Tell me something, Brendan said.
She glanced at him and found he was watching her with a frown.
What?
Why didnt you just ask Siobhan for the information about the tables and chairs? She knows everything there is to know about the church.
She shrugged. No reason. I didnt want to bother her, thats all. Shed be just as happy if hed leave that subject alone, but she didnt suppose he would.
Bother her? His eyebrows lifted. I heard her offer to help you with the arrangements.
Thanks, but I can manage. She snapped the notebook shut.
Even if you can, thats not the point.
Of course it is. Im just doing what Nolies family would do, if she had any. Why couldnt he let it go? The grooms family is responsible for putting on the rehearsal dinner, thats all. I dont intend to impose on them for anything else.
You seem willing enough to enlist me.
He had her there. Only because youre the one who wanted to make a deal, remember? Besides, youre going to marry them, so youd be involved to some extent anyway.
The family wants to help. He had that look again the one that said hed keep digging until he understood what made her tick. Why wont you let them?
She managed to keep a cool smile on her face. Because I dont want any help.
Why?
Exasperation made her lose her grip on her temper. You sound like a two-year-old. Why, why, why? Just leave my motives alone and take care of your part of this wedding, Pastor.
Now she was the one who sounded like a two-year-old. In the middle of a tantrum.
But Brendan shrugged, seeming to accept at last that he wasnt going to get anything else from her. If thats what you want.
She turned away. His voice stopped her before shed taken more than a couple of steps.
But at least you could be honest with yourself about why you need to close out the Flanagan family from planning this wedding.
Okay, guys, hit the road. I need to lock up.
Brendan held the gym door for the few teenagers whod hung around to talk after a game of basketball. Claire had been meeting with Stacy this evening, and maybe he had finished in time to talk with her.
Claire had been evasive over the last few days. That was his fault. Hed pushed her too hard the last time theyd talked.
Why dont you let me have a key, Rev? Rick Romero leaned against the door, one eyebrow lifted in a challenge. Id take good care of it.
Sorry, Rick. Ive lost too many keys that way. He kept his voice friendly, but firm.
You mean you dont trust us with a key. Ricks expression had darkened, his hair-trigger temper always ready to see offense whether intended or not. The other kids pressed behind him, primed to follow Ricks lead.
If I didnt trust you, you wouldnt be here at all, Brendan pointed out. He held his breath, knowing the issue could go either way.
Rick glowered for another moment, and the situation hung in the balance. Then he shrugged, his smile flashing. Hey, it was worth a try. See you later, Rev.
With a few careless waves, they were gone. He closed the door and locked it, aware as he did so of how futile the gesture was. There were a dozen easy ways into the building if someone really wanted to break in.
He was taking a chance with those kids, walking a tightrope they didnt even know existed. One instance of vandalism or thievery would be enough to bring the church board down on him with both feet.
He switched off the lights and started toward his office. Would Claire stop by? Shed done that several times after meeting with Stacy, staying to share a soda and talk. Hed started looking forward to it.
She probably wouldnt tonight. He thought again of their conversation on Saturday. Ostensibly about the tables, it had ranged a lot further. Hed pushed too much, both about her faith, or lack of it, and her relationship with the rest of the Flanagans.
If Claire had belonged to Jesus as a child, she still did, whether she believed that or not. God would not let go of her easily.
Father, reawaken Claire to that knowledge of You that she had as a child. Id like to be Your instrument with her, if thats Your will.
His worry eased with the prayer. Claires spiritual well-being was ultimately in Gods hands, not his. As for her attitude toward the familywell, he couldnt pretend he understood it, but hed like to.
His steps quickened. The light was on in his study. Through the open door, he saw Claire sitting in the visitors chair, the lamplight making her hair glow.
A wave of pleasure swept over him, startling him with its strength. Hed known he wanted to see her. He just hadnt known how much.
Claire, hi. How did it go tonight? He tossed his keys onto the desk and swung to face her.
She looked up, and he knew something was wrong. Very wrong.
What is it? He reached toward her instinctively. Whats happened?
Stacy. Her eyes had darkened with what seemed to be a combination of frustration and anger. Shes pregnant.
He took an involuntary step back and bumped into the desk, struggling to get his mind around the ramifications of that unexpected blow.
Are you sure?
Sure? She surged out of the chair as if she could no longer be still. The movement brought her close enough that he could smell the spicy scent she wore. How can I be? Stacys sure. She says she took three different tests and they all came out positive.
I guess thats sure enough. He ran his hand through his hair, then gripped the back of his neck. This complicates things.
Thats putting it mildly.
He wasnt sure whether the edge in her voice was for him, for Stacy, or for the whole situation.
Honestly, Claire. I never suspected. Im sorry I got you involved.
You should be. A bit of dark humor flashed in her eyes. I thought I was just helping her get a job. I could probably do that, but Im not qualified for pregnancy counseling.
Something flickered in her face as she said the words, gone so quickly he might have imagined it.
How is Stacy taking this?
She shook her head, her hair brushing against her cheek. What do you think? Shes on a roller coaster. One minute shes talking very sensibly about having the baby adopted by a family that can take good care of it. The next, shes indulging in some rosy dream about Ted turning into a model husband and father. As if thats likely to happen.
Did you tell her that?
I suppose you think that was a mistake. Annoyance with him colored her voice. But Stacy has to face facts. If Ted slapped her around just because he was frustrated about supper being late, hes hardly likely to improve with a baby to take care of.
Theyre both so young.
He knew the statistics, only too well. The chance that Ted and Stacy could make a success of marriage, even if that were what both of them wanted, wasnt very good.
Shes agreed to go for counseling with someone qualified to advise her, if I go with her.
He studied Claires face. In spite of her obvious exasperation, she didnt look as if she intended to bail out at this point.
Are you sure you want to do that?
He studied Claires face. In spite of her obvious exasperation, she didnt look as if she intended to bail out at this point.
Are you sure you want to do that?
No. That honesty of hers pleased him. But I will. Can you set it up?
He nodded. I have some names I refer people to. Ill check on who would be the best counselor for Stacy and get back to you. Has she told her mother?
Claires expression hardened. It seems Mom took off on an extended trip with her latest boyfriend. Stacy doesnt even know how to reach her.
I guess this is up to us, then. Without thinking about it, he reached out and took her hand.
She met his gaze, and hers was serious and steady. Yes, I guess it is.
They seemed to be making promises to each othersolemn promises that neither could break lightly.
He inhaled, not sure how long it had been since he breathed. His fingers tightened on hers. Irrational as it was, he didnt want to let go.
All right, then. Id better tell Ted.
What? Claire looked at him as if she couldnt believe her ears.
Ted, he repeated. He has to be told.
Had Brendan taken leave of his senses? Claire could only stare at him.
Why on earth would you think that? Do you want to give him another excuse to knock her around?
Of course I dont. Brendan looked taken aback at her vehemence. But Ted has every right to know hes fathered a child.
Right? Her voice rose, and she snatched her hand away from his. What on earth was she doing holding hands with him anyway? Ted doesnt have any rights. He forfeited them the minute he hit her.
Brendans gaze didnt waver. I can understand how you feel, but the law might not see it that way.
She had to make him understand. She couldnt let him put Stacy or the tiny life she carried in jeopardy.
What if you tell him, and he has a momentary urge to do the right thing and marry her? What if she does?
She wouldnt do that.
She might. I did. Her head throbbed with painful memories, battering at her like fists. I went back. I believed the promises. And I lost my baby as a result.
The doors of memory were wide open now, and the dark pain came surging over her, blinding her to everything else. The small part of her heart that had never stopped grieving that little life, lost before it could even begin, wept bitter, salty tears.
She took a breath, forcing the memories back. She would not let herself give in to them. They were the past, and she was all about the future.
Claire? Are you all right? Brendan was looking at her as if he knew.
No. He couldnt know. No one could.
Im fine. She managed to get the words out, managed to detach herself from the pain. It had taken a miscarriage to make her see that he would never changethat she had to get out or die.
She wouldnt let Stacy pay that high of a price if she could prevent it.
Look. She put some force behind the word. Youre talking about Teds rights, but its Stacy were trying to help here. Stacy is the injured party.
I know that. Brendans expression was troubled, his eyes dark and serious.
Hoping he was wavering, she pressed on. Besides, we dont have the right to tell Ted. Thats Stacys decision to make, not ours.
And shed do everything in her power to make sure Stacy didnt decide any such thing.
Three vertical frown lines etched themselves between his brows. Im counseling Ted. How can I withhold something like this from him?
She blinked, trying to absorb the words. Youre doing what?
Im counseling Ted. There was a thread of defensiveness in his voice.
She didnt know where to hit first. Youre counseling the abuser. Dont you think thats a conflict? You cant help both of them.
They both need help.
Ted is an abuser.
Ted is also a troubled kid who needs my help. I may not like what hes done, but that doesnt mean I can turn my back on him. My ministry extends to Ted, too.
Your ministry. She threw the words at him. What kind of ministry is that? I suppose you think they ought to whitewash everything and get married, just to do the proper thing.
If her words hurt him, he didnt show it. No, I dont think any such thing. You know that.
She did, but she wouldnt admit it, not when hed let her down so badly. Youre the one who got me involved with helping Stacy. And all the time you were undercutting what I was doing.
No, I wasnt. He reached toward her, and she drew back. His hands dropped instantly. I wouldnt do anything to harm the good youre doing with Stacy.
The pounding in her head had reached mammoth proportions. Shed like to believe him, but she couldnt. And not just because of her own experience.
Thats not true, Brendan. It cant be. The words tasted bitter. Because if you really believed that, youd have told me what you were doing.
He stared at her, the color of his eyes almost black. He didnt have an answer. He couldnt, because there wasnt one.
The closeness shed felt such a short time ago was gone entirely now, replaced by a chasm. Wide and deep and dark.