But Albert is no friend of his. He gives the sharp retort, I reckon Ive been here a bit longer than you have.
The gingery moustache twitches. I suppose you lot dont remember me, then?
Tjaden opens his eyes. Oh yes, we do.
Himmelstoss turns to him. Tjaden, isnt it?
Tjaden lifts his head. And do you know what you are, chum? Himmelstoss is taken aback. What do you mean, chum? I dont think weve ever drunk ourselves into the gutter together. He has absolutely no idea of how to cope with the situation. He wasnt expecting this open aggression. But for the moment he is cautious. Someone has clearly fed him that nonsense about NCOs getting shot in the back.
Tjaden has been made so angry by the crack about the gutter that he becomes positively sharp. No, you were in the gutter all by yourself, pal.
By now Himmelstoss is seething with rage as well, but Tjaden rushes to get in before him. He has to say his piece. You want to know what you are, chum? Youre a shit, thats what you are! Ive wanted to tell you that for a long time.
The satisfaction that comes from months of waiting is shining in his piggy eyes when he comes out with the word shit.
Himmelstoss lets fly too. What do you mean, you miserable little sod, you filthy bloody peasant? Stand up and stand to attention when a superior officer is speaking to you.
Tjaden gives a gracious wave of his hand. You may stand easy, Himmelstoss. Dismiss![130]
Himmelstoss turns into a raging mass of drill regulations. The Kaiser himself couldnt be more insulted. Tjaden! he screams. This is an order! Stand up!
Anything else youd like? asks Tjaden.
Are you going to carry out my order or not?
Tjaden gives an unworried and conclusive reply, quoting (although he doesnt know hes doing so) one of Goethes best-known lines, the one about kissing a specific part of his anatomy. At the same time he sticks his backside up in the air[131].
Himmelstoss storms away. Youll be court martialled for this![132] We watch him disappear in the direction of the orderly room. Haie and Tjaden collapse in a great peat-diggers roar. Haie laughs so much that he puts his lower jaw out of joint, and suddenly stands there helplessly with his mouth open. Albert has to punch it, to get him back to normal.
Kat is worried. If he reports you, therell be trouble.
Do you think he will? asks Tjaden.
Bound to, I say.
Youll get five days close arrest at the very least, says Kat.
That doesnt bother Tjaden. Five days in clink means five days rest.
And what if they take you away and put you in jug? asks the indefatigable Muller.
Then the war is over for me until I get out.
Tjaden is a happy-go-lucky type. He never worries. He clears off with Haie and Leer, so that when the balloon goes up they wont be able to find him for a bit.
Meanwhile, Muller still hasnt finished. He comes back to Kropp again. Albert, if you really got to go home, what would you do?
Kropp is full up now, and this makes him more expansive. How many of our class at school would there be now?
We reckon it up: out of twenty, seven are dead, four are wounded and ones in an asylum. We could only get twelve together at the most.
Three of them are second lieutenants, says Muller. Do you think theyd let Kantorek bawl them out nowadays?
We dont think they would. We wouldnt let Kantorek bawl us out any more, either.
Come on, outline the tripartite plot of Schillers William Tell[133], Kropp reminds us suddenly, and roars with laughter.
What were the principal aims of the Gottingen[134] poetic movement in the eighteenth century? demands Muller with a sudden severity.
How many children did Charles the Bold[135] have? I put in calmly.
Youll never get on in life, Baumer, says Muller.
When was the battle of Zama? Kropp wants to know.
You are completely lacking in moral fibre[136] and high seriousness, Kropp. Sit down. C-minus[137] I throw in.
What did Lycurgus[138] consider to be the principal responsibilities of the State? hisses Muller, pretending to fiddle around with a pince-nez.
Is it We Germans fear God and no one else in the world or We comma Germans comma ? I offer as food for thought.
Muller twitters back, What is the population of Melbourne?
How on earth[139] are you going to get on in life if you dont know that? I ask Albert indignantly.
But he trumps this with, What do you understand by cohesion?
We dont remember much about all that stuff any more. It was no use to us anyway. Nobody taught us at school how to light a cigarette in a rainstorm, or how it is still possible to make a fire even with soaking wet wood or that the best place to stick a bayonet is into the belly, because it cant get jammed in there, the way it can in the ribs.
Muller thinks for a bit, and then says, Its no good; well still have to go back to school.
I think thats quite out of the question. Perhaps we could just sit the exams under the special regulations.
You still need some preparation. And even if you pass, what happens then? Being a student isnt much better. If you havent got much money, you have to study really hard.
It is a bit better, but its still rubbish, all the stuff they fill your head with.
Kropp sums it up for us when he says, How can you take all that lot seriously when youve been out here?
But you have to have some kind of job, puts in Muller, as if he were Kantorek himself.
Albert is cleaning his nails with the point of a knife. We are amazed by this genteel behaviour, but it is only because he is thinking. He puts the knife aside and says, Thats the problem. Kat and Detering and Haie will go back to their old jobs because they had them already. So will Himmelstoss. We never had one. And how is this lot he gestures over towards the front supposed to prepare us for anything?
But you have to have some kind of job, puts in Muller, as if he were Kantorek himself.
Albert is cleaning his nails with the point of a knife. We are amazed by this genteel behaviour, but it is only because he is thinking. He puts the knife aside and says, Thats the problem. Kat and Detering and Haie will go back to their old jobs because they had them already. So will Himmelstoss. We never had one. And how is this lot he gestures over towards the front supposed to prepare us for anything?
What you need is a private income and then you could go away and live on your own in the middle of some forest I say, but at once I feel silly for coming up with such a daft idea.
What will become of us if and when we do get back? wonders Miuller, and even he is anxious.
Kropp shrugs. I dont know. Lets just get there first and then see what happens.
None of us really has any ideas. What could we possibly do? I ask.
There isnt anything I fancy doing, Kropp answers wearily. One day youll be dead anyway, and what have you got then? In any case, I dont think well ever get home.
If I think about it, Albert, I say after a little while, rolling over on to my back, when I hear the word peace, and if peace really came, what comes into my head is that Id like to do something, well, unimaginable. Something you know what I mean that would make it all worthwhile, being out here under fire and all the rest. But I just cant picture what it could be. The only possibilities there are this business with a job, studying, earning money and so on they all make me sick, because they were always there and they put me off. I cant think of anything, Albert, I cant think of anything.
All at once everything seems to me to be pointless and desperate.
Kropp takes it further along the same line. It will be just as difficult for all of us. I wonder whether the people back at home dont worry about it themselves occasionally? Two years of rifle fire and hand-grenades you cant just take it all off like a pair of socks afterwards
We all agree that it is the same for everyone; not only for us here, but for everyone who is in the same boat, some to a greater, others to a lesser extent. It is the common fate of our generation.
Albert puts it into words. The war has ruined us for everything.
He is right. Were no longer young men. Weve lost any desire to conquer the world. We are refugees. We are fleeing from ourselves. From our lives. We were eighteen years old, and we had just begun to love the world and to love being in it; but we had to shoot at it. The first shell to land went straight for our hearts. Weve been cut off from real action, from getting on, from progress. We dont believe in those things any more; we believe in the war.
There is a buzz of activity in the orderly room[140]. Himmelstoss seems to have stirred them up. At the head of the little column trots the fat sergeant major[141]. Its funny how regular CSMs[142] are nearly always fat.
Next in line comes Himmelstoss, hungry for revenge. His boots are gleaming in the sun.
We stand up. The sergeant major puffs, Wheres Tjaden?
None of us knows, of course. Himmelstoss glares angrily at us. Of course you know, you lot. You just dont want to tell us. Come on, out with it.[143]
The CSM looks all round him, but Tjaden is nowhere to be seen. He tries a different tack. Tjaden is to present himself at the orderly room in ten minutes.
With that he clears off, with Himmelstoss in his wake[144].
Ive got a feeling that a roll of barbed-wire is going to fall on to Himmelstosss legs when were on wiring fatigues again, reckons Kropp.
Well get a good bit of fun out of him yet, laughs Muller.
Thats the extent of our ambition now: taking a postman down a peg or two[145]
I go off to the hut to warn Tjaden, so that he can disappear.
We shift along a bit, then lie down again to play cards. Because that is what we are good at: playing cards, swearing and making war. Not much for twenty years too much for twenty years.
Half an hour later Himmelstoss is back. Nobody takes any notice of him. He asks where Tjaden is. We shrug our shoulders. You lot were supposed to look for him.
What do you mean you lot? asks Kropp.
Well, you lot here
I should like[146] to request, Corporal Himmelstoss, that you address us in an appropriate military fashion, says Kropp, sounding like a colonel.
Himmelstoss is thunderstruck. Whos addressing you any other way?