I CONFESS
Alex Barclay
Copyright
HarperCollinsPublishers
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London SE1 9GF
www.harpercollins.co.uk
Published by HarperCollinsPublishers 2019
Copyright © Alex Barclay 2019
Cover design layout © HarperCollinsPublishers 2019
Cover photographs © Hayden Verry/Arcangel Images
Alex Barclay asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library
This is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the authors imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
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Source ISBN: 9780008273002
Ebook Edition © AUGUST 2019 ISBN: 9780008273026
Version: 2020-03-25
Praise for Alex Barclay:
Gripping, stylish, convincing
Sunday Times
The rising star of the hard-boiled crime fiction world, combining wild characters, surprising plots and massive backdrops with a touch of dry humour
Mirror
Tense, no-punches-pulled thriller that will have you on the edge of your deckchair
Woman and Home
Explosive
Company
Compelling
Glamour
Excellent summer reading Barclay has the confidence to move her story along slowly, and deftly explores the relationships between her characters
Sunday Telegraph
The thriller of the summer
Irish Independent
If you havent discovered Alex Barclay, its time to jump on the bandwagon
Image Magazine
Dedication
To OMGP This is what it feels like to be seen.
Contents
Cover
Title Page
Copyright
Praise for Alex Barclay:
Dedication
Pilgrim Point: Beara Peninsula, Cork, Ireland
Chapter 1: Edie
Chapter 2
Chapter 3: Edie
Chapter 4
Chapter 5: Jessie
Chapter 6
Chapter 7: Murph
Chapter 8
Chapter 9: Patrick
Chapter 10
Chapter 11: Laura
Chapter 12
Chapter 13: Patrick
Chapter 14
Chapter 15: Helen
Chapter 16
Chapter 17: Dylan
Chapter 18
Chapter 19: Johnny
Chapter 20
Chapter 21: Patrick
Chapter 22
Chapter 23: Murph
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37: Edie
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44: Clare
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48: Mrs Lynch
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55: Helen
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59: Sister Consolata
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Ten Months Later
Chapter 63
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
Keep Reading
About the Author
Also by Alex Barclay
About the Publisher
Pilgrim Point
Beara Peninsula, Cork, Ireland
Darkness had travelled loyally with Pilgrim Point through all its incarnations, as if passed in the handshake between each fleeing owner and the hopeful successor whose eye he could barely meet. This anvil-shaped promontory on the south-west coast of Ireland had once been a battleground, and at various times in the centuries that followed, had been fought over, lost, regained, or relinquished.
The sufferings of each owner and there were many would at first be borne privately, but the anguish of their aggregate would eventually sound like an alarm, travelling east to Castletown, where it would turn to whispers at a retreating back. Pilgrim Point, now empty of life, would release into the silence a siren cry that would always be answered. Deep and discordant, it called to those of a darker persuasion. The greater surprise was the fine gold thread of its lighter melody and how its gleam, though rare, could attract to Pilgrim Point, in equal measures, those of more noble intent.
Perhaps its grounds had swallowed the consequences of so many sins that, under the feet of sinners, it felt like home and under the feet of the righteous, like a summoning. This despite stories of strange apparitions and untimely occurrences. There was also the curious fertility of its grass stark against the dark stones of the ruins that marked it. This trick of nature kindled even the faintest hope of triumph, when it was doubtless nothing more than a pleasing cover for what lay beneath the roots of sin itself. From under this vibrant green bed, it released a pale malevolence that rose like smoke to disappear into the late-evening mist.
Were you to pass through the black gates of Pilgrim Point now, you would find yourself on land cloven by a bitter feud between brothers. The path you must take marks the dead centre, its course as unbending as the will of the men who occasioned it. As you follow this path, you will feel as though the landscape is unfurling around you, ahead of you, and for you in time with the fall of your foot or the galloping hooves of your mount. You will be rewarded, then, at the cliff edge with such astonishing natural beauty; this anvil pointing towards nothing but sky and wild Atlantic. Turn left or right and you will catch glimpses of lesser headlands, like runners that have fallen behind in a race. You have won. Or so you think. You wont know yet that, in fact, you have been won. Through the powerful sweep of the wind and the steady crash of the waves, you wont hear the voice of the true winner:
I am Pilgrim Point, host of rulers and battles, victors and vanquished, the rich, the poor, the faithful, the lost. Who are you? And what will I make of you?
For what does an anvil do but allow a thing to be hammered and moulded? And what confusion comes when it plays blacksmith too.
I should know.
I once lived there. And, I now believe, died.
In a Manor of Silence
Lord Henry Rathbrook, 1886
1
EDIE
Pilgrim Point, Beara Peninsula
4 August 2015
If you have a rich imagination you will never be poor.
Edies mother, Madeleine, had heard that from her starving-artist parents throughout her childhood, so although she grew up in a home blessed with the freedom of passionate creativity, it was caged, in her mind, by penury. Madeleine mentally rejected the advice, never realizing that she had, in fact, taken it she married a rich man, having fallen in love with a version of him she had used her rich imagination to create. Before they married, she had brought Edward home to meet her parents, and Edward, weary of the constraints of his upper-class upbringing, had been charmed by her parents and their ramshackle home. He came alive in their company and expected their daughter would bring out the same spirit in him. It wasnt long after they married that he realized they were both running towards the life the other wanted to leave behind. Edies mother was happy with her beautiful home and her beautiful things, and a husband who travelled for business and left her to enjoy them. When he returned from his trips, she seemed as disappointed by the reality of him as he was by the sense that she might pick him up, look around, and try to find a suitable place to put him.
It was only when Edie was born that her fathers dormant spirit and warmth found a home. He poured all his love into her, gave her all his attention. There was never any disappointment on Edies face. She loved him just the way he was.
When Edie was eight years old, he brought the family to Beara on holiday. He had spent his most magical childhood summer there and had told Edie stories about fishing at sea or from the rocks on a pebble beach so secluded he used to pretend that it was his, that he had won it from a pirate in a game of cards. He told her about hiking mountains and hills, swimming in lakes and waterfalls, and diving off piers into the freezing Atlantic Ocean. He told her about friendly locals, and warm welcomes, and nights filled with laughter, music, singing, and dancing.