She could tell from his expression that Macon couldnt see why that had been the worst part. I felt so guilty, she explained. I really had led him on, with the worst of intentions, of course.
The question is why couldnt you go through with it?
A deep sigh rose all the way up from her tortured center. Because earlier in the day I ran into the only man I ever actually fell in love with.
Wow, Macon said. And hes married, right? Or an ex-con. OrMafia! His eyes lit up with interest, turning his thick glasses into twin flashlight beams.
She gritted her teeth. No, hes as perfect as ever. Even more perfect, if that were possible. What a grim thought.
So you chased him down and he snubbed you. Macon looked properly outraged.
Sarah leapt up again and began to pace the confines of the small, rose-walled office. The tension had built up so high inside her she felt as if she were about to come out of her skin. She could have asked Alex to come in. He would have come. One touch and shed have led him to her bed. He saw me, actually, and followed me home.
Ha! Macon said. Hes a
She spun. No, hes not a stalker. Hes
She had to gather up her courage to go on. We were teenagers. He was my first lover. It was an experience so exquisite she halted, frightened by the threat of tears, by the impact of the memories that controlled her life even now I knew I wanted only that, with that person, for the rest of my life.
And he didnt?
Dear Macon. He couldnt believe a man she wanted would not want her. I guess I wasnt good enough for him. At least, I wasnt good enough for his mother, the ever-so-famous movie star, and he didnt have the courage to defy her.
You werent good enough? Or your Aunt Becki wasnt the kind of
Whatever, Sarah snapped. Of course shed told Macon about Aunt Becki. She told everyone about Aunt Becki. Tall and blond like Sarah, but more beautiful than Sarah could ever dream of being, shed been the mistress of a film producer, Todd Haynes. Although he had loved her deeply, he couldnt take the publicity of a divorce from his wife or the potential pain it would have caused his children.
Aunt Becki had loved him, too, so much that shed been willing to accept what she could have of him. Hed provided her with a lovely little house in Beverly Hills, where he spent as much time as he could. And then, when Sarahs parents died, this cutthroat industry type had welcomed Sarah into that house as generously as Aunt Becki had, accepting without protest his mistresss need to shelter and comfort her sisters child.
Beckis and Todds was a beautiful love story. Why anyone couldnt see how innately good Aunt Becki had been remained a mystery to Sarah, whod been cared for with a kind of love Eleanor Asquith couldnt begin to understand.
Hello in there, Macon said. Whered you go, Sarah?
Sarah snapped to the present. Alex and I were an item at Hollywood High. We made our plans. Pretty sensible plans, come to think of it, for a pair of kids drunk on love. He had to go to Cambridgethe Emerson men had been going to Kings College for generations. I had a scholarship to Stanford. But wed stay together, even if we were apart.
This is so romantic its making my scalp prickle.
My scalp prickles, too, just thinking about it. The hollow sound of her voice came straight from the hollow feeling in her heart. One night he just didnt show up, and I didnt see him again until last Saturday. She whirled on Macon again. If you say, And how did that make you feel? Im going to shove you out the window.
Macon arranged his arms in a diving position. See Macon, he said, preparing to go gracefully.
ALEX SAT in glum silence in his stately suite of offices. Located in a historic old building in downtown San Francisco, Emerson Associates was the venture capital firm he owned and had naively assumed he totally controlled. Apparently that assumption was incorrect. As far as he could tell, the offices were empty, which was odd, since it was Thursday. With a staff of five he managed hundreds of millions of dollars, which he then channeled into businesses that made the dollars thrive and multiply. He made sure those five people shared the success in salary increases, bonuses and stock shares. But in order for everyone to grow richer, those five people needed to show up at the office on a regular basis. Until today, they always had.
There was a fine, warm team spirit in the office. Especially when the team was in the damned office.
Carol, he yelled.
Silence, followed by footsteps whose slow pace reeked of reluctance. A moment later a middle-aged, red-haired woman in a navy suit became visible by incrementsthe tip of her nose followed by the rest of her head, then a substantial bosom and, at last, a pair of surprisingly elegant legs. The whole package came to a halt just inside the doorway to his enormous office. He could barely see her at this distance.
You called?
Or hear her. Of course I called. Where is everybody? Wheres Mike with the Harbisher analysis? Wheres
Hiding, said Carol.
What do you mean, hiding? Do we have a maniac loose in the office?
Yes.
Carol, Alex said, forcing a tight smile, come closer.
Why?
Because I asked you! Nicely!
She grabbed the door and closed it silently, his shout echoing against it.
So much for nicely, he muttered. His single objection to his staff was that they didnt always treat him with the respect he, as owner of the firm, properly deserved. They treated him more like family. A younger member of the family, to add to the insult. So what if he was thirty years old, younger than anybody, except the office manager? Didnt matter. This was his castle and he should be king.
Of course, they were Americans. They took a dim view of kings. That might explain it.
For a few minutes he remained at his desk, fuming. Then, being a man of action, he got up and went in search of his people.
He found them huddled together in Mikes office. Mike Semple was his financial analyst. Carol, his executive assistant, was just sitting down at Mikes conference table with Suzi, the office manager, Les, his management analyst and Tricia, negotiator and director of communications.
Good of you to join us, Alex, Mike said. We were just starting a staff meeting.
Without me? Alex felt startled and oddly unbalanced.
About you.
Oh. Alex nudged Suzi to the left and Les to the right in order to plunk himself down in a side chair, avoiding his usual spot at the head of the table. Good thing I showed up. What is it about me were discussing?
Were wondering whats up, Les said. Are we going broke?
No.
Did we underbid for Palmer Pipe Company?
No. Look, I know I havent been in the best mood the last couple of days. To his annoyance, his team answered him not with reassurance, but with, to be precise, two nervous giggles and three derisive snorts. Its a personal matter, he said, hoping that those sacred words would end this ridiculous cross-examination as it would in any civilized sort of setting. Americans, however, were not yet completely civilized, as he had learned from numerous painful experiences. They talked too openly about matters they should keep to themselves, and in return, wanted the most outrageously intimate details from others. Youd think, with more than two hundred years of practice, theyd learn to stop asking how much you made in a year. And whom you were sleeping with. At least one of the two.
I didnt know you had any personal matters, Suzi said.
Of course, Suzi was still very young.
I didnt know you had any personal anything, Les seconded her. Except your toothbrush.
Now Les should have known better than to mention something as personal as a toothbrush.
Put the problem on the table, Mike suggested. Well discuss it just like we discuss business problems.
As his senior person, Mike should be hanged for what hed just said. This was not fine, warm team spirit. This was insubordination of the most outrageous, most insupportable nature. He wouldnt put up with it. Hed fire the lot of them. Let them find somebody else to work for, somebody who could increase their net worths by eighty percent annually instead of a mere seventy.
He suddenly heard himself, his irritability, his childishness. He had plenty of faults, but childishness wasnt one of them. He hadnt been childish even when he was a child. His mother hadnt allowed it. So why was it suddenly showing up now?
It must have been the distraction of his own thoughts that made him blurt out the one thing he most wanted to keep to himself. Either that, or hed lived in the United States too long. I ran into an old girlfriend in New York last weekend.
That was as far as he got before a collective sigh drowned him out, followed by, No kidding? and Great! and Uh-oh, its a woman problem.
I told you it had to be something important, Suzi said. Tell us all about her.
Cornered by his own stupidity, Alex said, No, no, its not like that. Shes just a girl I dated in high school. Hollywood High. When my mother did those three movies He made a gesture with his hand. He didnt need to embellish. Eleanor Asquith was a household name, in cultured households, at least. She pulled me out of boarding school and brought me with her. She wanted me to see what real Americans were like.
Real Americans at Hollywood High? I dont think so, Les said.
Sarah was there.
The silence told him hed shocked them. It was a frightening thought, that he might have said more than one of them would have in the same circumstances. What was it that made him babble on? We fell for each other, but this and that happened, you know how it is with kids, and we broke up. I lost track of her. Last Saturday I found her again.
Something about this reunion did not make you happy. Mike folded his hands over an incipient paunch and waited.
Alex had opened the doors himself. There was no going back. I thought it would be the polite thing to ask her out this weekend. She turned me down flat. I gave her my card and asked her to call if her plans changed.
I didnt know you were going to New York this weekend, Carol said, looking worried. You loaned the plane to Tucker Associates, remember? You dont have transportation or a hotel suite, and you dont have any appointments.
Well, obviously, Alex began, then, realizing he sounded sarcastic, backed up and started over. I wasnt going to New York unless she called.
But she didnt call, Suzi said.
Not yet.
Its onlywell, I guess it is Thursday, Mike said. Looks like maybe shes not going to call. He winced under the glare Alex sent in his direction.
She calls or she doesnt, Alex said. It doesnt matter. Im annoyed by her bad manners, thats all.
If you did something to make her so mad that shes still mad after all these years, Suzi said, it may take her more than five days to get over it.
Or maybe you need to push her a little bit, Carol suggested. If this was a business deal you wouldnt let it go with a single, Lets take a meeting, and then just sit around on your tush waiting for the other guy to call.
If this was a business deal, Suzi said, echoing Carol, youd put together a package for the guy, an annual report, a prospectus, your card, maybe an Emerson Associates paperweight.
A lightbulb went off in Alexs head. A business deal. Of course. It was a road toward Sarah, and it was a way out of the untenable social predicament hed gotten himself into with his staff. In fact, it was a business deal I had in mind, he said smoothly. He let his fingers stray casually toward the most recent prospectus hed sent to a group of potential investors. It was shiny, glossy, colorful, printed on heavy, expensive paper, filled with photographs, the essential charts and graphs cleverly disguised by their Disneylike style. This he brandished it at them didnt really send the message, did it?
He looked up when silence seemed to be the only response he was going to get.
I was thinking we should tell the ad agency to look for a new graphics design firm. Somebody with a fresh, quirky approach might make the difference, tip the scale.
Meaningful glances sizzled around the table. Can we infer, Mike said in his most pompous tone, that the lady works for a graphics design firm?
Owns it, Alex informed them, and couldnt keep the tinge of pride out of his voice.
With nothing more than graphics design and New York to go on, hed found her on the Internet earlier in the week. At least hed found the person who had to be Sarah. Shed been Sarah Langley way back then; when her aunt adopted her after her parents death, shed taken Aunt Beckis last name. Now she was Sarah Nevins, her fathers name, and the sole owner of Great Graphics! in Chelsea. Five employees. Undercapitalized, barely making it, but getting good feedback on their work.
The search had made him feel like a cyberstalker, and he didnt intend to share anything but the firms name, even with these people.
Oh, for heavens sake, Suzi said, interrupting his thoughts. I meant send flowers.
She so obviously wanted to add You turkey, that in spite of his annoyance that she still wasnt listening, Alex couldnt help but admire her restraint. Flowers wouldnt be appropriate, he argued. A contract to do our brochures and stuff, now thats an offer she couldnt refuse.
Thinking of Sarah not refusing him was enough to make him shift discreetly in his chair. He could hardly say her name without getting hard, and picturing her lying soft, sweet and naked in his bed, saying, Yes, oh, yes
Oh, yes, he said firmly, a big contract will make an impression on her.
More silence. Could we try it my way first? Suzi pleaded with him.
Id vote for that, Mike said. Or candy.
How many times do I have to tell you. This is a business Alex said.
Candys risky, Les said. Give my wife candy, she says, You want me fat so you can run off with some skinny bimbo?
What would she say to a fat contract? Alex inquired.
Their sympathetic, patronizing expressions spoke volumes. Whos our florist of choice these days, Suzi? Carol said succinctly.
THIS ISNT COMPANY BUSINESS, Sarah snapped. You dont get to address my personal life in a staff meeting.
Each of her loyal colleagues handed her a sheet of paper. She glanced down at the first, which was from Ray. A letter of resignation. Her hands began to tremble as she leafed through one sheet after the other.
Youre all resigning?
Or, Macon said, were going to discuss your personal life in this staff meeting.