8. About path-guiding of Moisha Rabinovich.
In short, Jamgimen, in the head of Moisha, went to the Chujsky valley. Long and long they went there. The people started to ascent the fucking-up to Jamgick himself. By-turn Moisha persuaded jamgimen as he could, like: All fine, in short, were almost there. And so they went further. Generation of jamgimen has passed but there was no sight of the valley. They have exhausted all their stocks. At that moment Moisha decided to contact Jamgick himself. So was dip to the astral world (computer network of those days) and sent a letter to Jamgick: People demand bread, grass and circuses. Something must be done. And so Jamgick had sent Moisha a fax with holy conceptions of true jamgiman. Here is the full text of this letter:
Jamgick is the main god, as he is a real dude. Those who say that Jamgick isnt real is a hell of a deadman walking. Jamgick has a full name, that is Abdul-Jamja Valdemarovich Ibn-Chupakabra Singh-Zilberman. Jamgick created the Earth and all the inhabitant dudes. All the birds have to acknowledge Jamgick asa real guy. All the people, oder guys, oder dudes are named jamgimen. Every real jamgiman must live by the rules.
Rules:
1. Dont polish off other guys.
2. Dont pinch.
3. Dont wax other dudes and chicks.
4. Dont say that Jamgick is not a real man. Damn, Jamgick is a dudester.
5. Dont come up with different glitch stuff, which would replace you pot and hemp.
6. Jamgick is a real man, he is the supreme dude and no other is higher above him.
7. So there are seven days got it? Jamgick says: Real men work hard all week, and then at Saturday they sleep on their beds and smoke some pot. People would ask: What about Sunday? and Sunday is katzenjammer!
8. Jamgick says: Every man has to respect his ancestors. Otherwise is fatality will be.
9. Dont feel your neighbors mouth, cause jamga will come and fucking hara-kiri will be for you!
10. Jamgick doesnt care about your moral and material appearance in this world.
Yours Sincerely, Jamgick.
Then, in short, Moisha came to jamgimen with all that pot and got stoned. Most of the people got trashed with heroin and raised a monument to Matur, sovereign god of maturgans. What the hell! In every hole and in the crotch crack Im gonna pump you dry, said Moisha to jamgimen gently. And from that moment lots of repressions piled up from Moisha and Jamgick. Every junkie was impaled and stringed up on a gibbet, all the others forced to memorize War and Peace. After mass genocide jamgimen went forward. They went and went. And then hunger came upon them, all the pot stock swapped on food. And then Moisha started begging. And Jamgick sent them heavenly jamga and beer of Karaganda, and the people satisfied their hunger. Eventually Moisha died somewhereby the road, before he reached the Chujsky valley, but his people did and they established there new city called Ahalay-Mahalay.
9. On the 2nd war with maturganchiks or war after Pumpururum.
About one hundred years ago a wise and a fair ruler Hashish Maganbershovich governed the Second Folk Republic of Jamgiland, as Jamgimen named their new state. He became famous for extended the borders of the republic to the hemp fieldsof Afghanistan. The republic prospered and became basis of peaceful international relations. Anyway, but in the west there were dark business with participation of maturganchiks. With the help of diplomacy, bribes and force, they achieved the destruction of wall and confession of the fascist state in a world association. In union with the puppet state of Pumpururum (being in the neighbourhood with the Second Folk Republic Jamgiland) they founded the union of Tupakaban, having a goal to take fertile earths of Jamgiland and set them with different muck. Aggression, that was undertaken by maturganchiks, was based on permanent boundary collisions with Jamgimen, but in one not very much zany day, the army of Tupakabana passed a border and began to bump off peaceful citizens from crapguns. Hashish ordered his troops to gather and go out to the borders of the republic, but there was an autumn, and it was rather difficult to collect an army, because all flew away in nirvana after the great day of liberation (on November, the 7th). Well and Hashish made statements on radio: Hey, people, you are sweaty dude, dont you understand anything. Till you grab some grub, rotten maturganchiks took Kem. Such problems we have, and you, damn Jamgimen you are great people. You were bumped off, and you got up on feet and hollowed all the way.
But now time changed and a grass is not a controlling thing in our life, in fact our freedom is set on a stake. Hey, men, be my guest on raising the country. You are the real fighters and all are end, who are against you. Maturganchiks-freaks will go away from our earths, and after our victory we will arrange such booze-up that all cunt will come.
Get up a country is enormous,
Get up on a death fight
With fascist force dark
All will be a tryn-grass.
The Fucking-Up has reached people and they finally pulled up their socks. The Jamgimens army was gathered ina moment. And now on the battlefield face to face there are two hand-picked armies of two unappeasable cities: Maturgan (The Servants of Evil army) and Ahalay-Mahalay (One-night Stand army). Our guys wore the red uniform, hostiles the blue one. Guests were the first to take the initiative; they even dared to give a bloody nose to our officers. And the only respond the red guys could give, was to make some distant slams towards the guests left flank. By the thirty minute One-nights took a chance for countercharge supported widely by the defense regiments in the trains area. A couple of times the guests General helped them out with his adroit defense commanding. Still, by the time of a break the hosts succeeded to open a score the right hand rifles section has been completely knocked out. After a little rest the guests took a plunge into an adventure, throwing the trains for attack. And its been their last and critical mistake in the match. Jamgimen burst into the center and crashed the whole central platoon nimbly; they had exterminated the General and the good halfof his defenders. Domination of the Reds lasted till the very ending of the match. At last there comes the final whistle, everyone rush to whack the Blue ones. Hashish cries out Whack the gaylords! and the circle with the locked-on maturganers started to shrink (and so did the gigi by the way). Suddenly the huge Pumpurums platoon showed underhandedly. Trick bag said Hashish and rushed to the battle in the first flight. Having whacked twenty six deadbeats from the neighboring country Hashish missed the sudden kick at his jaw made with a baseball club (made of aluminum) and then had been taken to the intensive care. Now Brigadier General of liberation army in the Fucking-Shitty region Ykvambur Armorwind Chimny took the command. He gripped AK and with the yell Tweak the dickheads ass! dashed to a battle, just like Hashish did before. The battle lasted for three days and three nights and, finally, on the dawn of the fourth day, the exhausted troops of Jamgiland risked for the last maneuver. They had dug a huge gap underneath the Pumpurums camp and sent it into the pit of hell. The celebration of the victory lasted for twenty weeks and the three-year stockpile of pot, which has become six fold cheaper now, has been smoked out. Hashish recovered and presented Chimny with the medal of Marks the Saint. Pumpurums and maturganchiks fate had been determined after the celebration. Pumpurum was transformed into Proletary-Potty High Republic (as a part of Jamgiland), while the maturganchiks were deported to the immense vastness of Sahara Desert, that has thrown them back for a several centuries in their evolution. But with this war some independent sects have appearedin the Jamgihism teachings
10. On the independent flows in jamgihism.
The giving up smoking of pot and non-interference of Jamgick in the war served as catalyst for some changings in jamgihism. As a result, some isolated flows arised: orthodox jamgihism, material jamgihism and real jamgihism, and also the allegation of some members of the 2 last flows in the alternative jamgihism. And if the first two went on living by Lawsof Moishe, three other flows significantly reformed the faith.
A) The material jamgihism.
The materialists founded the flow because of non-interference Jamgick in the second war. They grounded the teaching as sincere faith in Jamgick as a real creature, but in the same time they do not consider him to be a God and generally deny any God worship. They consider Jamgick to be some kind of the guy living highly in mountains and smoking pot. Of course, Jamgick has paranormal capabilities in their comprehension, but nevertheless he is material and his death is quite possible. In opinion of materialists, Jamgick did not create the Earth, but brought people exactly from the previous place of residence. The materialists also use grass in the achievement of higher beatitude, as well as orthodox persons do. Practically they do not differ from orthodoxies in culture, but they do not wear sacred amulets with jamga, unbelieving in its divine origin.
The follow the conceptions, which do not concern the divine origin of Jamgick; and where they are, the concepts are important, they walk around it a side. As well as Jamgick.
B) Real Jamgihism.
Realists believe in Jamgick as well as orthodox Jamgiman and their main difference is they dont smoke the pot. It has been just after the war many citizens had seen that they were able to live without pot and it was quite good and it was even healthy, because nobody forbade drinking beer. In some months after the war some plantations with hemp were closed and there was hop planted. Realists understand that the excessive use of hemp reduce to moral decay of jamgimen, but at the same time they consider that at the higher level of societys development it will be possible to live without pot.
C) Alternativists have joined two previous movements in one new movement which became the most progressive (but not the most veritable in understanding of orthodoxies). Alternativists stopped to smoke pot and recognized Jamgick as a dude as in materialism. In short, they have united 2 steams and became as atheists (not in all but they did it). In the doctrine they are based all on the same war. About it tells their slogan Without the pot and Jamgick, but with life. From concepts of Moishe they took only morally-ethical (if so it is possible to call them). Despite of such split, jamgihism unlike other religions hasnt broken up, and continued to exist, as it there was the most democratic religion at that time.
Hashish concluded the alliance with representatives of all currents jamgihism and has collected Council of beliefs which has designated near future contours. It has served the creation in the future in Jamgiland the first communistic state in the world.
11. On unreal types to Pupkin Mumbling.
Nearly in 50 years in Jamgiland the presidential elections was organized, and orthodox Avtol Kamasutrov won. But he was killed by the mercenary, employed by militant neighbour of Jamgimen kingdom of Vaflogonia. Vaflogonia has coveted for a long time prospering and peace Jamgiland.
But forces were unequal, and they have wanted to bring distemper in republic. Soon there were intense situation on the border of two states. Jamgick party of national liberation, named by Hashish, has sent fighting detached forces to the country borders. Then, the peoples volunteer corps was organized in republic, which was headed by Pupkin Mumbling, the football player of local team Spartak (Ahalay-Mahalay). Soon residents of Vaflogonia have decided that it will be too dangerousto war and have sent heavy tank artillery to the line of borders. Our folk were not armed with such thingamajigs, but we surpassed the enemy in number. In the morning of the fifth day Pupkin left to border with a red flag, on which Fucking Vaflogonia was written. In response, residents of Vaflogonia have sent the detached force Golopas, armed cap-á-pie. It was difficult for Pupkin to withdraw, and he accepted battle in jungle nearby. It looks like he might be faced bigger difficulties playing football (especially in matches with CSKA there were more boundless fights in general, the list of victims exceeds some thousands among them footballers, fans, cops and casual passers-by). Now he also has made an attempt to interrupt these birdbrains by turns. At first he has got the old revolver that was presented to him by his grandfather, who was the veteran of Peoples Commissariat of Internal Affairs. Mumbling learned different barbarities from his grandpa, which he wanted to apply. Having used radio to call reinforcement, he took cover in the tree cave and began to shoot scuts, screaming You wont escape! Punishing eye of hell will rip out your heart. I appeal to your stinking bodies to leave this perishable earth, otherwise judgment of Great Lord will be inevitable. Fanatics, youve come to chasten us, but you goofed up. Youve got no brain-box to put your thinking-cap on! Ha-ha-ha! While Mumbling was talking that bull shit, thought out just on the spot, the reinforcement group Good guys rushed through the overgrowth of poppy. So long and full of fun that rushing was Captivating odor was suppressing the attack, but when Mumbling began to speak on the importance of cannabis cultivation in conditions of the far north, our folk approached to the boneheads from the back. Sudden attack provoked hand-to-hand fight. Pupkin rushed out from the tree cave and kicked the reproductive organ of one scut. Of course it was inhumane, but its war Good were kicking scuts asses actively. They were striking their heads and kidneys with legs. Then, after pronouncing the watchword Keep in mind Im not kind. Bump off the fags!, they began committing such barbarities as kidney extraction, splitting of peroneal bone into 4, sucking out of brain, and (my favourite) ear lobes and nostrils evulsion with obligatory feeding them to the victim. In short, people had a lot of fun Having sent bodies of the scutsto their camp, our folk were tarrying for the reaction. Corpses came to the enemy camp with the ultimatum, in short, its meaning was You mother fuckers, wanna pop off the hooks in the same way? Fuck off! Youll be fucked up! Well come in the morning and will rip out your nostrils. The scuts were unreal dudes and dumped a load, so the territory became contaminated at least for forty years. Having left all the armaments, these bozos ran off from our great land and they had never appeared not only in Jamgiland, butin the world history as well. A whisper goes round that they have committed mass act of hara-kiri. Meanwhile the Jamgimen, having captured enemy tank corps, made a madhouse of the republic. Pupkin Mumbling became the President during the next elections and another peaceful period started in the life of our republic.
OuKB!!! Hey! Hey!
I am kind
The theory was finished here.
And the practice is beginning
(!) (P) resident is a resident (in brief resik) of the definite country for the definite period. When his division term (the second term is sharing out) of this country is finishing, the president will to be used one (that is second-hand resident of the world government). Unicellular called such persons ex-presidents. But face the truth! Arent they second-hand?!?