I know. I sneaked a glance at him. Its nice. There were so many things I wanted to say to him, but they all seemed so foolish now that I had the chance. Wed talked a few times over the past year and a bit, but this seemed much more...intimate. I could touch him if I wanted. Smell him. Feel his warmth.
I never realized just how cold I was all the time.
Do you think Lark will help them?
Yes. It wasnt a lie. Shell do whats right. It just took a little prodding to get her there sometimes.
Good. He turned his head toward me just for a second before looking back at the road. I cant believe its you in there. Earlier that face looked like it wanted to kill me.
She felt ambushed. The song...
Did you like it?
I did. Lark felt like it was an accusation.
It kind of was. She put you through something terrible.
She thought she was insane, Kevin. Living with me made her feel that way. I couldnt have expected him to understand.
His jaw tightened. No. She let people make her feel that way. I know what thats like, and its not your fault.
He was sweet, but he really didnt understand. We cant be friends if you hate her. It hurt to say the words.
I dont hate her. I just think she made some bad choices.
It sounded like something Lark would have said. As much as I liked him, this was my sister we were discussing. He had to be an only child, because he obviously didnt know that the only person who could say anything bad about Lark was me. She didnt do it to hurt me. She did it so we could be together. I had never told anyone that. In fact, Lark and I had only ever talked about it onceshortly after she cut herself. There had been that brief moment when we had actually been together behind the veil. Shed been dead for a few seconds.
It had been wonderful. I never had and never would tell her just how much. Lark and I could touch, but there was always this invisible barrier between us. We were in different worlds, even if they overlapped. To have her with me finally was incredibleand wrong. She didnt belong in my world, and I couldnt have let her stay.
Kevin glanced at me again. Okay. He only said that one word, but it seemed to mean so much more than that. I smiled.
Can I...? I swallowed. Can I touch you?
The car swerved as he jerked his head toward me, then back again. Now? His voice was strained.
I just want... I leaned over and wrapped one of his curls around my finger. His hair was silky, springyexactly like Id hoped it would be. I laughed. Ive never felt hair other than Larks before.
And this was different from when Lark was awake and I shared her body. Despite the heavy limbs and awkwardness of them, they felt like mine. I was in control, not my sister, and it...it was wonderful. And strange. So strange.
I pulled my hand away, but he caught it and twined his fingers with mine. His hand was warm. Strong. My heart slammed hard against my ribs. Was I going to vomit, or burst into song? I couldnt tell.
And it wasnt my heart, not really. It was Larks heart. I had to remember that. This wasnt my body. In this realm I didnt have a body. I wasnt real.
But I let Kevin hold Larks hand all the way to his house anyway.
LARK
My eyes opened. The first face I saw other than my sisters belonged to Mace. Funny, but his face was the last thing I remembered seeing before I passed out. God, that vision of Wren eating eyeballs had been gross. Not something I ever wanted to see again.
Where am I? I demanded. Whose bed is this? And why do I smell toothpaste? I swear on her grave my sister blushed.
Kevins freakishly curly head appeared over Maces shoulder. Youre at my house. My bed.
Well, ew.
You fainted, my sister informed me. I had to wear you for a bitthere was a police officer.
I opened my mouth, then closed it again.
Its okay, Wren continued, strangely giddy. They know about me. Were friends.
At the same time, I heard Roxi say, Your sister possessed you when the cop showed up. It was awesome.
Oh, great. Okay, so Wren possessing me seemed to convince everyone that Id be on board with helping them, but what the hell had my sister done while running around in my body? I glanced at Kevin, my gaze narrow. She better not have made out with him. I sat up. My head swam a little. I reached out to steady myself, my hand clamping on to something warm and hard.
It was Maces shoulder. As soon as my brain settled I jerked my hand away.
You okay? he asked.
I nodded, avoiding his gaze. He needed to go away. He was too much of a distraction for me. I couldnt seem to think around him. All I could think about was that hed seen me at my weakest, and I could never change that. I owed him my life, and I couldnt change that, either. That meant that regardless of what I thought of the others, I had to help him. I had to do everything in my power to save him. I might be a living, breathing girl, but I knew ghostsI could fight them and hurt themand I had one on my side.
So, I was going to walk into an asylum. A haunted one. I wanted to mentionjust in case there was any confusion on the subjectthat asylums and hospitals and jails didnt have one ghost, or even half a dozen ghosts. Most of them, especially the old ones, could have hundreds of ghosts. When I was thirteen my parents took meand Wrento London. The Tower of London freaked me out. Wren had to return to the Shadow Landswhere she lived when she wasnt with mebecause the ghosts wouldnt leave her alone.
There was a different energy to ghosts when they were in this world. The ones that stayed here had issues, and they were agitated, while Shadow Land ghosts were generally more calm. At least that was what Wren told me. I wasnt there long enough to find out for myself, not really. But the Shadow Lands was like a stepping-stone between dimensionsa place between earth and Heaven, reincarnation...whatever.
What happened to you earlier? Roxi asked. She was perched on the dresser near the foot of the bed. Mace and Sarah were on the edge of the bed and Gage and Ben stood against the far wall. My sister was with Kevin. I didnt like that very much, but at least he wasnt looking at me like I was Hitler. In fact, he seemed really confused when he looked at me.
Oh, God. Shed made out with him. Didnt she? She was so lucky she was already dead.
I dont know, I told her honestly. I had some kind of vision.
Of what? It was Kevin who asked.
I dont want to talk about it.
It could help us.
I scowled. I said I dont want to talk about it.
But it could help, he insisted.
I clenched my jaw. It wont. I gave him a look that said if he pushed it Id punch him in the face.
Instead of continuing the argument, he tilted his head. That bad?
I resisted the urge to snort. I passed out. Was that bad enough for him? And why was he suddenly being all understanding? I thought he hated me.
Sorry bout that, Mace apologized. I didnt know that would happen.
I shrugged. Didnt think you would have.
I shrugged. Didnt think you would have.
He looked downat my hand, the one hed shoved under his shirt. My fingers twitched. I closed them into a fist. I need to see where you were attacked.
He didnt even blink. Okay. Lets go.
Now? His girlfriend blinked enough for both of us. Youre going now? She just woke up.
Mace rose to his feet and so did I. He wants to make sure I dont change my mind, I remarked with less humor than I intended.
He shot me an unamused look. Maybe I just want to make sure my friends and I are back to normal as soon as possible. I have to think that spectral wounds arent good.
He was right, they werent. In fact, they could be life threatening. It was weird, but he didnt seem to doubt for a moment that I could fix this, even though I had no freaking idea of how to do just that. Lets go, then.
Wren came toward me. God, there were a lot of people in the room. So many of them depending on me to help them. I didnt do well with responsibility. Im coming with you.
I shook my head. Youre not going anywhere near that place until Ive checked it out. I turned to Kevin. Do you have a can of salt I can take with me?
Sure, he said. I had to admit that I liked not having to explain myself. I followed him to the kitcheneveryone else tagging along behind. He took a large can of salt from the pantry and handed it to me. It was full, the seal not even broken. It was a cheap but effective weapon against spirits. I wasnt sure why, but I didnt care so long as it worked.
If youre not back in an hour were going to come looking for you, Ben said. Hed been pretty quiet up until now. Then again, he and Wren could have chatted up a storm and braided each others hair while I was out of it, for all I knew.
I shot him a grim smile. If were not back in an hour were dead.
That brought the mood down.
Why would you say that? Sarah demanded. She turned to Mace. Why would she say something like that?
Because its true, I retorted.
My sister looked embarrassed. Lark...
I held up my hand. Well be fine. Ill have your friend back in one piece, I promise.
Youre our friend, too, Roxi said softly.
I snorted.
If you want to be, Ben added.
There was something in his gaze that freaked me out. He freaked me outalmost as much as Mace, but for different reasons. Morbid curiosity? Why else would he seem to be so interested in me? He was probably one of those guys who secretly crushed on goth girls. Lets go.
I pivoted on my heel, toward what I hoped was the back door. Outside I stomped toward Nans car.
Were taking my car, came Maces voice from behind me.
I swerved toward the Jaguar. It was old and blackcool without screaming, I have a huge wang! Good thing he was driving, because I had no idea where the keys to the Beetle were. Whoever drove it here must have still had them.
I tried the passenger door. It was locked. Great. The thing predated auto lock, so I had to wait for him to come around and unlock it for me. I stood there feeling like a loser.
When Mace reached me he didnt immediately unlock the door. He stood there watching me. Finally, I lifted my chin and met his gaze with a belligerent one of my own. What? I wished Id worn heels so I could be more at his eye level. I found him...intimidating.
Just so were clear, my interest in being your friend isnt morbid curiosity. His tone smarted with indignation. This is morbid curiosity. He grabbed my right arm and yanked my sleeve up.
Hey! I cried, pulling against his grip. He was way stronger than me and held my arm tight, turning it so that the scar there was fully visiblea long, smooth ridge against my pale skin. He touched it with his other handa gentle stroke. It was a violation.
Dont, I choked out. I was tempted to hit him with the can of salt.
His gaze lifted and locked with mine. That was the scariest day of my life, finding you like that.
Oh. A genius with words was I. Being the center of my own little world, Id thought only of my own shame, my own feelings. It never occurred to me how finding me must have affected him beyond his opinion of me.
He continued, still staring into my eyes, still holding my arm. He didnt touch my scar again, though. Nobody has ever scared me more than you havethat day, and then tonight when you passed out.
My throat was tightprobably because my heart had jumped into it. A smart-ass retort came to mind, but I couldnt bring myself to say it. What do you want from me, Mace? An apology? Fine, Im sorry.
The muscle in his jaw twitched. What I want is for you not to treat me like Im one of those assholes who doesnt understand you or treats you like youre crazy.
I yanked on my arm again, but he held tight. I knew that if I pretended it hurt hed let me go. Here was the twisted partI didnt want him to let me go. It had been so long since someone, especially a guy, had touched me. What are you, then? Did he really expect me to believe that he, of all people, didnt think I was nuts?
His nostrils flared slightly. Im the guy who kicked in a window to get to you. The guy who found you in a pool of your own blood and wrapped your arms in pillowcases to try to stop the bleeding. Im the guy who prayed for you to live while you begged me to let you die. I dont want your apology.
What the hell do you want? Gratitude? A freaking medal? I wasnt yelling, but I was close.
What do I want? His fingers tightened on my arm. Jesus, Lark. I want you to forgive me!