Kristin hadnt realized the windshield was a solid white sheet until the wipers snapped to life and beat the accumulation away. The snow is really coming down. Do you think we can get very far?
Im gonna try. We may have to overnight it somewhere, if we can find a vacancy.
Sounds sensible. We want to get home safe and sound.
Thats the idea. He winked, put the Jeep in gear and eased down the accelerator. The tires slid, dug in and propelled them forward. Ive got a cell phone if you want to call home. Your folks are probably up worrying.
Was that nice or what? Ryan definitely had done a lot of changing. Thanks, but I tried with mine. I couldnt get through. The storm.
Ah. He concentrated on navigating through the whiteout conditions.
She didnt say anything more. If she couldnt make out the road in front of him, how could he? But he was somehow, driving with a steady confidence that made her take a closer look at the man Ryan Sanders had grown up to be.
A volunteer in the Peace Corps. A doctor. He was a man of contradictions. He still had that Im trouble grin and the stubble on his jaw made him look rugged and outdoorsy. Mom was always mentioning Marys son on her weekly calls, but Kristin had dismissed him along with all the other eligible men Mom talked about.
Poor Mom, who was never going to give up hope for another wedding to plan. What was it Mom had said about Ryan? Kristin couldnt remember. She automatically deleted any talk of men and marriage and how Mr. Right would come along one day.
There was no such thing as Mr. Right! How could Mom be in an unhappy marriage and be so blind to the truth?
Maybe it was how she made it through the day. Troubled, Kristin tried to turn her thoughts away from painful things. Stuff she tried not to think about, but going home only made it impossible to ignore. The hole in her family that remainedAllison. The missing face no one mentioned. The place at the table where a chair used to sit. The oldest sister whod been alive and beautiful, and whom Kristin had loved with all her heart.
The years passed, her parents had slipped into a resigned distant marriage, her sisters had gone on to make homes and marriages of their own, but some things would never be the same. If there was something Allisons death had taught her, it was that nothing lasted. Nothing. Not family, not love, not life.
Ryan broke the silence that had fallen between them. Hey, are you hungry? Theres a drive-through thats open. Its the only one Ive seen so far. If we dont stop, it might be our last chance to eat until daybreak.
Im starving. I definitely want to stop.
Looks like only the drive-through is open. He braked in the parking lot to study the front doors. Hope you dont mind eating in here.
Im not picky.
Me, either. He slid to the order board, where the whiteout had blocked out half the menu. I have no idea if you can see to order anything.
Its no problem. Theres one of these near my town house. I know the menu by heart.
Me, too. Why that surprised him, Ryan didnt know. It made perfect sense she would eat at restaurants. He just didnt picture her as the fast-food kind of girl.
A mumbling teenager who sounded unenthusiastic about his job took their orders. After waiting at the window while the winds kicked up, blowing the snow sideways, they were handed two sacks of piping-hot food. Ryan crept through the blizzard to park safely beneath the glow of a streetlight.
Not that any of the light is reaching us, Kristin commented with a wink as she unpacked the first bag.
Ryan flicked on the overhead lamp. Its weird. I havent seen snow since I went skiing winter vacation of my senior year in college. And it was on the slopes, not falling.
I bet it never snows in Phoenix.
Once, but it was just a skiff. The entire city shut down. It was incredible. Had that same amount fallen back home, no one would have blinked twice. Ive sure missed real winters.
Wind buffeted the drivers side of the vehicle, and the gust of snow cloaked them entirely from the nighttime world. Kristin shivered with excitement. She loved a good winter storm. It looks like youre getting your wish. A full-fledged blizzard in the making!
Yeah, Im one lucky guy.
His crooked grin could devastate a less stalwart woman. Kristin gave thanks that she was a dedicated and sworn single gal who had full immunity to a mans hundred-watt charisma. Because if she wasnt, shed be caught hook, line and sinker.
He probably charmed all the women in the Southwest with that grin, she thought as she clasped her hands together in prayer. She didnt dare glance in Ryans direction to see if hed bowed his head. She had grace to say, and she was going to say it.
But Ryans melted-chocolate baritone broke in before she could begin. Dear Father, thank you for watching over us. For bringing us together on this night when we had hoped to be with family but found ourselves alone. Please watch over us on our journey north. In your name.
Amen, they said together.
The whir of the heater and the fury of the storm filled the silence between them. Kristin unclasped her hands and didnt dare to look at the man beside her. Paper crackled as Ryan dug through the closest sack. The crisp scent of hot greasy Tater Tots filled the air. The overhead dome lamp spotlighted the center console where Ryan was popping the tops off the little plastic salsa containers.
Why was her heart beating as if shed just finished a ten-kilometer run? Kristin grabbed a straw, ripped off the paper wrapping, stabbed it into her soda and sipped hard. Shed never seen this side of Ryan Sanders before. She could remember him at church through their growing-up years, slumped on the pew next to his mother, staring off into space with the supremely bored look hed perfected.
That boy had turned into a sincere man of faith? She never would have guessed the troublesome boy she remembered would have become so serious. Where had the real Ryan gone? Not that there was anything wrong with the man hed turned out to benot on the surface, anyway.
But what about deep inside? The parts of a person that were harder to discover? That was the real question. And it was why Kristin refused to date. Why she would never marry anyone.
Because you never knew what a person was really like, until it was too late.
I think this is yours. Extra sour cream. He held out the wrapped taco in his big, capable hands.
Healing hands, Kristin realized, and they looked it. Powerful but circumspect. Th-thanks.
The food was piping hot, but she hardly noticed as she unwrapped the chicken taco. Ryan was consuming his beef taco with great gusto. He stopped to nudge the container of hot sauce her way.
No, too much for me.
I say, the hotter the better. I can have all of this?
Go for it.
Awesome. He dumped an extreme amount of blistering sauce on his giant soft-shell taco and gave a moan of satisfaction after he took a bite and chewed. Not nearly hot enough. I like melt-the-lid-off-the-jar hot.
Theres the Ryan I remember.
Hey, I grew up. But I really havent changed all that much. Down deep. Im still a country boy at heart.
A country boy? There was nothing obviously country in the polished, well-dressed man seated beside her. He looked as if hed walked straight off the pages of a magazine. Youve been away from home for what, more than a dozen years?
Thirteen, nearly fourteen. What I cant picture is you living in a big city. Why didnt you marry your high-school sweetheart and buy a house near your folks?
Because I didnt have a high-school sweetheart. His innocent question took her back to places best left forgotten.
Why not?
His question was an innocent onehe didnt know what he was doing to her by asking. The steel around her heart snapped tight into place, blocking out all the painful memories of that time in her life. When her older beloved sister had left home packed for a church retreat and bubbling with excitement, never to return again.
Kristins entire world changed that day. Nothing had ever been the same.
But Ryan had left the valley for greater things by then. With a football scholarship in hand and a free ride to an out-of-state university, hed probably only heard about the small-plane crash that had taken several lives at the time. His mom had probably mentioned it to him on the phone when it happened, but it had only been a newsworthy item to him.
That day years ago had tipped her world on its side and showed her the truth. You could surround yourself with family and friends, make a marriage, a home and a family, go to church and pray faithfully, but it couldnt protect a person. Not even God seemed to be able to do that.
The truth was too personal. Shed tried to talk about it before, but no one seemed to understand. Pastor Bill from her hometown church had been wonderful and understanding, but his well-meant advice had been useless. Why did God want to take Allison from them? Shed been beloved by everyone who knew her, and as an older sister, shed been awesome. She was beautiful and kind, generous and selfless and smart. Anytime Kristin had needed her, her oldest sister had been there, no questions asked.
It wasnt only her sister that shed lost that day. Shed seen the world for what it truly was, and she couldnt surround herself with people and things and pretend that if she was faithful enough, nothing could hurt her or those she loved.
Loss was inevitable. It was a part of life she didnt care for, thank you very much. Kristin grabbed a Tater Tot and bit into the crispy, greasy goodness. Ryan was still waiting for an answer as he watched her, unwrapping his third taco.
Im just not into the whole marriage and kids thing. She shrugged. It was a cop-out, she knew it, but there was no way this handsome man who probably had left a string of hopeful women pining away in Phoenix would understand.
Youre a career woman. I get it. Ryan chomped into his taco and chewed while he studied her thoughtfully, as if he were assessing her. Seeing something new in her. Being a doc is great. I love what I do. Its real satisfaction, gives your life meaning, when you love your work.
Yeah. Thats me. I love my job. She did. So, why did her chest feel hollow as she took another bite of her chicken taco?
I bet youre good at what you do. I can see it. He grabbed two Tater Tots and dragged them through the hot salsa. Youre organized, smart, likable. Efficient, I bet.
Yeah, and a devoted workaholic.
Me, too. Thats the reason why Im headed home to Montana after about a billion years of staying away.
Because youre a workaholic?
Yeah. Ive always had to stay wherever I was living. First it was because I was in college and Id stay to get extra hours at whatever part-time job I had. I needed the money, and Mom understood that. But then it was med school and I needed to study. I was an intern and then a resident and there was no way I could get time off. I worked holidays.
And now youre a doctor with your own practice. You make your own hours, right?
I wish. He rolled his eyes. Im in control of my schedule more than I have been. But Im low man on the totem pole. Im in a practice with some of the top orthopedic surgeons in the Southwest, and they pull rank. Plus, its that student-loan thing again.
The one the size of a house?
Exactly. Sometimes on Saturdays when Ive got paperwork piled as high as my computer monitor, I get this urge to run off and windsurf the day away on Lake Powell.
You windsurf?
I used to. Then I did something really inane. I decided to get engaged.
Youre getting married?
Im not the type, I know. It took me about three months to figure that out after being dragged to a wedding planner to see about seven thousand different kinds of napkins we could get monogrammed, and my life flashed before my eyes. A life with no windsurfing. It didnt work out. He shrugged, as if it didnt bother him a bit. It was for the best.
Kristin didnt miss the shadows in his eyes. His tone might be light, but there was pain there. She could feel it as tangibly as the cold seeping in from outside. Whatever happened had been complicated and deeply painful.
She tried to think of something comforting to say, but drew a blank. No simple words of comfort or empathy could begin to ease the hurt from wounds in a persons heart. She knew.
Well, we better get a move on. Ryan cleared his throat as if dismissing his loss or wiping away his sorrow. He crinkled up the paper wrappers, and the sound was as jarring and abrupt as his movements.
Kristin took the last bite of her taco as Ryan switched on the wipers. A few swipes of the blades and the accumulated snow was gone. The twin beams of the headlights reflected back to them in the whiteout conditions.
Dont worry. Ill keep us safe. He tossed her a roguishly charming wink, before putting the Jeep into gear.
I wasnt worried. Kristin balled up the wrapper, pretending to be busy and unaffected by the man beside her.
Hes unhappy, she realized. Lonely. She knew what that was like. It was like the storm blocking out the glow from the towns lights until there was only the cold darkness and the howl of the worsening storm. As if there could be no light to warm the long drive ahead.
Chapter Three
Ryan swore it felt as if theyd been driving for an eternity, but when he glanced at the clock in the dash, the green numbers showed less than two hours had passed. For one hundred and twenty long minutes theyd been creeping in a vast darkness, closed off from the world, the tenacious storm allowing him to see only a few feet in front of him.
Twice, hed spotted the faint sudden pinpoint of on-coming headlights. Each vehicle had been traveling as slowly as he was, fighting to stay on the road. He hadnt seen another driver in the past fifty-three minutes in front of him, behind him or on the other side of the double yellow.
Exhaustion made every nerve ending burn. Three times theyd stopped in the small towns off the highway to look for vacancies. No luck. Every other traveler had the same idea. They had no other option than to keep driving.
How are you doing? Kristins soothing alto broke the long silence between them. Want to trade off driving?
Maybe. I figured wed switch once we got to the next town.
Sounds good. If we dont lose track of the road.
Pray this storm doesnt get any worse. Grim, Ryan recalled all the cases hed read about in med school where innocent drivers had gotten caught in harsh winter storms and gone off the road. He saw how easily that could happen.
The blizzard closed in with a vengeance. The falling snow began to spin, washing over the windshield with a dizzying speed. The twin beams of the headlights glared on the downpour, reflecting back at him until he lost complete sight of the highway.