«Oh right! Mission!»
I turned around to go to a safe place where I could see my ex-boyfriend, but before I could take a step I ran into someone. I looked up and faced the eyes that hadnt left me in years.5
Mike!?
And that was it, the abyss. I collapsed right in the middle of the crowd of people, into the arms of an ex-lover. It was the same feeling as if I had sat on a stained bench, and not anywhere, but in the middle of town.
So, now lets take our seats according to our purchased tickets and watch the mentor movie «How to Get Attention or One Bad Day by Violet Spikes»!
Chapter 12
I like to dance, especially when Im cooking for Mike. Theres a soft clang of the knife on the wood chopping board. Pasta and vegetable salad are coming up for dinner. I stand in the kitchen wearing a reddish apron and slice tomatoes. From the living room comes the voice of James Blunt. I catch the beat and start dancing. The chorus comes on and I sing along:
Youre great. Youre great. Youre gorgeous, its true. I saw your face in the masses. And now I dont know what to do, since Ill never be with you.
Its already6 on the clock. Mikes not due back from work until seven oclock. I dump the sliced tomatoes into the frying pan and turn down the heat.
Okay, now noodles
It is a moment of my happiness, my love and boundless joy. Im bustling around the kitchen with a glass of Chardonnay and enjoying the hustle and bustle. Everything is so perfect, it feels like a dream come true.
What else can I wish for? I love and am loved, I have an excellent job, a comfortable apartment, and every day I smile and am truly happy.
I dance out of the kitchen and through the living room to the bathroom to get the laundry out of the washing machine. My thoughts are occupied by my father and his words. He didnt want me and Mike together. I remember the days when I went against my fathers vision, principles and standards. Nothings changed, Im still the same. If only he could accept Mike into the family, I think that idyll would scare me. Theres no such thing as the perfect one. When everything is so great, at some point theres going to be a breaking point.
I take out my own boyfriends black T-shirt and hang it lovingly on the dryer. This love is very crazy, very powerful for me. Im ready to tie Mike down and not let him go anywhere, just so we can be together all the time. I miss him even when he goes to another room. Apparently Im a «Mike addict,» its mind-boggling how he hasnt run away from me yet.
Early eight oclock, dinner is ready, and Im sitting on the couch in the living room, watching Kevin Pariss cooking show and taking another sip of wine from my glass. As the door opens, I jump out of my seat and run to meet my lethargic boyfriend. As usual, he opens his arms for me and presses me firmly against him. At this moment I am happier than ever. There he is my man. I will never give him up to anyone.
I missed it.
Mike kisses me on the top of my head.
Im a baby, too.
We stood in the hallway with our arms around each other to feel like we were together again. I could have stayed like this forever, but Mike was tired and hungry, so I had to let him go first.
Guess whats for dinner now?
I smile with all my two30 teeth and take the bag from him to put it back.
Pasta.
He guessed, as usual.
How do you do it?
Mike takes off his coat and walks over to me, kissing me lightly on the lips.
Thats what I wanted to ask you!
Me!?
Yeah. He takes my face in his hands and our lips meet again, only this time in a dizzying kiss. Ive missed you desperately. He says into my lips and kisses me again.
Are you hungry!?
Mikes lips move from mine to my neck, and I pull my head back and close my eyes in pleasure. I feel as good as Ive ever felt. His hot breath tickled my skin and a blissful grin appeared on my lips. I run my fingers through Mikes hair and pull them down gently. His lips make a small path to my collarbone-it feels so good, it makes my knees tingle.
That night we sat down to dinner exclusively at the clock10. I was very happy, and that happiness, afterward, tortured me every moment I spent without Mike. The beautiful memoirs echoed in pain. I hated them and adored them. They were on constant rewind in my head. Closing my eyes, they brought me back to those times and kept me from remembering every touch, word, or gaze.
Violet Violet
Mikes voice sounded in the darkness, calling to me, asking me to come back. I heard him, and I walked toward him. It had always been that way, ever since the first day wed met.
Little by little, the sounds that surrounded me began to reach me. After you faint, you want to fall back into that darkness, because its the only way to escape reality.
«Mikes alive,» it sounded in my head as I opened my eyes and looked ahead of me. The man whod let me believe he was dead and left me alone to suffer the pain of love lost forever was now standing over me with his furry head bowed.
Are you awake!?
The familiar voice sent shivers through my body. I pulled myself up in my seat and put my arms around my shoulders. It looked like it was someone elses room, so there was a good view of the city from the window, and I was also sitting in bed at the moment.
How do you feel?
I looked at Mike. Hed changed, a lot. His hair was shoulder-length and practically blond, he had a beard, and the glow in his eyes that Id seen every time we were together was gone. I couldnt help but reach forward and put my hand over his face. He pressed it tighter with his warm hand and sighed heavily, closing his eyes.
Youre alive. I wheezed with excitement.
Yes, alive.
He looked at me, and I didnt know what to say to him. Everything was so confusing and hard to make sense of. My thoughts swirled around in my head in a frantic whirl. I wished I could just hug him and run away from here. This man meant so much to me, but he had caused me so much pain that I didnt know what I was essentially feeling at the moment. I looked at him, but I no longer saw the familiar and desirable face that I adored so much. He had become a stranger to me.
I turned away from him as tears welled up.
Hey!
Mike took me by the chin and turned me toward him. I tried not to look at him, tears running treacherously down my cheeks.
Please dont cry. There was a familiar pain in his voice, and I looked up in surprise. Thats it, baby. Thats it, look at me.
Mike
His name sent a wave of pain through my body, and I threw the blanket aside with a sob, got up, and clung to him tightly. The familiar feelings overwhelmed me, and I started sobbing profusely.
Oh, Violet! I missed you, too. Im sorry, darling. Im sorry
I clung tightly to his shirt, which was damp from my tears.
I I thought you were dead. Why is that? Why is everything like this?
Forgive me. I am so sorry for you.
I thought I thought God, youre alive. How can that be?
I pulled away from him and sat next to him, looking more intently into his face. He tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear and then ran his hand down my cheek.
Sorry.
He was so close that I couldnt believe Id already lost him once.
Sorry.
He was so close that I couldnt believe Id already lost him once.
Alive! I exhaled as Mike took my hands. But how?
Its hard to explain.
He stroked my hand with his huge finger, as if asking me to calm down.
Im not rushing anywhere.
Not now, baby. Are you slowing down here?
No. At the AZ Hotel.
Mike smiled guiltily at me and got out of bed.
How long have you been in Algeria?
Denek. What about you? Where have you been all this time?
There was hesitation in his gaze.
I cant tell you everything yet. Its really hard, just to explain. How long will you be in Algeria?
Here it is, the 1st bell warning me to be careful what I say.
One week.
Thats way too little, baby. Did you just come here to rest, or do you have business here?
I got out of bed and fixed my light yellowish dress.
Both. Especially to see you with long hair.
Mike took a step toward me and put his hands on my shoulders.
Can I ask you something else?
Uh-huh.
Did you come here alone?
One.
I dont know why, but I wanted to say «Im not alone. I was afraid to tell him that I still couldnt forget him. That for the last few years5, Id been avoiding people like crazy, indulging in our memoirs, shutting myself away in my own little apartment. He probably remembered a completely different me, one who often laughed and enjoyed life. A colorful, concrete, ready for any adventure lady. But not a dried herbarium in her place.
Id lost my luster over the years5, and my fur was too shabby for me to just lie to Mike. Anyone who could see me at the moment would tell me how pale I was, and how unkempt my clothes were. To those close to me I had become very skinny, almost transparent, playing a constant silent game, as if I had been reincarnated as a fish. My blank face without paint, resembling an unstained leaf and indifferent attitude toward everything that was going on were all part of who I was now.
Everyone knew the reason, but no one tried to talk to me about it, not even my father. It was as if they were afraid I would snap and run to chop up my wrists. And I wanted to share this pain with someone who would hug me and let me finally get all the shit out that had been building up inside me for years. But there was no one willing. Miranda was always on the road; its hard to reveal your soul to someone whose life is more of a rushing waterfall. My friend was very busy with her own life; she was active, energetic, in constant motion, while I sat in a corner. I couldnt admit to her that I was unhappy when she was so happy and fulfilled. Well, its not in my nature to complain about life.
I would naturally like to look better and more confident in front of Mike at this point, so that he would think that I had survived everything that had happened between us.
Oh so!?
I saw that this was the answer he was waiting to hear.
Yes, one.
Mike looked me over from head to toe with an attentive eye.
Youve changed a lot.
I know.» I mumbled back.
Im sorry again Val, Im really very sorry for the way I disappeared back then.
The truth?
I grinned ironically. If he was hoping to get away with an apology, he didnt know me very well.
Listen, lets meet up with you tomorrow night. And Ill answer all your questions.
Where?
Where is more comfortable for you.
I reflected on my own hotel, but I also remembered the detective.
Is there a restaurant in this hotel?
There is. But its very crowded.
So? Is there some sort of inconsistency in that?
Mike ran his hand through his hair excitedly.
No, I just wanted to talk to you in a more casual setting. But if you really want to meet in a restaurant, I dont mind.
What time is most convenient for you?
He pulled out a cell phone from the pocket of his dark pants and, after quickly typing something, shoved it back in.
В5. Normal?
Yes.
I went to the nightstand by the bed to get my bag.
Violet!?
Swiftly throwing the strap over my shoulder, I turned around.
What?
You will come, wont you?
Naturally. I have to find out why you did what you did.
And you will find out, I promise.
I dont doubt it. Im sorry, but I have to get back to my business.
We uncomfortably started waving our arms as we walked to the door.
Are you sure you dont need an escort? Youre still pale
Oh no, thats not necessary. Theres nothing wrong with me. I really am.
Great.
Bye.
He looked at me with a long gaze.
See you tomorrow, Violet.
I smiled at his forgiveness and left the room.
«What the hell was that?»
Chapter 13
Some people like the rain in the summer, explaining it by the fact that after it passes, it becomes fresher. Some people like to bask in the sun under its colorful and scalding rays. There are people who like to walk outside and feel the light breeze on their own skin. There are a lot of people like that, but Im not one of them. The rain gives me a migraine and my hair gets frizzy, and when the rain passes, the road turns into a swamp for me and my shoes get dirty. I rarely go outside, so on the only days I do get out of the house, I am greeted by sunny weather. It makes me wrinkle, my skin dries out, and in the light I start to notice the loose, unruly hair on my head, and I always feel like its trying to fall on my face. Its a terrible feeling. Its the same with the wind, yes its nice, it blows me blue, but it ruins my hair, and from time to time little grains of sand hurt my eyes and even get in my mouth.
To put it bluntly, I am not a pest. Im not capricious or rude, I dont have any of those things in me. Im just very absorbed in every second of my life right now, and it forces me to become more sensitive to whats going on around me. For the most part, Im definitely irritable, but not so much that I live like a grumpy grandmother who has a dozen cats in her apartment and swears profusely as she walks past a couple kissing. In some ways I am even happy, and this can be explained by the fact that I never thought to register on some blog or forum dedicated to lowlifes losers and post about how miserable I am. To me, thats an indicator.
I correctly perceive the one I am at the moment, and I regard my condition more quickly as temporary, which can be completely overcome.
The worst part was that I realized at this point that not only did I no longer love my ex-boyfriend, but that he turned out to be such a jerk. It was natural to believe that after all these years he would fall down and repent and beg me to forgive him, shedding bitter tears. He didnt know that Id been aching and pining for him like an idiot all this time. But I expected more from our meeting, because we were so close. Werent we?
I fully deserve at least a clarification. Let it be heresy to help me live on, I will accept it whatever it may be. I really wish things could go back to the way they were before. But without Mikes help, Im not sure I can find myself the way I was before. Thats why its important to end this love story in the end, in the end, in the end and in the end. I have to do it. No, I have to do it!