Oh, he is definitely going to be disappointed in me. In the light of the church, when he would be able to get a good look, he would change his mind then. As the buggy rolled smoothly to a start, she knew the tables had turned. Shed spent a good deal of her journey worrying about the man. Now she was the one in question.
Were a small town but a friendly one. He held the reins lightly, talking with ease as if he picked up strange women at the depot and drove them to church all the time. Let me correct that. Were a very small town. Five whole blocks, as you can see.
Oh, my. Five blocks? She couldnt see much in the evening storm, only the hint of a roofline and a glimpse of a second-story lamp-lit window that blinked out of sight as they rolled on.
Youre disappointed. His voice knelled with understanding, as if he were not surprised.
Not at all. He truly didnt understand, did he? She swiped snow from her eyelashes with cold fingertips. Im used to small towns. I like them. Im only afraid this is a great deal more than I am used to.
More? They drove out of the reach of the towns main street, where tall trees threw them in deep shadow.
The nearest town to my husbands South Dakota farm was just a mercantile, a tavern and a stage stop. She felt the wave of unhappiness begin to crest and she banished all memories from her mind. Jed had been a man with great faults. She had been young and naive, marrying at sixteen and expecting a fairy tale. Reality had driven that notion from her mind, and the blame had been hers alone. Marriage was hard work, it was often a disappointment and took patience to bear.
She blew out a small breath, determined to find the inner strength to endure marriage again. To do that, she would think of the positive. She would have a roof over her head, a home to keep and after the thaw she would plant a garden where flowers bloomed. Is your house far from town?
On the outskirts. I have one hundred acres. Never wanted to be a rancher, but I like the solitude. I built the cabin myself.
Wonderful. She had spotted many such dwellings in her life in South Dakota and on her journey here. Small, often crudely made but snug against the elements. It sounded like heaven to a woman who had spent more than a few nights homeless. The views must be lovely. I have never seen such beautiful country. I sat transfixed at the window most of the train ride.
It is rather pretty. He reined the horse to a stop. Were here.
The hint of a steeple rose up against the faint illumination of the veiled sky. Light burst into existence as a door flung open wide and a man in a dark coat and white collar gestured with one hand.
Hurry up out of the storm, Dermot! the reverend called out.
Got to blanket my horse first. Cant have him standing for long in these winds. Austin hopped to the ground, his friendly voice rumbling as he exchanged a few words with the minister.
Nerves fluttered inside her. At least she hoped it was anxiety and not the nausea that plagued her each morning and lasted throughout much of the day. She took small breaths, wishing she had something to nibble on, something to put into her stomach. She swept snow off the seat beside her and swung her feet around.
What do you think you are doing? Harsh words admonished her. Austin broke out of the shadow beside her, but his rugged face wasnt pursed with harsh displeasure. A merry light twinkled in his eyes. You wait for me to help you down. If you are to be my wife, you will have to let me be courteous to you.
Oh, I She fell silent, her tongue refusing to work, her mind going blank. The back of her eyes burned as she placed her hand on his palm. Her knees shook as she hopped onto the running board and landed on the ground with a jolt.
He towered over her, brawny and substantial and powerful enough to break the bones in her hand if he squeezed, but it was only his gentleness she saw. Her throat closed up entirely and she could not thank him. She could not speak as he offered her his arm.
Its slick, so be careful. He shortened his long-legged stride to accommodate her as he led her down a snow-covered path and into the shelter of the churchs tiny vestibule. There was no darkness to hide in and no falling snow to veil him. In the fall of the bright lamplight, he was even more handsome. The pleasant lines of his face, the wide intelligent eyes and the hint of a smile upturning his mouth, naturally took her breath away.
Why would Austin need to write away for a wife? The question ate at her again, undermining her confidence and feeding her fears. And worse, he could see her clearly. Was he regretting his decision? Was he trying to hide his disappointment as he led her into the sanctuary?
Ill be right back, he promised, the low, resonate tone full of an emotion she could not name. I need to tend to the horse.
Yes. She watched him go, then wrapped her arms around her middle, feeling intensely alone as the door swung shut behind him. His opportunity to escape, she thought, shaking her head. Snow tumbled from her plain dark hair as she stared at the closed door.
Austin tells me youre a widow. The reverends sympathy appeared genuine. But you arent wearing black. Your mourning period must be over?
My husband died six weeks ago. She flushed and stared hard at the plank floor, where a dust of snow lingered, the building too cold for it to melt. She could feel the strangers scrutiny. How did she admit she did not own a black dress and she couldnt begin to afford the fabric to sew one? She was sad Jeds life had ended but she did not miss him. She wished she did. Brain fever took him.
Im sorry to hear that. Compassion, where others might judge. The ministers gaze lingered at her waist, wondering.
She tightened her arms around her middle, unable to speak of something so private to a man she did not know. Ridiculous because she could not hide her condition forever. The door swung open, icy wind swirled past her and Austin returned. The snow on his shoulders accentuated his physical power, his breadth and height and strength, but it was the kind gleam of concern in his blue eyes as he focused on her that affected her.
You must be cold clean through. He pulled off his gloves. I should have noticed earlier you didnt have any mittens.
They had worn out beyond repair, but she didnt tell him that. In the bright light he must be able to see the patches on her clothes and shoes. He must be able to see what she was, and still the kindness in his gaze remained.
His boots knelled on the planks as he paced closer. She shivered when he drew near. The tiny hairs on her arms and the back of her neck stood straight up and tingled. Air caught in her chest as he gently slid his gloves on her hands. Way too large, they dwarfed her, but the sheepskin lining was toasty warm from his heat.
Are you ready to get married? he asked.
Too choked up to answer, she managed a single nod. On jelly knees and shaking like a leaf, she followed the minister to the front of the church with Austin at her side.
Chapter Two
In sickness and health until death do you part? Reverend Lane paused, allowing silence to fall in the small church. The gust of wind outside battered the eaves, sending a chilling breeze through the already unheated building.
This wasnt the way Austin had envisioned the ceremony, but the train had been late and he was a man of his word. He had promised Willa he would marry her the moment she stepped foot off the train, to provide for her and her unborn child and to keep her safe from harm of any kind. He wanted to show her the man he was. He unclamped his teeth, afraid they would chatter, but managed to speak in a strong clear voice that carried the power of his conviction. I do.
Her hand, so small within his much larger one, trembled even harder. The poor woman, hardly more than a girl, with her blue doe eyes and soft-faced vulnerability. Several rich molasses locks had escaped her chignon to curl around her cheeks and chin. Her high cheekbones, small sloping nose and dainty chin must have been carved by angels they were so flawless.
It was her unassuming beauty and soulful eyes he liked the most, but he had not expected a woman so comely or, he hated to admit, one so young. He was in his late twenties and she could not be eighteen. Age was not something he had asked about in their brief correspondence.
I pronounce you man and wife. The reverend said the words with a hint of gravity and sympathy that rang like a bell tolling in the quiet sanctuary. You may kiss the bride.
Tension shot through the small hand resting in his. He felt the cool wedding band on her finger when she jerked away. She gazed up at him, vulnerable and so small, half his size. Such a petite slip of a girl, and he must seem like a giant to her. He felt like one as he leaned in, feeling the air snap with tension. Uncertainty passed across her face. He recognized the plea in her big beautiful eyes, the look hed come to know so well as a blacksmith. He worked with horses all day long, animals subject to a mans whims of temper and thoughtlessness.
A thousand vows rose into his heart, ones he could not find the words to say. He hoped he had the chance to show her every one so she would no longer be afraid. So in time she could see some promises were made to be kept. Some anxiety slipped from her face as she watched him tilt to the side, away from her rosebud lips that were so tempting. But there would be time later for that.
Her silk tendrils brushed his forehead as he dropped a kiss against her satin cheek. Unprepared for the tenderness that swept through him, he jerkily straightened and settled his hand protectively against her shoulder blade.
We should get home where its warm. You too, Bill. He could feel Willa trembling through her worn, wool coat. Thanks for staying late for us.
Drive safely, the reverend called out, his words echoing in the high ceiling as Austin opened the door and Willa disappeared ahead of him into the blinding night.
Was it disappointment that dug into him as she forged ahead without him? He rubbed at the painful spot on his chest and followed her tracks through the deepening snow. He caught up to her at the buggy and seized her forearm.
Thought you could get away from me, did you? He helped her onto the seat, making sure there was no hint of his disappointment in his words, just the warmth he wanted her to believe in. The drive home isnt far. Are you warm enough? I can give you my coat.
Oh, no. She wrapped her arms around her middle. Thank you, but Im used to the cold.
Fine. He patted her arm once before stepping away to remove the horses blanket. The wind disbursed the warm impression he left, and she felt alone. She was not used to sitting in a buggy while a man worked.
No, not just any man, she thought. Her husband. She gulped, drawing in air to stay the kick of panic in her chest. She had given him back his gloves in the middle of the ceremony, when he had produced a smooth gold band for her to wear. The ring felt foreign on her finger and cold against her skin. Jed had not been able to afford a wedding ring, although he had been able to find the money to buy bottles of whiskey.
She had married Jed straight off the stagecoach. He had met her at the stop, treated her to a fine lunch at the small towns only hotel. He had been on his best behavior then, too, behavior that had covered his true self like a fine, fancy veneer. Shed learned the hard way men showed you what they wanted you to see. She huddled into herself as the spikes of cold on the wind became bitter.
Austins low baritone mumbled, his words indistinguishable as he uncovered the horse. He was nothing more than an impression in the dark. She caught a glimpse of the crown of his hat, the solid line of his shoulder and the blur of movement as he folded the blanket. This inclement night was vastly different from the hot summer day Jed had tossed her trunk into his battered wagon and driven her across the vast, lonely Dakota prairie, yet she recalled it vividly. The following two years had gone by slowly and unhappily. She lifted her chin, determined to handle this marriage differently. At least she knew the truth. She would be realistic. She no longer believed in a mans good side or in the fiction of romantic love.
Calvin is none too happy with me. With the hint of a wry grin, Austin climbed up and settled onto the cushioned seat beside her. Ive spoiled him.
Have you? She wished she could be the girl she once was, one who could look at a man hoping to see the good. She could tell Austin wanted her to see he took fine care of his horse, but the way he sat so straight, shoulders back, reminded her of Jeds self-pride that had known no bounds. Her insides clenched tight. Please, let him not be like that. Austin seemed kindly and pleasant, but how deep did those qualities go?
Her heart stammered as if she were standing on the crumbling edge of a very high cliff with no way to save herself from falling. She was about to find out. She was about to discover exactly how her life would go. As the horse pulled them down the snowy lane, she fought the urge to leap out and stop the future from happening.
But it was too late. She was bound to this man for as long as they both drew breath. She had to be prepared for silent evenings made longer with a mans displeasure at her and for long days of physical work.
Night had fallen, making the trees towering on either side of the road look like frightening creatures of the night. A wolfs howl called eerily through the forest, reminding her they were in wild, high mountain country. Every passing mile reminded her how much her life had changed only to stay the same. She was still a wife, she still carried a child she might not be able to love and she was still convenient to a man who had chosen a mail-order bride because he could find no other.
Calvin isnt used to standing in the cold, Austin explained. Hes never been up this late before. Hes old and set in his ways.
She heard the note of humor in his voice but did not smile. She curled her hands into fists. Have you had him for a long time?
Since the day he was born. Hes like a brother to me.
A brother?
A horse brother, then. Austins chuckle rumbled deep, a sound that tried to reach out to touch her heart.
She inched back on the seat, needing distance. Shyness washed over her. She felt small, and he was so big. The dark night world surrounding her echoed with a vastness she could not see or measure. She did not like being vulnerable. How much farther to the cabin?
Sometimes you meet someone and you just know. Austins conversational tone held a note of strain. Perhaps he was nervous, too. Thats the way it was for Calvin and me. Has that ever happened to you?