Great. When can we get together on this?
Over the phone, I could hear the sound of Josh turning the pages in his diary. You hit me on a bad week, he said. I suppose you need this stuff yesterday?
Afraid so. Sorry.
He sucked his breath in over his teeth, the way plumbers are trained to do when they look at your central-heating system. Todays Tuesday. Im snowed under today, but I can get to it tomorrow, he muttered, half to himself. But my times backed up solid Thursday, Friday Im in London Listen, can you do breakfast Thursday? I meant it when I said it was a bad week.
I took a deep breath. Im never at my best first thing, but business is business. Thursday breakfast is fine, I lied. Where would you like?
You choose, its your money, Josh replied.
We settled on the Portland at seven-thirty. They have this team of obliging hall porters who park your car for you, which in my opinion is a major advantage at that time of the morning. I checked my watch again. I didnt have time enough to develop and print my surveillance films. Instead, I settled for opening a file on Ted Barlow in my database.
Colonial Conservatories occupied the last unit before the industrial estate gave way to a sewage farm. What really caught the eye was the conservatory hed built on the front of the unit. It was about ten foot deep and ran the whole thirty-foot width of the building. It had a brick foundation, and was separated into four distinct sections by thin brick pillars. The first section was classic Victorian Crystal Palace style, complete with plastic replica finials on the roof. Next was the Country Diary of an Edwardian Lady school of conservatory, a riot of stained panels whose inaccuracies would give any botanist the screaming habdabs. Third in line was the Spartan conservatory. A bit like mine, in fact. Finally, there was the Last Days of the Raj look windows forming arches in a plastic veneer that gave the appearance, from a considerable distance, of being mahogany. Just the place to sit on your rattan furniture and summon the punkah wallah to cool you down. You get a lot of that in South Manchester.
Inside the conservatory, I could see Colonial Conservatories offices. I sat in the car for a moment, taking in the set-up. Just inside the door was a C-shaped reception desk. Behind it, a woman was on the phone. She had a curly perm that looked like Charles Is spare wig. Occasionally, she tapped a key on her word processor and gave the screen a bored stare before returning to her conversation. Over to one side, there were two small desks, each equipped with a phone and a pile of clutter. No one was at either desk. On the back wall, a door led into the main building. Over in the far corner, a small office had been divided off with glass partitions. Ted Barlow was standing in shirtsleeves in this office, his tie hanging loose and the top button of his shirt open, slowly working his way through the contents of a filing cabinet drawer. The rest of the reception was taken up with display panels.
I walked into the conservatory. The receptionist said brightly into the phone, Hold the line, please. She flicked a switch then turned her radiance on me. How may I help you? she asked in a little girls voice.
I have an appointment with Mr Barlow. My names Brannigan. Kate Brannigan.
One moment, please. She ran a finger down the page of her open desk diary. Her nail extensions mesmerized me. Just how could she type with those claws? She looked up and caught my stare, then smiled knowingly. Yes, she said. Ill just see if hes ready for you. She picked up a phone and buzzed through. Ted looked round him in a distracted way, saw me, ignored the phone and rushed across the reception area.
Kate, he exclaimed. Thanks for coming. The receptionist cast her eyes heavenwards. Clearly, in her view, the man had no idea how bosses are supposed to behave. Now, what do you need to know?
I steered him towards his office. I had no reason to suspect the receptionist of anything other than unrealistic aspirations, but it was too early in the investigation to trust anyone. I need a list of addresses of all the conservatories youve fitted in the last six months where the customers have taken out remortgages to finance them. Do you keep track of that information?
He nodded, then stopped abruptly just outside his office. He pointed to a display board that showed several houses with conservatories attached. The houses were roughly similar medium-sized, mostly detached, modern, all obviously surrounded on every side by more of the same. Teds face looked genuinely mournful. That one, that one and that one, he said. I had photographs taken of them after we built them because we were just about to do a new brochure. And when I went back today, they just werent there any more.
I felt a frisson of relief. The one nagging doubt I had had about Teds honesty was resolved. Nasty, suspicious person that I am, Id been wondering if the conservatories had ever been there in the first place. Now I had some concrete evidence that they had been spirited away. Can you give me the name of the photographer? I asked, caution winning over my desire to believe in Ted.
Yes, no problem. Listen, while I sort this stuff out for you, would you like me to get one of the lads to show you round the factory? See how we actually do the business?
I declined politely. The construction of double-glazed conservatories wasnt a gap in my knowledge I felt the need to plug. I settled for the entertaining spectacle of watching Ted wrestle with his filing system. I sat down in his chair and picked up a leaflet about the joys of conservatories. I had the feeling this might be a long job.
The deathless prose of Teds PR consultant stood no chance against the smartly dressed man who strode into the showroom, dumped a briefcase on one of the two small desks and walked into Teds office, grinning at me like we were old friends.
Hi, he said. Jack McCafferty, he added, thrusting his hand out towards me. His handshake was firm and cool, just like the rest of the image he projected. His brown curly hair was cut close at the sides and longer on top, so he looked like a respectable version of Mick Hucknall. His eyes were blue and had the dull sheen of polished sodalite against the lightly tanned skin of his face. He wore an olive green double-breasted suit, a cream shirt and a burgundy silk tie. The ensemble looked about five hundred pounds worth to me. I felt quite underdressed in my terracotta linen suit and mustard cowl-necked sweater.
Kate, Jacks one of my salesmen, Ted said.
Sales team, Jack put him right. From his air of amused patience, I gathered it was a regular correction. And you are?
Kate Brannigan, I said. Im an accountant. Im putting together a package with Ted. Pleased to meet you, Jack.
Ted looked astonished. Lying didnt seem to be his strong suit. Luckily, he was standing behind Jack. He cleared his throat and handed me a bulky blue folder. Here are the details you wanted, Kate, he said. If theres anything thats not clear, just give me a call.
OK, Ted. I nodded. I had one or two questions I wanted to ask him, but not ones that fitted my exciting new persona of accountant. Nice to meet you, Jack.
Nice. Thats a word. Not the one I would have used for meeting you, Kate, he replied, a suggestive lift to one eyebrow. As I walked back across the reception area and out to my car, I could feel his eyes on me. I felt pretty sure I wouldnt like what he was thinking.
3
I pulled up half a mile down the road and had a quick look through the file. Most of the properties seemed to be over in Warrington, so I decided to leave them till morning. The light was already starting to fade, and by the time Id driven over there, there would be nothing to see. However, there were half a dozen properties nearby where Ted had fitted conservatories. Hed already visited one of them and discovered that the conservatory had gone. On my way home, I decided I might as well take a quick look at the others. I pulled my A-Z out of the glove box and mapped out the most efficient route that included them all.
The first was at the head of a cul-de-sac in a nasty sixties estate, one of a pair of almost-detached houses, linked only by their garages in a bizarre Siamese twinning. I rang the bell, but there was no response, so I walked down the narrow path between the house and the fence to the back garden. Surprise, surprise. There was no conservatory. I studied the plan so I could work out exactly where it had been. Then I crouched down and scrutinized the brickwork on the back wall. I didnt really expect to find anything, since I wasnt at all sure what I should even be looking for. However, even my untrained eye noticed a line of faint markings on the wall. It looked like someone had given it a going over with a wire brush enough to shift the surface grime and weathering, that was all.
Intrigued, I stood up and headed for the next destination. 6 Wiltshire Copse and 19 Amundsen Avenue were almost identical. And they were both minus conservatories. However, the next two remortgages I visited still had their conservatories firmly anchored to the houses. I trekked back to my car for the fifth time, deeply depressed after too much exposure to the kind of horrid little houses that give modern a bad name. I thought of my own home, a bungalow built only three years before, but constructed by a builder who didnt feel the need to see how small a bedroom you could build before the human mind screams, No! My lounge is generous, I dont have to climb over anything to get in and out of bed and my second bedroom is big enough for me to use as an office, complete with sofa bed for unavoidable visitors. But most of these overgrown sheds looked as if theyd have been pressed to provide one decent-sized bedroom, never mind three.
The irony was that they were probably worth more than mine because they were situated on bijou developments in the suburbs. Whereas my little oasis, one of thirty professional persons dwellings, was five minutes from every city centre amenity. The downside was that it was surrounded by the kind of inner-city housing they make earnest Channel 4 documentaries about. The locale had brought the price down far enough for me also to afford the necessary state-of-the-art alarm system.
I decided home was where I should head for. Darkness was falling, so I wouldnt be able to continue my fascinating study of late-twentieth-century bricklaying. Besides, people were getting home from work and I was beginning to feel a little conspicuous. It was only a matter of time before some overzealous Neighbourhood Watch vigilante called the cops, an embarrassment I could well do without. I drove out of the opposite end of the estate to the one Id come in by, and suddenly realized I was only a couple of streets away from Alexiss house.
Alexis Lee is probably my best friend. Shes the crime reporter on the Manchester Evening Chronicle. I guess the fact that were both women whove broken into what is traditionally a male preserve helped build the bond between us. But apart from our common interest in things criminal, shes also saved me more money than anyone else I know. I can think of at least a dozen times when shes prevented me from making very costly mistakes in expensive dress shops. And, at the risk of making her sound like a stereotype, shes got that wonderful, rich Liverpudlian sense of humour that can find the funny side in the blackest tragedy. I couldnt think of anything that would cheer me up faster than a half-hour pit stop.
The earlier rain had turned the fallen leaves into a slick mush. As I braked gently to pull up outside Alexiss, I swear my Vauxhall Nova went sideways. Cursing the Highways Department, I slithered round the car and on to the safer ground of the driveway. I grabbed at a post to steady myself, then realized with a shock that this particular post wasnt a permanent fixture. It was supporting a For Sale sign. I was outraged. How dare they put the house on the market without consulting me? Time I found out what was going on here. I walked round to the back door, knocked and entered the kitchen.
Alexiss girlfriend Chris is a partner in a firm of community architects, which is why their kitchen looks like a Gothic cathedral, complete with flagged floor and vaulted ceiling with beams like whales ribs. The plasterwork is stencilled with flower and fruit motifs, and there are plaster bas-relief bosses at regular intervals along the roof truss. Its an amazing sight.
Instead of the Quasimodo I always half-expect, Alexis was sitting at the pitch-pine table, a mug of tea at her elbow, some kind of catalogue open in front of her. As I came in, she looked up and grinned. Kate! Hey, good to see you, kid! Grab yourself a cuppa, the pots fresh, she said, waving at the multi-coloured knitted tea cosy by the kettle. I poured myself a mug of strong tea as Alexis asked, What brings you round here? You been doing a job? Anything in it for me?
Never mind that, I said firmly, dropping into a chair. You trying to avoid me? Whats with the For Sale sign? You put the house on the market and you dont tell me?
Why? Were you thinking of buying it? Dont! Dont even let it cross your mind! Theres barely enough room for me and Chris, and we agree on whats an acceptable degree of mess. You and Richard would kill within a week here, Alexis parried.
Dont try to divert me, I said. Richard and I are fine as we are. Next door neighbours is as close as Im ever going to let it get.
And how is your insignificant other? Alexis interrupted.
He sends you his love too. Alexis and the man I love have a relationship that seems to me to consist entirely of verbal abuse. In spite of appearances, however, I suspect they love each other dearly; once I actually came upon the two of them having a friendly drink together in a corner of the Chronicles local. Theyd both looked extremely sheepish about it. Now, about this For Sale board?
Its only been up a couple of days. Its all been a bit of a rush. You remember Chris and I talking about how we wanted to buy a piece of land and build our own dream home?
I nodded. I could more easily have forgotten my own name. Youre planning on doing it as part of a self-build scheme; Chris is going to design the houses in exchange for other people giving you their labour, yes? Theyd been talking about it for as long as Id known them. With a lot of people, Id have written it off as dreaming. But Alexis and Chris were serious. Theyd spent hundreds of hours poring over books, plans and their own drawings till theyd come up with their ideal home. All theyd been waiting for was the right plot of land at the right price in the right location. The land? I asked.
Alexis reached along the side of the table and pulled a drawer open. She tossed a packet of photographs at me. Look at that, Kate. Isnt it stunning? Isnt it just brilliant? She pushed her unruly black hair out of her eyes and gazed expectantly at me.