Finn clutched the steering wheel, and I realized he hadnt said a word since wed resumed our trek south. Something was wrong, but he wouldnt talk to me about it until we had privacy.
What were their names, sweetie? Anabelle asked.
Mommy and Daddy, Tobias said, and I had to swallow a groan. They hadnt told him their real names? They died, didnt they? he asked softly, and my heart ached for him. I nodded, and when he only blinked at me, somber but accepting, I wondered if maybe losing another set of parents just didnt come as much of a surprise to a child whod already been orphaned once.
Though the manner of their deaths was obviously traumatic.
What if that were Mellies baby?
The sudden thought sent a new kind of terror slithering through my veins: helplessness.
What if Mellies baby were one day orphaned in the badlandsnot a far-fetched scenario, since he or she would be raised among fugitives who sought out demons on a daily basis. How would my niece or nephew survive without Anathemas protection and provision?
The inevitable, horrifying answer chilled me from the inside out: Melanies orphaned child would be little more than a snack for the first degenerate to find the poor thing. Giving the baby a soul wouldnt be enough. Someone would have to teach him or her how to survive.
Did you see what happened to your parents? Finn asked Tobias, drawing me out of my own terrifying thoughts, but when Anabelle scowled at him, I realized shed planned a more gentle buildup to that particular query.
Tobias shook his head. Mommy told me to climb into the trunk and be as quiet as I could. She said if I won the quiet game, shed open the trunk and give me a surprise. But she never came, so I had to open the trunk with the safety latch. He bowed his head, reminding me of my kindergarten students when they were in trouble. I guess I wasnt quiet enough.
Im sure you werent the problem, honey, Anabelle said, and outrage burned deep in my soul as I thought of the boy hiding in the trunk while his new parents ripped out their own throats and abandoned him in the badlands in favor of other hosts.
But then I realized that the poor kid was actually pretty luckyhis worthless parents had left Tobias alive, which was a mercy, considering how his life would have ended if hed grown up in their custody.
* * *
You want to what? Devi demanded, and I laid one finger over my lips to shush her. Across the dusty second-floor den of a long-abandoned house, Tobias was curled up on my bedroll in the glow of twice the number of candles we would normally have burned at night, in case he woke up and was afraid of the dark.
Hed fallen asleep in the truck around the time the sun set, so Id carried him up the stairs myself.
Melanie slept just feet from him, on her own mat on the hard floorwe avoided carpet whenever possible, because after a century of neglect, most soft materials had become havens for mold, mildew, and entire colonies of parasitic insects.
Wed been lucky to find a ghost town so soon after the sun went down, and luckier still that that particular town had been abandoned during the war, rather than razed or torched. It wasnt safe to drive across the badlands at night, because headlights could lure degenerates from miles away.
I want to take him home, I repeated. Then I held my breath, watching the others for their reactions as candlelight cast dancing shadows on the six other faces in our huddle.
Okay, first of all, he doesnt have a home, Devi insisted, and though her voice was softer, it had lost none of its bite. Hes an orphan twice over. He must be the unluckiest damn orphan in the world. I mean, who gets adopted by demons?
They spared his life, but you want to abandon him, I pointed out. No need to note that demons only spare children so they can be possessed once theyve suffered through puberty and can reach the high shelves. Sounds like meeting you was his unluckiest blow yet.
Grayson covered a grin with one hand, but Devi only scowled at me and continued. Second of all, Im not sure that returning him to a Church childrens home would be much of an improvement. Those are run by demons too. All wed be doing is delaying his inevitable possession.
So your solution is to keep him? Reese whispered, intentionally misunderstanding her to support my point, and I could have hugged him.
She abandoned the rest of her argument in surprise. Of course not. A kids the last thing we need.
My brows rose, and I aimed a pointed glance at my sister.
Devi pulled a long rope of dark hair over her shoulder and leaned back against a couch too musty to risk sitting on. We dont have any choice about that one. But that doesnt mean we should start collecting more of them!
But I could practically hear the part she hadnt said out loud. Devi wasnt worried about life in the badlands with an infantin fact, she rarely even thought about that impending challengebecause she didnt think Mellies baby would survive.
Despite my determination to see that baby live at all costs, the heartbreaking truth was that Devi was probably right. But Tobias was alive, and we couldnt just leave him for the degenerates. So I took a deep breath and forged ahead. Look, I know you all wanted to head south, but we dont have a destination in mind, so what difference does it make if we head west instead?
Finn squeezed my hand. Its nearly a thousand miles, Nina. Because in our wanderings, wed never strayed more than a hundred miles or so from New Temperance.
So what? I stared into the deep green of his eyes, trying to understand his reluctance. Are we on some schedule I dont know about?
Maddock exhaled slowly as he painstakingly peeled the label from an empty bean can as if it deserved more of his attention than my suggestion did. No, but its not safe. Theres too much empty space between the cities out west. Caravans will be few and far between.
Weve never been better prepared for that, Reese argued, and I gave him a grateful smile. We just scored the biggest haul were ever going to have. Thatll give us some breathing room while we learn to spot those plants Mellie and Ana have been reading about. And its spring. He shrugged. Hunting will be easier.
Nina, what does it matter where we leave him? Finn asked softly, stroking my knuckles with his thumb. I hate to say it, but Devis right. Hell be raised by demons no matter where we take him, so why not drop him in one of the cities on our way south?
Because hes lost everything! Twice! The least we can do is return him to the only home hes ever known, where at least hell have some friends.
Maddock set his can down with a firm clank against the wood floor. Were not going west, Nina.
I glanced at him in surprise. Hed always been a good leader precisely because he never made illogical, unilateral rulings, but something had changed. Something was wrong, and Maddock might not be willing to talk about it, but that didnt mean the rest of us had to stop talking. I say we vote on it.
No vote. Maddy leaned back against the couch next to Devi and crossed his arms over the new T-shirt hed found in the cargo shipment. Were not going.
No vote. Maddy leaned back against the couch next to Devi and crossed his arms over the new T-shirt hed found in the cargo shipment. Were not going.
My gaze narrowed on him and I let go of Finns hand. Were a team. We decide together. I glanced around our candlelit circle, hyperaware of the sudden tension in our ranks. All in favor of taking Tobias back west, to Verity, raise your hand. I held my left hand high above my head, and a second later Reese did the same.
Devi crossed her arms over her chest and raised one eyebrow at me in challenge. That was no surprise, and neither was Maddocks nay stance, but what I couldnt understand was why he looked genuinely sorry to be voting against me.
Anabelle raised her hand, and I smiled at her.
You dont get a vote! Devi snapped.
The hell she doesnt! Theres a price on her head too, and she lost just as much as the rest of us when we fled New Temperance, I said hotly.
She gets a vote, Maddock said. But he didnt seem very pleased with his own ruling.
Fair enough.
But when Finns arm remained at his side, my chest suddenly felt tight. Sorry, Nina. I vote we go south. His deep gaze pleaded with me to understand, and I tried not to be hurt that hed sided with Maddock rather than with me.
Thats three to three, Devi said, irritation flashing in her candlelit dark eyes, and we all turned to Grayson, who would have the deciding vote.
After a couple of seconds of contemplation, she raised her hand.
Damn it! Devi snapped.
Grayson only shrugged. If we dont go with Nina, shell go on her own, and were safer together than apart, no matter where we wind up.
She was right on all counts.
Maddock glanced over my shoulder to where my sister lay snoring lightly on the wood floor. I could see what he was thinking, but I shook my head. If you wake her up, shell vote to take him home, I said, and no one disagreed.
Maddy sighed. Ill take first watch. The rest of you get some sleep. His eyebrows dipped low. In the morning were westward bound.
* * *
When everyone but Maddock and Finn had curled up on their sleeping mats, I checked on Tobias and found him fast asleep on my bedroll, which meant Id have to double up with someone. I grabbed Finns mat and tossed my head toward the door, silently asking him to join me in another room.
He nodded with a steamy smile, his pupils dilating as he picked up one of the candles, and heat flooded my cheeks when I realized hed misread my request for privacy. Finn followed me into the dark hallway, then through another door and into a bedroom where most of the linens had long ago rotted away from the mattress.
Are you mad at me? he whispered, pushing the door closed at his back. I turned to find that the candle cast only a small dome of light around us, leaving the rest of the room in deep shadows. The lit space between us felt as intimate as his softly spoken question, and suddenly I realized I could count on both hands the number of times wed been alone together.
If I were mad at you, Id be cuddling with my sister right now. I watched the candlelight flicker in his eyes, thankful that they stayed the same no matter whose body he wore. If the eyes truly were the windows to the soul, at least I could be sure I was seeing some real part of him even when the rest belonged to someone else.
Id first met him in Maddocks body, and the revelation that his form wasnt really his own had come as a shock to me. But Id grown used to the guard hed worn for months now, in part because I had no previous association of those arms or hands or face with another person. And in part because he wore the body easily and used it well. As his comfort level had risen, so had mine.
I would like to know why, though, I confessed as he set the candle on a dust-coated dresser. Why does it matter whether we go south or west?
Finn sighed and tucked a fallen strand of brown hair behind my ear. Maddy was born out west. His hands trailed slowly over my shoulders and down my arms, and I fought the urge to lean into his touch in that rare private moment. He had it rough as a kid, and he doesnt want to go back.
I get it. I dont want to go back to New Temperance either. Yet the doubt in Finns eyes told me that I couldnt possibly understand. Not really. But were not taking him home. Were taking Tobias home.
I know. But Veritys too close for comfort.
My brows rose and I studied his gaze. That was the closest hed ever come to mentioning a hometown. Is Maddy from Verity? Are you?
No. And I dont know. He took his sleeping mat from me and unrolled it on the floor a few feet from the door. I dont remember anything from before I met Maddock. Which hed insisted over and over.
His early memories were as strange and inexplicable as his incorporeal state. Though playing with Maddy was the oldest thing Finn could remember, no one else had been able to see or hear him. Maddocks family had assumed he was talking to and playing with an imaginary friend, which was how Finn got his namethat was as close as toddler Maddock could come to properly pronouncing the word.
Finn sank onto the bedroll and patted the spot next to him. What I do know is that when Maddys upset, Im upset.
That makes eight of us, I said, settling in next to him, and Finns green eyes took on a grateful shine as he leaned in to kiss me. He was as glad that I liked Maddock as I was that he liked Melanie. Mind if I share your sleep roll tonight? I whispered against Finns mouth as his hand slid into my hair, gently tilting my head for a more accessible angle. Tobias is using mine.
You can share everything I own. Finns mouth met mine, and he sucked my lower lip between his for one heart-pounding second. Which is pretty much just this sleep roll, he admitted, his lips brushing mine with every syllable. He kissed me again, and I decided that if the Church was right and carnal contact really was a sin, it was a sin well worth paying for. . . .
* * *
It was still dark outside when I woke up with Finns hoodie folded beneath my head for a pillow. I turned back one of the blankets from our recent Church raid, and when my hand brushed his warm, bare chest, my touch lingered. I didnt want to leave our private cocoon, but nature called.
Finn stirred when I stood, but he didnt wake up, so I draped the blanket over him.
While wed slept, our candle had burned out, which meant I had to feel my way down the hall in the dark.
Two candles were burning in the den, and by their light I saw that Maddock still stood watch, though my biological clock told me hours had passed since the rest of us had gone to bed. Since we had no actual clocks and I didnt own a watch, my body and the sun were all I had with which to measure the passage of time.
Those and the rate at which a candle burned.
Maddock sat on the arm of an ancient, mildewy couch, peering behind a dusty set of blinds at the street out front. He didnt notice me until I sank onto a wooden desk chair two feet from him. Need a break? I whispered, and when I shifted on the chair, peeling flakes of varnish caught on the seat of my worn jeans.
I dont think I could sleep if I tried, he admitted, and I squinted for a better look at his face. Maddock looked tense and sad, but what worried me was the new edge of fear lining his brow and crinkling in the corners of his eyes.