She cried, begging for her mama.
Pain twisted in him like a knife. He felt torn and lost and defeated. So damn defeated. Georgie pushed at Pop, struggling to get down. Georgie didnt understand death, and by God, neither did he. Hed never understand Lidas actions, so how could he explain to a child?
Georgie was hurting, and he dismounted, leaving his horse standing in the cold. Took the porch steps in two long strides. Had Georgie clutched against him by the third, taking her from Pops arms and into his own.
Pa, Georgie wept against his flannel collar. Mama left.
I know, princess. He kissed her brow, and wisps of her silken hair caught on his whiskered chin. Hed forgotten to shave again.
Hell, he was forgetting everything. The world was crumbling into bits around his boots. None of it seemed to matter as he cradled his daughter to his chest, holding her as gingerly as when shed been newborn.
There was nothing but the sound of her broken sobs and the echo of his heels on the parlor floor. The scrape of the rocker as he eased into the chair. The squeak of a spring. And the feel of heartbreak.
He held Georgie tight and rocked her until there was only silence.
Will emerged from the shadowed depths of the barn. Hows Georgie?
Asleep. Nick yanked on the stall door. It didnt give, the damn thing. The hinge was sprung, leaving the wood door jammed into the frame. He kicked it hard, and wood scraped against wood, freeing the door, but not his frustration.
He could still feel Georgie curled against his chest, sobbing so hard her little body shook.
He hurt for her. Would take every grief, every anguish, every bit of pain from her if he could. The door crashed against the wall. The loud crack startled the mare in the stall. She whinnied and sidestepped, her head lifting high in alarm.
Thats it, Nick. Scare the horse while youre at it. He pushed aside all thoughts of Georgie, but not his troubles. The feel of her sobs stayed with him as he reached for the mares bridle, speaking low.
He was in trouble. Up a creek without a paddle at the mouth of a waterfall. He was wise enough to know the plunge would be swift and lethal. He wasnt on the boat alone. His children were with him.
Will plopped a saddle on the nearby four-by-four. You look troubled, big brother.
Real sharp of you to notice. Nick kept his voice gruff, because it kept the young man in line. Got enough ammunition in that pack of yours?
Im packed and waitin for you. Cocky, Will tipped his hat. You know what you need?
A clean blanket. Fetch me one, will you? Nick slid the brush over the mares withers in a few quick swipes. Her tail swished side to side, calmer now, but he couldnt say the same.
Something had to change. One thing was for sure, he couldnt last another week like this. Neither could the children.
Know what you need, big brother?
A foreman that does more work than talking?
Funny. What you need to solve all your problems is another wife. Will tossed the blanket.
A wife, huh? Nick caught it and smoothed the length of wool into place. Just goes to show what you know. A wife doesnt solve troubles. Shes the source of em.
A little bitter, huh? Will hoisted the saddle easily onto the mares back. Matrimony isnt supposed to be bliss, from what I hear. Torture or not, it is something youre gonna have to do sooner or later, so why wait?
Nick hated it when his brother was right. Jaw clenched tight, he unhooked the stirrup from the saddle horn, letting it swing into place. Hed be the first to admit life had been damn near impossible with Lida, but without her
Pa? Joey ambled into sight with his Stetson crooked, jacket still open, shirt half untucked. He looked uncertain and small andnine years old. Hell, he was a boy missing his mother.
Leaving Will to cinch the saddle, Nick came down on one knee. What is it, cowboy?
Georgies sleepin. Im gonna make sure she doesnt run off again. So serious, as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Nick put his hand there, on the slim curve of his sons shoulder. One day Joey would be a good man, strong and hardworking and upstanding. The man he would be was easy to see in the boy, his chin set fierce and determined.
Nicks chest ached. He wanted life to be better for his son. Youre a good brother, but your grandfather is responsible for watching Georgie. You want to come riding with us?
Grandpop falls asleep sometimes. Joey bit his bottom lip with indecision. He glanced over his shoulder at the house. Id best stay and watch over them both, I reckon.
Thered been a time when the boy never turned down the chance to ride his horse on the range. Another thing Lida had stolen from him.
What am I going to do about Joey? Nick had no answer as he watched the boy amble back to the house, his boots dragging in the dirt. Would a new wife make a difference? A woman to lift the burden from Joeys shoulders?
A housekeeper couldnt do it. It would merely be a job to her, and one day shed leave for a better opportunity.
No, his children deserved more than that. Needed more than that. They deserved stability and commitment. A woman who would always be there for them.
Joey disappeared from sight. The door slammed behind him, the smack of wood on wood carrying on the wind, sounding lonely and final and accusing. The image of Mariah Scott, holding Georgie in her arms, flashed into Nicks thoughts.
Nope. Forget it. If he had his way, there would never be another woman in his life. Ever.
Will handed over the reins. Children need a mother to grow up happy.
Youre an expert?
Not from personal experience, but I am a keen observer.
Of pretty women, maybe. Nick gathered the reins and shot his foot into the stirrup.
A pretty woman is one of lifes necessities. Another is a wife who can cook. We cant keep eating our brothers cooking. Dakota is likely to kill us with that slop he calls food.
Mount up. Weve got cattle to check on. Save your great wisdom for someone who needs it.
If anyone needs wisdom, its you, big brother.
Im wise enough to know I shouldnt listen to you. Nick eased into the saddle. Are you comin?
Leather creaked as Will mounted up. Know what you ought to do? Go to the fund-raiser theyve got tonight for the town school. Therell be plenty of women there. Maybe one of them wouldnt mind getting married to an ugly cuss like you.
Nick decided to let that one pass without comment. He didnt feel like trading jests.
Dont say no right off, not until you think it through. Will bent in his saddle to unlatch the gate. The dance tonight will give you the chance to see what your options are. You could even dance with the lady of your choice. If she lowers her standards.
Nick nosed his mare through the gate and waited with the wind knifing through his jacket while Will hooked the latch.
Go to the dance? Look over the marriageable women like horses lined up at an auction? That didnt sit right. He had no interest in taking any woman to wife.
Except his children were what mattered, what counted.
The high plains rolled from horizon to horizon and gave no answers.
A wife? He had to consider it. Maybe he would go to the dance tonight. Look at his options. See what could be. Marrying this time would be different. He was older. No one expected a man his age and with children needing a mother to marry for love.
The high plains rolled from horizon to horizon and gave no answers.
A wife? He had to consider it. Maybe he would go to the dance tonight. Look at his options. See what could be. Marrying this time would be different. He was older. No one expected a man his age and with children needing a mother to marry for love.
A marriage of convenience. Isnt that what he and Lida had anyway? Theyd lived in the same house and each did their work. Then fell into separate beds at night.
Troubled, he rubbed his chest. The spot behind his breastbone kept growing tighter and tighter. He didnt want a wife, but Lord knew he needed one.
His children needed a mother.
Your angel food cakes smells like heaven, Rayna Ludgrin praised as she set her big wicker basket on the kitchen table. Why, its as perfect as could be. Youll put us all to shame at the supper tonight.
Mariah blushed. She didnt like praise, but she could see her friend only meant to be kind. My cooking cant beat yours, and you know it. Let me grab my apron and Ill be ready to go.
You arent wearing that, are you?
Did she detect a note of criticism? Mariah lifted a laundered and folded apron from the shelf. Its my Sunday best. I figured it would be good enough.
Good enough, why, yes. Rayna didnt even have the grace to look guilty. Surely black isnt the best color for tonight. This is a supper and a dance, Mariah. Men will be there.
Good for them. Mariah slipped the glass cover over her best pedestal cake plate and lifted it into Raynas basket. Ive volunteered to help in the kitchen tonight, so black is a sensible color. What are you up to, anyway?
Not one thing. You might want to wear your beige calico. Quite fetching on you.
I see where this is going. Mariahs face heated. Youre wasting your breath. The bachelors in this town are too young for me.
Not Nick Gray. In our day, I thought you two were going to be quite the couple.
Nothing came of it then, and Im not about to change my dress just to please the likes of Mr. Gray.
What a shame. Rayna snapped the lid shut on her basket. A lot of women in this town dont think the way you do. Theyll be all gussied up in their finest, praying for the handsome widower to ask them to dance.
Then hell not miss me. Mariah kept her chin high, refusing to let even the slightest regret into her voice. She didnt need Nick Gray. Not to dance with. Not to marry.
Maybe if she told herself that enough times, she would believe it. Thenmaybeit wouldnt hurt so much.
Rayna hummed as she stacked molasses cookies from the cooling racks onto a plate. Her gold wedding ring caught the late afternoon light. Rayna would never understand. She was happily married and a mother of three sons.
What did she know about rejection? About watching the man you secretly loved marry someone pretty and vivacious? About spending every night alone in the same house for years, wishing another man would come along. Wishing for just one man to love her, despite her faults.
Mariah grabbed the oven mitts and swung open the oven door. The aroma of chicken potpie made her mouth water. The crusts were golden, the gravy bubbling through the little flowers shed cut into the dough. Dry heat blazed across her face as she knelt to rescue the pans.
Nick will need a wife who can cook.
Plenty of women can cook. One thing Mr. Gray wont be doing is asking me to cook for him. It didnt matter that he would find himself another young and pretty woman. Truly, it didnt bother her one bit.
Nick was sweet on you years ago.
He isnt now. Remembering Nicks look of disdain today on the road, her face flushed again.
All right, so maybe that did hurtbut just the tiniest bit. What she needed to be was practical. Earlier today she had seen it as plain as daylight on his faceshed grown too hard and too sharp. Over time, her cold heart had grown colder. She hated that, and hated that it showed so much.
Laden with the heavy basket, Rayna lingered at the back door. A man never forgets his first love.
We were not in love.
Rayna frowned. Maybe not, but only because your father wouldnt allow him to court you.
Nick didnt try hard enough. Bitterness still ached in her breast, and she turned away. The years of loneliness settled in a hard lump in her throat, making it hard to breathe and harder to talk, so she opened the pantry door and pretended to be very busy.
It was a good thing she loved her volunteer work. Her cherished spot on the Ladies Aid had given her great satisfaction. She didnt need a husband to be happy. Why, look at her kitchen. Not a speck of mud or a mans grimy boots in a messy pile on her hand-polished floor. See? Her life was in perfect order, just the way she wanted it.
And if her conscience bit at the lie she told herself, she ignored it.
Oh, speak of the devil. Raynas tone held delight. Some man is driving up in his fine fringed-top surrey. A man by the name of Mr. Gray.
Stop teasing me and grab the basket I have by the door, would you? Ive packed extra dish towels. As the vice president of the Ladies Aid, Mariah took pride in her experience serving and washing. Surely, there will be a lot of dishes to wash
A rattle of a harness in the yard echoed through her kitchen. That couldnt be. Surely Nick Gray wasnt in her driveway
He was. Her breath caught as a matching team of sleek bays pranced into sight. They stopped, looking as graceful as a waltz, their long black manes flickering in the wind. The sunlight gleamed on their bronze coats and the new surrey behind them, where Nick Gray held thick leather straps between leather-gloved fingers. He was real and not a daydream, right? Mariah blinked, and sure enough he was still sitting there.
Why was he here? Suddenly her black dress was too plain, her hair too sensible, her shoes too scuffed. But he was as fine-looking as ever. His black Stetson framed his dark eyes and matched his finely tailored black suit. He looked so masculine and dashing, he made every part of her tingle. She hated her reaction to him.
Good evening, Mrs. Ludgrin. Mariah. He climbed handily from the high seat to the ground, every movement deliberate and predatory and somehow breathtaking. He moved with confidence, making it clear hed come for a purpose.
To talk to her? She couldnt imagine why. She noticed Nicks brother Will in the second seat of the buggy, his arm slung over the back of the seat, dressed up as well. Were they going to the supper and dance tonight?
Raynas smile was all-knowing as she hurried down the porch, lugging both baskets. Leaving Mariah alone to face Nick.
That wasnt fair.
Nick stepped aside on the walkway, all gentleman. Can I get those for you, Rayna?
Dont you mind about me. Looks as though you two need time to talk. Rayna glanced over her shoulder at Mariah and winked. Good luck.
Good luck? Mariah watched her friend hurry off to her parked buggy. Alone with Nick? Twice in one day? The longing within her ached. It took all her willpower not to march back into her house and lock the door. Was it too late to pretend she wasnt home?
He swept off his hat. Youre dressed up real nice. Suppose youre serving at the supper.
I am.
Seeing you today got me to thinking. He stared down at his hat. Dark shocks of his hair tumbled over his brow, hiding his eyes. He looked troubled. Contemplative. Im sorry for the way I treated you on the road today.