Nash shrugged and stood to pull me up. Lots of reasons. A bean sidhe who knows what shes doing can hold on to a soul long enough for him to prepare for the afterlife. Let him make his peace.
I frowned, unable to picture it. Okay, but how peaceful can it possibly be, with me screaming bloody murder?
He laughed again, and I followed him up the steps to a wobbly bridge made of wooden planks chained loosely together. It doesnt sound like screaming to the soul. Or to me either. Your wail is beautiful to male bean sidhes. Nash turned to look at me from the top step, his gaze soft, and almost reflective. More like a wistful, haunting song. I wish you could hear it the way we hear it.
Me too. Anything would be better than the earsplitting screech I heard. What else can I do? Tell me the parts that dont make me want to dig my own ears out of my skull.
Nash pulled me onto the bridge, which rocked beneath us until I sat in the middle with my legs dangling over the side. You can keep a soul around long enough for him to hear the thoughts and condolences of his friends. Or say goodbye to his family, though they cant hear him.
So Imuseful? My pitch rose in earnest hope.
Totally. He settled onto the next plank, facing my profile with one leg hanging over the edge of the bridge and the other arching behind me.
My smile swelled, as did the warmth spreading throughout my chest, slowly overtaking my unease at the very thought of suspending a human soul. I wasnt sure whether this blossoming peace stemmed from my newfound purpose in lifeand in deathor from the way Nash watched me, like hed do anything to make me smile.
So what can you do?
Well, my vocal cords arent as powerful as yours, but a male bean sidhes voice does carry a kind ofInfluence. A strong power of suggestion, or projection of emotion. He shrugged and draped one arm over the rope railing, leaning back to see me better. We can project confidence, or excitement. Or any other emotion. A bunch of us together can urge groups into action, or pacify a mob. That one was big during the witch trials, and public panics of old. He grinned. But mostly, we just relax people when theyre nervous, or upset. Nash shot me a meaningful look, and I sucked in a startled breath so big I nearly choked on it.
You calmed me, didnt you? In the alley behind Taboo.
And behind the school, this afternoon. With Meredith
How could I not have realized? Id never been able to control the panic before, without putting distance between myself andthe pre-deceased.
I blinked back grateful tears and started to thank him, but he spoke before I could get the words out. Dont worry about it. It was cool to finally get to show off.
And theres more, other than the Influence?
He nodded, and the bridge rocked as he leaned forward, eyeing me dramatically. I can direct souls.
What? Chill bumps popped up beneath my sleeves, in spite of the unseasonably warm evening.
Nash shrugged, like it was no big deal. You can suspend a soul, and I can manipulate it. Tell it where to go.
Seriously? Where do you send it? I couldnt wrap my mind around the concept.
Nowhere. He leaned back against the rope and frowned. Thats the problem. Your skills are useful. Altruistic, even. Mine? Not so much.
Why not?
Because theres only one place to send a disembodied soul.
The afterlife? I folded one leg beneath the other and twisted to face him, trying not to be completely overwhelmed by the possibilities he was throwing at me.
He shook his head as a cicadas song began in the distance. A soul doesnt need me for that.
And suddenly I understood. You can put it back! Into the body. I sat up straight and the bridge swayed. You can bring someone back to life!
Nash shook his head, still somber in spite of my growing enthusiasm, and stood to pull me up. It takes two of us. A female to capture the soul, and a male to reinstate it. His hand found my hip again, and the heat behind his gaze nearly scorched me. We could be amazing together, Kaylee.
My cheeks blazed.
Then the reality of what he was saying truly hit me, like a blast of cold air to the face.
We can save people? Reverse death? You should have told me that part first! A tingly exhilaration blossomed in my chest, and at first I didnt understand when he shook his head.
But then my excitement withered, replaced by a cold, heavy feeling of regret. Of mounting guilt. So not only did I fail to warn Meredith, I let her die, when we could have saved her. Why didnt you tell me? I couldnt stop the flash of anger that realization brought. Meredith would still be alive if Id known how to help her!
No, Kaylee. Nash tilted my chin up until I saw the dark regret swirling in his eyes. We cant just go around shoving souls back into dead bodies. It doesnt work like that. You cant even warn someone of his own death. Its physically impossible, because you cant do anything else while youre singing a souls song. Right?
I nodded miserably. Its completely consuming. Though I still couldnt imagine that horrible screech sounding like the song hed described. But there has to be a way around that. I sidestepped him on the wobbly bridge and took the steps two at a time. My mind was racing and I needed to move. We could work out some kind of signal or something. When I get a premonition, I could point, and you could go warn theumpre-deceased.
Nash caught up with me, already shaking his head again. He caught my arm and pulled me to a halt, but let go when I stiffened. Even if you could warn someone, it wouldnt change anything. It would just make the poor guys last moments terrifying. I started to shake my head, but he rushed on. Thats what Ive been trying to tell you, Kaylee. You cant stop death.
But you just said we could. I leaned against the side of a green plastic twisty-slide, frowning up at him. Together, we could have saved Meredith. Maybe even Heidi Anderson. Doesnt it bother you that we didnt even try?
Of course it does, but saving Meredith wouldnt have stopped her death. It would only have prolonged her life. And reanimating someone whose time has come carries serious consequences. And believe me, the price isnt worth paying.
What does that mean? How could saving someone not be worth the price?
Nashs gaze burned into me, as if to underline the importance of what he was going to say. A life for a life, Kaylee. If wed saved Meredith, someone else would have been taken instead. Could be one of us, or anyone nearby.
Ouch.
I sank onto the rubber mat at the base of the slide, my eyes closed in horror. Okay, that was a high price. And even if Id been willing to pay it myself, I had no right to make that decision for an innocent bystander. Or for Nash. Yet I couldnt let the issue go. No matter what he said, no matter how logical the arguments, letting Meredith die felt wrong, and I couldnt stand the thought of ever having to do that again.
Nash sighed and sank onto the mat with me, his arms propped on his knees. Kaylee, I know how you feel, but thats the way death works. When someones time comes, he has to go, and youll only drive yourself crazy looking for loopholes in the system. Trust me. The anguish in Nashs voice resonated in my heart, and I ached to touch him. To ease whatever grief lent such pain to his words.
Youve tried, havent you? I whispered. He nodded, and I leaned over to let my mouth meet his, lingering when the contact shot sparks through my veins. I wanted to hold him, to somehow make it all better. Who was it?
My dad.
Stunned, I leaned back to see his face, and the hurt I found there seemed to leach through me, leaving me cold with dread. What happened?
Nash exhaled slowly and leaned back against the side of the slide. Light from the streetlamp above played on his hand when he rubbed his forehead, as if to fend off the memory. He fell off a ladder trying to paint the shutters on a second-story window and hit his head on some bricks bordering my moms flower bed. She was pruning the bushes when he fell, so she saw it happen.
Where were you? I spoke softly, afraid hed stop talking if my voice shattered his memories.
In the backyard, but I came running when she screamed. When I got there, she was crying, holding his head on her lap. There was blood all over her legs. Then my dad stopped breathing, and she started singing.
It was beautiful, Kaylee. His words grew urgent and he sat straighter, like he was trying to convince me. Eerie and sad. And there was his soul, just kind of hanging above them both. I tried to guide it. I didnt really know what I was doing, but I had to try to save him. But he made me stop. His soulI could hear it. He said he had to go, and I should take care of my mom. He said she would need me, and he was right. She felt guilty because shed asked him to paint the shutters. She hasnt been the same since.
I didnt realize I was holding my breath until I had to take the next one. How old were you?
Ten. His eyes closed. My dads was the first soul I ever saw, and I couldnt save him. Not without killing someone else, and he wouldnt let me risk my own life. Or my moms. He opened his eyes to stare at me intently. And he was right about that too, Kaylee. We cant take an innocent life to spare someone whos supposed to die.
Hed get no argument from me there. ButWhat if Meredith wasnt supposed to die? What if it wasnt her time?
It was. Thats how it works. Nashs voice held the conviction of a child professing belief in Santa Claus. He was a little too sure, as if the strength of his assertion could make up for some secret doubt.
How do you know?
Because there are schedules. Official lists. There are people who make sure death is carried out the way its supposed to be.
How do you know?
Because there are schedules. Official lists. There are people who make sure death is carried out the way its supposed to be.
I blinked at him, eyes narrowed in surprise. Are you serious?
Unfortunately. A breeze of bitterness swept across his face, but it was gone before I was even sure it was there in the first place.
That sounds sobureaucratic.
He shrugged. Its a very well-organized system.
Every system has flaws, Nash. He started to disagree, but I rushed on. Think about it. Three girls have died in the same area in the past three days, each with no known cause. They all just fell over dead. Thats not the natural order of things. Its the very definition of unnatural. Or at least suspicious.