I dont want you here watching over me. Her teeth were chattering.
Right. He set his hot, insolent gaze on her.
Cole, ImIm freezing. Ifyou wont go, would you please turn your back so Ican get out and dress?
Okay, already. Halfheartedly, he turned his back.
Not trusting him, she hesitated. A moment or two later, he heard water splash on limestone, followed by the whisper of damp feet on grass and the breaking of twigs as she scampered across the rocks to retrieve her clothes.
When a low curse escaped her lips, he turned out of concern and was rewarded with another glimpse of her tantalizing breasts and thighs. His breath hitched as she struggled to push her slim arms through the knotted sleeves of her wet, tangled T-shirt. Absorbed in pulling on her jeans, she didnt look up and see that he couldnt take his tortured eyes off her.
When shed fastened her cutoffs, she looked up. You cheated, she said.
Sorry.
I guess I shouldnt wonder, since youll always think Im the kind of girl who doesnt deserve your respect. With an indignant frown she leaned down and secured the now-docile Cinnamon with a leash.
Damn, he muttered, feeling guilty as well as angry.
That she could chastise him, for anything, when shed jilted him for Turner, was gallingly unfair.
Dont worry. I wont presume to trespass on your land again, she said almost haughtily.
You can swim here anytime, he said coldly. Its just that Id prefer that you bring a friend with you the next time.
Who? With the exception of Miss Jennie, people here dont really like my mother or me much. If youll recall, II never had any real friends in this town.
I hear eight men stopped by to check on Miss Jennie this mornin.
For your information, I wasnt ever who you thought I was or who they probably think I am. Its taken me a long time to believe in myselfafterafter the way you and the town treated me.
Oh, really? I find that surprising. For someone so sensitive and romantic, you sure as hell slept with me and then ran off with Turner without so much as a goodbye.
When her skin went as pale as the bleached limestone bank, he felt as if someone had kicked him in the gut. But even as she began to tremble, her eyes blazed.
Believe what you want about me! she whispered as she hugged her arms around herself. Im glad I dont have to care anymore. But her eyes belied her indifference.
When hed left the rig today hed sworn he wouldnt rehash the past, but now he had to ask. Tell me why you ran off with him. You owe me an explanation.
OnceI foolishly thoughtmaybe I did owe you. So, before I left, I called you to explain, remember?
Fury that she would lie so carelessly swelled inside him. The hell you did! You called me eighteen months laterwhen it was a little late, since I was already married to Lizzie!
No! I called you the night I left. But your mother answered the phone. She told me exactly what you told her to tell me, that she didnt want my kind in your life. So, excuse me if I didnt call you back. I had a lot on my plate. But my problems then are none of your business now.
My mother? You talked to my mother that night?
She nodded.
I dont believe you! Theres no way she could have resisted throwing such a call from you in my face!
I dont care what you believe. Do you deny that when I called you again, a year and a half later, you were even less receptive than shed been that night? If you do, let me refresh your memory. You answered the phone and told me you never wanted to talk to me again! Then you slammed the phone down. At least your mother had the guts to talk to me!
Her beautiful violet eyes shimmered with remembered pain, making a muscle in his gut pull. Her accusation about his mother didnt play. His mother, who had rigid views of social order, would have skinned him alive if shed found out he had anything to do with Jesse Rays daughter.
The truth isyou waited a whole year and a half after youd run off to call. Like I said, it was too late.
Well, then lets leave it at that! You got married to a nice, respectable girl. Maybe I moved on, too. Okay?
But it wasnt okay. Why were feelings that hed suppressed for years suddenly so important to him?
I told myself to leave it at that! And I did, as long as Lizzie was alivefor her sake. But now that shes gone and youre here, damn it, I want to know why you left me for Vernon without any explanation. All I knew was what your mother told everybodythat youd flaunted yourself around Vernon to spite her and had run off with him for the same reason.
She whitened. Although she tried to hide her fear, he saw that her hands were shaking. What was she so scared of?
Then she drew herself up straighter, and her beautiful lips thinned with determination. It was as if she found some inner strength that enabled her to face him down.
II wasnt myself when I left. After talking to your mother, I believed you were relieved to be rid of me.
Relieved? Hed been in so much agony hed thought he was dying. When he couldnt get in touch with her, hed been wild to find her, to talk to her. Wanting to hurt her now, as shed hurt him then, he said, I should have been relieved. Any sane guy wouldve been. You were your mothers daughter, in the end.
Well, there you go, she whispered in a small voice. Lucky youto escape my clutches.
Her casually tossed comment pushed him over the edge. Well, damn it, what if I wasnt smart enough to be relieved? he growled, hating himself for not hiding that shed held such power over him. Hell, she still held power over him as she stood there looking pretty and wounded and sexy as hell in the wet T-shirt that clung to her breasts. When you ran off, I was worried sick about you.
You were? She bit her lip and looked away in confusion, as if what hed said made no sense.
I thought about you all the time. I didnt want to believe what your mother was saying without hearing your side, he said. Every night Id come out here and wonder how you could just disappear like that. I missed you, damn it! I wanted to know you were okay, at least, even if you were with Turner.
Did you ever try to find me?
I wanted to. But, hell, my father got sick a week after you left. I was forced to take over the family businesses. On his deathbed he confessed to having another sonAdam. Mother couldnt accept him. I had a lot on my plate, too.
Something in his low tone got through to her because she whispered in a raspy, broken voice, Im sorry about your father. I didnt know. I was upset when I leftand too ashamed to call you again after your mother had so soundly rejected me.
You sure as hell should have been ashamed.
It took me a while to get overwhat happened. Her eyes darkened with pain. But when I finally called you again, you didnt want to talk to me. Noyou were cold and arrogant.
Because hed been afraid hed break if he spoke to her, because hed been trying to be faithful to Lizzie, damn it.
I dont see why youre dredging all this up now, Cole.
Maybe because nearly a year had passed since Lizzies death, and he finally felt free to pursue whatever the hell he wanted. Because Maddie was here, looking even lovelier and more vulnerable than before. His reaction wasnt logical. He knew that. But somehow his involvement with Maddie wasnt over. Seeing her again had thoroughly convinced him of that.
Maybe because nearly a year had passed since Lizzies death, and he finally felt free to pursue whatever the hell he wanted. Because Maddie was here, looking even lovelier and more vulnerable than before. His reaction wasnt logical. He knew that. But somehow his involvement with Maddie wasnt over. Seeing her again had thoroughly convinced him of that.
So, what was in those letters you wrote me after I refused to talk to you? he asked. He remembered too well signing for those two certified envelopes and then angrily tossing them in a drawer and telling himself he had to forget them.
Maddie gasped and lost even more color. Didnt you read my letters?
No. I signed for them, but I couldnt read them, for the same reason I couldnt talk to you on the phonebecause of Lizzie. Maybe someone like you cant understand thisbut I would have felt like I was cheating on her if anything you said tempted me. Then she died, and I couldnt read them out of loyalty to her. Shed been my wife. What had you ever doneexcept jilt me for Turner?
Maddie drew in a sharp, anguished breath. Licking her lips, she swallowed hard. Okay, she finally said. You just signed for them. Well, whatever I said in those letters cant matter now, she said. You owe me nothing. And I owe you nothing.
Im beginning to see theyre a piece in a puzzle I need to explore in more depth.
No! The past, which includes you, doesnt matter now! But her voice shook. II was nothing to you.
How can you say that and act like I mistreated youwhen you ran off with Turner?
You should thank me. I set you free so you could marry your precious Lizzie and have everyone in Yella think the best of you. And thats exactly what happened.
He remembered resenting how anxious his mother had been to push Lizzie on him after Maddie ran off and his father died. Maybe marrying Lizzie because hed been sad and lonely and overwhelmed, and because his mother and the whole town had thought theyd make a perfect couple, hadnt been the smartest thing hed ever done. Not that he could tell Maddie that hed made bigger mistakes than sleeping with her.
What did you write in those damn letters? he demanded, really curious.
Nothing that could possibly matter now, she said, too casually. I was young and foolish. Money was tight. My girlhood fantasy got the best of my better judgment. You know, poor girl wins rich boyfriend after alllives happily ever after with him in his big, white, legendary ranch houseand then everybody in Yella looks up to her. Some foolishness like that.
I think its high time I finally read them. Ill be the judge of whats foolish.
Her brows flew together. You still have them?
I threw them in a desk drawer, in my office, up at my big, white house, as you put it. They should be therethat is, if Lizzie put them back.
Lizzie?
On her deathbed, Lizzie confessed shed found them when she was tidying up in my office and had steamed them open and read them. She said she resealed them and put them back. She made me promise to read them after she was gone, said I owed you that. And then she said she was sorry, truly sorry, she hadnt told me about reading them beforebut that shed been too jealous to do so, too afraid of losing me. Imagine what a heel I felt like for having made her jealous over someone like you. Out of respect for her, I havent looked for them since her death.
Maddies gaze was fixed on Cinnamon. Well, theres no need to read them now, she said softly. Ill go.
Im not finished, he said. I told Lizzie those letters didnt matter, that they never had mattered, because Id married her, and shed been the most wonderful wife a man could wish for.
You were lucky then, Maddie said wistfully. I hope to be as luckysomeday soon.
He hadnt felt lucky. Hed felt guilt-stricken and low for never having loved Lizzie as shed deserved because of Maddie.
She always loved you. From the time she first saw you, Maddie said softly.
Yes, he muttered, familiar guilt washing over him. Hed broken Lizzies heart to pursue Maddie in secret. After that first kiss in the barn, hed burned for the towns bad girl so fiercely, he hadnt been able to help himself.
And now Maddie was back, as beautiful as ever. He still wanted her.
Maybe its good we saw each other today, so we can face the fact that the past is over, she said. Im sorry I ran off without saying goodbye. I was young, immature Her voice was even and polite, the voice she would use to console or dismiss a stranger. Its nice knowing you had a wonderful marriage, and Im truly sorry for your loss. It cant be easyeven now. Cole, I wish you well. I truly want you to be happy.
Thank you, he muttered ungraciously.
Someday youll find another woman. Maybe shell remind you of Lizzie. Youll have children, build a family together..
Her voice grew choked and then trailed off awkwardly.
He didnt want to be reminded of Lizzie, who had been the bride everyone else had believed would be perfect for him. Theyd made each other very unhappy. Hed remained lonely even in marriage.
Goodbye, Cole.
When Maddie turned to walk away, he watched her slim, denim-clad hips swing and noted the way her damp T-shirt clung to her back.
Just watching her move with liquid grace as she vanished into the woods had his blood surging like fire in his veins. His breathing felt shallow. He wanted to strip her, to hold her, to kiss her. He wanted her naked and writhing with her legs wrapped around his waist.
He wanted herperiod. Longed for her.
Hed stay crazy if he let her walk out of his life a second time. At the very least she still owed him some answers.