But, Julia; but, Julia... Julia did not turn around, and Sylvia ran down the stairs, flung herself on her bed, and cried so loudly that Andrew heard and went to her. She told him her story and he said, Now stop. There is no point in that. I'll go up to grandmother and talk to her. '
He did.
And who is this man? Why did Frances let him in?'
'But you talk as if he's a thief or a conman.'
' A conman is what he is. He has conned poor Sylvia out of her senses. '
You know, grandmother, this kind of thing, the Yoga and all that, it's around you lead a bit of a sheltered life, or you' d know that.' He spoke whimsically, but was dismayed by the old unhappy face. He knew very well what the real trouble was, but decided to persist on the level of simple causes. 'She's bound to come up against this sort of thing at school, you can't protect her from it. And meanwhile Andrew was thinking that he read his horoscope every morning, though of course he didn't believe in it, and had toyed with the idea of having his fortune told. I think you are making too much of it, ' he dared to say, and saw her at last nod, and then sigh.
' Very well, she said. But how is it that this... this... disgraceful thing is everywhere suddenly?'
' A good question, said Andrew, embracing her, but she was a lump in his arms.
Julia and Sylvia made it up. We've made it up, ' the girl told Andrew, as if a heavy unhappy thing had become light and harmless.
But Julia would not listen to Sylvia's new discoveries, would not throw the stalks for the I-Ching, nor talk about Buddhism, and so their perfect intimacy, the intimacy possible only between an adult and a child, confiding and trustful, and as easy as breathing, had come to an end. It has to end, for this young one to grow up, but even when the adult knows this and expects it, hearts must bleed and break. But Julia had never had this kind of love with a child, certainly not with Johnny, did not know that a child growing and Sylvia had gone through a rapid process of growing up, with her would become a stranger. Sylvia, suddenly, was no longer the maiden trotting happily around after Julia and afraid to be out of her sight. She was mature enough to interpret the yarrow stalks which had been asked for advice to mean that she must go and see her mother. She did, by herself, and found Phyllida not shrieking and hysterical, but calm, withdrawn and even dignified. She was alone: Johnny was at a meeting.
But Julia would not listen to Sylvia's new discoveries, would not throw the stalks for the I-Ching, nor talk about Buddhism, and so their perfect intimacy, the intimacy possible only between an adult and a child, confiding and trustful, and as easy as breathing, had come to an end. It has to end, for this young one to grow up, but even when the adult knows this and expects it, hearts must bleed and break. But Julia had never had this kind of love with a child, certainly not with Johnny, did not know that a child growing and Sylvia had gone through a rapid process of growing up, with her would become a stranger. Sylvia, suddenly, was no longer the maiden trotting happily around after Julia and afraid to be out of her sight. She was mature enough to interpret the yarrow stalks which had been asked for advice to mean that she must go and see her mother. She did, by herself, and found Phyllida not shrieking and hysterical, but calm, withdrawn and even dignified. She was alone: Johnny was at a meeting.
Sylvia was waiting for the reproaches and accusations she could not bear: she knew she would have to run away, but Phyllida said, You must do what you think is best. I know it must be better for you there, with other young people. And your grandmother has taken to you, so I hear.'
'Yes. I love her,' said the girl simply, and then trembled for fear of her mother's jealousy.
' Love is easy enough if you' re rich, said Phyllida, but that was the nearest she got to criticism. Her determination to behave well, not let loose the demons that tore and howled inside her, made her slow and apparently stupid. She repeated: ' It's better for you, I know that.And, 'You must decide for yourself.' As if it had not all been decided long ago. She did not offer the girl tea, or a soft drink, but sat clutching the arms of a chair and staring at her daughter, blinking unevenly, and then, when it was all going to explode out of her, she said hurriedly, You' d better run along, Tilly. Yes, I know you' re Sylvia now but you' re Tilly to me.'
And Sylvia went off, knowing it had been touch and go whether she was screamed at.
Colin returned first: he said it had been great, and that was all he said. He was a good deal in his room, reading.
Sophie came to say she was starting at her acting school, and would make her home her base, because her mother still needed her. 'But please can I come often I do so love our suppers, Frances, I do so love our evenings. ' Frances reassured her, embraced her and knew from that touch the girl was troubled.
'What's wrong?' she asked. 'Is it Roland? Didn't you have a good time with him?'
Sophie said, not intending to be humorous, I don't think I am old enough for him. '
Ah, I see. Did he say that?'
' He said that if I had more experience Id understand. It'sa funny thing, Frances. Sometimes I feel that he's not there at all he's with me but... and yet he does love me, Frances, he says he does...
Well, there you are. '
We did some lovely things. We walked for miles, we went to the theatre, we joined in with some other people and we had a groovy time.'
Geoffrey was starting at the LSE. He dropped in to say that he felt he was a big boy now and it was time he had his own place. He was going to share with some Americans he had met demonstrating in Georgia; it was a pity Colin was a year younger than he was, or he could come and share too. He said he wanted to come here 'like the old days', he felt leaving this house was more like leaving home than if he was leaving his parents.
Daniel, a year younger than Geoffrey, had another year at school, a year without Geoffrey.
James was going to the LSE.
Jill continued to be the dark horse. She did not return with Rose, who never told them where she had been but who did say that Jill had been in Bristol with a lover. But she said she would be back.
Rose was in the basement and announced that she was going to stick it out at school. No one believed her and they were wrong. In fact she was clever, knew it, and was determined ' to show them'. Show who? Frances would have to be first on that list, but it was all of them really. Ill show them, she muttered, and it was like a mantra repeated when it was time for homework, and when the school's progressiveness seemed less than she had hoped, as when she was asked please not to smoke in class.
Sylvia's determination to do well at school was not only for Julia, but for Andrew too, who continued to be elder-brotherly, affectionate, and kind: when he was there, and not at Cambridge.
Financial problems... when Frances had come to this house the arrangement was that Julia would pay the rates for the whole house, but Frances would be responsible for the rest: gas, electricity, water, telephones. Also for Mrs Philby, and the auxiliary she brought in to help her when ' the kids' got too much. ' Kids?
Pigs, more like it.' Frances also bought food, generally supplied the house with what it needed, and, in short, needed a lot of money. She was earning it. The bill for Cambridge had arrived weeks before, and Julia had paid: she said that Andrew's year off from education had been a great help. The school bill for Sylvia was paid, by Julia. Then came Colin's bill, and Frances took it up to the little table on the landing at the top of the house where Julia's mail was put, with considerable foreboding, which was confirmed when Julia came down with the St Joseph's bill in her hand. Julia was nervous too. Since the barriers between the women had gone down, Julia had been more affectionate with Frances, but also more testy and critical.
'Do sit down, Julia.'
Julia sat, first removing a pair of Frances's tights.
Oh, sorry, said Frances, and Julia accepted the apology with a tight little smile.
What is all this about Colin and psychoanalysis?'
This is what Frances had dreaded: conversations had already taken place between the school and herself and between Colin and herself, and Sophie, too, had been involved. 'Oh, lovely, Colin, that'd be so good.'
' It was described to me by the headmaster as Colin having someone to talk to. '
' They can call it what they like. It would cost thousands, thousands, every year. '
' Look, Julia, I know you don't approve of any of these psycho things. But have you thought, he'll have a man to talk to. Well, I hope it's a man. This is such a female house, and Johnny... ' He has a brother, he has Andrew.'
But they don't get on. '
' Get on? What's that? And now there was a pause, while Julia stretched out and then clenched the fingers that lay on her knees. My older brothers, they quarrelled sometimes. It is normal for brothers to quarrel. '
Now, Frances did know that Julia had had brothers, and that they had been killed in that old war. Julia's painfully working fingers brought them into this room, Julia's past... dead brothers. Julia's eyes had tears in them, Frances could swear, though she sat with her back to the light.
'I said yes to Colin talking to someone because... he's very unhappy, Julia. '
Frances was still not sure whether Colin would say yes. What he had actually said was, Yes, I know, Sam told me. ' The headmaster. I said to him it's my father who should be analysed. ' ' That would be the day, ' Frances had said. He said, Yes, and why not you? I am sure you could do with a good talking to. ' 'Talking with.' 'I don't see that I'm madder than anyone else.' 'I'd agree with that. '
Now Julia got up and said, I think that there are some things we are not likely to agree on. But that is not what I came to say. Even without the stupid analysis I can't pay for Colin. I thought he would be leaving school now, and then I hear he's going on for another year. '