There was a difference between being cool and being cruel. He didnt have the right to hurt her for decisions theyd made when they were seventeen.
He stepped into her path and she looked up, startled. Color flooded her cheeks.
Zach. II didnt see you.
Whats wrong? Theyd always been able to go to the heart of things with each other, and he didnt figure hed start making polite conversation now.
Nothing, she said quickly and then shook her head. Well, nothing I can do anything about, in any event. She seemed to brush aside whatever it was, or at least table it until later. Have you taken care of the business you had to deal with?
Ive made a start. He shrugged. According to Jake Evans, you cant just toss a house in the trash if you dont want it.
Meredith studied his face, and he had the sense that she was seeing beneath the surface, just like she used to do. Shed always been able to glimpse the person behind the tough-guy façade.
The house where you grew up, you mean?
He couldnt keep from grimacing. It came to me after my stepmother died, it seems. I dont want it.
You dont want it because the property is a tie to Deer Run, I guess. Her direct gaze wanted the truth.
Maybe. But that was putting too much of the burden on her. But mostly because the place holds a lot of bad memories. My childhood isnt something I care to be reminded of.
That had been one of the best things about starting a new life in a different place. He hadnt had to deal with the constant reminders.
What are you planning to do with it, since throwing it away isnt an option? The curve of her lips invited him to see the humor in the situation.
He didnt. I figured Id put it on the market cheap and get rid of it, but according to Evans, it wont sell in the shape its in.
Meredith nodded, the tiny frown line back between her brows, for his problem this time. She shoved a strand of hair behind her ear, and his heart jolted. Shed always done that when she concentrated on something.
You can trust Jake to give you an honest opinion, Im sure. Everyone says hes become a good attorney.
He claims his father is the exception to that opinion, he said, just to see her face lighten.
Her smile flickered. Jacob Senior is proud of his son, but of course he cant admit such a thing. His gruff predictions of imminent disaster when Jake takes over are just a smoke screen, and everyone knows it.
Must be nice to have a father like that. His old man had meant every word of the things hed said to him, most of it stuff he certainly couldnt repeat to Meredith, of all people.
As always, she saw behind his words to the meaning. Her hand moved tentatively, as if she wanted to reach out to him.
Im sorry. Her voice was soft.
Yeah. Well, its over and done with. I dont suppose there were many people who thought Wally Randal was much of a loss when he died.
You didnt come back for the funeral, she observed.
You were there? That shocked him. He hadnt known about it in time, but if he had, he still wouldnt have come. But Meredith had gone. Why? Because of him?
I...thought I should attend. She looked so uncomfortable that he let it go.
I heard about your dads passing. Courtesy of Jeannette, who seemed convinced he wanted to hear every scrap of news about what had happened in Deer Run since he left. Im sorry.
Thank you. Her face was composed, but her eyes were shadowed. Its been a long time, but I still miss him.
Zachs heart twisted. I know you were close. Hed admired John Kings devotion to his daughter, even though that devotion had once made him Zachs enemy.
Meredith stepped aside to let a woman carrying a shopping bag pass, nodding a greeting. She didnt speak again until the woman was well out of earshot.
There was something I wanted to say to you, Zach. Her brown eyes were candid, fixed on his face. Maybe Id better say it now, since I dont suppose youll be in town long.
He wasnt sure he wanted to hear whatever it was, but he nodded.
Meredith hesitated, and for a moment he thought she looked more like the girl shed been than the polished woman she was now. That glimpse kicked him right in the heart.
I want you to know how sorry I am for what my mother did to you. She seemed to force the words out. She thought she was protecting me, but thats no excuse. She drove you away from your home, kept you from finishing high school... Her voice trembled slightly. And I hurt you, too. I cant expect you to forgive me, but I wanted you to know how much I regret what happened.
She pressed her lips together, and he knew that it had cost her a lot to say what she had. How much easier it would be for her to pretend the past had never happened, to greet him politely and then avoid him until he disappeared again. But Meredith had never been one to take the easy way. Hed admired that quality years ago, and he still did.
Its all right. I mean it. Getting out of Deer Run was the best thing that could have happened to me. Your mother didnt intend to, but she did me a favor.
She managed a faint smile at that idea. Its good of you to take it that way. But I let you down, too, and Im sorry.
He had to take the guilt from her face, even at the cost of a lie. Forget letting me down. What did we know about life at seventeen? The way I see it, you kept both of us from making a big mistake, right?
Her face was immobile for a moment. Then her lips moved in a stiff smile.
Right. She glanced around, as if to be sure no one was watching them. Id better get back to work. If I dont see you again, have a safe trip back.
She turned and walked quickly away.
* * *
AS SHE HEADED up the steps to the wide front porch a few minutes later, Meredith couldnt help hoping that her mother wasnt back yet from her committee meeting. If the local rumor mill had already reported her conversation with Zach, shed have to listen to her mothers laments, lectures and warnings all over again.
More importantly, Meredith didnt want her mothers sharp eyes zeroing in on how upset she was.
Her luck was outMom sat in her favorite upholstered rocker in the living room, her low-heeled pumps propped on the small ottoman. Meredith, youre finally home. I was starting to worry about you.
What did she imagine could happen to Meredith in Deer Run in broad daylight? Maybe exactly what had happenedan encounter with Zach.
How was your meeting? Meredith paused in the archway. She wanted nothing so much as to disappear into her bedroom or her office and close the door, but that would be inviting her mother to follow her with questions.
Fine, fine. Were all ready for the sale tomorrow. Her mothers lips tightened, accentuating the fine lines. Though why Jeannette imagines shes in charge, I dont know.
You know how she is. Meredith kept her tone soothing, fearing the subject of Jeannette would lead inevitably to Jeannettes current guest. She thinks nothing will go well if she doesnt have her hand in it.
Her mother sniffed, not mollified. She thinks she knows more than anyone else, too. She actually had the nerve to ask me if youd talked to Zach Randal yet. Nosy woman. I cant stand gossips.
Her mother sniffed, not mollified. She thinks she knows more than anyone else, too. She actually had the nerve to ask me if youd talked to Zach Randal yet. Nosy woman. I cant stand gossips.
If her father were here, hed be exchanging a secret smile with Meredith about now. Hed known perfectly well that Margo was fully engaged in the silent, secret battle that went on among much of Deer Runs female population to be the first to know what their neighbors were thinking and doing. Or thinking about doing.
There didnt seem to be any useful comment she could make. Im going to change clothes before I settle down to work. She turned toward the stairs.
Wait. Her mother straightened, moving her feet to the carpet. You didnt tell me where youve been. There was a slightly sharper edge to her voice than her usual curiosity.
I was up at the Hammond place. I spoke with Victor. Since shed set up the bookkeeping system for the Hammond grocery stores, her mother wouldnt be surprised. And she had spoken to Victor, after all.
Did you see Laura? How is she? Mom, along with most of the village, was insatiably interested in Lauras frequent visits to rehab.
She seemed fine. That was really a whopper, wasnt it? Laura was definitely not fine. She showed me her roses, and theyre going to send some flowers for the stand in the morning.
A few more steps, and shed be on the stairs.
Wait, her mother said again. Theres a bag inside the door. Something Rachel dropped off for you. That scrapbook you girls kept when you were little.
In other words, shed checked the contents. Well, stopping her mothers curiosity was about as likely as stopping the wind from blowing.
Thanks, Ill take it up with me. She slid the scrapbook out, handling it cautiously. The pages were browned and brittle after all these years.
I suppose this means youre thinking about the Mast boys drowning again. Her mother stood in the archway, one hand on the brass latch of the pocket door. I dont know what you think youll find out after all these years.
Meredith tried to mask her surprise. Was that just a general comment, or had her mother somehow learned what Sarah had asked of her?
Id just like to hold on to the scrapbook. She cradled it in her arms. Thats all.
You werent even here that night. Her mother went on as if Meredith hadnt spoken. Spending the night with some of your cousins, as I recall. So you couldnt know anything about what happened. Any more than your father could. He was out that night, too.
Shed heard often enough how her mother had been alone in the house the night Aaron Mast had died not more than a hundred yards away. It was a frequent refrain when her mother didnt want to be left alone in the evening.
Thats true. I dont know anything about it. And she was beginning to think it was best that way. What right did she have to probe into other peoples private grief? She ought to tell Sarah there was nothing to find and let the past rest.
Her mother nodded, but she didnt return to her chair. When is that Randal boy leaving? she asked abruptly.
Merediths heart clenched at the sudden introduction of his name, although she hardly thought the man Zach was now deserved to be referred to that way.
I dont know.
Why not? You talked to him.
He didnt say. He has some business to take care of. I suppose hell leave when its finished. And that was another piece of the past that she should lay to rest.
She walked quickly to the stairs. I really have to get to work now, Mom. Well talk later. She hurried up toward the sanctuary of her room, relieved not to hear her mothers plaintive voice behind her.
Once the door was closed she leaned against it, closing her eyes. Strangely enough, now that she could cut loose, she no longer felt the urge to cry.
Zach had made his feelings clearhe was glad she had refused to go away with him. So all the guilt shed been holding tight had been unnecessary. He apparently considered that hed had a narrow escape.
She should be happy. Unfortunately, she didnt seem able to convince her heart of that fact.
Meredith crossed the room, carrying the scrapbook, and slid it into a drawer of the maple desk Dad had bought for her when she outgrew the frilly pink bedroom of her childhood. The desk, along with the maple sleigh bed and chest of drawers, had been made by an Amish furniture craftsman, and the star quilt had been a gift from Sarahs mother, a little touch of her Amish heritage in a house that was otherwise decorated in her mothers taste.
As for the scrapbook, shed study it later. Or not. Without thinking, she looked out the back window toward the dam, catching just a glimpse of the water through the trees.
Hadnt she already decided that poking about in the past was too hurtful? It was time she buried the events of that summer.
Meredith reached out, automatically straightening the milk-glass vase her father had won for her at the county fair when she was ten. It had stood on her desk ever since, filled with pens and pencils. Her hand rested on the desk blotter, and she frowned. She always kept it aligned with the front edge of the desk, but now it was pushed a good two inches back.
Still frowning, she let her gaze scan the desk surface, the bookcase, the dresser with its embroidered scarf. Her mother thought she was too methodical, too organized, as if that was a fault, or too masculine a trait. But she liked order, and she found it soothing to see things in their proper places...things like the hand mirror, which belonged on the right side of the dresser, not the left. And shed never leave the top drawer slightly open like that, caught on a frill of lace.
She went to the dresser, her heart thudding uncomfortably, and yanked the drawer open. Someone had been in her room. Someone had disarranged things in his or her search.
She glanced at the window again, feeling as if a shadow had reached out of the past to touch the present.
But that was ridiculous. She didnt have to look very far to find out who had searched her room. No doubt it had been her mother, looking for evidence of her nonexistent affair with Zach.
She closed the drawer firmly. Irritation burned in her, urging her to confront her mother about this invasion of her privacy.
She fought back the indignation. Did she really want to open that subject with her mother? And did she want to deal with the inevitable consequences of a scene with her mother?
Better to do what she always did. Better to swallow her annoyance, put on a pleasant face and deny her feelings. She was getting almost frighteningly good at that.
* * *
MEREDITH CHECKED TO BE SURE there was still decaf in the coffeepot, in case anyone wanted a second cup, and switched off the light over the kitchen sink. Her image, reflected in the window, disappeared, and she stood looking out at the lawn and the strip of woods beyond as dusk drew in.
From the living room she could hear the chime of her mothers laughter. Dr. Bennett Campbell had stopped by, and the two of them were playing a game of dominos. As good an excuse as any, Meredith supposed, for an exchange of local gossip and the mild flirtation that had gone on between the two of them for years.
Bennett had closed down his medical practice a few years ago, but he was always ready to listen and sympathize with Moms complaints. Hed describe himself as a family friend, probably, but Meredith had always believed he didnt care much for her. She was too sensible and practical, too much like her father. Bennett, ridiculously old-fashioned for his age, liked women who were frilly and flirtatious, and who at least pretended to be a bit helpless when there was a man around.