«What else can I say to this man to get him to help me?»
I was desperately gnawing his eyes, trying to figure out if I could get through to him or not.
Six thousand, two! the booming voice of the presenter sounded.
Ten thousand! Raising his sign, my neighbor said.
For the first time in my life, I wanted to hug someone as badly as I was hugging this man right now. I took my hands off his jacket and looked gratefully in his direction.
Thank you, sir!
12,000. It was my father.
12,000 ra
Fifteen thousand! the neighbor answered at once.
Fifty thousand bucks! my father kept up with me.
My rescuer looked at me questioningly.
100,000. Without waiting for my answer, he said.
I saw a lot of people in the audience starting to look in our direction.
200,000!
Apparently my father put my mothers brooch up for sale, so that he could buy it back himself. But I dont know why I didnt want to lose to him at this point. I was well aware that the promise I had just made to the man sitting next to me was beginning to take an unsafe turn. Because even without looking at a good income, I could not afford a brooch for 200 thousand bucks. But at this point I had other things on my mind. Like letting my dad know that I was playing against him?
Maam? My neighbor turned to me.
Do you take checks?
The man grinned.
I accept. 250,000 bucks!
250,000 one! 250,000 two!
300,000 bucks.
I didnt seem to want to overcome it at the moment, but I shouldnt have gotten so carried away. After all, 300,000 bucks was my ceiling, which I could no longer jump over.
Sir, I think you and I are going to have to slow down.
Convinced?
300,000, one.
Im afraid so.
But its your moms brooch!
I know.
300,000, two.
But should I stop there? We looked each other in the eye. 350,000!
There was an uproar in the hall.
Sir, I dont have that kind of money! I whispered.
400,000 bucks! my father bellowed.
I imagined his face, scarlet with tension, and grinned bitterly. My neighbor was about to raise his sign, but I stopped him.
Dont. I am grateful to you for responding to my request. But now I ask you to slow down.
400,000, one.
Maam, Im afraid its a matter of principle. He made me feel uncomfortable. 500,000!
I saw Aunt Jo standing up from her seat next to my dad, and she looked in our direction. We met her eyes, and then she sat down again and said something to my dad.
500,000, one! The hosts voice sounded an octave higher than before. 500,000 two!
The whole room fell silent, waiting for the next bet.
Please, Daddy, dont do this. I pleaded with my eyes squeezed shut.
500,000, three! Sold to the man at number 205!
There was applause.
Congratulations, you finally made it!
I was a little worried when I said those words.
So are you.
Now that everything was behind me, I was relieved. Never had a charity auction been as exciting for me as this one. People began to rise from their seats to continue the evening over good wine and dancing in the museums large banquet hall.
Well, now its time for me to settle up for a huge thank you!
Chapter 5
Heres my card. With a trembling hand, I pulled a small piece of paper from my purse with all my contact information written on it. Call me when you feel comfortable, so I can keep my promise. I am very grateful to you for believing me and redeeming my mothers brooch. Thank you, sir!
I couldnt help you, Miss» The man looked at my card in his hands. When a young woman asks for help, a man shouldnt stay away. Thanks to you, this evening doesnt seem so sour to me now. Here, in case you need my help again.
I took his black platinum card and ran my eyes over it.
Mr. Moreau? Right?
Thats right.
Its a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Moreau!
Likewise, Miss Spikes!
I apologize for dragging you into this adventure. Im really sorry that you had to spend so much money on such a little contrivance.
Its okay. It was kind of fun. Its not every day that you get something really valuable, like this brooch.
We were standing by the champagne table, which we approached as we walked out of the auction hall. My lifeguard was eight inches taller than me, if not more. I was standing with my head held high, and my neck was starting to hurt.
The man was not only tall, but also quite good-looking, so many of the ladies present, threw intrigued looks at him. I was a little taken aback myself when I finally got a good look at my neighbor, after the tension had finally subsided in my whole body. Apparently I was so used to ignoring the people around me that now any of them became, in my eyes, impersonal.
The first time I met Mr. Moreau, all I could see was a gray-blue three-piece suit. And for some reason I thought he was, like, over the age of 50. Even after I clutched at his hand and begged for help, I still didnt pay any attention to his appearance. Now that the invisible shroud of excitement was out of my eyes, I could finally get a good look at the man. His dark-blond hair, hazel eyes, light stubble, and straight, aristocratic nose. All in all, there was a man standing in front of me who, on my friend Mirandas «Attractiveness» scale, could get nine points, if not all10.
Means Henry Spikes, your father!?
Yes, thats right. Do you know him?
Mr. Moreau took a small sip of champagne from his own glass.
This is inevitable if you are a major partner in a large company like Spikes & Spikes.
The truth?
Yes, maam. The man leaned toward me a little. And since youre his daughter, Ill give you some advice. Dont ever try to stop me again. Its not my policy to give up before I get to the end, even if the risk is great.
I didnt like what he was saying.
Would you like to say that I am very impulsive?
Is it?
I would call it determination.
Mr. Moreau grinned and placed his own glass on the table.
So be it! At this point, maam, please excuse me.
Oh!» I got a little confused. Yes, of course. It was very nice to meet you, Mr. Moreau.
Me too, Miss Spikes! And me!
The man looked at me again and, with a slight nod of his head, strode confidently toward the center of the banquet hall.
Chapter 6
Heresy. All is heresy. A deception of untainted water.
At this point, I was lying to everyone. My dad, Miranda, Aunt Jo, my personal therapist Brenden Cooper, and even our concierge, Frank. And they all believed my heresy.
In fact, I was in pain. Reckless, to the point of clinking in my own tiny bathroom, where no one would see my pain. In all four years, I didnt show it to others. It was only my pain, my torment, and my punishment.
After Mikes death, my life was transformed into theater. I put on different masks in front of people and played my part. And after another intermission, I would lock myself in the bathroom of my own apartment and indulge in self-torture.
Mr. Cooper, the psychologist hired by my dad, even though he looked like a man who believed in me. Still, from time to time I noticed doubt in his eyes. Maybe if I was a little more candid, then I would be able to tell him what was happening in my life and my soul. But how could he know that? A man with a beautiful wife and two little kids! He lived in a world of happiness and domestic harmony. While I was living in misery and spiritual anguish.
Mr. Cooper loved to repeat, the only word he liked to use was «lingering depression. In just one hour of our meeting, he said it twice20. Apparently, in his mind, thats exactly how it looks. Part of the reward for me was that he didnt dig deeper into the very essence of the difficulty. And that annoyed me.
To be frank, I was annoyed by everything. People, whether they were close to me or strangers. The things around me, the weather on the other side of the window, the sounds, the voices, even the silence made me furious. I could hold this feeling inside me for a long time, until I was alone with myself. That was my therapy and I needed nothing else. Over time, this life became the norm for me. I smiled when it was necessary, and afterwards I returned to my empty apartment, took off my mask, and transformed into myself.
If anyone had seen me in those moments, they might have thought I was no longer alive. I sat naked in the bathroom for a long time, my knees pressed against my chest, listening to the soft murmur of the tap water. I devoted that time to my main symphony of life a melody moving from unbearable pain to serene emptiness. After a few hours in the bathroom, I was exhausted and broken, moved to my bedroom and lay awake for half the night looking up at the night sky, not thinking about anything.
Miranda would come back, and Id start my own play again. I got up in the afternoon, put on my business suit, ate one milk sandwich, pretended to be late, and left for work. I did all this so Miranda wouldnt ask me any questions. What my friend didnt know was that I didnt actually work at a prestigious company. That I had never even applied there in the first place. Neither my loved ones nor my father knew that either. They believed in my heresy. Several times one of them dropped me off at the head office of ARTNOVA Design Studio. But none of them bothered to check to see if it was in fact true. They smiled, telling others that I was working at a lovely job where I was designing websites for various companies. They believed the heresy I made up and were happy. In fact, I only had the occasional part-time job at a small greeting card design firm that did work online.
Twice a month I visited the library and took a stroll to the pool, at least to relieve my boredom. Since not enough people went to the library at nine oclock, it was the same with the pool. I told Miranda I was going to work, but in fact I was in one of these places. There was a peace and quiet that allowed me to be alone. In the library I mostly slept and only occasionally read one of the books I took with me. Hence the small number I read. When people came, I went to the park, ate one ice-cream or continued to sleep on the bench. On several occasions I was naturally approached by the police, so I had to keep my passport with me at all times. If I had been taken to the police station for a few hours, all my relatives would have heard about it. Then my heresy would have been exposed, which means I had to say that I do not work and never worked at the design studio «ARTNOVA». After one uncovered deception, would have been followed by another, and so everyone would finally realized that in fact I was leading everyone astray, almost years5. And maybe after that they would have put me in a hospital to help me cope with my own spiritual pain. But thats exactly what I didnt want. Thats why I hid behind masks. It was the only way I could survive in their happy world and stay alive. Maybe at some point I would become ordinary. Or maybe I would just end it once and for all. It was up to me to decide, and that meant I was the only one who had to fight.
In my soul I am a lonely warrior and everyone calls me nothing.
Chapter 7
Take it away! I dont need it anymore.
Miranda returned now in the evening6, and right from the threshold, she handed me the languid bag in which her friend always kept her equipment.
What do you mean?
Miranda sat down on the couch, folded her arms across her chest, and looked at me sternly.
Straight up. I know Ive said it often enough, but now was really the last time I took a picture for someone.
Again!?
My friend jumped up from her seat and ran over to me.
Im serious Val!
What now?
I got tired of holding the bag and put it on the floor.
This time, its definitely over!
The end of what, Sue? Work? Travel? Or photos? To what directly!?
All Val. Im tired of working with people who criticize me all the time and who keep repeating that if they had taken Stefano, they would have been finished in two days. Whats disgusting about being a bit of a perfectionist in my business? Just a couple of days and I would have given them the great footage. But Mr. Paczynski, damn him, told me they only had a week left before their magazine would be stitched together. Whats that got to do with me? They could have told me right away, or called me earlier. How hard can it be, Val?
I took my friend by the shoulders and put her on the couch.
Thats easy. But lets you calm down for the moment, and well relax and sort this whole situation out. All right?
Miranda glared at me a couple more times before she finally nodded her head.
Well, the first step is over. I sat down next to her. So, how many days did you work for Mr. Paczynski anyway?
This 5is from the moment I arrived in Australia.
And how much was paid for you?
For days6! But I wouldnt return the excess to him, because his interference in the shooting process, greatly damaged my nerves. And there is still a fee for that.
I shoved my friend unhappily.
Miranda!
What about Miranda? You know how much those people piss me off. Theyre always trying to impose their views on me. After all, Im the photographer here, not them!
Mr. Paczynski, as your client, has a right to make his point.
Not him! That hog only knows where to eat. Do you know how nauseating it is when your interlocutor, with his mouth full, tries to say something else for you?
I made a disgruntled grimace.
No, but I can imagine.
Believe me, its even worse to see it with your own eyes. I almost twisted a few times right there. By God, Val, I wont work for their magazine anymore. Thats my word of good faith to you!
Well, thats fine, weve dealt with that. Now explain to me, why do you have to give up your favorite case because of this?
Her friend got up from the couch and paced from side to side.
Since this has been going on, its not the first day. Im tired of people like Mr. Paczynski. I may like my work, but only because I can tell my story, not just another dose of sameness. Its very hard to work for glossy publications and think the way they want you to think. Thats why Id rather find another job than be a grayish mediocrity.
I had to take my deepest breath to continue this conversation.
Dear Miranda. I got up from the couch, too, and walked over to my friend and hugged her tightly. Youre one of the hardest people to call, but youre one of the hardest to call! Youre the only person I know whos catchy, vibrant, and spitting your own originality. To me you are special, you are a person, just not fully disclosed. Thats your mystery. Many people underestimate your talent, creating things even more fascinating than others. Personally, I appreciate that about you! Seriously. From time to time I think your energy is enough to light up an entire major city for a couple of years to come. I opened my arms and looked into Mirandas face. And you know, Im sad to hear you say something like that. It turns out that I, too, am a grayish mediocrity who makes other peoples wishes come true.