Stop, Dmitri, Alyosha interrupted again with great anxiety. Theres one thing you havent made clear yet: you are still betrothed all the same, arent you? How can you break off the engagement if she, your betrothed, doesnt want to?
Yes, formally and solemnly betrothed. It was all done on my arrival in Moscow, with great ceremony, with ikons, all in fine style. The generals wife blessed us, andwould you believe it?congratulated Katya. Youve made a good choice, she said, I see right through him. Andwould you believe it?she didnt like Ivan, and hardly greeted him. I had a lot of talk with Katya in Moscow. I told her about myselfsincerely, honorably. She listened to everything.
There was sweet confusion,
There were tender words.
Though there were proud words, too. She wrung out of me a mighty promise to reform. I gave my promise, and here
What?
Why, I called to you and brought you out here today, this very dayremember itto send youthis very day againto Katerina Ivanovna, and
What?
To tell her that I shall never come to see her again. Say, He sends you his compliments.
What?
Why, I called to you and brought you out here today, this very dayremember itto send youthis very day againto Katerina Ivanovna, and
What?
To tell her that I shall never come to see her again. Say, He sends you his compliments.
But is that possible?
Thats just the reason Im sending you, in my place, because its impossible. And, how could I tell her myself?
And where are you going?
To the backalley.
To Grushenka, then! Alyosha exclaimed mournfully, clasping his hands. Can Rakitin really have told the truth? I thought that you had just visited her, and that was all.
Can a betrothed man pay such visits? Is such a thing possible and with such a betrothed, and before the eyes of all the world? Confound it, I have some honor! As soon as I began visiting Grushenka, I ceased to be betrothed, and to be an honest man. I understand that. Why do you look at me? You see, I went in the first place to beat her. I had heard, and I know for a fact now, that that captain, fathers agent, had given Grushenka an I.O.U. of mine for her to sue me for payment, so as to put an end to me. They wanted to scare me. I went to beat her. I had had a glimpse of her before. She doesnt strike one at first sight. I knew about her old merchant, whos lying ill now, paralyzed; but hes leaving her a decent little sum. I knew, too, that she was fond of money, that she hoarded it, and lent it at a wicked rate of interest, that shes a merciless cheat and swindler. I went to beat her, and I stayed. The storm brokeit struck me down like the plague. Im plaguestricken still, and I know that everything is over, that there will never be anything more for me. The cycle of the ages is accomplished. Thats my position. And though Im a beggar, as fate would have it, I had three thousand just then in my pocket. I drove with Grushenka to Mokroe, a place twentyfive versts from here. I got gypsies there and champagne and made all the peasants there drunk on it, and all the women and girls. I sent the thousands flying. In three days time I was stripped bare, but a hero. Do you suppose the hero had gained his end? Not a sign of it from her. I tell you that rogue, Grushenka, has a supple curve all over her body. You can see it in her little foot, even in her little toe. I saw it, and kissed it, but that was all, I swear! Ill marry you if you like, she said, youre a beggar, you know. Say that you wont beat me, and will let me do anything I choose, and perhaps I will marry you. She laughed, and shes laughing still!
Dmitri leapt up with a sort of fury. He seemed all at once as though he were drunk. His eyes became suddenly bloodshot.
And do you really mean to marry her?
At once, if she will. And if she wont, I shall stay all the same. Ill be the porter at her gate. Alyosha! he cried. He stopped short before him, and taking him by the shoulders began shaking him violently. Do you know, you innocent boy, that this is all delirium, senseless delirium, for theres a tragedy here. Let me tell you, Alexey, that I may be a low man, with low and degraded passions, but a thief and a pickpocket Dmitri Karamazov never can be. Well, then; let me tell you that I am a thief and a pickpocket. That very morning, just before I went to beat Grushenka, Katerina Ivanovna sent for me, and in strict secrecy (why I dont know, I suppose she had some reason) asked me to go to the chief town of the province and to post three thousand roubles to Agafya Ivanovna in Moscow, so that nothing should be known of it in the town here. So I had that three thousand roubles in my pocket when I went to see Grushenka, and it was that money we spent at Mokroe. Afterwards I pretended I had been to the town, but did not show her the post office receipt. I said I had sent the money and would bring the receipt, and so far I havent brought it. Ive forgotten it. Now what do you think youre going to her today to say? He sends his compliments, and shell ask you, What about the money? You might still have said to her, Hes a degraded sensualist, and a low creature, with uncontrolled passions. He didnt send your money then, but wasted it, because, like a low brute, he couldnt control himself. But still you might have added, He isnt a thief though. Here is your three thousand; he sends it back. Send it yourself to Agafya Ivanovna. But he told me to say he sends his compliments. But, as it is, she will ask, But where is the money?
Mitya, you are unhappy, yes! But not as unhappy as you think. Dont worry yourself to death with despair.
What, do you suppose Id shoot myself because I cant get three thousand to pay back? Thats just it. I shant shoot myself. I havent the strength now. Afterwards, perhaps. But now Im going to Grushenka. I dont care what happens.
And what then?
Ill be her husband if she deigns to have me, and when lovers come, Ill go into the next room. Ill clean her friends goloshes, blow up their samovar, run their errands.
Katerina Ivanovna will understand it all, Alyosha said solemnly. Shell understand how great this trouble is and will forgive. She has a lofty mind, and no one could be more unhappy than you. Shell see that for herself.
She wont forgive everything, said Dmitri, with a grin. Theres something in it, brother, that no woman could forgive. Do you know what would be the best thing to do?
What?
Pay back the three thousand.
Where can we get it from? I say, I have two thousand. Ivan will give you another thousandthat makes three. Take it and pay it back.
And when would you get it, your three thousand? Youre not of age, besides, and you mustyou absolutely musttake my farewell to her today, with the money or without it, for I cant drag on any longer, things have come to such a pass. Tomorrow is too late. I shall send you to father.
To father?
Yes, to father first. Ask him for three thousand.
But, Mitya, he wont give it.
As though he would! I know he wont. Do you know the meaning of despair, Alexey?
Yes.
Listen. Legally he owes me nothing. Ive had it all from him, I know that. But morally he owes me something, doesnt he? You know he started with twentyeight thousand of my mothers money and made a hundred thousand with it. Let him give me back only three out of the twentyeight thousand, and hell draw my soul out of hell, and it will atone for many of his sins. For that three thousandI give you my solemn wordIll make an end of everything, and he shall hear nothing more of me. For the last time I give him the chance to be a father. Tell him God Himself sends him this chance.
Mitya, he wont give it for anything.
I know he wont. I know it perfectly well. Now, especially. Thats not all. I know something more. Now, only a few days ago, perhaps only yesterday he found out for the first time in earnest (underline in earnest) that Grushenka is really perhaps not joking, and really means to marry me. He knows her nature; he knows the cat. And do you suppose hes going to give me money to help to bring that about when hes crazy about her himself? And thats not all, either. I can tell you more than that. I know that for the last five days he has had three thousand drawn out of the bank, changed into notes of a hundred roubles, packed into a large envelope, sealed with five seals, and tied across with red tape. You see how well I know all about it! On the envelope is written: To my angel, Grushenka, when she will come to me. He scrawled it himself in silence and in secret, and no one knows that the moneys there except the valet, Smerdyakov, whom he trusts like himself. So now he has been expecting Grushenka for the last three or four days; he hopes shell come for the money. He has sent her word of it, and she has sent him word that perhaps shell come. And if she does go to the old man, can I marry her after that? You understand now why Im here in secret and what Im on the watch for.
For her?
Yes, for her. Foma has a room in the house of these sluts here. Foma comes from our parts; he was a soldier in our regiment. He does jobs for them. Hes watchman at night and goes grouseshooting in the daytime; and thats how he lives. Ive established myself in his room. Neither he nor the women of the house know the secretthat is, that I am on the watch here.
No one but Smerdyakov knows, then?
No one else. He will let me know if she goes to the old man.
It was he told you about the money, then?
Yes. Its a dead secret. Even Ivan doesnt know about the money, or anything. The old man is sending Ivan to Tchermashnya on a two or three days journey. A purchaser has turned up for the copse: hell give eight thousand for the timber. So the old man keeps asking Ivan to help him by going to arrange it. It will take him two or three days. Thats what the old man wants, so that Grushenka can come while hes away.
Then hes expecting Grushenka today?
No, she wont come today; there are signs. Shes certain not to come, cried Mitya suddenly. Smerdyakov thinks so, too. Fathers drinking now. Hes sitting at table with Ivan. Go to him, Alyosha, and ask for the three thousand.
Mitya, dear, whats the matter with you? cried Alyosha, jumping up from his place, and looking keenly at his brothers frenzied face. For one moment the thought struck him that Dmitri was mad.
What is it? Im not insane, said Dmitri, looking intently and earnestly at him. No fear. I am sending you to father, and I know what Im saying. I believe in miracles.
In miracles?
In a miracle of Divine Providence. God knows my heart. He sees my despair. He sees the whole picture. Surely He wont let something awful happen. Alyosha, I believe in miracles. Go!