Sleepless night. I could not get a wink of sleep. I did not know what to do. To share with someone about what happened or to keep everything a secret. Realizing that no one would believe me, and I did not want to let anyone into this secret, I decided to keep silent. My father called all morning, I did not give myself away by answering the call. The secret remained a secret. The image of the white wolf continued to haunt me, and I mentally tried to establish contact with her. Of course, I was more interested in her appearance. What a wolf she is with human eyes. The weight of eighty kilograms is certainly noticeable. I imagined a plump girl with a long braid and lush breasts, round gray-green eyes, pupils running and burning with fire and a white, long, thick braid.
The days spent in the apartment served my already depressed state. I used to enjoy my loneliness. After all, I could go to the forest, and I did not need anyone. Now I was afraid to go into the forest, and I did not know what to do with myself for a whole day. My best friend went on vacation. I am not going to work until tomorrow. I worked for three days. And all three days of the weekend I always had something to occupy myself with. I loved my job, for me it was something like social recreation. More precisely, I loved my team more, because there was always a line between work and weekends between the team and weekends, and, probably, I loved this line more, which did exactly what I needed from work so well. I was lonely and at the same time, I had a team and a salary, which I also loved so much. This time, the day spent at work lasted the equivalent of a week. Barely surviving the shift, I flew home even without smoking a cigarette with a colleague. And we loved doing it so much after work. Talk about different things and smoke near my car. Sometimes I gave him a ride home. When he asked for it.
October 5. This morning I did not notice how I found myself in my car. I did not notice how I ended up at home. How I cooked breakfast and swallowed it in two minutes. Which was not there before. I always ate food slowly, listening to music or watching TV. My gait changed, my hearing became more acute, although I did not complain about it anyway. For the first three days, it seemed to me that everything that happens to me, including my appetite, is the consequences of going to the forest. My next shift at work was not easy for me. It was hard for me to be around people, they annoyed me. Although there was no such thing before, I always went to work with pleasure. The team was not unimportant to me. At the same time, three days spent at home had no less detrimental effect than a day at work. I could not understand what was happening to me. My best friend was supposed to be back from vacation in a day. I was waiting for him so much to go to the forest with him. I just could not show up there alone. The team argued my aggressive state by the fact that I had not been on vacation for a long time. They thought I needed to rest, go to the sea, or Moscow. In general, a change of scenery is what, in their opinion, I lacked. But they are right. I have not been on vacation for a long time.
October 13. Morning after shift. This day, like the last three, I did not go out. I was looking forward to a friend. Being in voluntary imprisonment, I made phone calls so as not to go wild. They were mostly my parents. I behaved as adequately as possible, trying not to attract suspicion in any way, and I succeeded. Periodically, I approached the mirror, of course, each time with caution, but I approached and he stared at his reflection. At first glance, it would seem that nothing has changed, but still the past incident in the reflection made itself felt, and I found fault with every hair. Sometimes I just saw a wolfs face in my face. But this is nonsense. And I understood that. The arrival of a friend dispelled my fears, and I completely forgot about my reflection. Misha told me how he had a good rest, and I listened to his story in silence, and did not say a word about the white wolf.
So, what happened here?
Yes, nothing special. Just a cold autumn. Dull.
Yes. It is a tragedy for you, I understand. Hiking in the forest has been significantly reduced.
«Something like that. Misha did not say a word about my unsaid. I could tell by the look on his face that he was waiting for this.
Yurok! Let us go to your forest tomorrow. I was so excited about his offer. I didnt even have to ask him about it.
October 14th. A walk through the autumn forest is a wonderful pastime. It was warm weather, and we spent the whole day in the forest. Having bought strong alcohol and a light snack, we visited several forest clearings, the time flew by cheerfully and not noticeably, and our last stop was the «Svyatovo» lake. During the completely fun day, I never mentioned my adventure, so as not to overshadow the walk. I could not wait to share my encounter with a werewolf with a friend, but the circumstances turned out so that I did not mention it, and I considered it a sign of secrecy. Since my parents moved to the countryside, I have been used to walking in the woods alone. Of course, the appearance of the white wolf put fear in my subconscious, and Mishas company came in handy. Returning home in the dark evening was like an ordinary walk along the embankment. We had a lot to talk about, and there was even some alcohol left. It was a long way to the bus stop, and we stopped for a drink. Our sweet communication was interrupted by a wolf howl. So clear and lingering, it could not be confused with anything. Misha said hoarsely and inquiringly at he looked at me. I nodded approvingly, and we trotted towards the bus stop. When we reached the roadway, we slowed down. It is crowded here. We are safe here. I also nodded approvingly. Misha looked at me sideways, wanted to say something, but did not dare. The bus pulled up, and we drove in silence to my house. My friend, after a long walk, wished to continue his vacation with me. We went to the «Magnet» and bought the necessary products. Tell me, you knew, didnt you?
Yes, I knew. I said ironically.
I immediately realized that something was wrong. And how long has this wolf dwells there?
From where do I know? I only heard the howl once.
«I didnt know there were wolves in this forest.»
Me too. I said dryly.
Our afternoon walk smoothly turned into an evening get-together. After drinking a glass of vodka, Misha uttered a speech with relief. I noticed that you had changed, but I did not think it was because of the wolf in the forest.
«Youre right. I have changed. And the wolf is to blame for this. I could barely keep my tongue from slurring from alcohol. You know I practically grew up in this forest. But this wolf spoiled my walks. I began to appear there less often.
You said she-wolf! Misha laughed. There is also a woman involved. Tell. You know you can trust me. Realizing that I had stirred up too much, I had to get out of it.
Yes, it seems to me that this is a wolf. The howl is too long.
Here you have determined! Misha continued to laugh. Your ex was here along the way. Well, if you do not want to, do not tell me. I did not want to offend my friend.
No. The exes are finished. It is just the fear of going into the woods.
To be afraid of wolves is not to go into the forest. The uttered expression sobered my mind.
But he is right. I thought. My consciousness was transferred to a forest clearing, where I was standing alone, on a carpet of fallen leaves, the trees were shrouded in fog, and I was waiting for her, peering into the tree trunks. Silence. I cannot see anything. A split second and a white shaggy dog with an open wolfs mouth flies at me in a jump. I shuddered.
But he is right. I thought. My consciousness was transferred to a forest clearing, where I was standing alone, on a carpet of fallen leaves, the trees were shrouded in fog, and I was waiting for her, peering into the tree trunks. Silence. I cannot see anything. A split second and a white shaggy dog with an open wolfs mouth flies at me in a jump. I shuddered.
What is wrong with you?
Nothing. Vision.
You know what.
What?
For now, tie up for a while with your trips to the forest. Judging by your condition, you have a serious fright. As a last resort, we have parks. Friendship Park, for example, or «Okhlyabinovskaya grove».
Are you laughing?
I am serious.
We sat up all night discussing Tambov wolves. From where they appeared, and when they were last seen here. In fact, wolves have not lived in the Tambov Forest for a long time. This kind of animal has long since exterminated itself, or rather it has long been exterminated.
«Tambov wolf», a funny expression! I could not stand it and laughed with Misha. Where did this expression come from at all?
I remember my father telling me several versions about the origin of this expression.
The first one has its roots in the middle of the XVII century, at the time of the emergence of the Tambov fortress, founded to protect the borders of the Moscow state from nomads. Criminals were exiled to a distant fortress, away from the capital, who were called «wolves» for their dashing temper. In a land famous for ferocious wolf-animals, such an association could not fail to take root.
The second option, less bloodthirsty, comes from the time of Peter the Great, and according to him, «Tambov wolves» English merchants called Tambov merchants magnificent wolf skins, which enjoyed particular success with the royal cavalry, who used beautiful and thick wolf fur to insulate their guards cloaks. Since the vocabulary of foreign guests was small, going out to bargain, they simply shouted «Tambov wolf».
According to another version, in pre-revolutionary Russia, residents of neighboring regions called peasants of the Tambov province «Tambov wolves», who, upon completion of fieldwork, came to work in nearby cities and took on any work for a song. It is clear that such «wolves», knocking down prices, could no longer be comrades, grumbled: «Again Tambov wolves are prowling around the yards; the price is being knocked down.»
The last assumption about the origin of this saying is associated with the twenties of the last century. During the civil strife, Antonovs peasant rebel detachments were hiding in the Tambov forests, hunted by the Red Guards. For the special style of conducting guerrilla warfare, similar to the actions of a wolf pack, Antonovites were nicknamed «Tambov wolves» by local authorities.
I learned a little history. Your father has trained you well.
Yes, I spent my whole childhood with him.
Ask him if there are wolves in the Tambov forest. Maybe it is just a dog for everything. And there are no wolves.
Of course I will ask. Not today. The night flew by not noticeably. We did not notice when morning came. The day spent in the company of a friend cheered me up and made me perceive the appearance of a wolf in my life in a different way. Michali was right. I am done hiking in the woods. Especially now, when part-time jobs have appeared at work, and my best friend has arrived from vacation.
October 31. Cold autumn. The trees have lost their foliage. Bright colors were replaced by a gray landscape, forced to put on warm clothes. A thick layer of damp foliage stuck to the shoes, slightly irritating. I was not bothered by this phenomenon. I was more concerned about the disappearance of the she-wolf. Why dont I dream about her anymore? I cannot hear her howling. I would not confuse her howl with anything. It was like a woman crying. Not believing in the existence of wolves in the Tambov forest, and even more mysticism, I was still sure that this wolf was a woman. And of course I wanted to find the key to solving this mystery. I did not know where to start, wanting to do everything right and kind, I listened to the advice of a friend and went to my parents in the village. Largely, this trip was connected with a conversation with my father. I knew that my father would help me find the answer too many of my questions.
November 1st. Sunday frosty morning. Frost-covered grass. Quiet sound of tires, muffled engine. This time, no one met me on the porch, as in the old days. Perhaps it was due to the onset of cold weather, or old age crept up on the mother, and she could no longer stand at the porch on duty. I have arrived! I heard from the doorway. We thought you had forgotten about us. I have not actually come to this village since summer time.
Mom. I got a part-time job.
Did you abandon the forest? The father asked with bitterness in his voice.
Of course not. I just started walking a lot less often.
You do not think about anything but the forest. Mom blurted out.
And you are talking about work. Father barked. I knew how to defuse a tense situation.
I am hungry. I said loudly. The altercation is over. The father went outside. The mother ran into the kitchen. A house in the village, away from the hustle and bustle. What could be better? Especially if your parents live in this house, to whom you can always come. A delicious and hearty lunch prepared by the mothers hands. A heated house before the heat. A simple atmosphere is exactly what takes the soul and warms with its simple and cozy warmth. A house in the village is a kind place where, it would seem, you can die of boredom when you were born and grew up in the village, but at the same time, you do not want to go back to the city, into the vanity of vanities. Every time you come to your parents and go back, during this period, a period is measured that is waning. It is as a whole epoch is measured, before arrival, and after departure. With each visit, I become more mature or even older. Anyway, I have always loved coming here.
In the evening, my father went out to smoke, I went out with him.
What makes you think?
I see. I see even more than you think do, it happened in the forest.
It is just an extra workload at work.
Wow, I was wrong. I thought you were having trouble in the woods.
What makes you think that?
«Work has never meant anything to you. It was more of a hobby than a job.
So I am growing up.
In the fortieth year of life. Made me laugh. Rather, you have a personal life.
It ended a long time ago. Both personal life and work are incompatible. Better tell me about the Tambov wolves.
What do you mean? Didnt I tell you about them?
I told you. Now, Dad, tell me about the wolves themselves. What do you know about them? The word dad hurt the elderly man, and with a sigh, he sat down on a log lying behind the house especially for personal gatherings, lighting a second cigarette. I sat down next to him.
The wolf is a noble animal in itself. For example, when feeding a family. The concern for the offspring of wolves is pronounced. In addition to the parents, the whole flock is engaged in nursing the cubs. Feeding the kids is the main concern. These animals make every effort to ensure that the young grow up healthy, strong and adapted to the difficult life in the forest. As for the Tambov wolf, the old man paused, puffing on a cigarette, examining the clouds of smoke, he continued. The Tambov wolf is hospitable if he considers you his friend. If, on the contrary, friendship did not work out, and the Tambov wolf turned out to be your enemy, then in the future this wolf will attack you, this is the essence of the Tambov wolf. But if the Tambov wolf has become your friend, then he will open all the doors for you, and take off his last shirt. Well, as far as I know, now there are no wolves in our Tambov forest, they have been exterminated for a long time. So, what happened to you?