then had that love ripped from her arms the way his wife and their baby had been taken from him.
Well be fine on our own, Logan. The words sounded bold and brave but Cassidys insides shook. How on earth would she handle caring for an infant, cutting hair every day and watching over her mother? Mom managed and you will, too. I told you about the baby because you had a right to know. She searched his expression but his face remained composed, no hint that her words affected him one way or the other. The potatoes will be done in ten minutes. She left the brooding cowboy in peace.
Ten minutes laternot a second soonerLogan rapped on the door and stepped into the kitchen. He set the steaks on the counter.
What would you prefer to drink? she asked. We have red wine. Her mothers favorite. Or soda or bottled water.
Waters fine.
Have a seat. She placed the drinks on the table. Time for supper, Mom. Cassidy cut her mothers steak into bite-size pieces and poured dressing on the salad, aware of Logans eyes following her movements.
Cassidy dug into her potato as she stewed over Logans announcement that he wouldnt be involved in their babys life. Yes, her mother had raised her without a father and she was a well-adjusted young womanin her opinion. But she wanted better than that for her child. She wanted her little boy or girl to know the love of a mother and a father.
When Logan still hadnt touched his food, she asked, Whats wrong?
Shouldnt we wait for your mother?
I gave up forcing her to come to the table. Shell eat when shes ready.
Logan picked at his meal, ruining Cassidys appetite. She set her fork and knife aside. I get not wanting anything to do with me, Logan. Im a big girl. I know there werent any feelings involved in what wedid. She cleared her throat and continued. But I dont understand how you can walk away from your own child.
Im not walking away. I said I would help financially.
Tired and frustrated, she lashed out. How do you plan to ignore a child wholl grow up right under your nose? She had no plans to leave Junket. This was home.
He shoved his chair away from the table and headed for the door.
Great. Shed pushed him too far. So thats it? Youll send a check in the mail once a month?
Hand on the doorknob, he said. Thats all I have to offer.
There went all her pie-in-the-sky dreams of her child having a real family. You know what, Logan? Never mind. Never mind the money. Never mind me. Never mind the baby. We dont need your help.
The muscle along his jaw pulsed in anger. After a moment, he opened the door and walked out, leaving Cassidy the last word.
The muscle along his jaw pulsed in anger. After a moment, he opened the door and walked out, leaving Cassidy the last word.
And the last regret.