Charles, taken aback, asked, Oh, you have a band here? I never heard about that. What type of music do they play?
Steve grinned and said. Its a long story, but I will tell you over supper. Come on, before the ribs get cold or the other old farts scoff them all.
Charles looked at the comical character resembling a pear with spindly legs and, realising he was persistent, got out of his chair.
Dont worry Charlie, it ain't bad here. I've been an inmate for five years and known in most of the pubs in the area. Youll be a big hit with the ladies with that posh accent.
Steve chuckled and the pair made their way to the dining hall.
The chatter in the dining room stopped when the pair went in, with all eyes focused on Charles, who fidgeted and looked uncomfortable.
I hope you old farts saved us some ribs, Steve growled and led Charles to empty seats between two other elderly gentlemen.
-Track Two-
Within picturesque grounds in the northeast coastal town of Cleethorpes, Fossdyke, converted from a guesthouse into a residential home by the current owners, had a two-story building with twenty-three spacious ensuite, furnished studio apartments. The ground floor apartments had large bay windows at the front overlooking landscaped grounds, making it an idyllic and tranquil location.
A short distance away from the resident's block in another building was the kitchen and communal dining area, where meals were provided three times a day. Another large room served as a recreation room, where the residents could congregate, organise activities, and watch a large TV. This communal room also contained several smaller rooms where residents kept belongings locked away, which now had a Steinway piano in a corner of the room.
With little happening at the home during the summer months, the old folks would either stroll along the boating lake and nearby beach or relax in the gardens. It was a serene existence and the residents varied. There were several married couples, but it was mainly elderly widowed men and women.
AFTER CHARLES AND STEVE sat, the dining room was again full of chatter and clatter. Kitchen staff continued to serve the residents BBQ ribs and drinks. Even though some struggled to gnaw through the pork with their false gnashers, it didnt stop them from giving the meat a damn good sucking. Charles looked around the room at his new neighbours.
Charlie, meet Wayne, said Steve as he sat back, and a man leant over and shook Charless hand.
Wayne looked Latino, with black curly hair and a boyish demeanour.
Hi Charlie, Im Wayne Logan, he said, shaking Charless hand.
Its Charles, not Charlie, said Charles.
What? Wayne asked.
I said, its Charles, not Charlie, repeated Charles... louder.
Wayne looked confused and then said. Yes, I have all my teeth.
Steve chuckled and said, Sometimes he is as deaf as a post, and he dyes his hair black.
What? Wayne repeated as he turned up the volume on his hearing aid. Thats better, he said.
Hello Wayne, what part of America are you from? asked Charles on hearing Waynes accent.
Wayne frowned and said, I am not a yank, Im Canadian.
Oh, my apologies, said Charles.
Allo Charles, said the man to his right in a chirpy cockney accent, Im Elvin Stanley, but they call me, Chippers.
Charles Clark, said Charles, and shook Elvins hand. He noticed that Elvin had several fingers missing and felt uneasy trying not to stare.
Right, said Steve, now youve met the band.
Wayne and Elvin looked puzzled as Steve announced, After weve finished eating, we can go along to the recreation room and see what you can do on your old piano.
Charles tried to imagine what instruments their band could play, with one as deaf as a dildo and another whose hands looked like a lobsters pincers. Elvin and Wayne looked nervously at each other as Steve pointed out several other residents and relayed some of their weird foibles. Andrex Ethel, who walked around with toilet paper sticking out of her knickers and boring Bill, who people avoided, as all he ever talked about was pigeons.
Charles felt eager to see his piano, so after they had finished eating, the four went to the recreation room and over to his Steinway. He sat on his piano stool, lifted the lid, looked at the ivory keyboard, and stroked the keys. The other three stood around the piano.
So, what kind of music do you play? asked Steve.
Charles smiled at the three and played Sergei Taneyev concerto in E flat.
Several other residents made their way over to the recreation room, which was usually noisy as they chatted, played games, or watched TV. There was silence as they listened to soothing music as Charles became engrossed in the concerto.
Word quickly spread and a dozen residents came in.
Charles finished fifteen minutes later. He stared at the keys, reminiscing about how the tune was one of his and Marys favourites. He languished in his thoughts while the recreation room remained silent for a few moments and then the other residents applauded. However, Charles noticed his three new friends did not appear impressed.
Mabel, a sprightly eighty-two-year-old, started singing Lily of the Lamplight.
Steve, looking disappointed, then asked. Do you know any rock n roll?
Charles looked at the three. No, sorry, I know some older tunes, but mainly classical music and opera.
Steve frowned and he, Wayne, and Elvin stood back and talked amongst themselves.
Charles again tinkled on the piano keys and played a short Mozart piece. He stopped when Mabel came over and interrupted him. She barraged him with requests, so he played, White Cliffs of Dover with Mabel shrieking along.
Steve then put his hand on Charless shoulder and with a mischievous grin, and through Mabels toneless warbles, said, Dont worry Charlie boy, me and the lads still have high hopes for you.
Charles watched as Steve, Elvin, and Wayne went over to a room, unlocked the door, and went inside.
With Charles trying to match chords with Mabels screeching, the three emerged from the room several minutes later.
Steve carried a beaten-up guitar, a small Marshall speaker/amp, and a microphone stand. Elvin had a large double bass, and Wayne carried over two round drum cases.
Mabel stopped screeching and gasped.
Charles saw a look of horror on the faces of the residents in the recreation room as the three came over to him. Steve plugged in his microphone and set up the stand. Wayne set up his drums, while Elvin tuned his old double bass.
Mabel stopped screeching and gasped.
Charles saw a look of horror on the faces of the residents in the recreation room as the three came over to him. Steve plugged in his microphone and set up the stand. Wayne set up his drums, while Elvin tuned his old double bass.
The room plunged into panic as Steve adjusted the microphone stand. He tapped the microphone, and after a dull thump came from the speaker, he stood with the devils glint in his eye and snarled. Right you old fogeys, he paused for effect as the crowd trembled and he growled. Strats back!
Mabel shrieked and Ethel ran around trailing toilet tissue, while boring Bill headed for the door. Wally, another resident, made a desperate plea,
Somebody get Chewy... and hurry!
Steve plugged in his guitar and took a plectrum from his wallet. Heres my old faithful, he said, showing Charles the old plastic plectrum with an S hand-painted both sides.
Elvin stood to the side of his large bass and Wayne sat behind his drums, all smiling as the panicking residents rushed out of the room.
Charles sat at his piano looking confused as Mrs Chew rushed in and hurried over to the four.
She glared at Steve and shouted, I told you not to set up again after the last incident. Dont you remember our previous conversation?
Steve smiled and said, Just making our new friend feel at home, besides, the rec rooms empty, so we arent disturbing anybody.
Mrs Chew became exasperated and yelled, Its empty because you scared everybody away, the same as before.
Steve chuckled and told her. This time it will be different. We are playing along with Charlies classical shit. He turned to Charles and said. Play her some of your music, Charlie boy.
Charles, looking dumbfounded, played Debussys, Clair de lune.
Mrs Chew stood with her hands on her hips and listened to Charles play the melodic tune. She knew Steve was manipulating her yet again, but he was the bosss father, so she couldnt say anything.
Glowering at the smiling Steve, she snapped, You have one hour and then be out of here. She glared at the four and stormed out of the recreation room.
Good, now Chewys pissed off, now we can start, said Steve and grinned at Charles, Okay Charlie boy, you can stop playing that crap and we can get down to playing serious music... Rock n Roll.
Steve sang and pouted like a bald teenager as he played, Johnny B good. He rocked away like a space-hopper on steroids.
Elvin struggled to pluck his double bass because he hadn't put on his little falsies. Wayne rocked back and forth, thumping out a beat on his drums, but unfortunately not for the same song.
Charles sat at his piano while they banged out their rendition of the rock n roll classic. He grimaced as he listened and thought he could feel his eardrums bleed. This wasnt music to his ears; it sounded more like cats being murdered. He understood why the others had panicked in the desperate need to escape.
Fortunately, Charless torture only lasted several minutes as the three finished and looked at him.
Well, what do you think Charlie, could you add something to make any improvements? asked Steve, looking pleased.
A shotgun came into Charless mind as he looked at the smiling faces of the proud wrinkled rockers. He recalled what Mary always told him about not being good or bad music, only music that people either liked or disliked.
Hmm, perhaps you need to all come together with a little more harmony. You need a little structure. He replied.
The three nodded and smiled at each other.
Can you elp us with that? Elvin asked.
Steve interrupted, Yeah Charlie boy, you can help us and join our band. We will give yer a cool stage name.
Charles knew this would be a challenge but relished having something to keep him interested with this motley band of geriatrics and thought it could be fun. He smiled and said, Maybe I can help, but please dont call me Charlie.
What do you want us to call you? Steve asked.
My name is Charles, so how about you call me, Charles.
Steve laughed. Im known as Strat, Elvin's Chippers and deaf boy over there, he said pointing to Wayne, Sticks, so we cant just call you boring old Charles, said Steve.
Ow about Nobby? interrupted Elvin.
The three looked at Elvin and asked, What?
Nobby, repeated Elvin, and explained, In the military, anyone with the surname, Clark, was always called *Nobby Clark.
Charles remembered from his childhood how he had heard people refer to his father as, Major Nobby Clark, although unsure why.
Charles pondered, looked into the faces of the excited old rockers, scratched his chin, smiled, and said, Okay, Nobby it is then.
The three cheered and patted Charles on the back. Welcome aboard, Nobby, said Elvin, and walked back to the small room.
Hes gone to get his falsies, said Wayne as Elvin returned carrying an old holdall.
Charles watched Elvin fitting homemade prosthetics to his digitally challenged hands.
I will sound better playing with these on, said Elvin, waving his small Edward Scissorhands-Esque attachments. One had an index finger and a thumb-shaped object set at various angles, which Charles noticed was the perfect shape and design for plucking the strings of the double bass. His left-hand prosthetic was just one small tube, which looked ideal for covering the fret strings at the neck of the instrument. 'Ingenious,' thought Charles.
Elvin, noticing Charless interest, said. These are me little falsies. I made a few of these for different occasions. These are my bass falsies. I also have me 'eating falsies,' 'card-playing falsies,' 'lady pleasing falsies, and many more, which I will show you in the fullness of time, said Elvin in his cheery cockney twang.
Charles looked at Elvins tatty old instrument and asked. Thats a Flores, isn't it?
Elvin, impressed by Charless knowledge, told him, Yeah, a Flores Midnight double bass, which I bought many years ago when I saw it advertised for sale. Although dilapidated and 'eld together by woodworm holding hands, I fell in love with the tatty old instrument, so I got it restored. I always loved playing the double bass and learned to play years ago before I lost me fingers. He again held up his hands displaying his falsies and proudly announced. And fanks to these, I still can.
Charles winced and hoped Elvin would not play again.
The four old musicians stood by the side of Charless piano and Steve said, Well lads, we still have thirty- minutes before Chewy finished ironing her wrinkles and chases us out, so what shall we play?
The others chuckled and Elvin replied. Perhaps Nobby could suggest somefin.
Charles cringed. He looked at the eager trio and suggested. I suppose our first step would be to find something that we can all play together. I dont know any rock music and I dont imagine you have sheet music for me to follow, so maybe we start with the basics.
Sheet music, said Steve. I dont reckon that any of us can even read sheet music, he laughed.
I can, said Elvin sounding wistful.
Me too, said Wayne. I have also written a few songs.