Okay. Just, you know, dont get your hopes up too high, Ava warned before heading for the locker room.
She knew there was no point in saying more than that. Any lecture she offered would fall on deaf ears. But she knew for a fact that men didnt change. But women did, as Ava had proven. All itd taken was a hideous bout of depression, a couple of exercise classes and a pulled muscle to completely change her life.
Spinning had led to kettlebells, which led to yoga, then to weight lifting. Next thing she knew, she was teaching kickboxing, certified in Pilates and attending weeklong training camps in exercise instruction. One of those camps had hooked her on the benefits of massage for training the body, inspiring her to get licensed. Now, after another year of training, shed added a rehabilitation massage certification to her roster.
Not bad for a woman who, until the age of twenty, had been convinced that the sum total of her ambitions were to hold the crown of socialite princess, to be a perfect wife and to always look pretty.
Thank God shed escaped that life. It would have been pure hell.
* * *
ESCAPE COULD ONLY last for so long.
Experience and familiarity got Elijah through the team debriefing without a problem, but by the time they got to his individual round, he was feeling raw.
But, again, experience and familiarity got him through.
Still, he was damned glad to hear, Dismissed, Prescott.
Gut churning and his throat hot from keeping his voice at an even keel, Elijah nodded to the two Naval Intelligence officers and Admiral Cree. He offered his salute, turned on his heel and strode out. And he didnt breathe fully until hed cleared the room.
You okay? Damn, Prescott, you look rough.
Ignoring that, Elijah nodded to the ensign manning the desk and continued into the hallway. He wasnt surprised when Jarrett joined him, matching his pace as they passed both military and civilian personnel until theyd reached the end of the hall.
Debriefing can be rough, but Ive never seen you come out looking this worn. Seriously, Jarrett said, sounding concerned, are you okay?
Im fine. Like Jarrett, Elijah stopped at the double doors. The sun filtered through the small windows, dust motes dancing between them. I finished debriefing. Im cleared.
Hey, I just wanted to give you a heads-up. Jarrett made a show of glancing to the left, then to the right before leaning closer. Watch your six.
Why? Someone coming down on my ass?
Im hearing a lot of buzz. Worry, doubts, that sort of thing. Some are saying Poseidon is, and I quote, a fancy-ass clique rallying around a loser in the name of protecting their own. Jarrett rolled his eyes as if to say it was ridiculous. But if it was ridiculous, why bother with the warning? Just wanted you to know.
Elijah met Jarretts frown with a look of calm. Not because thats how he was feelinghell, no. The warning, on top of a brutal debriefing, had his gut twisted with a miserable sort of fury. But there was no point confirming the gossip that he was a mess. Im good, he lied.
I know youre clean, Prescott. I just want to make sure you watch your back. People get ugly when theyre under suspicion. Jarrett snapped his teeth together, his eyes worried. You dont need more dirt thrown your way. Not after everything youve been through. So if you need anything, Im here for you.
His own jaw tight enough to snap his teeth off, Elijah nodded. Yes, sir. But Commander Savino is my commanding officer, and I report to him. Elijah pulled his cap out of his back pocket and tugged it onto his head. If there are any issues, Im sure Ill hear it from him.
If hes brought into it, Jarrett said quietly, stepping forward until the tips of his boots knocked against Elijahs. Someone wants Poseidon brought down. How long can Savino stop that? People higher up are watching. Its making everyone nervous. Theyre wondering whos involved, whos clean and whos not.
Are they looking at me? Elijah asked.
Theyre looking at everyone. You roomed with Ramsey. Youve had some shit going on, and your psych eval says you have reason to resent the Navy. Some people worry about serving with a guy with your issues. And then theres the question of who really sold the chemical formula. Do you think everyone believes it was some dead guy? Jarrett shook his head, as if disgusted by the chatter. Just watch your back.
Elijah refused to reply. All he could do was nod. Then, shoulders stiff, he watched the captain shove through the doors and saunter away. He wished like hell he could claim the man was full of crap. But Elijah had seen the looks.
The warning was legit.
* * *
TWO DAYS LATER, Elijah strode down the hallway toward Savinos office. He didnt know if he was making the right choice. He just knew he couldnt make a different one.
So when he strode through the door, his chin was high, his eyes direct and his expression clear.
His commander was at his desk, papers stacked in two neat piles on the dingy metal surface. Elijah wouldnt mind the rank, but damned if hed want the paperwork that went with it.
Reporting as ordered, sir.
You want to explain this? Savino invited, lifting one of the papers from the stack on the left.
His face blank, Elijah looked from his commander to the paper the man held and back again. It seemed pretty self-explanatory to him. But he knew Savino wasnt asking him to clarify the request for leave. He wanted to know why. He wanted details; he wanted insights. As always, he wanted every damned thing.
Savino was a hard-ass. He was a tough commander, a man with a wicked sense of humor held under tight control and razor-sharp lines in the sand when it came to right and wrong. He was the first man to reach out his hand and the last to walk away.
He was a friend.
Theyd trained together. Theyd sat watch in a cave over a village beset by terrorists together. Theyd gotten drunk together. Theyd been through a million experiences in the near-decade theyd known each other.
So Elijah couldnt hold back. Im not one hundred percent. I thought I was, pushed the medics to release me and ignored their concerns, he said quietly. Then, in case Savino suspected he meant the head shrink as well as the physicians, he drummed his fingertips over his thigh. Id rather take a few weeks leave before I do irreparable damage.
He knew that excuse would hold. His medical records said as much. But Savino knew him too well. So the question was, would he accept face value or would he push for the truth?
And this has nothing to do with the heap of crap chickenshit gossips are trying to pile on you?
Had he thought that wouldnt get back to Savino? Elijah almost smiled. Someone wants to take down Poseidon, he said, sidestepping. Theyre using the convenience of gossip to accelerate that mission.
That doesnt answer my question. Do you believe that anyone on the team doesnt trust you? Do you believe anyone thinks youre dirty?
Yeah. He did believe that. I believe there are some that might have questions, he said carefully instead. Since our job is not to follow blindly but to think outside the box, I dont blame them for wondering.
Savino frowned, but simply folded his hands on his desk instead of saying anything.
Savino frowned, but simply folded his hands on his desk instead of saying anything.
At the very least, theyve got to wonder why I hadnt seen anything. Why I didnt realize that Ramsey was dirty, that he was a psychotic traitor with a taste for greed and a hard-on to take down Poseidon. Elijah rubbed his hand over his face, feeling stained, as if hed never be clean. I served with him and Adams. I partied with them. I roomed with them for eight fucking months. How could I miss something that ugly?
By that train of thought, youd think I should have realized it, too, Savino countered quietly, looking tired. I served with Ramsey myself. I trained him, commanded him. Hell, Rembrandt, I signed his fucking DEVGRU recommendation.
Knowing Savinos use of the word fucking was permission to fall out, Elijah dropped to the empty chair in front of the desk, his boots clunking against the metal.
I cant get past it, Elijah admitted. The weight of it. The feeling of failure.
Youre going to have to. Youve got enough weighing you down already. Dont haul someone elses crap, too.
Made sense. Elijah knew it made sense. Hed told himself the same thing already, hadnt he? But hed seen the expressions on some peoples faces. Hed read the question in their eyes, the wondering. Was he in league with Ramsey? Was that how hed survived the explosion? Did they think hed missed that sniper last week because hed meant to? That hed fallen back on the command not to fire, had used it as an excuse to let his partner take a bullet? The questions swirled, ugly and sharp, scraping at his composure, tearing at his resolve.
I need a break. I need to get away from it all, Elijah murmured, finally meeting Savinos eyes. I thought I was ready to come back. Im not.
I could order a psych eval, another round of physical therapy, Savino said. Thats what I should do. For your own good and for the good of the team.
You could. But Im hoping you wont. I just need a break. A real break. Away.
A dumb-ass move, his brain warned.
Walking away now would only add fuel to Jarretts insinuations. To those who thought him guilty, itd look like a retreat. Even to himselfwho knew he was cleanit would feel like he was running.
Youd be smarter to stay on base, take light duty until youre ready to face fire again, Savino advised, reading Elijahs mind with his usual savvy.
Yeah. I know. Hed been going on eight months without leave when hed been blown to hell. After that had been a couple of months in and out of the base hospital, a month easing back into training. For the last year hed lived and breathed the Navy, SEAL Team 7, Poseidon.
Once hed thrived on immersing himself in this world.
Now?
He didnt know if he could live or breathe it any longer. He didnt know how much longer he could before he simply cracked. And what would be revealed through the fractured pieces could break him beyond repair.
Savino must have seen some hint of that on his face because he rubbed a hand over his hair and sighed. Okay. Yeah. Ill green-light leave. But three weeks. No more. Not a man to waste time, he snagged the request for leave again and scrawled his signature.
But he didnt hand it over. Im temporarily relieving you from active duty, but as long as Operation Fuck Up is in effect, youre still serving Poseidon. Clear?
In other words, until theyd determined once and for all if Ramsey was dead or not, every member of Poseidon was on alert. Is there something you want me working on while Im away?
Savino tapped his fingers on the desk once. Twice. After a third rat-a-tat-tat, he opened a drawer and pulled out a sheet of paper. Codes, log-ins to access certain files that need to be decrypted. You going to have access to a secured computer where youre going?
Ill make sure of it, Elijah promised, knowing as he reached for the paper that Savino was giving him more than an assignment.
He was handing over his trust. A show of faith that damn near changed Elijahs mind about getting away.
Damn near. But not quite.
Where will you go?
Elijah hesitated, then shrugged. Not sure yet. Just... Away.
You need somewhere to chill? My place in Monterey is sitting there empty.
God. Elijah gritted his teeth against the wave of guilt pounding over him. Thanks, but I think your castle is a little out of my league. Trying on a grin, Elijah rolled his eyes at the idea of a middle-class guy like him chugging beer in that glass tower of a place that Savino called his home away from base.
I expect you back here in three weeks. Excuses wont be tolerated.
Yes, sir. No problem. He could figure out the rest of his life in three weeks. Elijah headed for the door.
Rembrandt?
Hand on the knob and escape just a twist away, Elijah looked over his shoulder.
You need anything, you let me know. Savinos brow creased for a moment, the shield dropping to show his concern. Anything. Were a team. Were here for you.
Not trusting his voice, Elijah nodded on his way out the door. Maybe that was the problem. They were a team. They were there for him. But did they trust him to be there for them?
Did hecould hetrust himself? No.
That was the bottom line.
Elijah couldnt trust himselfor ask anyone else towhen his entire world was crashing down around him. His lifestarting with his mindwas simply falling apart.
Until he figured it out, until he fixed whatever in the hell was going on, he simply had to accept the hard truth.
His life sucked.
CHAPTER FOUR
JEREMY PRESCOTT HAD been a man of great responsibility, deep pride and a quirky sense of humor. When hed died, hed left behind a devastated family, a tidy nest egg and a few special bequests to his only son, Elijah. Among them were sage bits of advice, mostly in the form of clichés handed down with a wink and a smile; the responsibility for an emotionally fragile widow with a propensity for drama outmatched only by her gift for nagging; and a cherry 53 Corvette.
Chevrolets first attempt at what would become an icon. The red body was a rough testament to fiberglass, the white leather interior almost flawless with some wear and tear along the edges of the drivers seat. Granted, at ten years old, Elijah had been too young to drivehell, his feet had barely reached the pedalsbut nobody challenged his right to the car. For a while, especially when hed been deployed overseas, hed kept the vehicle garaged at his mothers. But two years ago a friend had convinced him to live a little, to bring it down to Coronado, take it out for a ride once in a while.
Given the cost of gas, hed often joked that cruising the car was his guilty pleasure. The pleasure was dimming as he was cruising past hour seven on the drive from Coronado to his hometown of Yountville. Nestled in the heart of the gorgeous Napa Valley, the charming town was known for its fine dining, with restaurants like the French Laundry pulling in locals and tourists alike. Less well-known was the meddling prowess of the Prescott women. Elijahs mother and sisters specialized in forming, sharing and debating their opinions on the lives of others. He loved them all, but damn, the idea of facing that after a long drive while his body ached was a lot to take.