My eyes grew blurry. I tried blinking, but it was no use. Retrieving the gauze, I wrapped it around his shoulder, biting my lip to keep silent as tears streamed down my face.
Im sorry.
He hadnt moved, and his voice was so soft I barely heard it, but I still almost dropped the gauze. Tying it off, I didnt answer as I went to work on his ribs, winding the bandages around his waist. Ash sat perfectly still, barely breathing. A teardrop fell from my chin to land on his back, and he flinched.
Meghan?
Why are you apologizing? My voice came out shakier than I wanted it to, and I swallowed hard. You already told me why you were being a bastard. You had to protect me from your family and the Winter Court. They were perfectly good reasons. Not that Im bitter or anything.
I didnt want to hurt you. Ashs voice was still soft, hesitant. I thought that if I could make you hate me, it would be easier when you returned to your world. He paused, and his next words were almost a whisper. What I said in the courtyardRowan would have tormented you even more if he knew.
I finished binding his ribs and pulled the wrappings tight around his waist. My eyes still streamed, but they were different tears now. I didnt miss the subtle phrasing: when you return to your world. Not if. When. As though he knew I would go back someday, and we would never see each other again.
Still silent, I picked up the jar and returned it to the dresser. I didnt want to face him now. I didnt want to think that he could be gone from my life forever, vanishing back into a world where I couldnt follow.
Meghan. Ash turned and grabbed my hand, sending tingles up my arm. Against my will, I looked down at him. His face was desolate, his eyes pleading for understanding. I canthave feelings for you, he murmured, tearing a hole right through my heart. Not in the way you want. Whatever happens, Mab is still my queen, and the Winter Court is my home. What happened in Machinas realm His brow knitted, and his expression darkened with pain. We have to forget that, and move on. Once I take you to Arcadias borders and youre safe with Oberon, you wont see me again.
The pain in my heart became a sick and fiery gnawing. I stared at him, hoping he would take it back, tell me he was kidding. He withdrew his hand and stood, facing me with a deeply sorrowful expression. Im sorry, he murmured again, avoiding my eyes. Itsbetter this way.
No. I shook my head as he drew away, brushing past me. I whirled to follow him, reaching for his arm, missing. Ash, wait
Dont make this harder. He opened his closet and pulled out a tight gray shirt, shrugging into it with barely a wince. Ikilled Rowan. He closed his eyes, struggling with the memory. Im a kinslayer. Theres nothing left in my future now, so be glad you wont be around to see what happens.
What will you do?
He grimaced. Return to court. Try to forget. Reaching into the closet, he pulled out a long black coat crossed with silver chains and drew it over his shoulders. Throw myself on Mabs mercy and hope she doesnt kill me.
You cant!
He faced me fully, the coat swirling around him. Just like that, he became something cold and remote, a deadly beautiful faery, unearthly and unreachable. Dont get involved in fey politics, Meghan, he said darkly, shutting the closet door. Mab will find me, no matter what I do or how far I run. And with the war approaching, Winter will need every soldier it can get. Until Summer returns the scepter, Mab will be relentless.
He turned away, but mention of the war reminded me of something else. The scepter. Ash, wait! I grabbed his sleeve, ignoring the way he went perfectly still. It wasnt the Summer Court! I blurted before he could say anything. It was the Iron fey. I saw them. He frowned, and I leaned forward, willing him to believe me. It was Tertius, Ash. Tertius killed Sage.
He stared at me blankly for a moment, and I held my breath, watching his expression. Out of everyone in the Winter Court, Ash was the only one to actually see the Iron fey. If he didnt believe me, I didnt have a chance of convincing anyone else.
Are you sure? he murmured after a few seconds. Relief flooded me, and I nodded vigorously. Why? Why would the Iron fey steal the scepter? How did they even get inside?
I dont know. Maybe they want its power? Or maybe they took it to start a war between the courts. They accomplished that much at least.
I have to tell the queen.
No! I moved to block him, and he glared at me. Ash, she wont believe you, I said desperately. I tried to tell her, and she turned me into an icicle. Shes convinced its Oberons doing.
Shell listen to me.
Are you sure? With everything youve done? Will she listen to you after you saved me and killed Rowan? His expression darkened, and I ignored the guilt stabbing holes in my chest. We have to go after them, I whispered, suddenly sure of what we had to do. We have to find Tertius and get the scepter back. Its the only way to stop the war. Mab will have to believe us then, right?
Ash hesitated. For a moment, he looked terribly unsure, balanced between me and duty to his queen. He raked a hand through his hair, and I saw the indecision in his eyes. But before he could reply, a sudden scratching on his door made us both jump.
We exchanged a glance. Drawing his sword and motioning me back, Ash strode to the door and warily cracked it open. There was a streak of dark fur, and a cat darted through the opening. I yelped in surprise.
Ash sheathed his blade. Tiaothin, he muttered, as the phouka shed the feline form for her more human one. Whats happening out there? Whats going on?
The phouka grinned at him, slitted eyes bright and eager. The soldiers are everywhere, she announced, twitching her tail. Theyve sealed all doors into and out of the palace, and everyone is looking for you and the half-breed. She spared me a glance and chuckled. Mab is pissed. You should go now, if youre going. The elite guard are on their way right now.
I looked to Ash, pleading. He glanced at me, then back to the door, his expression torn. Then, he shook his head as if he couldnt believe he was doing this. This way, he snapped, yanking open the closet. Inside, now.
I crossed the threshold into the small, dark space and looked back for Ash. He paused at the frame, glancing at the phouka dancing in the middle of the room. Lie low after this, Tiaothin, he warned. Stay out of Mabs way for a while. Got it?
The phouka grinned, mischief written on every inch of her smile. And what fun would that be? she said, sticking out her tongue. Before Ash could argue, her ears twitched backward and she jerked her head up. Theyre almost here. Go, Ill lead them away. No one does a wild-goose chase better than a phouka. And before we could stop her, she ran to the door, flung it open and leaned into the hall. The prince! she screeched, her shrill voice echoing down the corridor. The prince and the half-breed! I saw them! Follow me!
We ducked into the closet as the sound of booted feet thundered past the door, following Tiaothin as she led them away. Ash sighed, raking a hand through his hair. Idiot phouka, he muttered.
Will she be all right?
Ash snorted. Tiaothin can handle herself better than anyone I know. Thats why I asked her to keep an eye on you.
So thats why the phouka was so interested. I didnt need babysitting, I said, both annoyed and thrilled that hed thought to look out for me when he couldnt be there.
Ash ignored me. Putting a hand to the wall, he closed his eyes and muttered several strange, unfamiliar words under his breath. A thin rectangle of light appeared, and Ash pulled open another door, bathing the room in pale light and revealing an icy staircase plunging into darkness.
Come on. He turned to me and held out a hand. This will take us out of the palace, but we have to hurry before it disappears.
Behind us, a roar of discovery echoed through the hall, as something poked its head in the room and bellowed for its friends. I grabbed Ashs hand, and we fled into the darkness.
CHAPTER SIX
The Goblin Market
I followed Ash down the glittering staircase and through a narrow corridor studded with leering gargoyles and flickering blue torches. We didnt speak; the only sounds were our footsteps echoing off the stones and my ragged breathing. Several times, the tunnel split off in different directions, but Ash always chose a path without hesitation. I was glad for the long winter coat around my shoulders; the temperature here was frigid, and my breath clouded the air as we ran, listening for sounds of pursuit.
The passage abruptly dead-ended, a solid wall of ice blocking our path. I wondered if wed taken a wrong turn, but Ash released me and walked forward, placing one hand against the ice. With sharp, crinkly sounds, it parted under his fingers, until another tunnel stretched away before us, ending in open air.
Ash turned to me.
Stay close, he murmured, making a quick gesture with his hand. I felt the tingle of glamour as it settled over me like a cloak. Dont talk to anyone, dont make eye contact, and dont attract any attention. With that glamour, no one will notice you, but it will break if you make a noise or catch someones eye. Just keep your head down and follow me.
I tried. The problem was, it was difficult not to notice anything beyond the castle walls. The beautiful, twisted city of the Unseelie fey rose up around me, towering spires of ice and stone, houses made of petrified roots, caves with icicles dangling from the openings like teeth. I followed Ash down narrow alleys with eyes peering out from under rocks and shadows, through tunnels that sparkled with millions of tiny crystals, and down streets lined with bone-white trees that glowed with sickly luminance.
And of course, the Unseelie were out in droves tonight. The streets were lit up with will-o-the-wisps and corpse candles, and swarms of Winter fey danced, drank and howled at the top of their lungs, their voices echoing off the stones. I remembered the wild Revel in the courtyard, and realized the Unseelie were still celebrating the official arrival of winter.