Humans are such fragile creatures, arent they? murmured a voice one night, as I drifted in and out of stupor. One tiny nibble of spill-your-guts sends them into a coma. Pathetic. It snorted. I heard this one was in love with Prince Ash. Makes you wonder what Mab will do to her, once she wakes up. Shes none too pleased with the Summer whelp being all mushy-mushy with her favorite son.
Well, she certainly picked an inconvenient time to go all Sleeping Beauty, added another voice, what with the Exchange coming up and all. It snorted. If she does wake up, Mab might kill her for the annoyance. Either way, itll be entertaining. The sound of their laughter faded away, and I floated in darkness.
An eternity passed with few distractions. Voices slipping by me, unimportant. Tiaothin repeatedly poking me in the ribs, her sharp claws drawing blood, but the pain belonged to someone else. Scenes of my family: Mom on the porch with a police officer, explaining she didnt have a missing daughter; Ethan playing in my room, which was now an office, repainted and refurnished, all my personal items given away.
There was a dull throb in my chest as I watched him; in another life, it might have been sorrow, longing, but I was beyond feeling anything now and watched my half brother with detached curiosity. He was talking to a familiar stuffed rabbit, and that made me frown. Wasnt that rabbit destroyed?
They have forgotten you, murmured a voice in the darkness. A deep, familiar voice. I turned and found Machina, his cables folded behind him, watching me with a small smile on his lips. His silver hair glowed in the blackness.
My brow furrowed. Youre not here, I muttered, backing away. I killed you. You arent real.
No, my love. Machina shook his head, his hair rippling softly. You did kill me, but I am still with you. I will always be with you, now. There is no avoiding it. We are one.
I drew back, shivering. Go away, I said, retreating into the black. The Iron King watched me intently, but did not follow. Youre not here, I repeated. This is just a dream, and youre dead! Leave me alone. I turned and fled into the darkness, until the soft glow of the Iron King faded into the void.
ANOTHER ETERNITY PASSED, or perhaps only a few seconds, when through the confusion and darkness, I felt a presence near the bed. Mom? I wondered, a little girl once more. Or maybe Tiaothin, come to bother me again. Go away, I told them, retreating into my dreams. I dont want to see you. I dont want to see anyone. Just leave me alone.
Meghan, whispered a voice, heart-wrenchingly familiar, drawing me out of the void. I recognized it immediately, just as I realized it was a figment of my desperate imagination, because the real owner of that voice would never be here, talking to me.
Ash?
Wake up, he murmured, his deep voice cutting through the layers of the darkness. Dont do this. If you dont come out of this soon, youll fade away and drift forever. Fight it. Come back to us.
I didnt want to wake up. There was nothing but pain waiting for me in the real world. If I was asleep, I couldnt feel anything. If I was asleep, I didnt have to face Ash and the cold contempt on his face when he looked at me. Darkness was my retreat, my sanctuary. I drew back from Ashs voice, deeper into the comforting blackness. And, through the layer of dreams and delirium, I heard a quiet sob.
Please. A hand gripped mine, real and solid, anchoring me to the present. I know what you must think of me, but The voice broke off, took a ragged breath. Dont leave, it whispered. Meghan, dont go. Come back to me.
I sobbed in return, and opened my eyes.
The room was dark, empty. Faery light filtered through the window, casting everything in blue and silver. As usual, the air was icy cold. A dream, then, I thought, as the mist swirling around my head for so long finally cleared, leaving me devastatingly awake and aware. It was a dream, after all.
A sense of betrayal filled me. Id come out of my lovely darkness for nothing. I wanted to retreat, to return to the oblivion where nothing could hurt me, but now that I was awake, I couldnt go back.
An ache filled my chest, so sharp that I gasped out loud. Was this what a broken heart felt like? Was it possible to die from the pain? Id always thought the girls at school so dramatic; when they broke up with their boyfriends, they cried and carried on for weeks. I didnt think they needed to throw such a fuss. But Id never been in love before.
What would I do now? Ash despised me. Everything hed said and done was to bring me to his queen. He was a cheat. Hed used me, to further his own ends.
And the saddest part was, I still loved him.
What would I do now? Ash despised me. Everything hed said and done was to bring me to his queen. He was a cheat. Hed used me, to further his own ends.
And the saddest part was, I still loved him.
Stop it! I told myself, as tears threatened once more. Enough of this! Ash doesnt deserve it. He doesnt deserve anything. Hes a soulless faery who played you every step of the way, and you fell for it like an idiot. I took a deep breath, forcing back the tears, willing them to freeze inside me, to freeze everything inside me. Emotions, tears, memories, anything that made me weak. Because if I was going to play in the Unseelie Court, I had to be made of ice. No, not ice. Like iron. Nothing will hurt me again, I thought, as my tears dried and my emotions shriveled into a withered ball. If the damned faeries want to play rough, so be it. I can play rough, too.
I threw back the covers and stood tall, the cold air prickling my skin. Let it freeze me, I dont care. My hair was a mess, tangled and limp, my clothes rumpled and disgusting. I peeled them off and walked into the bathroom for a long soak in the tubthe only warm place in the entire courtbefore dressing in black jeans, a black halter top and a long black coat. As I was finishing lacing up my black boots, Tiaothin walked into the room.
She blinked, obviously astonished to see me on my feet, before breaking into a huge grin, fangs shining in the moonlight. Youre up! she exclaimed, bouncing over and leaping onto my bed. Youre awake. Thats a relief. Mabs been annoyed and cranky ever since you collapsed. She thought you were going to sleep forever, and then shed have a devil of a time explaining your condition to the Seelie courtiers when they come for the Exchange.
I frowned at her, and for a moment, a tiny spark of hope flickered inside. What Exchange? I wondered. Have they come for me? Has Oberon finally sent someone to rescue me from this hellhole?
Tiaothin, in that guileless way of hers, seemed to know exactly what I was thinking. Dont worry, half-breed, she sniffed, looking at me with slitted eyes. Theyre not coming for you. Theyre here to pass on the Scepter of the Seasons. Summer is finally over, and winter is on the way.
I felt a pang of disappointment and quashed it. No weakness. Show her nothing. I shrugged and casually asked, Whats the Scepter of the Seasons?
Tiaothin yawned and made herself comfortable on my bed. Its a magical talisman that the courts pass between them with the changing of the seasons, she said, picking at a loose thread on my quilt. Six months out of the year, Oberon holds it, when spring and summer are at their peak, and winter is at its weakest. Then, on the autumn equinox, it is passed to Queen Mab, to signify the shift in power between the courts. The Summer courtiers will be arriving soon, and well have a huge party to celebrate the start of winter. Everyone in Tir Na Nog is invited, and the party will last for days. She grinned and bounced in place, dreadlocks flying. Its a good thing you woke up when you did, half-breed. This is one party you dont want to miss!
Will Lord Oberon and Lady Titania be there?
Lord Pointy Ears? Tiaothin sniffed. Hes much too important to go slumming around with Unseelie lowlifes. Nah, Oberon and his bitch queen Titania will stay in Arcadia where theyre comfortable. Lucky thing, too. Those two stiff necks can really ruin a good party.
So Id be on my own after all. Fine with me.
THE SUMMER COURT ARRIVED in a hale of music and flowers, probably in direct defiance of Winter, whose traditions I was beginning to hate. I stood calf deep in snow, the collar of my fur coat turned up against cold, watching Unseelie fey mill about the courtyard. The event was to take place outside, in the courtyard full of ice and frozen statues. Will-o-the-wisps and corpse candles floated through the air, casting everything in eternal twilight. Why couldnt the Winter fey hold their parties aboveground for once? I missed the sunlight so much it hurt.
I felt a presence behind me, then heard a quiet chuckle in my ear. So glad you were able to make it to the party, Princess. It wouldve been terribly boring without you.
My skin prickled, and I squashed down my fear as Rowans breath tickled the back of my neck. Wouldnt miss it for the world, I replied, keeping my voice light and even. His eyes bored into my skull, but I didnt turn. What can I do for you, Your Highness?
Oh ho, now were playing the ice queen. Bravo, Princess, bravo. Such a brave comeback from your broken heart. Not what I expected from Summer at all. He shifted around me so that we were inches apart, so close I could see my reflection in his ice-blue eyes. You know, he breathed, his breath cold on my cheek, I can help you get over him.
I desperately wanted to back away, but I held my ground. You are iron, I reminded myself. He cant hurt you. Youre steel inside. The offer is appreciated, I said, locking gazes with the sidhe prince, but I dont need your help. Im already past him.
Are you now? Rowan didnt sound convinced. You know hes right over there, dont you? Pretending not to watch us? He smirked and took my hand, pressing it to his lips. My stomach fluttered before I could stop it. Lets show dear Ash how much youre over him. Come on, Princess. You know you want to.
I did want to. I wanted to hurt Ash, make him jealous, put him through the same pain I had gone through. And Rowan was right there, offering. All I had to do was lean forward and meet his smirking mouth. I hesitated. Rowan was gorgeous; I could do worse in the casual make-out department.
Kiss me, Rowan whispered.
A trumpet sounded, echoing over the courtyard, and the smell of roses filled the air. The Seelie Court was arriving, to the roars and shrieks of the Winter fey.
I started, wrenching myself out of the glamour-induced daze. Dammit, stop doing that! I snarled, yanking my hand from his grip and stumbling back. My heart slammed against my rib cage. God, Id almost fallen for it this time; another half second and I would have been all over him. Shame colored my cheeks.