Yes, Yes, that is the method to use. Is there enough money in the party ticket office to rent an airplane and pay the pilot? Um, hell, maybe we need a million, but we dont have more than five hundred thousand. Nadia should know. Nadia, where are you, my dear? Hmmm, youre sleeping, damn you. No city will bear your name. Fishberg wont be in Russia, wont be on the map, thats all.
Lenin jumped out of bed, dragging the blanket to the floor with him, and rushed to the back room where Mrs. Fishberg usually slept. She was lying on her left side, snoring mercilessly. Saliva oozed from his mouth onto the pillow, forming an elongated spot ten centimeters long.
In the name of the world revolution, get up, krga old, began to shake it. But Nadia, raising her head and rolling her eyes, immediately turned over on the other side, and began snoring even harder.
Cow, neither to milk, nor to water, but to judge a revolutionary court, it should be, said the future leader, and went to Inessa.
Inessa was also sleeping on her side, her hands clasped together between her knees, and she was snoring faintly. Ilyich sat down and began to stroke her rosy cheek with his hand. She reacted, opened her eyes, smiled sleepily, and grabbed his arm she pulled on her hand. The lover was obstinate, the thought of the strawberry was too far away, and he said as softly and tenderly as he could:
We need an airplanefor the flight to Russia, they are waiting for us there. History awaits us. Do you know where to get that damn airplane? And and, do you have any money? help me out, huh? As soon as the Bolsheviks take power led by Lenin, that is, with me, I will return you two hundred percent.
How much do you need? Inessa smiled. And what nonsense about an airplane, you dont have a passport.
Passport? Do I need a passport? No way without it? And I dont know the language, Hm, damn it. Where were you before, why didnt you tell me? What are you here for, let me ask you? However, for now, go to sleep. I cant sleep, what night? Maybe on foot, maybe on horseback
Inessa listened, her sleep was already disturbed, she began to think that Volodya was probably not all right with his head, but the thought that he was a great man, and a great man is famous for quirks, calmed her and she turned on her side.
In the morning, a newspaper was brought in which the leader read that the Russian Tsar had abdicated. Russia seemed to be swaying towards the abyss, towards the beginning of the world revolution, and Lenin could not find a place for himself from the proletarian joy. Russia is just the beginning, he thought, getting excited, and then Poland, then Germany, then France, and I am the Secretary General of Europe. Andand I dont need anything else. Even Inessa, we need to dump her somewhere. And there America is a continent. Oh, its all started and then its over. Life is so short. I will overthrow God, but how to prolong my life is the question. And this is very important.
Suddenly he jumped up, as if an awl had been stuck in the place where he was sitting, and shouted:
Urgent Presidium of the Cheka! Comrade Nadia!
So the Cheka or the Central Committee? Nadia Asked.
What difference does it make? The Cheka and the Central Committee are one and the same. Only the Cheka looks after the Central Committee, and the Central Committee too often turns up its nose. And you alert all revolutionaries, let them quit their dirty, that is, great things, let them get up their Asses if they are still in bed, in short, wherever they are, let them come to my headquarters, the headquarters of the world revolution.
What is the world revolution to you? This is the lair and that small gathering of terrorists.
Volodya was so worried that he could not hear anyone, and the letter R and some others were missing from his speech apparatus, which was clearly not Marxist, but hostile, capitalist.
Andand evolution, pollution, and somefirst, the Word blow with Tom MA rksa under the arm.
21
After a cool shower, wrapped in a warm long robe of red, the color of blood and revolution, he went out to his colleagues.
Comrades, the February revolution took place in Russia evolution, we urgently need to go to Russia. Thats enough. We should be there. Istoand now the moment has come. We have to SWEbending pAV-Keanskogo and to seize power with the help ougia. I think that the power is lying on the streets, its p OSTO need to pick up. Only to GEmania us p lowered che ez its teito iyu and provided money. What do you say, tovah search?
We need money, a lot of money, said the Warsaw bandit Felix Dzerzhinsky, a lot of money, Vladimir Ilyich. It is necessary to buy weapons, to train at least a few thousand fighters, selecting them from the proletarian mass, to increase the number of Newspapers, to prepare gallows all over St. Petersburg, and perhaps all over the country for the landlords and capitalists, and all this requires money and not a small one.
We must organize concentration camps all over the country, said Lenin, but that is after we have the power in our hands. I foresee resistance from the bourgeois elements. They must all be cut out, and only the proletariat will remain. Comrade ganetsky, how much money is in the party cash register?
Five million marks, ganetsky reported.
Not enough! Lenin exclaimed. Comrade ganetsky, why is there so little money in the party cash register? Where Is Parvus? How are the negotiations with the Germans going? What do you say to that, comrade ganetsky? Wheres Koba? how are the Tiflis banks? We need to clean them up again or Rob them repeatedly. We revolutionaries plunder the loot.
Vladimir Ilyich, we have only our own, only Jews, not a single Russian, and here Georgians are climbing into our ranks. How so?
And so. We do not attract Russians to our ranks. Russians are fools. And the Georgian Koba, he proved that he can be useful to our revolution. Parvus hes a decent bastard, but we need him. Go to him, ganetsky. We must ask the Germans. Let Parvus say what Lenin asks. We should start with intelligence. Theres a Colonel there I cant give his last name. Parvus knows. And let the car stand out armored, bulletproof, sealed. This is very important.
Ganetsky (Fustenberg) was taken aback, but immediately came to his senses. He realized that of all the chiefs verbal gibberish, Parvuss activities were the most important. Only he can get twenty million if he tries.
Vladimir Ilyich, I suggest focusing on the activities of our chief strategist Alexander Lazarevich Gelfand or Parvus. A lot depends on it. You can even say: from him the fate of the revolution or the Bolshevik revolution depends.
Why, comrade ganetsky? I can make an agreement with France, Ill go to Capri in Italy, and Ill make an agreement there.
No, Mr. Blank, ganetsky said, and then stopped. I beg your pardon, comrade Lenin. Only Germany can allocate twenty million marks for the Russian revolution. Only Germany can provide us with an armored car, in which all of us will pass through its territory unhindered and find ourselves in Russia, without a single scratch, as they say. Negotiations, according to my information, are already underway, they are at the stage of, at the middle stage The Germans demand a separate peace and large Russian territories for a separate peace as compensation.
Tell Parvus to publish in his Newspapers that we Bolsheviks are against a separate peace, and when he comes to an agreement with the Germans, let Him promise that we will actually sign a separate peace and make concessions, even territorial concessions. After coming to power in Russia, of course. Yes, I will give half of Russia, if only mi ovaya evolution won.
Tell Parvus to publish in his Newspapers that we Bolsheviks are against a separate peace, and when he comes to an agreement with the Germans, let Him promise that we will actually sign a separate peace and make concessions, even territorial concessions. After coming to power in Russia, of course. Yes, I will give half of Russia, if only mi ovaya evolution won.
But how to give the territory to the Germans, because Russia is our country, what will our descendants say about us? whispered the Sergeant.
I dont care about Russia or Russian fools. We need to change the world. After the conquest of Russia, we will move to Poland, Germany, France, and then we will reach America. The working masses will support us, there is no doubt about it, and there can be no doubt. I started working on the book the State and the revolution, where I will set out my thoughts on how to rule a huge country, a country of fools. This will be my most outstanding work. Bear with me, comrades: the beginning is here, and the end is in Russia. Everyone, comrades, get to work. And you, comrade ganetsky, will be delayed.
All the great revolutionaries went to pack their bags, and ganetsky, as soon as they were alone with the leader, reported with joy, as he always did:
In our party cash register not five, but eight million, Vladimir Ilyich. Parvus, that great strategist, recently sent three million. I think you underestimate him. Well, what is Dzerzhinsky compared to Parvus? Dzerzhinsky can only shoot, he is a terrorist, and Parvus is an inexhaustible money bag. This is the money bag of the revolution. The masses of the people with bayonets in their hands, and these bayonets should not only be nationalized, but also purchased while we are not yet in power, the masses still need food, shelter, and so on. They are not strangers to strawberries, Vladimir Ilyich, you know. If we provide the revolutionaries with all the things that I have just listed, they will fight well with the world bourgeoisie.
Well, you have convinced me, ganetsky, the future Minister of Finance.
Yes, I do not need the portfolio of Finance Minister, Vladimir Ilyich, I just need the position of cashier, your cashier, Vladimir Ilyich. As long as Im around you, you wont have to worry about where to get the money and I hope I wont be offended, will I?
Dont talk, ganetsky. Go to Parvus immediately and do not return without implementing our ideas. Remember: the moment has come and this moment cannot be missed. The Nations will not forgive us for this. Procrastination is like death.
Ganetsky scratched his beard, then jumped up as if a chair had caught fire under him, and jumped out, leaving a wide-brimmed hat that slightly concealed his paces. Ilyich burst out laughing, took the wide-brimmed hat and threw it in the trash.
Parvus was not idle. He put forward another interesting argument before the German leadership: the Bolsheviks, headed by Lenin agree to divide Russia into small separate principalities, that is, the Republic and then this country will never pose a danger to Germany. This argument was accepted not only by the General staff, but also by Kaiser Wilhelm II himself.
22
And Lenin was granted a loan of one hundred million gold marks, paid in two stages for the great mission of dismembering Russia, demoralizing its population, and destroying industry and agriculture. Russia must not pose any danger to Germany for centuries, either militarily or economically. Fifty million marks received in advance is a huge amount, it was sent to the Bolsheviks before the coup, and after the coup through ganetsky and his sister Sumenson, who were located near the Russian border.
Lenin was given twenty-four thousand rubles and an armored car for the road. There were about thirty other Jews in this car. They were extremely happy and smiling. Lenin and Inessa Armand occupied a separate compartment.
In the meantime, preparations were underway for departure and only at 15 hours on March 27, 1917, thirty-two young men of Jewish nationality, led by Lenin, went to the railway station in the Swiss city of Zurich.
Lenin categorically forbade buying tickets with German stamps, believing that they would get into a regular car and could be arrested on German territory, like the Russians, but Parvus assured them that they did not need any tickets. However, there was a small demonstration, there were shouts of traitors, German spies.
Hurry, hurry, comrade Parvus: time is money, the revolution cant wait, the revolution is waiting for us, the proletariat is calling, I can hear their voices.
You are under Parvuss care, said Parvus. I hope you wont forget me.
What position would you like to take, comrade Parvus? Lenin asked, looking his Saviour in the eye. Secretary? And where will I put Dzhugashvili, who robbed banks in Tiflis for the sake of the revolution, the world revolution?
I would be satisfied with the position of Manager of Russian banks, said Parvus.
A special banking Ministry will be formed, and you will receive the portfolio of a Minister in the revolutionary government, comrade Parvus, said Lenin.
All the passengers were pleasantly surprised when they were taken into a special armored car with narrow oblong Windows, where they were not threatened by anyone or anything. No checks, no outsiders. Lenin, Parvus and Apfelbaum sipped beer and gorged themselves on all sorts of delicious dishes, despite the fact that ordinary Germans were experiencing difficulties in basic food. All the passengers were happy and happy, with the exception of Inessa Armand, since Lenin did not put her next to him Nadia, the legal wife of Ilyich, took her place this time.
Suddenly Lenin tapped his bald head and said loudly:
Conspiracy! Conspiracy! Nadia, wheres the ladies dress, I have to change into a ladies dress. And I need a wig to cover my bald head where the hell is all this?
Nadia was preparing something, everything seemed to be ready for the time of departure, but she did not think that so quickly, that now, this minute, such a secret costume might be needed, and she blinked her eyes.
Why change your clothes, comrade Lenin? everyone here is their own. Thats when we cross the German border.
Are we going to Stockholm? Comrade Parvus, we are going to Stockholm, have we been deceived? Nadia go get a ladys dress, I want to be a lady.
Soon, said Parvus. Okay, we can change. Only Vladimir Ilyich, how should I put it you should look more like an old woman. Heres Nadia. Let me take care of you, you have to look something.
I dont have to look like a bourgeois. And we have to get 60 thousand crowns from him the world revolution, ha ha ha ha!
At ten oclock in the morning on March 31, ganetsky meets the emigrants at the station in Stockholm. He looks at everyone with fear that they are not the right people and only when an old woman with narrowed eyes raised her hand and said: long live the world revolution, he was happy and rushed to hug Lenin.
Money for the barrel, Lenin demanded. We need to fill up, get a beer, buy womens clothing, and all sorts of sweets, because there is nothing in this wild country. The counters are empty, and only Marxist literature is being sold.
Vladimir Ilyich! heres the bag, theres more
Did my mother send it? she owes for the past three months, you reminded her of this, you wrote that her son, the leader of the world revolution, is in need, starving, and even forced to wear womens clothing? Did you write to her about it?