Gay, she repeated, and thought, nope. This wasnt happening to her. Maybe she was the crisis counselor in the family. Maybe shed been born with the assignment of being the Listener and Soother for the Fitzhenrys. Maybe with so many dramatic people in the clan, they naturally gravitated toward the nondramatic, boring one. Only for Petes sake. Her whole world had fallen apart today.
And right now, if shed even wanted to throw up, she couldnt have scheduled the time.
A voice called out from the living room. Whos that, Lucy? Your mother?
Russell mouthed, Who in Gods name is that? Your dad? and she yelled back cheerfully, Its Russ, Dad, just come for a visit.
Well, tell him to come on in.
Russell whispered, I cant.
She said, Youre going to have to now. Come on. Ill get you something to eat. Take off your jacket.
I only wanted to talk to you. I dont want anyone else to know about this, he said desperately.
And we wont be talking about this in front of my dad. But right now, theres no way to pretend youre not here. She would have thought she was stating the obvious, but Russ still had to be herded into the living room.
So, Ill bet the girls are really chasing you, huh, Russ? was the first thing her father said, making her wincebut it was typical family teasing. Girls had adored Russ from grade school on, and as far as Lucy knew, hed adored them just as likewise. She had no idea when the gay question had started troubling him, but soon enough could see that discussion was going no furthernot tonight.
Her dad immediately perked up for the company. At some point he miraculously found the beer at the back of her refrigerator, and a short time later Russell came back from the kitchen with her one and only partial bottle of wine. She raised a serious protest about his drinking and driving, but her father readily settled that by insisting that Russ could spend the night.
She made up the second twin in the spare bedroom, blinked a bleary-eyed good-night to them both around eleven, and crashed in her bedroom. Literally crashed. She pushed off her shoes and dove, head-first, for the lilac-flowered duvet cover. Between the feather bed and down comforter, her bed was conceivably the softest thing in the universe. So soft that she determined that she was never moving. Ever again. Even for a minute. Even for a second.
Shed never gone to bed in her clothesit was unthinkablebut honest to Pete, she couldnt move. For the first time all day, she feltsafe. Part of the feeling came from being cocooned in all the soft, luxurious down bedding. And part of it came from the purple. Shed really hard-core nested with color in here. The fake Tiffany lamp was lavender, the carpet a pale lilac. The old brass bedstead definitely wasnt purple but shed found it thrown out in an alley, brought it home, and buffed it within an inch of its life. The dark purple satin sheets, the swoop of dark purple drapesfor a woman who dug in dirt most days, the room was an unabashed female hideaway. Exactly what she craved.
Shed had more than enough stress today. Shed think about everything tomorrow, but for right now she just needed
The telephone rang.
Of course her dad could have answered it. Or Russell.
But when the receiver next to her bed rang again, it was obvious no one else was going to pick it up. And it could have been her mother. Or Ginger. Or something wrong at the lab or greenhouseworry built up so fast and thick in her throat that she grabbed the phone and then almost dropped it.
Ill be back in town tomorrow, Lucy, Nick said, but I had to know what the doctor said. Are you all right?
That voice. It made her think of dark chocolate, but not just dark chocolatea dark chocolate mint with brandy inside, or maybe with a little vanilla mascarpone filling in there, too. It was a voice that flowed into a womans mind and seeped into her fantasies. It was a voice that tended to make bone tissue turn liquid. It was a voice with so much pure lusty male vibration to it that it could probably make a puppy puddle.
Lucy? Nick repeated. Are you all right?
Theres no ulcer, no tumor, nothing terrible. Thanks for calling, Nick. And thanks for arranging for me to get into a doctor so quickly. Dont worry about a thing. Ill see you tomorrow. She hung up.
Then unplugged the phone. Thank God there were still some land lines left in this world.
NICK BARELY STEPPED out of the car before the front door opened. Out bounded Baby and Boo Boo, accompanied by his niece.
Hey, Uncle Nick! Bet you didnt expect to see me, huh? Gretchen had turned twelve a few weeks ago. Nick had figured out that was some monumental thing to her because shed changed her whole style of clothes, but what that all meant completely eluded him. This morning she had on a down jacket over a corduroy shirt that showed her skinny tummyand here it was, freezing like a banshee outside. She was so gawky, all hair and big eyes and knees, so shy she could make herself sick in public situations. But not with him. She adored him almostalmostas much as he adored her.
Hey, shorty. Whats this, youre already skipping school at your young age? He pulled her into a hug, loving the smile she beamed up at him. She was smaller than the dogs. Although God knew, almost everyone was smaller than the dogs.
Nah. There was a teacher in-service day. So I had it free. And Im supposed to be at Dads this week, but hes busy and he and Mom are fighting anyway, you know? SoI thought Id come out and see Gramps and you.
Nick couldnt kick his big brother from here to the South Pole, but often enough, it was tempting. Clint and Gretchens mother had never gotten married, thank God, but they still couldnt seem to resist fighting in front of the kid all the time. It killed him. The squirt likely wouldnt be half so painfully shy and misfit-y if somebody was around to actively parent her.
Can I hang with you? Gretchen asked.
Hmmm He had to talk to Lucy this morning. Immediately. It wouldnt waitnot after hearing her voice last nightnot if he was going to keep his sanity. The rest of his work, he could either shuffle or make-happen around a few hours with Gretchen. Hed done it in the past. I need to have a half hour with Lucy at the lab. Alone. A real serious meeting.
Oh. Okay. Her face fell five feet. I understand.
He could tell she did. He could tell shed had to understand too damn many things, too damn many times, for a twelve-year-old. How about this for a plan? We can walk over together. You can hang with Reiko or Fritz or Fred. Or just wander around. In fact, you could help make sure I get that time alone with Lucy. Well get our meeting over a whole lot faster if we arent interrupted by anyone.
I could do that! Ill make sure nobody interrupts you!
And then well do the day. I still have some work, but you can hang. Have to go over to the plantbut youll love that anyway. And Ill finish what I have to and then well split, okay? You bring your fiddle?
Uncle Nick! I play the flute, you know that!
Yeah, I know. And youre so good I was thinking maybe you could play for me a little later, huh?
You dont really want me to.
Damn kid never thought anyone wanted to be with her. Yeah, I do. Give me a second to pick something up from the houseand then well walk to the labs with the dogs, okay?
Yeah, thatd be great.
Okay. So walking with a twelve-year-old kid wasnt exactly a great way to get his psyche prepared for the talk with Lucy. But he usually had a gift for multitasking. Hell, hed just traveled from Paris to Berne and back, did some moving and shaking to get the construction on the new greenhouses started, contacted security people, initiated a new contract with their Berne peopleand that was just the last two days. Surely he could handle a reasonable discussion with a twenty-eight-year-old woman?
So Uncle Nickthen Uncle Nickand after that, we like
Gretchen, God love her, treated him like a hero. Sometimes, like this morning, it made him feel lower than pond scum. He adored her. Hed adopt her if there was ever a need. But he wasnt the kind of hero she wanted him to be. If the world were the right kind of place, shed have a dad whod earned that kind of respect, and a ton of other role models who could do a better job than him.
But right now she was chattering nonstop, at least until they reached the doors to the lab. She quieted instantly, doing her shy thing. The dogs, by contrast, howled as if someone were killing them because of being left outside.
The place was as deserted as a carnival in the rain, no sign of life in any of the offices. All the noise and action emanated from the communal lab, where the whole staff clustered, bustling around some fresh chocolate tests. Reiko and Fred and Fritz called out welcoming hellos to both him and Gretchen. So did Lucy.
But he saw what she tried to pull off. She took one look, startled when she saw him, beamed out a cheerful hello and dove for the side door.
He caught up with her midflight, with what he hoped was an unobtrusive hand plucking her shirt-tail. Well be in Lucys office for a few minutes, everyone. You okay, Gretchen?
Sure, she said, which was what Gretchen always said, but in this case, Reiko was already inviting her to try the new chocolate. The kidd be okay.
Lucy would probably be okay, too.
Whether he was going to be okay was the real question. Because one look at her face and he knew this was going to go bad. Very bad. Maybe very, very bad.
As soon as they were out of sight, she said, I know, I know, we didnt finish our Bliss project discussion the other day
No, we didnt. And we need to get that done damn quick. But thats not all we have to discuss right now.
What? At the door to her office, she moved in first, quickly, as if allergic to being that close to him. Hed felt the startled tremor streak her spine when hed touched the back of her shirt. And now she didnt hide behind the desk, but she moved as far as the windowsill, where she could lean, arms under her chest, chin upas if she were braced for a blow.
He latched the door and leaned there, giving her some space, but for damn sure blocking the exit. So, he said gently, youre pregnant.
Huh? She shook her head as if disbelieving such an incomprehensible ridiculous statement.
Aw, hell. Politicians lied better than she did. Nick felt as if a lead ballwith spikeshad just dropped in his stomach. Yeah, hed guessed the truth from her voice last night. From everything. Until that instant, though, he thought there was still a chance of some other answer. Fear of disaster didnt always mean a disaster was going to happen. Only he saw those hazel eyes shifting from his like a thief in a bank.
He wiped a hand over his face, wishing he could wash himself into a state of invisibility. Youre pregnant, he said again. By me. For a second there, he wasnt dead positive if he was saying it aloud for her sake or his.
For Petes sake. Im going to sue that doctor. I realize it was your doc, but all the same, he cant just tell someone else a patients confidential medical infor
Luce He had to interrupt her. No one told me. I just added it up. Your sudden throwing up, the timing, your swearing there was absolutely nothing wrong. Only youve never even taken a sick day, much less mentioned ever having an upset stomach to anyone. SoI looked at a calendar. The night you called me about the successful experiment
That night doesnt have to mean anything. For all you know, I sleep with zillions of guys. Regularly.
He didnt say, when cows fly. But straight arrows like Lucy just didnt tumble for strangers. Or on a whim. Hell, her greenhouse floor was clean enough to eat from; she was that persnickety. Look. You dont have to make up stories. Were in this fix together
Youre not in any fix, Nick. I am. This was totally my fault. You never came on to me. Never invited anything. Nothing would ever have happened if I hadnt She swirled her hands.
Is that supposed to mean you didnt intend to tell me? When she didnt give him the correct answer for that question, he said, very very quietly, You just agreed to take on a mountain of extra workto become an integral part of a chocolate project that could throw the cacao market on its ear and shake up the whole chocolate industry. Yet you didnt figure you needed to mention that you had a major health issue like a pregnancy on your plate?
Well. No.
Okay. He didnt have a temper, hed told himself a hundred times. And if he did, there were very few people who could push it. But Lucy headed the list. Ramifications of this pregnancyher pregnancy, their pregnancykept popping in his brain like mini-explosions. What to do. How. Where. When. But first, he obviously had to deal with that sick, panicked expression on Lucys face.
Lucelisten to me. We can work out whatever you want to work out. We can make happen whatever you want to happen. He heaved out a wary sigh. Although you know my grandfather will only have one solution.
No one has to know its yours. And that includes Orson, she promised him.
Thats no solution.
Ill get a mountain of pressure from family, too. Everyone will have an opinion about what I should do and try to railroad me into doing it.
Caving into pressure from any side is no solution, either.
So, she said, as if that single word were a finished thought.
So, he echoed, and took a step forward, meaning to touch her. Why exactly, he didnt know, when he had never initiated a personal contact of any kind with Luce before. But the instinct to touch seemed to bubble up from a well of frustration and helplessnessfeelings he had no tolerance for. This was all going crazy wrong. So far their whole conversation had been awkward and weird and unnatural. For darn sure, hed wanted to face her, wanted to have this out. Wanted it down in black ink, what they were both going to doif there really was a pregnancy.
Only in both his head and heart, he just couldnt seem to totally believe it. That single occasion, hell, it hadnt even been a whole night. One single crazy, crazy hour had led to this. In fact, when hed wakened the next morningin his own bed, alonehe thought hed dreamed the whole thing. It just seemed incomprehensible that anything intimate could have happened between them.
And now Lucy was shrinking from him.
Nick couldnt remember feeling lost. The feeling was alien to everything he knew about himself. When his parents died, grief had overwhelmed him, but hed had to take on responsibility and grow up so fast that hed never had time to wallow. God knew, hed made mistakes. And hed played around plenty. But from the time he was a kid, hed had the power to make all the major decisions about his own life with nominal outside interference. Now, though, there was Luce. Who didnt seem willing to even talk to him, much less include him in giant decision-making that affected both of them.